Two Female-Trouble Blind Vices - October 20, 2005
Sex is pretty fun, right? We look forward to it. George Michael was so right when he described it as "best when it's one-on-one" (I think). But Petunia Pickle Pop seems to like it when it's one-on-one with an audience of five. It was a late, cool night in the City of Slippery Runways. P3 was positively exhausted from partying her nonexistent butt off (like that's a clue in this nourishment-starved town). Or it coulda been the booze she'd been guzzlin'. Regardless, P.P.P. managed to squish her tush into a packed limo. Her posh pals followed--hey, when don't they? You might say P. doesn't have an independent bone in her oft displayed bod. But anyway, it's what she did next that's so shocking (to me, anyway). Ms. Pickle Pop unzipped this random dude--who was just tagging along--and proceeded to slurp him up and down and up and...yeah, it was about that romantic. If I were P3, an almost mechanical sex toy of a gal, I'd market it. Like, maybe she could produce blow-up dolls bearin' her likeness. You laugh, but with this shameless lick-lass, it's hardly outta the robotic question.
Then there's our friend Eve Envy, who's far less famous than P3 but kinda robotish in her own way. And E2 has somethin' I wouldn't wish on my fugliest foe: an extremely famous diva sister. I can't even imagine the pressure. Add to that her job--word around the office is that Eve's massively lackin' in the talent department. These could be the demons that drove E.E. to snort some blow in the middle of her super-high-profile workplace. Well, okay she wasn't exactly Kate Mossing--she hid in a stall. But when she came bustin' out with her trusty nose candy holder in hand, rubbin' her schnozz, the cover was, shall we say, blown. Good thing E2 and P3 travel in such different circles. Collectively, they could probably suck the souls outta this freakin' town.
AIA: Lucy Liu/Kimberly Stewart, Mischa Barton/Nicky Hilton, Mary-Kate Olsen/Ashley Olsen.
Here is our link to the other Petunia Pickle-Pop BV from Nov 14 2005.
Eliminated for PPP: Lucy Liu, Mischa Barton, Mary Kate Olsen, Rose McGowan, Tara Reid, Jessica Simpson, Kimberly Stewart, Ashlee Simpson, Hilary Duff, Drew Barrymore, Faye Dunaway, Carrie Fisher, Bijou Phillips
Top suspect for PPP: (was Paris Hilton but now we know she is Slurpa Pop-Off.)
Eliminated as Eve Envy: Kimberly Stewart, Nicky Hilton, Ashley Olsen, Ashlee Simpson, Haylie Duff
To suspect for Eve Envy: Linda Lopez