Tuesday, September 28, 2010

NY Post- Just Asking

Which sexy socialite happily loaded up on Vita min Water, Tulle, Linea Pelle Vintage Revolution jeans and other freebies at Robert Verdi's "Fashion Weekend Retreat" gifting suite? After getting a free manicure and filling up on snacks, the dark-haired beauty declared, "Give me an eight-ball and a midget and I'm in heaven!"


Lainey- Another Winner

Another Winner

Jennifer Aniston 24X36 Poster - Very Hot - New! - Buy Me! #01She certainly knows how to pick them, douchebag after douchebag. Although it’s ended with the last one who didn’t want to get serious he’s still getting a lot of mileage from their brief hook-up. Seems he has a really big mouth, and is telling everyone everywhere how much she wanted him. So much so that the first time they had sex, at a friend’s place, she was so horny and had to have him so badly that it didn’t matter that she was on her period. She pulled her tampon out on the spot, tossed it aside cavalierly, and invited him in. He also keeps boasting to his buddies that she loved going down on him, especially in the car. Said it made her feel like she was still in high school, she got off on the danger...and she gets off on her own body. According to him, nothing made her as hot as hearing compliments about how tight she is. Like that would crank her up several notches. Typical asshole, looking back now, he says he’d just reel off some standard, premeditated one-liners, just to f-ck with her some more, and get her more enthusiastic on his ride. He barely, barely matters, and she’s a big deal, and though it’s over now he’s using it like an item on his resumé, the very opposite of discretion, and for her, another romantic embarrassment, although maybe, given her obviously preference for dickheads, maybe she doesn’t see it that way.

Update 9/29 - Lainey has eliminated Jessica Simpson, Anne Hathaway, Reese Witherspoon, Kim Kardashian.

* Top suspect: Jennifer Aniston and Josh Hopkins

Monday, September 27, 2010

Bonus Blind: Deceitful Little Diva!

New from Ted today...

ELIZABETH BANKS 24X36 COLOUR POSTER PRINTBonus Blind: Deceitful Little Diva!

Maribeth Bush (no relation to that other horrible famous clan) has made quite the name for herself playing the earnest, quasi-pretty girl next door. She's been in a couple of big-studio jobs that have helped make her a household name, but the majority of Bush's income—and kudos—comes from the more boutique kinda flicks. I mean, it's not like this babe gets paid millions or anything.
But man, is she ever acting like she's worth that amount of money!
So much so, that Maribeth's current little-studio-that-could, Pinnacle Pictures, has come to a conclusion:
They want to can the bitch!
"Everybody thinks it's the other stars here who are difficult," snipped a top Pinnacle source, "but oh how they're wrong. It's Maribeth and Maribeth alone. If people only knew!"
Pinnacle, which hasn't exactly shied away from using whatever leverage it has to keep its performers in line, is currently scrutinizing Bush's deal, looking for resources it has to shake some sense into the spoiled babe's big head.
"She thinks she's this huge star," bitched the Pinnacle pooper. "She thinks she's Jennifer Aniston She keeps asking for all this money!"
We're told Maribeth's on-the-set manners also match her unrealistic moolah demands, and that the slightly curvy woman is "impossible" to deal with.
Yikes. Maybe M-stuff should remember they are about two billion hungry, more humble and out-of-work actors who would die to change places with her ungrateful self, who, for the record, really should have her teeth fixed.
It Ain't: Jennifer Aniston, Anna Farris, Amanda Seyfried

Update 12/8/10 - Ted has eliminated Jennifer Aniston, Anna Farris, Amanda Seyfried, Anna Paquin, Anna Kendrick, the cast of Twilight, Elisabeth Moss, Evan Rachel Wood, Katie Holmes. Sharon Stone, Abbie Cornish, Mary Louise Parker, Toni Collette, Tyra Banks, Maggie Gyllenhaal, Jane Krakowski, Amy Adams, Tea Leoni, January Jones, Jennifer Love Hewitt.

Top suspect: Elizabeth Banks

Saturday, September 25, 2010

Another Vintage BV: Donkey Dickey & Sheila Slap-You-Silly

Couldn't resist also digging up this oldie but goodie ...

One Predictable Blind Vice - May 12, 2005

Dudes'll do anything to get their romantic conquest(s) o' the moment into the sack. Trust me, despite all the frosted hair, I am one. I know of what I horn dog speak.

So there, at his movie-star home, kissing and writhing in his movie-star bedroom, is Donkey Dickey. With Donkey is not his movie-star wife but his fill-in conjugal partner, a pretty girl picked up at one of those trendy watering holes.

Now, I don't know if it's because Donkey's date was well lubricated from her liquids and such, but she bought the oldest line in the book: that Donk and the missus were on the outs; they were both living their separate lives now.

Excuse me while I barf.

Gotta admit, there's a catch to this one. Donkey's spouse, who's name is Sheila Slap-You-Silly, is--according to Donk--stepping out on their marriage with, not a man (as has been rumored more than a bit), but...another woman. Girlies gone gonzo, talk about sexlicious!

And, according to D.D., these two bosomy-minded babes are already living together in same-sex sin. Don't think our current prez (whom the Donkeys have supported in the past) would exactly approve. How perfect.

Love that part almost as much as the fact that the mansion formerly shared by Donkey and S.-Y.-S. is littered with photos of Sheila everywhere. How Sally Field in Soapdish.

But get real: What kind of slut would do it in another woman's bed, with her gazing down the whole cheating time. (Not even this one would do that.) Gross.

And it ain't: Reese Witherspoon/Ryan Phillipe, Jennifer Aniston/Brad Pitt, Jada Pinkett/Will Smith

Also eliminated: Jessica Simpson/Nick Lachey, Goldie Hawn/Kurt Russell, Steven Spielberg, Kate Capshaw

Top suspects were: Freddie Prinze Jr./Sarah Michelle Gellar  (However, SMG is also a top suspect for another BV.)

Weekly Vintage BV: Robert Slobert & Wonder Woman Wilma

Here's our latest weekly vintage Blind Vice, from Eonline's The Awful Truth by Ted Casablanca.  We're going way back to December 23, 2004 for this one.

Oh, all right, so I've saved the dirtiest bird for last. It seems appropriate, too, what with turkeys getting roasted, baked, basted and deep-fried out the wazoo right about now. Wish the same would happen with Robert Slobert.
You see, Mr. S. works with one of his close relatives. Sort of a sous-chef-Svengali-crying shoulder kind of job--you know the close-knit Hollywood family drill, I'm sure. Just look at how well it worked for Whitney Houston.
But so far, so good. Wonder Woman Wilma, the relation in question, is simply phenomenal at what she does, and there's no question whatsoever that Robert has helped engineer that meteoric rise to success. None.
However, I suspect probs will eventually surface, due to certain habits Bob has in regard to Wonder W. Particularly when Wonder's dressing. Make that undressing. W3 doesn't know it, but Bobby has a way of always making sure he has a bird's-eye view of the youngster's curves.
Sorry, but doesn't that sicko stuff eventually come out? Because these geezers always eventually seem to look once too often, once too long, right? It's getting close to that desultory sitch, or so I'm told.

Top suspects were: Jessica Simpson and dad Joe Simpson (although Jessica is a top suspect for MANY old blind vices.  We're not sure which one she fits with the best!)  Any other guesses?

Friday, September 24, 2010

Grossest. Blind Vice. Ever.

New form Ted today -

Grossest.  Blind Vice.  Ever.
Cass Stimulatia is such the outrageous charmer, it's really a shame she's having these current problems—mostly of the physical kind. Ya know, girl stuff.
And Cass—some think she's a looker, others not so much—hasn't exactly been quiet on the subject of the female body predicaments she currently faces. Her friends are really tired of hearing about it, like, totally!
See, Cass wants to expand her rather currently small domestic situation by having a kid, but the docs are telling her something that was a prob the last time she tried is really a problem now:
Bacteria most likely got into Cass's reproductive system when she was a wild and crazy thing, still a kid, really, when she decided she should at least appear she was still a virgin (we're talkin' when C.S. was really young, babes). So Cass made all the boys slept with agree to anal sex only, thereby remaining, supposedly, a virgin. Granted, that's not that uncommon a situation. And it's a totally ridiculous thought-process, but, hey, when you're young, you do stupid things.
Problem is, Cass often changed her mind during the rear-entry days, deciding the front entry was what she wanted, after all.
This was a very bad idea.
Cass has been told by her docs that, most likely, some kind of bacteria infection resulted, causing her child-bearing capabilities to be limited, at best. At least, this is what poor darlin' Ms. Stimulatia is blabbin' to her pals.
So sorry, Ms. Cassy! Ain't it a bitch when society judges you for your less-than-popular sexual choices, and then nasty Mother Nature gets in on the act, too. No fair!

It Ain't: Nicolette Sheridan, Jennifer Aniston, Courtney Love

Update 9/25/11 - Ted has eliminated Nicolette Sheridan, Jennifer Aniston, Courtney Love, Rachel Zoe, Paris Hilton, Jennifer Love Hewitt, Victoria Beckham, Nicole Richie, Brooke Shields, Rachael Ray, Katie Holmes, Fergie, Pink, Hilary Duff, Tonya Harding, Alyssa Milano, Khlow Kardashian.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Lainey - Bad with People

YAY!  A new Lainey riddle today ... :)

How to Raise the Perfect Dog: Through Puppyhood and BeyondBad with People

Maybe we’re not his species. But he broke hearts recently on a promotional tour and shat on all the little people in his way. Of course he turned it on for cameras, of course he was super nice to those with a higher profile, but assistants, crew, hair and makeup, drivers, all were beneath him, which is why he required his door opened every time, all the time, would make a stink if he had to help himself, and refused to make eye contact with the lowly helpers who were ordered to provide his refreshments.

At all stops he would sweep into the makeup room, total JLo/Mimi/Country Bitch/major ass diva styles, not bother with an introduction, put his feet up on the artist table, throw his head back, CLOSE HIS EYES, and EXPECT to be treated. No please, no thank you, not even any simple request, to the point where, on several occasions, no one knew what to do, until it had to be explained to them that this particular move signals that he’s ready to have his makeup either applied or taken off, depending on where we are in the day.
I’m sorry, I didn’t know.
Well of course that’s what it means.
Only a well mannered, well raised human being would expect someone who’s never met you before to automatically know what the f-ck it is that you’re asking for when you’re too special to have to ask for it in the first place. Asshole.
What a major disappointment. As for his victims? They are the sweetest, loveliest, gentlest people I’ve ever worked with. They’ve also worked with some of the biggest names in entertainment.  And all of them said that this motherf-cker, with his little specialty show, could rival and surpass the top superstars in the world in attitude and f-ckery.
Bitch, you just lost a lot of fans.

Our top suspect: Cesar Millan.

Update Sept 23 - Lainey has eliminated Conan O'Brien, Stephen Colbert, Jon Stewart, Joel McHale.

Sunday, September 19, 2010

Our First Weekly Vintage Blind Vice! - Sass But No Class

We and our readers love to go back and rehash old blind items.  And since Ted Casablanca has told us that the subjects of his Blind Vices are only given one name each, we especially love trying to figure out who is who.  Hence, digging up old Blind Vices to discuss!  Since every celeb gets his/her own nickname, they each deserve a mention here with an analysis of who is who. And thanks to our reader Brittany's idea, we are going to try and make the "vintage blind vice" a weekly post.

Salma Hayek 24X36 Poster - Very Hot - New! - Buy Me! #03So... here is an old one, dug up from way back - August 14, 2003.

Uh-oh. Looks like a certain sex-ay 'n' sassy spitfire has been rubbing some of the more giving people the wrong way.You see, Ms. Sass but No Class loves to get her luscious curves exfoliated, massaged and moistened at a pricey Hell-Ay day spa. You know the routine: facials, waxes, mud wraps, salt baths, all the necessary pampering to keep her A-list assets primed to perfection. It's quite the treat for us normal folk but merely routine for the likes of S.B.N.C. What a pain, huh? Well, I'll tell ya, it certainly is, especially for peeps whose job it is to pluck and plump her sorry (but simply sublime) puss. While most spa-goers relax and enjoy the treatment, Sassy is all spit 'n' spat. In fact, she's downright mean. A masseuse, an esthetician, no matter--she has berated them all to tears. No one can do it good enough for this demanding diva. "She's made all the girls cry," revealed one rub-dub type. "No one likes her around here." Snippy evil bitch? Who knew? Such the surprise, considering Sassy's sweeter-than-sugar act. Guess she deserves an Oscar after all. 

Top suspect was: Salma Hayek

When guessing, remember this is from 2003!

Friday, September 17, 2010

Recent Buzzfoto blind items

Behind with buzzfoto blinds. Here are some of the latest -

This couple with the male being a C List celebrity, just announced that they are expecting a baby. After drinking a little too much wine at a recent PR dinner, the male told everyone that the baby isn’t his, he’s convinced that his gardener in the father.

This D List star/model who is always hungry for attention, met her boyfriend in the strangest of ways. He was a longtime fan of hers, bordering on stalking her at some points in her career. He kept locks of her hair and ran a fan site. He sent her fan mail every week and at a point of desperation, she agreed to meet up with him. She claims it was love at first sight and the two have been dating ever since.

This television actor with daddy issues on the show, has some real daddy issues of his own. Ever since his hit show broke out and he was forced to deal with a troubled father/son dynamic on set it sent his own issues in motion. He recently found out that his father he grew up with, wasn’t his real dad. He is a product of an affair his mother had, while married to the man who raised him.

 Which Reality TV couple who have been married at least a year, have only slept together around 5 times since saying “I do?” Apparently, things are not all they are cracked up to be for this married couple, in spite of reports to the contrary.

This Blind comes to us from a former child star who is having trouble now making it in the real world. He says he was done a disservice by his on-set tutor from his days on this famous network 80′s sitcom. This tutor is still very in demand and can be found on the sets of Oscar award winning films and Disney has the tutor on speed dial. The tutor is notorious for keeping the kids happy and refreshed when they come back to film. Our washed-up star says the reason for that is that the tutor does all the work while the star takes a nap or plays video games. No wonder most washed up stars have trouble balancing their check books.

CDAN - 9.15.10

Here is the Crazy Days and Nights blind from Wednesday -

Today's Blind Items - Fashion Week
I am running late so will post third part of photos later. This A list singer who is known for the attractive women he is always seen with and wants to be seen with spent the entire time at the show he was at, collecting numbers of guys. Barely spoke to the woman he brought. It seems our singer only goes for guys in glasses.

Blind Vice: Oded Pulls a Toothy, Only Bigger!

New from Ted today -

Blind Vice: Oded Pulls a Toothy, Only Bigger!

Before I Self DestructSo last time we checked, multi-talent stud dude Oded Good-Head gave his manager the surprise of a life-time by getting serviced in his dressing room by a male fan. Could that be—as we correctly predicted—why Oded was soon thereafter seen going on (and on) about the joys of the female sex in the media?
But, it's getting weirder:
Not only is Oded, a truly handsome and gifted artist, arranging debauched and crazy sex scenes with gals like our beloved Toothy Tile has done (to be fair, Tooth didn't make it a habit like Oded's currently doing), but, he's making a little bit too much out of these hook-ups.
He Twitters things like:
"baby get that sweet stuff back on my box banger"
Or something more Shakespearean, when he's really feelin' the love:
"u k after I blew u wide open @carayzcoochie?"
And, of course, the result is exactly what Oded and his management team want: Good-Head's fans and followers are getting in on it—debating whether or not Oded is going too far. With the chicks, that is. Some famous, some not. Mission accomplished!
Meanwhile, everybody who isn't in the know (and doesn't realize he's talking about boning guys half the time) is staying away from what already quite a few of Good-Head's colleagues are hip to: the fact that Oded's getting sloppier and sloppier about "banging" his boy-entourage on the down low. Like, all the time.
Guess a man's gotta do what he's gotta do, right?
Just start being honest about it on Twitter, jerk. Hey, you may lose your fan-base, Oded, but, you'll replace it with a whole new one!
It Ain't: Will Smith, Robert Pattinson, Chris Brown

The link to our discussion of the old OGH BV from Nov 2008 is here including a full list of who has been eliminated.  And here is the most recent from Oct 2010.

Top suspect = 50 Cent.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Awful Truth referred to US in a Bitch-Back!

Thanks sistah2 for catching the link ... in today's bitch-back, Ted linked to us when answering a letter about Browhilda Frown Free.  -

Dear Ted:
What's Browhilda Frown-Free been up to? Is she still professionally bearding?
—Martha in Chicago
Dear Vintaged Girl:
Desperately. Ain't really workin' for her, either. Hear that, gals?

Thanks Ted, we love ya!!!

Friday, September 10, 2010

Blind Vice: Condemning Celeb Is a Slut Himself!

New from Ted today...

Blind Vice: Condemning Celeb Is a Slut Himself!
Always OutnumberedDon't you just hate it when Hollywood stars start acting like their moralistic poop doesn't stink? You know, like the Midwestern evangelical-types hating on all things gay when they're having drugged-out sex themselves with masseurs and restroom johns?
How sad that Mooney Van Dangle, megasuccessful movie star, has now added his name to this sorryass roster of judgers who live in glass houses...
Mooney, who's been very adept at hiding his private life—which consists of randy things Seymour Plow-Me-More would be most impressed by—has recently been in the news for coldly condemning a few of his relatives, one in particular for her arguably skanky behavior. Well, if certain sex clubs' walls could talk!
Typically, in Hollywood/civilian battles past, the poor relation has been treated badly by the press because she's (a) not famous and (b) a woman. Never a good combo in quick-to-judge America. After all, Mooney is not only very wealthy, professionally celebrated and quite well-known, he's a man! So, he must be the one who's right in this battle of headlines, right?
Just put it this way: If the gullible readers gobbling up these supposedly lurid accusations (regarding the woman's activities) had any idea what her blood-related detractor was up to, they'd certainly see there's another side to this unfortunately morally played-out story.
Like, maybe those who live to expose, strut and display their family jewels—and get it on with guys in public places (jeez, what has Seymour started, already, a damn testosterone trend, or what?)—shouldn't be throwing sanctimonious stones?
Let's be clear, we don't have a problem with what either fighting side's up to here—we don't judge, whatever floats somebody's hoochy boat—that's up to them. But when one of the castigators starts acting like he doesn't know his way around the salacious sides of life, well, that's just what the Awful Truth is for.

And It Ain't: Kevin Costner, John Travolta, John Mayer

Top suspect: Laurence Fishburne

Thursday, September 9, 2010

New BV: What Would Seymour Plow-Me-More Do?

New from Ted today -

What Would Seymour Plow-Me-More Do?
John Travolta Triple FeatureHeard the latest goss on John Travolta? Of course you have, because gay-sex-in-the-sauna allegations don't fall on deaf ears, even if they're printed by the National Enquirer, of all places. And geez, with details like those the NE is "exclusively dishing," you'd think they're trying to earn John a top spot in our Blind Vice Hall of Fame!
So, how would our own happy-ending humper, Seymour Plow-Me-More (you remember him, don't you) handle this whole mess?
See, Travolta has been the target of many tabloid rumors throughout the years, some true and some completely fabricated, but Sey knows how to cover his tracks so no dirt on him is ever taken too seriously.
How, you ask?
By never getting (overly) in it in the first place.
Sey's name would be unlikely to get plastered over the front page of tabloid trash because he's always mucho careful to keep his same-sex shenanigans under wraps, ya know, with secret doors and all.
The Hollywood "gay sauna subculture" ain't exactly the hardest scene to uncover, but the players know how to keep their wet ‘n' wild ways under wraps.
And were the press to catch wind?
Seymore keeps journalists in his pocket and a team of legal eagles at the ready to squash any blabbing source the second they pipe up about his penchant for public sex with strange men. And were SPMM to find himself in this particular predicament, he'd have his man lover of the moment twist a story that totally got Sey's toweled toosh out of trouble.
Plus, there's that icey wifey-poo that Seymour keeps at the ready for all his playing house needs and to occasionally speak up on his behalf. Sey would definitely have had his lady drop some tidbits about how happily married they are.
She is in on the act, after all.
Hell, John's got the upper hand on Seymour, way up! None of his scandalous goss in the past has been taken seriously by the majority of his fans. Why should they change their minds, now?

Interesting... our top suspect for SPMM is John Travolta. See our posts on the previous SPMM BVs:
Nov 2007, Nov 2009 (including a list of the eliminated), Jan 2010, April 2010.

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Bonus Blind! Oscar Dame Muy Displeased!

New from Ted today...

Bonus Blind!  Oscar Dame Muy Displeased!
Oh, that snitty media bitch, Pete Priss-Ass! If he's not complaining about how his fancy friends aren't fawning all over him, he really just doesn't find time to have a heart—ever.
Pete recently went looking for an apartment, a change-of-life kinda thing, since the old love life isn't working out (is it any wonder with this queen?). But that's not the point of today's bonus. Instead, we're focusing on the chick who was dying to take the same apartment Pete coveted…
The Academy-Award nominated Bertha Rose, who's still quite fetching, quite talented and quite rich, thanks to her ex she had a big life with once.
Bertha musta been slumming when she and Pete found themselves looking for a pad in the same hood. But, then, anything west of Bel Air for Bertha must seem like an adventure. You know how the rich like to rebel, right? Change zip codes.
So, there Bertha and Pete are, squared off in the bedroom of the apartment they both want to occupy. Bertha's jewels were gleaming, and Pete admired them, wanting to compliment her on them, but he knew that would take his edge off (he had seen the apartment first).
Bertha called and pleaded with the owner that she simply must have the funky yet chic pad.
But Pete wanted it, too. And so he took it, getting a warped satisfaction out of how he's now sleeping where Bertha begged to. He really is a sick mother-effer. But who isn't in this town?

It Ain't: Anderson Cooper and Glenn Close, Perez Hilton and Marisa Tomei, Cesar Millan and Michelle Pfeiffer

Link to the old Pete Priss-Ass BV from March 2008 is here.  Ted revealed himself to be Pete Priss-Ass

Friday, September 3, 2010

Blind Vice: Parrish Gets Pissy With His "People"

New from Ted today -

Breaking Dawn (The Twilight Saga)Blind Vice: Parrish Gets Pissy With His "People"

How does the saying go? Hell hath no fury like a young pretty boy scorned? Yeah, pretty sure that's it. And, girlfriends, is Parrish Maguire ever pissed!
First, it's important to note, we rarely, if ever, run the same Blind Vice star on concurrent Fridays. But Parrish must be so peeved these days—as we noted in last week's installment—that he's taken to...
Doing the exact opposite of what his worried handlers have been telling him to!
Now, remember how we told you the hunky celeb Maquire's handlers chastised him for too openly getting his (closeted) gay on at parties and select guys-only events? Yep, and Parrish did not like being told to curb his natural man-on-man desires, and, as a result, started getting pretty nasty with his friends—taking his bad mood out on an unlucky few.
But now, Parrish seems to have had a change of heart, and more recently, is directing the frustrations of living a closeted celeb life out on the very people who told him to watch it: his peeps.
Fabulously passive-aggressively, Parrish can be seen riding around town in a ridiculously expensive toy that belongs to one of the primary folks Parrish's management team told him to stay the hell away from.
Love it! It's like a daughter who decides to marry the bad-boy because her 'rents told her not to!
You keep the rebel up, Mr. M! We're likin' you a whole lot better all of a sudden.

And it Ain't: Joe Jonas, Xavier Samel, Daniel Radcliffe
This is the 5th Parrish Maguire BV.  Here are the links to the previous Parrish Maguire BVs:
1 - Jan 2010 (including a full list of who has been eliminated).
2 - March 2010
3 - June 2010
4 - August 2010

Top suspect: Taylor Lautner.

Confirmed by dates that Ted has given us when he was NOT a BV until he was said to have been one: Taylor Lautner