Blind Vice: Bi Guy Grabs Slutty Beard to Protect A-List Boyfriend

New from Ted yesterday -

Blind Vice: Bi Guy Grabs Slutty Beard to Protect A-List Boyfriend


We knew something didn't make sense!
When the deliciously sexy (and untraditional) movie star Nevis Devine started hanging out less with his on/off boyfriend, the almost-as-handsome Barrington Bang-Me, we thought it was just the natural ebb of Nevis' libido.
He's more into girls than guys, after all.
But then we discovered the downtime between the guys was far more to do with Barrington's master plot! Oh, what a tangled web these bisexual boys can weave!
Not that long ago, Barrington hooked up with a pretty visible gal. This was right around the time people were started to wonder what the hell's going on with the two guys, anyway.
But, no more! Bare's new babe (who's been around almost as much as Nevis has, hmm...) took care of those rumors.
However—surprise, surprise—things are rotten between Barrington and the beard.
But, what really is a surprise is the fact that we just discovered: Mr. Bang-Me only took up with said honey because he didn't want to endanger Nevis's career, he didn't give a you-know-what about his own reputation.
Oh, my.
Is this love?
And It Ain't: Jake Gyllenhaal, Hugh Grant, Alexander Skarsgård

Please see the label below for a link to the previous Nevis and Barrington BVs, including a full list of who has been eliminated as Nevis.


Top suspects:
Nevis Devine = Robert Pattinson
Barrington Bang-Me = Tom Sturridge
slutty beard = Sienna Miller

Vintage BV: Pete Poked, Charmaine Chuck-Up

Since Ted mentioned Pete Poked in his column recently, we're bringing back another one of his oldies...

One Reserved-Parking Blind Vice - Sept 7, 2006

Another Hollywood bustup. Boo-freakin'-hoo. Excuse me if I'm not exactly cryin' into my hanky. In this town, where relationships last about as long as lunchtime Botox sessions, peeps who manage to stay together are the real newsworthy ones, don't you all think? Anyhow, I never really thought Pete Poked and Charmaine Chuck-Up were such hot 'n' heavy lovebirds in the first place.

I mean, you can't place your Prius in a spot that's already taken, can you? 'Course not! Kinda like how Char-love couldn't possibly be the stylish ride of choice for Petey's daredevil desires, 'cause he's already had a serious shotgun boyfriend for quite sometime. Yes, that's right: Just like Toothy and so many of the friggin' rest of 'em, P2 likes the boys, not the girls--no matter how thin or pretty or pouty they may be.

I'm told this par-tick tight boyish twosome enjoys sportin' weekend jaunts to the mountains, where they can hit the slopes and canoodle by candlelight far, far away from those pesky papa-Nazis. Wonder if Charmaine recently found out about these little snowy va-cays and went berserk, hence their recent bustup?

Or maybe she knew about them all along and is just dumping him now that her face has become so gaunt, she can't even fake the fake no more? Note to snitty types: Eat! Or your emoting capabilities nosedive, as it were.

And it ain't: Jennifer Aniston/Vince Vaughn, Tori Spelling/Dean McDermott, or Jessica Simpson/John Mayer

Also eliminated - Tobey Maguire, Charlize Theron/Stuart Townsend, Joel Madden/Hillary Duff

Top suspects - Orlando Bloom/Kate Bosworth, Jude Law/Sienna Miller, Leonardo DiCaprio, Gisele Bundchen

Here is the other vintage BV in which Pete Poked is mentioned.

Blind Vice: One Debauched, Drugged-Out Duo

From Ted this past Friday -

Blind Vice: One Debauched, Drugged-Out Duo

What a Hollywood pic of enviable and domestic bliss we have in the very handsome couple that is Snort-Up and Sass-Bitch Summerland. I mean, babes, they have it all: heaps of good looks, great bods, he's got a pretty stand-up career as an actor (Hers? Less so), they both have very beautiful hair and tons and tons of family loot. What's not to be jealous of?

For starters, the fact that they screw around on each other, right and unsafe sex left, they scream and yell at each other, he takes more drugs than Sienna Miller chases after married men and he can't keep a friggin' job 'cause he's doin' so much of the blow these days!

Yeah, everybody really wants to be them, uh-huh.

But folks are wondering, why does Sass-Bitch stay with Snort-Up, as his highly visible philandering is a flagrant disregard for their agreement to have "discreet" encounters with others. Her reason?

"They're both waiting for the next installment of his family inheritance to come in," says a friend who knows the couple well. "They don't care about each other; it's the money they're concerned about—that's it."

Wow. Really healthy reason to stay together, huh? I mean, even the Gosselins know it's best to split up, regardless what ratings cash comes their way.

Oh, and another thing: Snort-Up's notorious GF? They keep breaking up, over and over, only to get back together just as often. And guess what keeps reuniting them? It ain't Snort-Up's loot, I'll tell ya that much (she's got her own).

"It's the drugs," says the Summerland's mutual friend, who knows Mr. Summerland's mistress also quite well. "They do piles of coke, have tons of sex, come down, break up and then start the whole thing all over again. Meanwhile, the wife's just off spending all their money."

Mrs. S's obviously not investing in rehab for her hubby anytime soon, 'cause the dude would probably divorce her the sec he sobered up!

And it ain't: Brad Pitt & Angelina Jolie, Beyonce & Jay-Z, Julia Roberts & Danny Moder

* Our top suspects: Balthazar Getty & wife Rosetta Millington.

Lainey- Leftover Blow 3/11/08

Leftover Blow
It’s either diva bitches or cokeheads these days, don’t ask me why…Many assumed she’d chilled out on the hardcore life, taking a more low key approach, curbing several vices, focusing on career and love. Apparently not so. In fact, she raging even harder these days. Makes it more fun when there’s a partner. And while recreational use is generally accepted in Hollywood, powdering your nose on the job, all day long, day after day… suffice to say, when you can surprise the industry, you might be going overboard on the consumption.Currently working on a new project, she often has to head for the ladies almost every 10 minutes. Glassy eyed and wired all day long, it’s now her only way to get through the long hours. Sniffling and bumbling at the start, bouncing off the walls in no time, so far it hasn’t been a problem because she’s stayed on top of her game. But the other day, when rushed for a scene by the crew, she decided to hoover a thick line on a mirror on the table in the makeup trailer while the stylists had stepped out, laying out so much that what was left over on both sides could have been divided themselves to yield another two lines and so on and so on. Like the cocaine version of cellular division. All hell then broke loose when the leftover blow was discovered as there are children who visit the set rather frequently and so the star was given a stern, uncomfortable talking to, after which she did sweetly apologise to everyone around and treat the crew to snacks and goodies on her but is now being watched closely in the hopes she can control herself enough to see the shoot through on time.
Not Uma Thurman.

Update 3/18 - Lainey has eliminated Megan Fox, Renee Zellweger, Winona Ryder, Kate Beckinsale, Charlize Theron, Kate Bosworth, Cameron Diaz, Isla Fisher, Liv Tyler.

* Suspected: Sienna Miller