Saturday, March 28, 2009

Blind Vice: Time for a New Moon Relationship

New from Ted yesterday -
The Twilight Saga: New Moon (Two-Disc Special Edition)

Blind Vice: Time for a New Moon Relationship
That's right, hons, it's a Twilight-style Blind Vice just for the those special cast and crewmembers who read them religiously! See, we've just discovered that our naughty Vices are a particularly favorite pastime on those foggy Twilight sets, which is just too ironic—as this one's all about a brokenhearted Twilight honey!
So get ready, you Twi-Twits. This week the Vice stuff is all about one castmember who's found herself in a romantically dangerous spot. Is there really ever any other kind?
Twyla Babe-Sucker is a gorge young gal who has suddenly stumbled upon all this damn fame. She's dizzy from it. Who friggin' wouldn't be? But it's so tough for this thick-haired beauty to handle herself, the spotlight and a man. Especially when temptation is lurking literally right around the corner:
TBS has had quite the rocky relationship with another dude, who's not a member of the megafranchise. It's been very hot-cold, even though the Cupid troubles have completely flown under the press's radar (save for mine). And this guy is pretty recognizable, too.
Either way, it's caused our poor babe angst 'cause so many games are being played with her head. Since the relaysh status has constantly been up in the air, it's hard to tell if either of them can really move on—especially when she's getting her makeup done, or what have you, and there's a very, very hunky, scruffy and studly guy who keeps giving her mixed signals, constantly coming up and hugging her. So intensely, too.
And you know that kind of body language I'm talkin' about, don't you? Classically angsty, Twilight-style lovemaking—hold me supertight (for hours), but that's it, stop there, nothing more...for now.
Truly Mormon kinda masochistic fooling around. In other words: Let's just torture ourselves for now and not give in to what we really want to do, which is to totally bone each other until Twilight isn't hauling in any more money!
So what's a girl to do? I say it's time to split from the current on-again, off-again guy and find yourself the real deal, babe. Like, maybe the affectionate hottie who's filming right next to you?
And it ain't: Dakota Fanning, Noot Seear, Nikki Reed

* Update 7/18/11 - Ted has eliminated Dakota Fanning, Noot Seear, Nikki Reed, Rachelle Lafevre/Kellan Lutz, Anna Kendrick, Peter Facinelli, Elizabeth Reaser, AnnaLynne McCord, Megan Fox.

* Top suspect: Kristen Stewart

Thursday, March 26, 2009

NYDN Gatecrasher - 3.26.09

WICKED WHISPERS: Which mouthy actor had a waitress dump a scalding cup of coffee in his lap - right after he smacked her bottom?

Crazy Days and Nights - 3.26.09

From CDAN today -

Today's Blind Items

This A list rap star who goes by one name has a photography collection of which he is very proud. What are they? He enjoys going to playgrounds and taking photos of the children playing there. He has thousands of photos he has accumulated from all over the world. He doesn't try and hide the collection from his friends, although all of them find his hobby and his enthusiasm for it very disturbing. Not Kanye.


NY Post - Just Asking - 3.26.09

From Page Six -

March 26, 2009 --

WHICH sexy movie actress angered paying members of a trendy downtown synagogue by showing up with her bodyguard, who informed the women at the door, "Ms. [Blank] wishes to enter as a [non paying] guest"? Complained one member of the congregation, "I think it is BS that rich celebs can walk around this city asking for a free pass."

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

NYDN Gatecrasher - 3.24.09

Wicked whisper

Which TV heartthrob had to wait until a young starlet’s mom walked away before he could hit on her at a party?

Saturday, March 21, 2009

Blind Vice: Two Coked-Out Movie Stars

New from Ted yeasterday... sorry for the delay!

Blind Vice: Two Coked-Out Movie Stars

Double cocaine-addiction alert, babes!
But first off, gotta say it's a brutal Biz out here in Hollywood. Instead of keeping up with the Joneses, you have to keep up with the Richies. Thin will unfortunately always be in because every actor's worst nightmare is Jessica Simpson's last couple of months.
Meet Slurina Thigh-Disaster and Bart Farts-a-Lot. No relation between these two, except that they share the same nasty diet trick: nose candy. Yep, Slur and Bar are two of the more recent stars to shed their extra fluff, and we're not talking Jenny Craig here folks.
More like coke. Mountains of coke. See, Slurina's legs (and other appendages) are a disaster not because of her chunks, rather they seriously aren't there anymore. It's like they've disappeared or something.
Ever since that pic Slurina did a while back called Crimson Scorpio, for which she lost a shocking amount of weight, many folks have wondered where the hell that new figure came from. The same place where a lotta of T-town, stick-thin starlets like to get their stall on.
Weird, too, 'cause Ms. Thigh-Disaster used to be a bit on the plumper side, but always so healthy. Result of hew new figure: More roles, yeah, but she's also getting a rep for making vulgar scenes due to her constantly jumpy nature, regardless of whatever celebratory occasion she may find herself in. But she just can't get enough of this white stuff.
So unlike Bart:
This guy is most decidedly not a fan of the nose devil. In fact, he really doesn't like it at all. But he was forced to lose his happy poundage and didn't know what else to do...or snort. People like to laugh at a chubby actor, but won't swoon over one. He's told friends that coke is the "only thing" that will make him stop eating. So he does as much as he can to curb his appetite. Gross.
Jeez, what ever happened to some good ol' fashion diet and exercise?
And it ain't: Lindsay Lohan, Nicole Richie, Jessica Simpson
And it also ain't: Brendan Fraser, Jason Segal, Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson

Update 8/26 - Ted has eliminated Rob Pattinson for Bart Farts Alot.

* Possibility: Slurina Thigh Disaster could be Brittany Murphy.

* Update: Ted has hinted (4/9 and 5/5) that Bart Farts-a-Lot is Seth Rogen.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Lainey- Smack no kids

Smack no kids
They’ve been married a while now, he’s still desperately in love with her, and has been patiently waiting to have children…only she hasn’t been healthy enough to get pregnant. Because she loves heroin. Last summer it was a last chance, he took her on extended holiday, cleaned her up, a new positive attitude, kept her busy working on a new project through the fall, away from her regular enablers, and it totally worked out. She was in a good creative space. She was able to fight the temptation.But as an actor, the work ends eventually and if there’s nothing new to do, there’s really nothing else to do. Bored and idle, the old demons have come back. One day last month he came home from a long overnight and couldn’t find her. The dealer called a few hours later telling him to pick her up, she was so out of it even he had to cut her off and she had started harassing his other clients. All the emotional wear and tear, it’s beginning to show on him physically too. But he’s working more than she is and can’t get away for several weeks so he’s hired a babysitter to watch her night and day. Babysitter. She resents him for it of course so the fights are getting worse … and the one benefitting from all of this is a slag bitch colleague who’s been waiting for her chance for a long, long time.

Update 3/25 - Lainey has eliminated James McAvoy & Ann-Marie Duff, Taye Diggs & Idina Menzel, Demi Moore & Ashton Kutcher, Eva Longoria & Tony Parker, Charlize Theron & Stuart Townsend, Sandra Bullock & Jesse James, Enrique Iglesias & Anna Kournikova, Fergie & Josh Duhamel, Diane Lane & Josh Brolin.

Our top guess: Eric Dane & Rebecca Gayheart

Big hint from Lainey May 15 (AND a twitter June 24) that our guess (above) is correct!
*** Also again August 19, Lainey revealed here that this is indeed about Eric Dane and Rebecca Gayheart as we have known all along.

Monday, March 16, 2009

Page Six - Just Asking

March 16, 2009 --
WHICH songbird's hard-up husband is having a hard time paying off her $500,000 engagement ring? He tried to stiff the jeweler and when finally threatened with a lawsuit, said he'd pay - on an installment plan.

Friday, March 13, 2009

Blind Vice: Which Heartbreaker's Into Porn?

New today from Ted:

Blind Vice: Which Heartbreaker's Into Porn?

Schlong Fenn
is a real schmuck—everybody knows he treats women worse than his liver, everybody. And yes, more than a few folks are aware Schlong, who's infinitely talented in his many different creative endeavors, likes to reserve the right to Charlie Sheen it up and pay for his booty.

And as if this is going to surprise anybody, Schlong isn't just paying the ladies to distract him from his many other (nonpaid) gal interests, he's going for porn stars, too. That's what happens, right? I mean, it's like drugs, I guess—one minute you're tokin' on a little Black Gold, then—wham!—-you're shootin' up with Fake à la Ferocity, right? Right: So much so…

That a chick who was just filming a porn movie—high-budget stuff, no joke—right across the street from Schlong's fancyass pad just happened to end up doing Schlong, too. Hmm…wonder what S.P. was doing over there anyway, borrowing a cup of lube?

'Cause the nasty freak surely doesn't use condoms, that we know. But get this: In the course of diddling the pretty hung dude (damn shame Schlong's usually so wasted he really doesn't know what to do with his gift of an organ), she discovered that Mr. Fenn is currently having a longstanding affair with another porn actress!

Crazy, I just love this! While everybody is so frantic wondering why Schlong and his gal broke up (and then got back together and broke up and then, well, you know the boring story), no one's put it together that that other babe's a triple-X kinda gal! Oh, and that's not even the best part.

In some states (maybe all of them?), I don't believe Madame X is old enough to be having sex, much less making a living photographing it.

It Ain't: Diddy, Nick Lachey, Rob Pattinson

Update March 16 - Ted has eliminated John Mayer.

Our top suspects: Sean Penn, Colin Farrell.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Toothy Tile and Gray Goose go biking.

Thanks to Ted Casablanca for alerting us today of this great shot of Toothy and Goosey biking together on PopSugar.

Here's what Ted said about it:

Jake's Secure Sexuality Poll: The Results!

You guys simply must have big-chinned, dreamy-eyed babies on the brain. Your dedication to keep Gyllenspoon alive showed in our poll results, since your fave way for Jakey-poo to show the world he's secure in his sexuality was to walk his Wither-hon down the aisle—in a ceremony planned by himself, no less!

Is it too late to add choice E: bike ride with his best male bud for all to gawk at? That certainly takes more guts than saying I do to your conveniently arranged arm candy, doncha think?


Friday, March 6, 2009

One Franchise Fagola Blind Vice

New from Ted today -

One Franchise Fagola Blind Vice

Shocker! There's yet another secret gay actor whose star is rising faster than Chris Brown's temper! Right now, No-Beave Steve has a decent gig making a name for himself playing loveable but hateful characters.
So much so, these semi notorious parts have landed him a sizeable part in a major movie franchise. In seconds, Steve, whose looks are as sultry as his kiss (say his boyfriends), is poised to become the next the, no question.
But isn't it interesting that standing right there, right by Steve's hunky side on all those requisite red-carpets will be...
...not a fake girlfriend. What?! Is this dude on crack? Doesn't he know that's how you get ahead (and stay ahead) in this superficial town of ersatz relationships and even faker People magazine spreads? Yes, he does, actually, and he doesn't give a crap. I so love this guy!
Close buds to No-Beave insist, assure and swear on their equally humpy hearts that NBS has made it an edict that he will not be participating in the only-for-show romance game so many of his movies' handlers have tried to make him participate in. As I said, fab. Just can't wait for the first reporter to call him on what he so obviously plans on not hiding? Will it be Perez? Me? The Star? Harvey Levin?
Or maybe, just maybe, it's gonna be Anderson Cooper...stay tuned.
It Ain't: Ed Westwick, Phillip Rhys, Tristan Wilds

Update April 14 - Ted has also eliminated Rob Pattinson, Kellan Lutz.

* Our top guess - was Zachary Quinto.... until 4/23/10 Ted said he was never a BV. 

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

NY Daily News- Gatecrasher

WICKED WHISPERS: Which celebutard recently got dissed hard by the object of her affection? The lady in question was on the hunt for her stud -while he hid in a corner!

* Top guess: Paris Hilton, Rob Pattinson

Page Six: Just Asking

March 4, 2009 --
WHICH female politician, who is married with children, is having an affair with a fellow Democrat who is also married with children? Her friends can't believe she's risking her career to indulge in illicit passion . . . WHICH veteran of the '60s antiwar movement was all over a 20-something fashion model sitting next to him on an LA-to-DC flight? The married pol suggested as they landed that she join him at his accommodations.

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Toothy Tile does a musical?

.... if he's Jake Gyllenhaal! Here's a blurb from Ted today -

How thrilling! Jake Gyllenhaal is supposedly starring in an upcoming musical with Jim Carrey! Shocker? Not really. Jakey-poo loves to prove he’s sufficiently butch for these types of roles. Way to show all those people out there that those gay rumors are false, right? What's the next way Jake Gyllenhaal will show the world he’s straight?

Monday, March 2, 2009

NYDN Gatecrasher - 3.2.09

From New York Daily News Gatecrasher today -

WICKED WHISPER: Which mega-star's reputation is being trashed by a tranny in Miami? The endowed lass is telling anyone who'll listen all about his embarrassing sexual positions.