Blind Vice: Be Careful What Makes You Famous

New from Ted today -

Blind Vice: Be Careful What Makes You Famous

Gosh, last time we checked in on Seymour Plow-Me-More, he had not a care in the world—other than how to nab his latest gay conquest.
Gotta admit, I've always liked that about Seymour—he's like a little kid. He just wants his boy-toys, lots of cookies, his home life with the fake wife and his career...in that order. He's never really pretended otherwise, unlike so many other grasping, closeted gay stars in this town.
Until now.
Recently, Seymour had an unfortunate incident in his life go down, and it rocked him to his very still-handsome core. So much so, that Mr. Plow-Me-More has taken drastic measures:
Seymour found himself more than a bit put out by this nasty occurrence in his life; he decided it was time to break free from the organization that was most instrumental in his creative zenith and career.
S.P. realized, post-hard knocks, that life's just too damn short to put up with folks who are trying to micromind your every move, which is what Seymour decided the organization was doing, and most offensively, too.
But get this: The outfit that helped create Mr. P as one of Hollywood's biggest stars wasn't havin' it. No way were they at all agreeable to the notion of releasing Plow-Me-More from their Big-Brother-type biz ways, and that's the reason they brought out "the files."
And Seymour knew exactly what this meant.
Message received loud and clear: If Seymour proceeded with his plan to bolt, his former minders would see to it that every media organization within its reach would be enjoying the contents the Seymour Plow-Me-More dossier of debauched gay behavior (is there any other kind, in stupid America's mind?). Now, keep in mind, these questionably gathered documents on Seymour are as impressively detailed as they are extensive. Pretty damn daunting, all put together.
Which is exactly why Seymour has changed his mind—for now.
I dare say he'll revert back to his original desire, which is to ditch the goons who keep watch over him and break free. But when?
Before Toothy Tile comes out, I guarantee you that.
And it ain't: Brendan Fraser, David Beckham, Barack Obama

Here are the links to previous SPMM blind vices - Nov 2007 and Nov 2009 including a full list of who has been eliminated. And here is the one from April 2010.  And the one from  Sept 2010.

Our top suspect: John Travolta.

Brangelina split?

The British tabloids are saying that Brangelina have split. Not too much of a shocker for those of us that think that Angelina Jolie might be Fake-a-la Ferocity! If reports of the breakup are true, then it has been coming for some time. Ted has been hinting for a while that this would happen.

Here are the articles from the Daily Mirror, and NYDN, and London's News of the World.

Vintage BV - Slurpa Pop-Off

Digging up more of Ted's old Blind Vices. Slurpa Pop-Off has been featured in a few blind items on our blog in the past. She is suspected and hinted to be Paris Hilton. Remember the dog abuse? Check our links on the right side of the screen for a few SPO BVs from 2007-2008. Here, we dug up two vintage SPO BVs from 2006. Have fun!

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July 2, 2006 - One Girlie Galore Blind Vice

Okay, all you hell-raising heathens, tongue-dripping turnabout is more than fair play. Last week, we covered the taboo private-parts doings on the dude side, this time round, we're tackling what the gals are up to, naughty-time-wise. Or one very, very famous sweetie-poop, that is.
Slurpa Pop-Off is quite beautiful--and big-time tush-shakin', too. She also has a penchant for bedding every stud in the Western Hemisphere on whom she lays her pretty little beady eyes--always successfully, I should inform you goss-babes.
But here's the kicker in the squishy parts: S.P.O. is, ironically enough, only so-so interested, as far as the guys go. It's just for press.
In other words, what makes Ms. Pop-Off see stars and have the kind of orgasms Angelina Jolie, Meg Ryan and Helen Gurley Brown all made famous are other girls--specifically honeys who, as Madonna likes to say, prefer to dine in.
Get me, babycakes? I'm certain you do if you've been the least bit of a Sex and the City student. And get this: In one of those impossibly trendy little clubs at which Ms. P.O. likes to boogie down, Slurpa hit the ladies' room, as she is wont to do. But not to relieve herself!
Nope. Instead, in one of those ridiculously peekable stalls, S.P.O. got a blow on, while another gal in the same toilet compartment blew Slurpa.
How do I know this? Slurpa, totally sloshed, per usual, actually forgot to close the stall door. And just as Ms. Pop-Off was screaming to the endorphin-bestowing goddess inside herself, someone else walked in the damn bathroom.
Slurpa, total slut pro she be, just kept right on--at high volume, too. Oh, my. Think even I'm getting a little excited.

it's not: Kim Stewart, Rose McGowan, Cameron Diaz

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October 26, 2006 - One Masterfully Manipulative Blind Vice

Slurpa Pop-Off, you're such the hustlin' hussy! I dare say, I think this twisted gal gets off on stealing other people's men and watching them suffer. Sick, ain't it? (Yet so Hollywood—yech!) Get a load of Slurpa's latest little pork-and-run plans:
Slurpa recently had an altercation, of sorts, with a gal whose former guy Slurpa is currently suckin' face with all over town. Then, this past weekend, S.P.O. flew her Hell-Ay coop for a little fun 'n' sun away from home in another city known for its, uh, devilish diversions.
And come Monday, after Slurp's supposedly wild weekend, pics were everywhere of her getting down and dirty with not one, but two questionably doable dudes. Looks like the media fell for her photo-op spit-swap sessions hook, line and deadline-prone sinker.
'Cause it turns out Pop-Off's canoodling for the cameras was planned and pretend. Why's that? Well, to distract from the drama surrounding her and her reported latest amigo, evidently. Are ya with me? Doesn't matter, we're almost to the end here.
A bathroom birdie in said city of delightful diversion overheard Slurpa yakking on her phone that she'd temporarily kicked her b-f to the curb 'cause he was too much trouble, but she might just take him back when he rekindles things with his former flame.
Girlfriend, you are cold. In more ways than one, I hear...

And It Ain't: Kimora Lee Simmons, Nicole Richie, Eva Longoria

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Slurpa Pop-Off = Paris Hilton.

Here is the link to the January 2008 Slurpa Pop-Off BV.  Check out or labels for more Paris Hilton related BVs.

Vintage BV - Pixie Mixie

Pixie Mixie is an oildie but goodie. She was assumed to be Nicole Richie, which was basically confirmed through a series of hints from Ted. Recently, Ted has said that Pixie Mixie has made a big transformation. He’s also said the same thing about Nicole Richie. Here are FIVE old Pixie Mixie BVs from 2005-2006. There is also another one from 2007, in which she co-starred with Dorrell Sausage. Check our links on the side of the page for that one. Enjoy!

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June 23 2005 – One Randy Candy Blind Vice

Did somebody mention food? What's that? Something one puts in one's mouth? Yech! Poo! Feh!
Morgan Mayhem sure thinks so. I mean, really. If it's not some body part attached to some sorry-ass man she's currently taking hostage, M2 really has no interest in placing much else in her increasingly bizarrely painted mouth.
Morgan's new bud, Pixie Mixie, knows this too well. In fact, ol' Pix got so tired of telling her broad-unit to eat, like, sustenance, Ms. Mix decided to throw the lecturing out the window (along with her old size-six outfits) and join the too-thin brigade!
Why do they do it? No idea. How do they do it? Ah, more luck there. Read on...
Yep, M.'s up to her ol' very public antics, yet again. You see, Seduce magazine just had a big bash at one of Hell-Ay's hotter clubs. All the more successful fashion victims in town were there, including Pix 'n' Morg, who were so damned thin (despite the high-caloric booze going down their combined gullets) they thought they owned the pretentious place.
Must be why M.M. (with P.M. along for the vicarious ride) had no compunction whatsoever about going into the women's restroom and snorting enough blow to make even Courtney Love blanch. Right there. In the open. In front of other pissy patrons.
Jeez. When I did that crap, I at least closed the bathroom stall. Youths today have no class.

It aint : Nicky Hilton/Nicole Richie, Tara Reid/Nicole Richie, Paris Hilton/Nicole Richie

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June 29 2005 – One High-Flying Blind Vice

Let's see, you want the one about the famous executive-star, Pert Member, who offers up his private jet to closeted homo stars, so they can take their boyfriends out for superprivate humping 37,000 feet up? Well, I've never been asked on board (even though my abs are in pretty damn good shape these days...I just don't get it), so let's stick with something I know of fer sure:
Pixie Mixie is at it again. But since her partner in crime, Morgan Mayhem, is ever more shocked by the quantity of nose-goodies Pix puts up her ever-disappearing nostrils, Ms. Mix is on to her latest victim, Ham Drum.
H.D., in fact, has become so fond of Mixie's bad habits, the boob-tube honey and her quasi-celebrated companion are becoming the talk of the party circuit. Well, make that parties where one can disappear in a club's bathroom stalls for a couple of centuries, and nobody notices. We're not exactly talkin' power teas at Ariana Huffington's Brentwood pad.
Take the latest fabu notoriety hangout happening, where H.D. and P.M not only showed up skeletal-thin, they wore tees proclaiming how very much they adored their bod-thinning drug of choice.
Eva Longoria, I blame this on you. Ever since you wore that shirt proclaiming your willingness to have Brad Pitt's babies, well, celebrity manners have just gone irreversibly downhill.

And it ain't Donald Trump/MaryKate Olsen, Steve Jobs/Paris Hilton, Dr. Phil/Ashley Olsen

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August 24 2005 – One Stalled Blind Vice

Something's repeating itself (or herself, rather) in Beverly Hills.
Pixie Mixie is at it again. At a posh opening of an even more posh clothing store (Bev. H. doesn't seem to have room for that Frank Gehry-designed homeless shelter, don't know why), all the red-carpet lovelies were out, including P.M. and her supersvelte set.
Okay, let's get real. Lots of these gals ain't stayin' stick-like by avoiding flour and sugar. They're candy-nosed outta their designer-clad gourds, got it? So, next time you read about Ms. Pixie telling some insipid trend rag that she keeps thin via yoga and granola, head to the nearest stall and barf for me, 'kay?
Besides, that's precisely where you might find Pi-doll, as she was (as usual) at the gala gathering. But get this: As Pixie sniffed and sniffed louder than a bovine with influenza, a journalist for a TV network walked in the ladies' room.
"Is anybody there?" called out a paranoid and suddenly nasal-silent P.M.
"No, nobody!" yelled the crafty reporter.
Pixie then walked out of the toilet area (without flushing, how odd), not exactly knowing what to do. She wiped her nose and left. The journo took note (and how!), so watch where you snort next, Ms. Two-by-Four.

And it aint: Paris Hilton, Nicky Hilton, Kathy Hilton

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March 23 2006 – One Slurplicious Blind Vice

Hey, you raunchy-ass readers, have you missed our nose-candy-lovin' party-doll, Pixie Mixie?
Me, too, kittens. And, apparently, there's a little something that Pixie herself has been yearning for: Sapphic tongue-tangling.
So, she indulged recently--and how. Yay for Pixie! Yay for us!
'Twas a chillin' night at a palatial pad belonging to one of Pixie's many fake friends. Just a few chicks gathered around the glass table, snorting and gossing--alas, not playing much mah-jongg, as these babes are way too young and tirelessly cool for that.
Suddenly, assorted rail-thinistas looked across the room and saw P.M. making out, "hard-core, tongues heavy," with a gal-pal, so blurted one of the babes who hasn't eaten since Cher had her real body parts. Too hot.
Perhaps our daring dahling has grown tired of boys? Heaven knows she ain't had the greatest year in the man-love department. Or maybe there was some magical potion in the blow she was vacuuming up her delicate nose?
In any case, my dilated eyewitness has run around with Pixie and her pals for a long-ass time, and she offered her interpretation: "I don't think she was just screwing around. I think she's gay and repressing it."
Oh, Pixie-doll, haven't you seen Brokeback Mountain? Don't you know what all that pretending will do to a girl's complexion/career?

And It Ain't: Ashley Olsen, Jamie Lynn Sigler, Jessica Simpson

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April 13 2006 – One Horsing Around Blind Vice

Pixie Mixie, your life is becoming more and more like a serialized British comedy that would be far too raunchy and ribald for American audiences. We here in the land of the fruity and the free don't tend to condone racial slurs and messy heroin stains. Try Great Brit, Pix--that's where they use nefarious humor and the C-word like I do overdone adjectives!
Alas, Pixie is certainly very American. So, she should know better. Or maybe she does, and she just doesn't care; who the eff knows with this broad.
'Kay. Let's get ugly, shall we?
It was at a glitzy party in an even glitzier city that Pixie Mixie was relaxing at a table with some of her snootiest, closest friends. Thrilled to see the famous mini-goddess in person, a humble young man approached. He smiled broadly, in a winky way. "I am a star-fucker, and you are a star," he bravely--and totally cojones-equipped--blurted. "See where this is going?"
But Pixie wasn't in the mood to joke around. "Ewww!" she railed, loud enuff for everyone within several feet to hear. "Get this [racial epithet] away from me!"
So racist! So bossy! Her tablemates looked around, all horrified.
Naturally, the fawning fellow fled across the room. Feeling guilty, he sent over an olive branch (the kind Matt Lauer might send to Tom Cruise, say): a plate of French fries and a gravy boat. But Pixie didn't so much as touch the damn food. Instead, she bolted.
Later in the evening, Pix was back on the scene at a party nearby. Important denizens noticed that something was different about her. A sudden haircut? A new shade of rouge?
Nope. It was the mustache she had suddenly grown. Not the kind that can be staved off with a little electrolysis at Elizabeth Arden. Nope. Pixie's stache was made of powder. No, not Kate Moss white; this stache was yellow and brown. Yep, heroin lip.
Oh, Pixie, really? Well, there is something redeeming in all this. Maybe glamour girlfriend only gets racist when she's all smacked out.
See, I knew we'd end on a positive note!

And it ain't Brittany Murphy, Lindsay Lohan, Whitney Houston

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Pixie Mixie = Nicole Richie.

Morgan Mayhem = Lindsay Lohan.

Pert Member = ?

Ham Drum = ?

Vintage BV - Wave Ridden

I'm on a kick for oldies but goodies again. Here is an unsolved one from 2006:

One Tush-Taboo Blind Vice - June 2006

Toothy Tile, per usual, is in not just in considerable company, but in esteemed sexually inhibited company. But first I've got to get something off my chest (or rump, as it were):

Why are American men so damn afraid of their butts? Gay and straight, mind you. Damn, tons of my hetero girlfriends tell me they so much as sneak a little, manicured index finger toward the boyfriend's derriere and wham, that little digital mission gets shut down somethin' pronto!

Not so every male in Hollywood (or the world, mind you). That's fer sure. Take Wave Ridden, for ince. He keeps putting out these simple-minded movies (which, nevertheless, keep earning sizable bucks at the box office) all while pretending to trot around a girlfriend, but she holds that position in name only, I assure you.

W.R.'s preferred position is the one Ang Lee infamously afforded us in that Brokeback Mountain pup-tent love scene. Be it with a guy providing the real-life anatomical McCoy or a gal with the synthetic-molded version.

Too funny: Wave, a dude who's really much less charming than is our beloved Toothy, even picks up his equal-opportunity partners in the most plebian of places: mall parking lots, busy Hollywood streets, drugstores--less so fancy-schmancy Hell-Ay parties. Now Toothy would love to (and does) have sex at any of the previous places, mind you. The difference? Toothy only does the deed with his slightly snotty b-f; never a stranger, please.

Where does the salacious subterfuge end? How much longer can Wave, who's aging okay (for now), keep up this stupid sound-bite parade with his perky pretend honey?

Friggin' forever, if you ask this jaded goss. I mean, Toothy'll be on the cover of The Advocate, officially declaring his hunky homo-ness, by the time Wave gives up his predictable posing. So boring, really.

And it ain't: George Clooney, Eddie Murphy, Christian Slater

Also eliminated - Kevin Spacey , Matt Dillon

Top guesses - Tom Cruise, Keanu Reeves

Blind Vice: Cockpit Rockin' With Boys and Paranoia!

From Ted yesterday 1-22-10:

Blind Vice: Cockpit Rockin' With Boys and Paranoia!

We haven't heard much about Fey Oiled-Tush since he dripped (not enough) jewels all over Hollywood's leading vamp movie star. So thought you all might like to know what the closeted big-time celeb's been up to—besides getting it on with gorgeous young men up in his private plane, that is.
He's getting very nervous.
And no, not just because Fey's worried his myriad boy-lovers will squeal on him—they all have to sign confidentiality agreements, mind you—but because of Oiled-Tush's pilot. Yep, the guy who's seen it all, and how, is super pissed off...Can you guess why?
"It's not the boys," a source very close to the pilot revealed. "It's how he's being treated, which he thinks is really badly, and borderline unlawful."
Turns out that Mr. Tush's flier, who's straight, has no prob watching all the gay mile-high club stuff go down (or up, as it were). But he does very much mind how Fey's utterly controlling of his personal time, especially after they've all landed at various far-off locales. According to the pilot's tight pals, Oiled-Tush locks his employee in hotel rooms and uses surveillance mechanisms on him, so as to oversee his every move.
To say the flyin' dude—who's totally not into the celeb scene to begin with—is majorly creeped out by all this is an understatement. Indeed, the pilot's so damn alarmed by his boss's evil-eye behavior, he called his lawyer and threatened legal action, which he has begun.
Will Mr. Tush wise up and lighten up on the guy, maybe throw in a cool million as an apology, while he's at it?
He will if he's smart, that's for sure. 'Cause it was really stupid-o-la, to begin with, to even mess with a dude who had no intention of messing with your closeted ass, until you started treating him like a prisoner in some kind of James Bond movie.
And it ain't: Harrison Ford, Mike Myers, Tobey Maguire

Here is the link to the previous Fey-Oiled Tush BV from April 2008 including a full list of who has been eliminated.
* Top suspect: Tom Cruise after Ted's hint 4/7/10 (see comments under the April '08 BV)

Blind Vice: Reckless Teenthrob Dares to be Outted!

New from Ted today... Crescent Kumquat returns.

Blind Vice: Reckless Teenthrob Dares to be Outted!

We're clearly not in the match-making business, but if we were, these two closeted stars could totally be a good thing together: Remember Crescent Kumquat and Topher-Hairy Tuchas? Both equally gorgeous studs who have equally big...secrets?
If it weren't for their large-ish age gap, we would totally predict these two guys to be swapping gorgeous hair secrets and then some behind closed doors.
Why, you ask? Because Crescent has been pulling a card straight from Hairy Tuchas's cruising-for-sex ways by using...
...Craigslist to shack up with dudes! No way!
Remember, we've seen the emergence of Crescent's flaming personality over the last year or so. First with a few boy-on-boy cuddles, then with some innocent necking, and now, full-on getting it on with guys. And he's not exactly being stealth about it, either.
What is it with dudes like Kumquat and Topher who have easily recognizable faces, yet who use Craigslist to get their gay sex on? Hello, that is so asking to get caught. Come on, this is beyond, say, Toothy Tile doing it in a car in a West Hollywood parking lot, people. This is practically an engraved invitation to be outted, for heaven's sake!
Maybe, ultimately, that's what these guys want? To be finally known as who they are, but do they want someone else to do the dirty work for 'em? Remember, Toothy just loves to get it on in super public places with Grey Goose, but even they have toned it down, as of late.
Seriously, I'd put my money on Toothy coming out before Crescent. C.K. and Topher really have to rely on their large female fan bases to keep their careers going. If the girls go, so do the jobs. Particularly Crescent's. His face is totally plastered all over the Teen Beat girlie-sphere. If that demo only knew the truth!
And it ain't: Jackson Rathbone, Paul Wesley, Justin Beiber

This is the third Crescent Kumquat blind vice. Here are the links to the other three CK BVs - Jan 2009 including a full list of who has been eliminated, May 2009, and April 2010.  and April 27, 2010. Also May 14, 2010.  We believe he is Chace Crawford.

(Also, use the link below to read the other Topher Hairy-Tuchus blind vices.)

Janet Charlton- Hollywood Whodunit

This cute actress has been marketed as the next big thing, thanks to her role on a somewhat popular series, but she’ll have a hard time living up to the hype. What will do her in is not her acting – it’s her secret drug problem. She’s addicted to cocaine (it keeps her thin) and it’s ruining her reputation – she’s late for appointments, moody on the set, and looks worn out. Ironically, she’s often been compared looks-wise to a slightly older beautiful actress with the same problem.

Lainey - Watching how he copes

Watching how he copes

It can be hard to breathe when you’re as young and as famous as he is. He copes in public situations not unlike many of his counterparts in the industry – as alarming as this sounds, a bump here and there is pedestrian in Hollywood. He’s been known however to lock himself in the bathroom and blow until he can face the world. But a word of advice to our fresh star – people know, and they are watching, and they are offering money to those around you, some friendly, some unfriendly, to catch you in a compromising position. So be careful who you trust. Fortunately, for your sake, so far they’ve refused to sell you out. But everyone has a price. People with children and mortgages have a price. And eventually someone will cave. And if you’re still hiding out in the toilet and rubbing your nose in it, suffice to say that photo can set them up for life. Careful now.

Update 1/14 - Lainey has eliminated Justin Bieber.

Our top guesses: Rob Pattinson, Adam Lambert

Lainey- Hands Free

A quickie.
Who makes sure that her husband has someone on staff specifically to hold her bag while she watches him at work? This is the employee’s only job responsibility. This person does nothing else but hold the bag. There’s no multitasking here. Because the bag can’t be put away in a room or on a table. It must be held. But not by her. Because she photographs much better when she has her hands free. This is Status. This is Respect. This from a woman who claims she’s down with down home living. Not high maintenance? Please.

Update 1/13 - Lainey has eliminated Nick Cannon, Jennifer Garner.

* Our top suspects: Katie Holmes, Nicole Kidman.

Page Six- Just Asking

Which married record label executive got caught by his bosses having an affair last summer with a 22-year-old waitress? The company investigated, but he kept his job and then hired a lawyer to intimidate the waitress into keeping her mouth shut . . . WHICH famous football figure doesn't want to marry his much younger girlfriend of several years because she wants to have kids? He has grown children.

Blind Vice: Young Gay Movie Star in Heat!

From Ted yesterday 1/8/10:

Blind Vice: Young Gay Movie Star in Heat!

Gorgeous young stud Parrish Maguire is as crafty with publicity as he is shy with his fans. Trust us on this one: He's no tormented Toothy Tile, who can't decide which side of the closet door he wants to be on. Parrish has his feet firmly planted inside his walk-in closet (which holds an unfortunate assortment of Lycra, we're sorry to report), where he fully plans on remaining.
Especially since Mr. Maguire has such magnificent male company to keep him satisfied...
As in a hot boyfriend he's absolutely koo-koo horny for and has had for a while now. And this romantic situation was in full force long before Parrish's handlers saw to it to fix him up with luscious, multitalented celeb Priscilla Desert, who has a bit more experience with boys than even Parrish himself does!
The funny thing is, really, that Parrish's friends are even more cavalier about discussing his same-sex bent than even Toothy's buds are—which is really saying something. It's just that Maguire's personal pals think there's such a disconnect between their crowd and Parrish's suddenly gigantic fanbase, they figured word would never trickle down.
Well, isn't that what gossip columns are for?
Exactly. And let's just say Maguire's pro advisers have been far more clammed up in discussing their client's true sexual preference—and they'd like to keep it that way, and Parrey doesn't mind in the least. Ah, such fun to be young and have not convictions yet; it's so much easier that way! (Poor Toothy.)
By the way, this pretty-open life that Parrish led prior to his meteoric rise to hot-stud fame suddenly explains why he almost didn't get his current fab job. Makes perfect sense.
But so, too, does how Parrish's studio employers decided to get Parrish hooked up with Priscilla ASAP.
And the only difference between Parrish and Toothy here is that P-boy doesn't mind his fakey tabloid ride in the least; Toothy loathes it.
Hmm. Who's going to last longer, in the end?

And It Ain't: Justin Timblerlake, Ryan Kwanten, Liam Hemsworth

For Parrish Maguire:
As of 7/5/12 - Ted has eliminated Justin Timberlake, Ryan Kwanten, Liam Hemsworth, Ryan Reynolds, Chris Pine, Channing Tatum, Sebastian Stan, Nick Jonas, Robert Pattinson, Justin Bieber, Joe Jonas, Emile Hirsch, Henry Cavill, James Franco, Michael Cera, Chris Hemsworth, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Ryan Gosling, Joe Jonas, Xavier Samuel, Daniel Radcliffe, Joe Manganiello, Kellan Lutz, Josh Hutcherson.

Please refer to the label below for links to the many other Parrish Maguire BVs.

Here is the link to the Priscilla Desert BV from October 2010 including a full list of who has been eliminated.


Top guesses:  
Parrish Maguire - Taylor Lautner
Priscilla Desert - Taylor Swift

* Parrish Maguire was proven by timeline of Ted's dates he was and wasn't a BV to be Taylor Lautner.
* Priscilla Desert was proven by timeline of Ted's dates she was and wasn't a BV to be Taylor Swift.

Page Six - 1.7.10

JUST ASKING

WHICH action star was lying when he said recently he'd never have plastic surgery? The actor has obviously had his eyes done in the last year or two, judging by the way his crow's feet magically disappeared . . .
WHICH best-selling, but slow-writing, author had some help finishing his latest novel? A translator for one of the potboiler's foreign editions noticed from the shifting syntax and sentence structure that the book was penned by at least two writers . . .
WHICH heiress who married a mob-connected artist years ago is now claiming to old friends that her husband is conspiring with shady lawyers and doctors to declare her insane and seize all her money?

Lainey- The Good Mommy Weight Loss Method

These are the things you get from your mother. Our perfect parent found a permanent way to keep the weight down – with a lap band installation a few years ago. At the same time, she thought she’d help out her little girl too. By pretty much forcing her teenage daughter to have one put in as well. The child protested but to no avail. And better still, instead of paying out of her own pocket, she insisted that the surgery be funded out of her precious’s bank account. Well in hindsight, no wonder.

Guesses?

* Update 1/12/10 - Lainey has eliminated Demi Moore, Christie Brinkley, Debra Messing, Heather Locklear, Teri Hatcher.

Page Six- Just Asking

Which etiquette expert needs to teach her own kids some manners? Her 13-year-old son crashed the bar mitzvah of his prep school classmate -- in jeans and a T-shirt, no less -- and rented a room at the hotel where the event was held for an unsupervised after-party" . . . WHICH high-profile socialite has given her number to too many people? When the phone rings with a "private number," she screens her calls by answering with a fake Spanish accent.

Page Six:Proud To Lead The Blind

From NY Post:

Page Six didn't invent the blind item, but we revived the practice of running stories about unnamed celebrities in the '90s after it had long gone into disuse. Michael Musto, who's marking his 25th year as a gossip columnist at the Village Voice, writes in "Fork on the Left, Knife in the Back," due Feb. 1:

"Page Six has mastered this genre . . . whenever they run blind items, the whole town starts buzzing like a stuck alarm clock and I'm bombarded by people I haven't heard from in decades, desperate to know the answers. ('Call Page Six!' I scream at them, sensibly.) But my own blind columns get a lot of action too, complete strangers practically offering their reproductive organs if I'll tell them which Jonas brother I meant . . . I used to smirkily respond, 'All the answers are Courtney Love,' but now if you guess Amy Winehouse every time, you'll get at least 60 percent right."