Saturday, January 23, 2010

Blind Vice: Cockpit Rockin' With Boys and Paranoia!

From Ted yesterday 1-22-10:

Blind Vice: Cockpit Rockin' With Boys and Paranoia!

We haven't heard much about Fey Oiled-Tush since he dripped (not enough) jewels all over Hollywood's leading vamp movie star. So thought you all might like to know what the closeted big-time celeb's been up to—besides getting it on with gorgeous young men up in his private plane, that is.
He's getting very nervous.
Jerry MaguireAnd no, not just because Fey's worried his myriad boy-lovers will squeal on him—they all have to sign confidentiality agreements, mind you—but because of Oiled-Tush's pilot. Yep, the guy who's seen it all, and how, is super pissed off...Can you guess why?
"It's not the boys," a source very close to the pilot revealed. "It's how he's being treated, which he thinks is really badly, and borderline unlawful."
Turns out that Mr. Tush's flier, who's straight, has no prob watching all the gay mile-high club stuff go down (or up, as it were). But he does very much mind how Fey's utterly controlling of his personal time, especially after they've all landed at various far-off locales. According to the pilot's tight pals, Oiled-Tush locks his employee in hotel rooms and uses surveillance mechanisms on him, so as to oversee his every move.
To say the flyin' dude—who's totally not into the celeb scene to begin with—is majorly creeped out by all this is an understatement. Indeed, the pilot's so damn alarmed by his boss's evil-eye behavior, he called his lawyer and threatened legal action, which he has begun.
Will Mr. Tush wise up and lighten up on the guy, maybe throw in a cool million as an apology, while he's at it?
He will if he's smart, that's for sure. 'Cause it was really stupid-o-la, to begin with, to even mess with a dude who had no intention of messing with your closeted ass, until you started treating him like a prisoner in some kind of James Bond movie.
And it ain't: Harrison Ford, Mike Myers, Tobey Maguire

Here is the link to the previous Fey-Oiled Tush BV from April 2008 including a full list of who has been eliminated.
* Top suspect: Tom Cruise after Ted's hint 4/7/10 (see comments under the April '08 BV)


blurry vice said...

Some top guesses last time were John Travolta, Tom Cruise, and Warren Beatty.

I'm thinking this time with t the pilot, it's John Travolta. Doesn't he fly alot?

The Spie said...

Travolta is a pilot himself, though. He'd need a co-pilot for his bigger planes, but I think the BV would have said "private planes" instead of "private plane" if it was Travolta (unless that would have been a dead giveaway). Besides, if this is Travolta, then who is Seymour Plow-Me-More?

Cruise is so obviously Glistening Gunther that this disqualifies him due to the Multiple Names Rule.

This has to be someone from a younger generation than La Liz; Beatty has known her for more than fifty years and would have no trouble getting in. Keanu is sounding like a better answer with each thought.

duffgrl said...

I agree that Travolta is a pilot himself so he wouldn't need one however-this seems so Cruise. I know he(TC) is the frontrunner for GG- but man, he sounds like TC.

The Spie said...

duff: Yeah, I know. It does sound so much like Cruise that it's tough to think of alternatives. The problem here is that we have any number of candidates for this blind, while with Glistening Gunther, you can set off fireworks and have an orchestra play the 1812 Overture while Ted hoists a giant flag saying "CRUISE".

For this one, we're looking for a high A-Lister, someone where it's no news about him owning a private plane. Both blinds are written in such a way that the news that he's having sex with men wouldn't be surprising either, so it's someone who's either known to be gay/bi or someone with big-time rumors about him.

The clues here have to lie in the behavior. It would be someone who we'd be a little surprised about in his treatment of his staff. It's no news that Cruise can be a control freak, especially surrounded by Scientologists. But it might be BV-worthy for someone else. The guy also has to be as dumb as a box of rocks to not know La Liz's jewelry habits, and to be a major-level attention whore to want to have an audience with her.

"Dumb as a box of rocks", "attention whore", and "gay rumors" major candidate is still Keanu, but that sure sounds like Brad Pitt, doesn't it?

sistah2 said...

I am thinking Warren Beatty. I dont get why this BV has to be younger that Liz Taylor?

The Spie said...

Sistah: The reasoning against Beatty is simple. Why would Warren Beatty need to buy La Liz jewelry in order to curry favor with her? They've known each other since Warren arrived in Hollywood over fifty years ago. He wouldn't need to bribe Liz to get an audience with her. Warren was essentially eliminated by the circumstances behind the first Fey blind.

Brittany said...

When I read the first one I thought of Nic Cage but obviously with his money issues that sort of eliminates him from the second. I mean how could afford a private plane?

Ever since you mentioned Brad Pitt, Spie, I'm starting to think he fits this BV really well. Although with that James Bond mention in the end I feel like that could be a clue. That and the fact that all the AIAs were once in successful franchises (perhaps the BV used to be a Bond?).

blurry vice said...

Right... if John Travolta pilots his own planes, that counts him out. I was just saying, he was a top guess for the last one, and with the pilot/planes thing, his name is bound to pop up. We'll see.

Tom Cruise is suspected for anothe rblind yes. However until one is oncfirmed for one, they can be guessed for another, why not?

The Spie said...

Brittany: Think outside the Bond box a little (I got annoyed at the one person over at a certain other site who kept pushing Daniel Craig as a solution). Try a modern Bond-a-like, someone in a Bond-style franchise as the lead. If so, two names jump out: Alec Baldwin and Matt Damon.

Now, we've just about settled on Baldwin as being Lloyd Boy-Toyed, so let's count him out. But Damon? He's a possibility, especially if he's Lainey's Cuba like we suspect. He's also never been a big guess for one of Ted's blinds. So let's throw him on the list.

Pitt was confirmed in January 09 as being a BV. Keanu was confirmed as being one in May 09. Both of those are after the first Fey Oiled-Tush blind, so they're still candidates. Damon isn't on either of the "definitely a BV" or "not a BV" lists. All of them are thus in play. And, yeah, Blurry, so is Cruise until Glistening Gunther is Solved.

Brittany said...

Is Keanu still really a candidate? The first BV says Fey has a wife, is Keanu married?

cassandra said...

I really think this is Travolta, with the private plane and hes old enough to be linked to Liz Taylo

nicola2000 said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
nicola2000 said...

This is a guess from back-in-the-day..Burt Reynolds. Doesnt hang out in Hollywood. Used to be a big name way back-in film and in TV..isnt doing much of anything now. And in the past..has had a bi-sexual rumormill floated around him. I know it's out of left field, but..

cassandra said...

i think this is tom hanks!

sarahsays said...

ok. pretty sure this is Jamie Foxx.
Bond reference: Both Will Smith & Jamie Foxx are being considered for the new black James Bond movie.
Chris Rock & Jamie Foxx both starred in "In Living color" together. Here's the kicker: in the leaked naked photo that Foxx took of himself, there is a bottle of baby oil in the foreground on the counter.

Foxx came on strong on the Hwood scene but his popularity has died off; hence wanting to get time w/ET. Naive enough to think that one piece of jewelry was enough. He is dumb. Hello! He took a naked picture of himself. plus doesn't seem to think for himself. Seems like he always copies whatever Diddy does.

Private plane. seems Foxx has a penchant for demanding them from the studios.

blurry vice said...

I think this one is about someone none of us has guessed yet.

rundeep said...

I'd like Vin Diesel for this (kind of aging action star, would be stupid, has money, seems trashy enough to do it with strangers in parking lots). DK if he has a wife or plane, unfortunately. I think no to the former.

cassandra said...

i cant figure out who this is, but I think that the AIA's and names dropped in it should make this easier than it is. at first if you just look at the AIA's i thought it pointed to a canadian (M.M,B.F), ex-SNL castmate (C.R, M.M) who has been in a science fiction trilogy movie (B.F, T.M,W.S) and I thought it would be dan aykroyd who has been in movies with H.F and B.F, but i saw a comment from ted that said Fey oiled tush was not naturally funny? But i think that this is def. someone who has been in a film series since all the AIAs have been except chris rock. and than i was thinking that it must be someone represent by CAA which was founded by mike ovitz (T.M, W.S and M.M repped by CAA)

kindermusik said...

Looks like Ted hinted this is Tom Cruise today in his BB by saying Cruella St. Shackles used to be linked to FOT. Interesting!!

Jamee said...

If Cruella St Shackles is Nic Kidman, Fey is WITHOUT A DOUBT T Cruise. So who is Glistening?

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
What's Fey-Oiled Tush been up to recently? Haven't heard from him a in a while, did he sort out the problem with his personal pilot?

Dear Flight Control:
Uh, hardly. Still working on that little prob, by the by."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Somebody with Industry connections told me that Fey-Oiled Tush's wife is gonna finally hand him the divorce papers this year. Any word on this is true or not?

Dear Assumes:
Really that sure who Fey is, huh? Doubt highly gonna happen—though a lotta of us would love to see this go down."

Monaco said...

This HAS to be Cruise after the Ted comment today that they would LOVE to see him get served papers. He would not say this about Travolta...

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
You've stated that you don't use more than one moniker for the subjects of your Blind Vices—for ince, once Toothy Tile, always Toothy Tile. However, is it possible that a subject with a moniker was once the subject of another Blind Vice back in the day when your column was a weekly column and you didn't have monikers for your subjects? That is, could someone like Fey Oiled-Tush, who first appeared in your column in 2008, have yet another older Blind Vice attributed to him that had no mention of Fey Oiled-Tush or any other moniker back then?

Dear Outsmart Me Not:
Even though I'm far too confused at this point to follow you, exactly (the science you folks make this celeb debauchery out to be is pretty impressive), let me repeat: no Blind Vice member has ever had more than one name. Never has, never will."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Thanks for all you do for animals. Just curious. Are there contracts involved with showmances? How do the parties involved go about daily living with each other? For example, would Toothy have paid his beard's water bill or shared cereal with her?

Dear Paperwork:
Good question. Yes, specified bargains and deals exist between these jokers. But think less Toothy Tile, more Fey Oiled-Tush."

Pale said...

It's Tom Cruise! Look at today's bitch-back from Ted:

Dear Ted:
As someone who has a small townhouse and a young baby, and who works full-time, now is not the time for me to rescue an animal. But I did send in a small donation to our local SPCA because I was inspired by you! So, my question: when did Fey Oiled-Tush's wife find out about his...ways? And does she know the full extent of his preferences?

Dear Animal Instincts:
What a great, generous soul you are, but, Kath, which wife are you talking about?

"Which wife"? Well, who could it be? Maybe Mimi Rogers, or Nicole or maybe Katie Holmes...?????

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
As someone who has a small townhouse and a young baby, and who works full-time, now is not the time for me to rescue an animal. But I did send in a small donation to our local SPCA because I was inspired by you! So, my question: when did Fey Oiled-Tush's wife find out about his...ways? And does she know the full extent of his preferences?

Dear Animal Instincts:
What a great, generous soul you are, but, Kath, which wife are you talking about?"

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
How did Nicole Kidman go from one of the most stunning women in Hollywood to a desperate housewife? Have you see what she's been wearing lately? While other women at award shows wear gowns, she wears a micromini that screamed "Look at Me. Please!" Enough is enough. I'm beginning to think that Tom Cruise is the sane member of that former couple.

Dear All in the Family:
Both N.K. and Tom have plenty of issues (or it may be), but they differ in how they handle them. Between Tom's Scientology and whatever the heck Nicole is doing to that forehead, you know they've got plenty o' stuff to deal with, not the least of which involves still moving on from each other."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
I refer to Friday as "Blind Vice Day," so imagine my profound disappointment last Friday when I logged onto the Awful Truth and didn't find a gossip story for me to decode! Ted, are you feeling OK? If you are, I think you owe me an extra juicy Vice, as well a hint to one already posted. For example, did Fey Oiled-Tush's first wife know about his true orientation before she married him?
—Your Biggest Fan

Dear Not a Fan of Change:
I have to keep you readers on your toes, right? Plus, I've given you tons of Vices in the past two weeks, what with all the damn Bonus Blinds (and then there was yesterday's Blind Vice reveal). Figured we could all use one day off from closeted sex. Right?"

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
I love six degrees of Awful Truth! I really wish you'd play this game more often. How 'bout if I start? Chet Chick Muncher and Strawberry Snort'Em—do they know each other very well? Carnally well? And Crotch Uh-Lastic and Crescent Kumquat—do you think Crescent would be scared of Crotch? I imagine CUL has a heck of a 'come-hither' smile. Fey Oiled Tush and Hard Nipple Nick—do you think Nick would lend Fey his pilot?

Dear Q&A:
No. Yes. Maybe"

juju said...

Did anyone read the tweet from Ted about Tom? Was he talking about Tom Cruise?

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
What's Fey Oiled-Tush been up to lately? You said his jewels didn't impress some old dame in Hollywood, but what's he really like? Do you think if FOT ran into a bunch of fans or strangers he could charm the pants off of them, or is he a colder personality not unlike Cruella St. Shackles? Is he the type who like little boys like Jackie Bouffant, or do you think he's more interested in the manly man type like Topher Hairy-Tuchus?

Dear Feeling Fey:
Whew! So many questions, detective! In order: Trying to regain his glory, sweet, yes, no, used to, bingo."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Just wondering if there is anything new with Fey Oiled-Tush? Is he still busy flying 'round the world getting his groove on?

Dear Up in the Air:
Isn't he always?"

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Who do you think will file for divorce first: Seymour Plow-e-ore or Fey Oiled-ush?

Dear Doubtful:
I don't see either divorcing anytime soon, M. An arrangement is an arrangement, after all. But, if you forced me to choose, I'd say Fey. Part of me is holding out hope that his woman still has half a brain left."

kough1113 said...

On this article it mentions James Bond movies. Paul Haggis (denounced scientologist) either wrote or directed the last two movies. Coupled with Ted's article today, about Fey possible being ruined, and the New Yorker article with Haggis, I'm thinking it's someone from that "church". I don't know for sure if this is Cruise or not though.

tom schmitz said...

i've asked this on another t.c. post, but i'm totally confused if t.c. is tush or glistening gunther or perhaps NEITHER?...

one post, (the only post) about glistening gunther 100% sounds like t.c. yet the posts about fey oil tush point to t.c.(and others) as well and since teddy NEVER EVER gives anyone 2 different moniker names, then how can i know if t.c. is tush or gunther or perhaps neither one?... the tush posts all have small pics of t.c. from his movies posted then again why would t.c. feel the need to drip jewels on waaaay past her prime margarita screwed them all (E.T. most likely) how can she help him keep his glory? that makes no sense he would need to kiss her behind with jewelry. so i find it hard in that post that it could be t.c. as if t.c. is more likely gunther based on that 1 story post, then who could be tush, teddy made the difference saying that tush is wealther, more famous and powerful and much more secretive about his antics than gunther, so then again if gunther is t.c. that makes no sense because whoever then is tush, well no one is more famous, wealther and powerful than t.c. i.e gunther? ted or anyone help me out here! thanks!