New BV: What Would Seymour Plow-Me-More Do?

New from Ted today -

What Would Seymour Plow-Me-More Do?

Heard the latest goss on John Travolta? Of course you have, because gay-sex-in-the-sauna allegations don't fall on deaf ears, even if they're printed by the National Enquirer, of all places. And geez, with details like those the NE is "exclusively dishing," you'd think they're trying to earn John a top spot in our Blind Vice Hall of Fame!
So, how would our own happy-ending humper, Seymour Plow-Me-More (you remember him, don't you) handle this whole mess?
See, Travolta has been the target of many tabloid rumors throughout the years, some true and some completely fabricated, but Sey knows how to cover his tracks so no dirt on him is ever taken too seriously.
How, you ask?
By never getting (overly) in it in the first place.
Sey's name would be unlikely to get plastered over the front page of tabloid trash because he's always mucho careful to keep his same-sex shenanigans under wraps, ya know, with secret doors and all.
The Hollywood "gay sauna subculture" ain't exactly the hardest scene to uncover, but the players know how to keep their wet ‘n' wild ways under wraps.
And were the press to catch wind?
Seymore keeps journalists in his pocket and a team of legal eagles at the ready to squash any blabbing source the second they pipe up about his penchant for public sex with strange men. And were SPMM to find himself in this particular predicament, he'd have his man lover of the moment twist a story that totally got Sey's toweled toosh out of trouble.
Plus, there's that icey wifey-poo that Seymour keeps at the ready for all his playing house needs and to occasionally speak up on his behalf. Sey would definitely have had his lady drop some tidbits about how happily married they are.
She is in on the act, after all.
Hell, John's got the upper hand on Seymour, way up! None of his scandalous goss in the past has been taken seriously by the majority of his fans. Why should they change their minds, now?

Interesting... our top suspect for SPMM is John Travolta. See our posts on the previous SPMM BVs:
Nov 2007, Nov 2009 (including a list of the eliminated), Jan 2010, April 2010.

Blind Vice: Seymour Wants Privacy and Padded Bras

New from Ted:

Blind Vice: Seymour Wants Privacy and Padded Bras

Seymour Plow-Me-More is hardly in the closet. That is, if you live in L.A. Saying Seymour's gay is like saying Tom Cruise is super into Scientology. It's just a known fact.
So why, then, is SPMM, who happens to look rather fetching in a dress, still shy about his homosexual ways? After all, Plow hardly blushes when he propositions men for sexy time in bath houses. Plus, it's not even like Seymour has a red-hot career to worry about.
Thing is, coming out is über-complicated—as we assure you, outing himself isn't entirely Sey's decision alone. There are far too many people and companies relying on SPMM being this big macho Hollywood man (which we, and America, so aren't buying anymore).
Guess that's the only reason Mr. More is taking extra precautions:
Ritzy spas are hardly the only place Plow-Me-More likes to get his freak on. Just like any married skank in this town, Sey-babe hits the dirty-ass club scene to get his gay on, too.
Problemo is certain folks have Seymour occasionally concerned that people are watching his every friggin' move trying to out him. Like, duh. So what's a gay man with a legacy at stake to do? Well, SPMM made one particular club (since he's such a regular there) install an extra-special private door to give him more discreet in-and-out access...no pun intended.
We just don't know what to do anymore! 'Mour is so desperate to get out of his situation he has going on with the Missus, et al, he will just never do it himself, ultimately.
So, should we break our cardinal rule of no outing?
Seriously, if the fact that Seymour dresses up in drag (it's where he feels quite comfortable) during his alone time isn't a rainbow herring enough, we don't know what is. If it isn't gonna be us doing the dirty work, you bet it's gonna be someone else with a camera and mortgage ready to sell out old S.
We'll play nice for now and let Seymour Plow enjoy his time out of the spotlight. Dude's already been through enough. Unless you all disagree?
And It Ain't: Tom Cruise, Alec Baldwin, Tom Hanks

________
Here are the links to the previous SPMM blind vices: November 2007, November 2009 including a full list of who has been eliminated, and January 2010.  And here's the latest from Sept 2010.

Top suspect (from last Seymour BVs): John Travolta

Blind Vice: Be Careful What Makes You Famous

New from Ted today -

Blind Vice: Be Careful What Makes You Famous

Gosh, last time we checked in on Seymour Plow-Me-More, he had not a care in the world—other than how to nab his latest gay conquest.
Gotta admit, I've always liked that about Seymour—he's like a little kid. He just wants his boy-toys, lots of cookies, his home life with the fake wife and his career...in that order. He's never really pretended otherwise, unlike so many other grasping, closeted gay stars in this town.
Until now.
Recently, Seymour had an unfortunate incident in his life go down, and it rocked him to his very still-handsome core. So much so, that Mr. Plow-Me-More has taken drastic measures:
Seymour found himself more than a bit put out by this nasty occurrence in his life; he decided it was time to break free from the organization that was most instrumental in his creative zenith and career.
S.P. realized, post-hard knocks, that life's just too damn short to put up with folks who are trying to micromind your every move, which is what Seymour decided the organization was doing, and most offensively, too.
But get this: The outfit that helped create Mr. P as one of Hollywood's biggest stars wasn't havin' it. No way were they at all agreeable to the notion of releasing Plow-Me-More from their Big-Brother-type biz ways, and that's the reason they brought out "the files."
And Seymour knew exactly what this meant.
Message received loud and clear: If Seymour proceeded with his plan to bolt, his former minders would see to it that every media organization within its reach would be enjoying the contents the Seymour Plow-Me-More dossier of debauched gay behavior (is there any other kind, in stupid America's mind?). Now, keep in mind, these questionably gathered documents on Seymour are as impressively detailed as they are extensive. Pretty damn daunting, all put together.
Which is exactly why Seymour has changed his mind—for now.
I dare say he'll revert back to his original desire, which is to ditch the goons who keep watch over him and break free. But when?
Before Toothy Tile comes out, I guarantee you that.
And it ain't: Brendan Fraser, David Beckham, Barack Obama

Here are the links to previous SPMM blind vices - Nov 2007 and Nov 2009 including a full list of who has been eliminated. And here is the one from April 2010.  And the one from  Sept 2010.

Our top suspect: John Travolta.

A Sex-Addict Blind Vicer Returns!

From Ted last Friday...

A Sex-Addict Blind Vicer Returns!

It seems like Lloyd Boy-Toyed is just one example of an über-famous celeb playing the I-dare-you-to-out-me gay dance.
We're bringin' back an oldie, ladies and gentlemen: Remember Seymour Plow-Me-More? The multitalented, married dude who had a guy service him in a public steam room?
Well, it seems Seymour is back and finding himself in crazier situations than he's used to...
Like the possibility of love. Oh, jeez, can it get any more horrifying than that?
See, this A-list actor was once daringly handsome but has suddenly let age start to get the best of him. Although with the ups and downs in Seymour's life, we can imagine how some of his secrets have taken a toll on his dark features.
Well, it turns out Seymour's getting guy-on-guy frisky again...with a reporter, no less! (Guess Lloyd really started something last time he went hornin' all over a journalist, huh?)
Seymour's companion works for a mediocre outlet, but thanks to his famous partner, said journo just so happens to swoop all the exclusive stuff Seymour and his family have to offer.
Yes, S's wife knows what's going on. In fact, the whole Business knows what's going on. Even the movie studios that employ Plow-Me know about—and approve of—the boy baggage Seymour insists on carrying with him.
S has tried various methods to ungay himself, but the fact remains: He can't keep himself away from this par-tick tabloid type...and no one in this town seems to give a damn. Really?
And it ain't: Kevin Costner, Nicolas Cage, Will Smith

Here is the link to the Nov 2007 SPMM BV; here is the link to the Jan 2010 SPMM BV; and here is the link to the April 2010 SPMM BV.  And here is the Sept 2010 SPMM BV.


As of 6/16/12, Ted has eliminated: Kevin Costner, Nicolas Cage, Will Smith, Chris Rock, David Spade, Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson, Antonio Banderas, Tom Cruise, Brendan Fraser, David Beckham, Barack Obama, Alec Baldwin, Tom Hanks, Robin Williams, Billy Crystal, David Beckham, Leonardo DiCaprio, Philip Seymour Hoffman.

Our top suspect: John Travolta

One Slippery Grope Blind Vice - 11/8/07

Ted's latest Blind Vice:

"Okay, enough of the hetero, scatological Vices, time for some good ol’-fashioned homo rump-rangin’ activities for an (old) change! After all, when we got that smelly heap o’ emails from folks complaining about the last few stinky-poo Vices—who knew straight people could have such daring fun with excrement?—did you all think we’d actually not return to our well-stacked library of running scared, extremely horny, closeted Hollywood actors? Please.
So, here we are with Seymour Plow-Me-More, multitalented star and performer, both in and out of the bedroom, where he assumes an amazing array of positions, possibilities and partners. But to be fair, when Sey-babe cheats on his hardly naive honey (whose quasi-attractive face seems to harden with each new trick SPMM picks up), it’s usually with good-lookin’ dudes. In fact, it always is. Take this last time, for ince. Academy Award-nominated Seymour was visiting one of Hell-Ay’s myriad spas, which are to Los Angeles what Greek coffee shops are to Manhattan. This time, for Plow-Me-More’s man-hunting mission, he’d chosen one of Hell-Ay’s more outta the way steam-room joints, toward downtown, thinking nobody would recognize him. Are these celebs on crack? Do they really think incognito only kicks in south of Wilshire? Seymour cornered his latest beefy selection, took off his own towel (still impressive equipment, must say, even though what’s holding it all together hardly is), and asked for what Seymour usually requests his partners to do to him—i.e., get his oversize bum diddled. The boy—he was almost a boy—declined Mr. Plow-Me-More’s gracious offer and suggested to fellate the movie star instead, a lovely idea that was accepted and received, by the by. You see, said nooky provider tells us he thought it would be “a bit much” to be corn-holed by Seymour Plow-Me-More in a public steam room. As if a blow job is nothing more than a simple shaking of hands. Well, in sex-for-everything Hell-Ay, s'pose it is."

And it ain't - The Rock, Chris Rock, David Spade

This is a pretty big one, I think! First of all I can't picture someone famous getting into this situation. Academy Award nominated? If this scandal is true he must be very sure of his career and trustworthy of the other guy.

OK so what we can gather is -

• Academy Award nominated
• A multitalented performer
  
• Has a wife who is hardly naive, quasi-attractive, and who's face hardens - plastic surgery hint?
• Possibly a comedian (David Spade and Chris Rock hints?)
• Possibly "rock" related (The Rock and Chris Rock hints?)

I just keep thinking Seymour is Will Smith. He was nominated for an Oscar for playing Mohammed Ali, is in comedy, and music. And if you ask me, Jada Pinkett Smith's face has had some work done. Any thoughts???
photos courtesy of wireimage.com



* Update Nov 2009 - Here is a link to the November 2009 SPMM blind vice, including a full list of who has been eliminated. The SPMM BV from Januray 2010 can be found here. And the SPMM BV from April 2010 is here.  And the Sept 2010 BV is here.

Our top suspect: John Travolta