Reese Witherspoon's blind item

... And while reading Lainey I was also tipped off to this, written Feb 4 - apparently we have a blind item given to us by Reese Witherspoon herself.  So what was the crappy movie and who are the two stars?

Reese Witherspoon's blind riddle

As previously mentioned in the Kerry Washington post, Reese Witherspoon is featured in Entertainment Weekly’s Beyond Beautiful article and drops a blind riddle about opportunities for women in Hollywood:
“About four years ago I got sent an awful, terrible script. And this male star was starring in it, and there was a girlfriend part. And I thought, “You’ve got to be kidding me. No, I’m not interested.” They said, “Well this actress is chasing it, that actress is chasing it: three Oscar winners and two huge box office leading ladies.” And I thought, “Oh, that’s where we’re at? You’re fighting to be the girlfriend in a dumb comedy? For what?” And by the way, two Oscar winners did it.”
Which is partly why she started producing. Anyway, the internet seems to think it’s either A Million Ways To Die In The West or The Dilemma or No Strings Attached – all movies with maybe one Oscar winner but definitely not two. And let me tell you something about celebrities: they ALL know who’s won an Oscar and who hasn’t. They know it well. They have that sh-t memorised. Especially Reese Witherspoon. She’d never make that mistake of thinking someone’s won an Oscar when they haven’t. I think she’s talking about those Garry Marshall movies like New Year’s Eve (Halle Berry, Hilary Swank, Robert DeNiro) and Valentine’s Day (Julia Roberts, Jamie Foxx, Shirley MacLaine). And she’s right. They were terrible.
Let’s not pretend, though, that Halle Berry and Reese Witherspoon have the same opportunities. Halle’s going to take that movie because that might be her only option for a year. You know what else is weird to me? Reese Witherspoon is managed by Rick Yorn. Very, very powerful. Her agent is Bryan Lourd …who is the CO-CHAIRMAN of CAA. She’s married to Jim Toth, one of the top agents at CAA. He reps Robert Downey Jr, just to give an idea of his influence. And even her people are sending her bullsh-t scripts?

Thoughts on this?  Might be either of those comedies Lainey mentioned but might not...

Lainey - Drinks on the plane

And, another Lainey riddle, this one from Sept 10 -

Drinks on the plane

It’s an hour to fly from Toronto to New York. By the time you go up, it’s almost like you have to go down again.
But she was desperate, desperate for a drink. Even before take-off. Which was not allowed on this flight. She was told she’d have to wait. And she didn’t want to wait. Caused a stink about having to wait. Huffing and puffing, sweet features morphed into an off-putting bitch scowl. It was a scene. And she didn’t stop bitching until they put the first jack and coke in front of her once the seatbelt sign had been turned off.
That was followed by two more. Three jack and cokes on the flight.
So, maybe she’s afraid to fly. Maybe it was a terrible day. But with her history, and it wasn’t all that long ago, and the sh-tty influences she has around her, this is probably a concern, non?

Top suspects: Selena Gomez, Reese Witherspoon

Lainey - Nanny Diaries

New Lainey riddle today May 3 -

Nanny Diaries

No one wants to work with Hollywood’s most difficult mother. She now has a reputation among child care agencies for being the most unpopular celebrity nanny employer and many now only send to her the nannies on their staff who specialise in dealing with mega bitch moms.
She is surprisingly less organised than you would think, often requesting services with no lead time and expecting to be offered priority treatment. When the nanny arrives, she often won’t speak to the person directly, communicating via her assistant, and often implying that the person isn’t attractive enough, and because of this, may or may not sell her out. Because only ugly people compromise confidentiality, I guess?
She confiscates cell phones. She also demands to go through the nanny’s private messages. After a dinner party once, when she and her friends were particularly mouthy, backstabbing several prominent actors and actresses, she demanded to search the nanny who had stayed late -- without prior notice -- so as to make sure she wasn’t bugged and threatened legal action for no reason. Speaking of working hours, she has been known to require extra time but isn’t willing to pay for it, rationalising her request by blaming the person for an imaginary offensive -- like missing diapers or a bent branch/stem in the garden. Ie. “I notice that the whatever bush over there looks a little trampled. You weren’t careful enough. You are staying an extra two hours.”
She is known to be verbally abusive and impatient. She once watched a nanny pick up spilled baby food all over the floor while tapping her hand on the counter and criticising the person’s physique and intellect as the reason for why it was taking so long. Many nannies in LA, hearing horror stories from their peers, have turned potential work placements with her because they don’t want to bother with the drama.
Not Jennifer Garner.

Update: Apparently Lainey revealed this was Reese Witherspoon at the Smut Soiree

Blind Vice: Shafterella Shoshstein Leaves the Evil Conniving to Others!

We should have known a new Shafterella BV was coming ... Ted was talking about Reese a lot this week.  Here is his new BV from yesterday...

Blind Vice: Shafterella Shoshstein Leaves the Evil Conniving to Others!

Shafterella Shoshstein and Cruella St. Shackles really should make a movie together. After all, these two mega-manipulators are made for each other!
A new version of Thelma &  Louise, maybe? Nah, a remake of Black Swan would be better, with Shafterella playing the crafty Natalie Portman part, and Cruella going for Winona Ryder's tragic, aging diva character.
But, dolls, we are way off topic here, which is to report that real-life power manipulator Shafterella has been corralling her friends to...
Do her dirty work for her.
Now, it's no surprise that Ms. S.—whose multi-talents apparently extend behind the camera, as well—has been demanding that those who are employed by her do her nasty bidding for years. This is pretty much legend. Whether it's been dropping friends, movies or lunch dates, those not-nice tasks have always been left to those on Shafterella's payroll—all so Shafty can plead innocence if ever confronted and proclaim, "Why I had no idea they did that..."
But S2's gotten so used to the Teflon way of life, she's now started to get her friends—as well as her man—in on the act, having them send messages of preachy recrimination to those who displease Shafterella (trust us, the list is looong).
Hmmm. Is this the reason Shafty's coterie of BFFs is not quite what it once was? And is that the reason Ms. Shoshstein's been putting a few too many away lately? Oh my, the nasty domino gossip effect just keeps going on and on—it's all too yummy for words!
Just don't let Shafty catch you talking about any of this, or she'll send one of her humorless and unattractive mouthpieces (whether paid or not, Shafty always makes it a point to surround herself with less pretty people, always has) to tear you a new a-hole!
Bitch knows the right devil messenger service to use!
AND IT AIN'T: Nicole Kidman, Cindy Crawford, Christina Aguilera

Please refer to the label below for a link to our previous Shafterella posts, including a full list of who has been elminated.

Top suspect: Shafterella = Reese Witherspoon

(See the label at right for the Cruella posts.  Top suspect for Cruella is Nicole Kidman.)

Blind Vice: Shafterella Shoshstein Strikes Again!

New form Ted today...

Blind Vice: Shafterella Shoshstein Strikes Again!


Be careful of a sweet young thing who looks supercute in a matching hair band:
As if ditching her poor PR boyfriend and leaving him out to dry wasn't conniving enough, it turns out sexually adventurous Blind Vice superstar Shafterella Shoshstein was selling out that cute romance partner of hers all along.
Shafterella had arranged to be her ex's publicity-only girlfriend (they were friends and both stars' agents thought it would be a good idea for their A-list careers), but planned all along to dump him. This would leave the world to wonder why the poor dude couldn't make a relationship with a woman work—and fuel gossip that he's gay.
Which, of course, he is, but that's beside the point.
How do we know S.S. had such an evil plan?
"She was with the boyfriend she's with now all along," says a source deep within the managerial machinations that put the two very beautiful stars in a relationship. "People think it just started after she broke up, but it didn't, the other guy was there all along—and they were very serious."
The dumped boyfriend, by the by, is furious with Shafterella for leaving him in a lurch. He knew people were suspecting his romance with Shoshstein was suspect to begin with, but when she reneged on their PR agreement to be romantically involved (for show), not only did she do it behind his back—and without warning—the dumpee had actually gone to great lengths to curb his own real-life love life, and to make the ersatz affair look as believable as possible.
Granted, this was one of the man's worst performances of his career, but let's put it this way: He's ultimately a nice guy and was doing his best to abide by the commitment he'd made to Shafterella, who was diddling somebody else off to the side the whole time, laughing and scheming all along.
Wonder when karma's gonna twist her little sweater set around her neck, already?
And what I want to know is why aren't there awards in this town for Best Fake Relationship?
Oh, forgot, there are: People magazine gives them out weekly.
And It Ain't: Miley Cyrus, Jessica Szohr, Michelle Williams

Top suspect: Still Reese Witherspoon.  And the ex-bf in question = Jake Gyllenhaal.  See our posts for Toothy Tile for more on that fake relaysh.  Her current bf = Jim Toth.



Links to the previous two Shafterella Shoshstein BV's are here - Oct 2008 including a full list of who has been eliminated, and July 2009.

Blind Vice: Toothy Trading Coke For Cracking Up?

New from Ted today-

Blind Vice: Toothy Trading Coke For Cracking Up?

This is not a joke: Poor closeted movie star Toothy Tile, last caught pitifully fooling around with blow and broads, is more recently causing his friends to worry something fierce about his head.
And I don't mean the kind he prefers getting in West Hollywood parking lots.
As our beloved Mr. T's same-sex desires (and née partnership) have been cast as far back in the closet as Kevin Spacey appears to be, Toothy's extremely tight band of friends are fretting for the fella's emotional well-being?and rightfully so.
"We're wondering when he's going to crack," said one of the slightly lesser-inside chums to the notoriously private actor. "I keep hearing from everybody else that he's about to pop, but it's weird, whenever I see him, he acts like everything's cool. I think he only shows that side of himself to a couple of people."
And those people are telling other people who are telling me:
Toothy's current and arranged girlfriend is starting to "really get on his nerves," particularly when she cleans up after Toothy, who's apparently a bit of a clumsy eater.
Toothy's getting fed up with having to keep his (currently reinvented) relationship with Grey Goose in the dark and is threatening his publicists and hangers-on with outing both himself and Grey, which would then, ironically, ruin Grey's own beard relationship, not that anybody really cares, so never mind.
Toothy's been heard complaining to his advisers that the Biz angle they've chosen for him is not exactly panning out, so "what has it been for?," as Toothy has cried.
Toothy's so frustrated by being a nonperson, as it were (and how he deems it, quite unlike many other fellow Hollywood celebs who are perfectly happy to sell their empty souls to the tabloid devil), he's become unnaturally obsessed with his abs, a subject years prior, when he was happier with Grey, he didn't give an ef about.
Toothy, Toothy, Toothy!
Please give up this hideous fake life while you can?and before you turn into one of these six-packed prima donnas who have about as much to say in life as does Kristin Cavallari. We know the real Toothy's dying to come out.
Let him!
(Hey, Neil Patrick Harris still has an OK gig, ya know).

It Ain't: Kevin Spacey, Bradley Cooper, Robert Pattinson

I think we all know who it is....

One Sneaky, Sell-Out Blind Vice

From Ted this past Friday July 17 -

One Sneaky, Sell-Out Blind Vice

Last time we heard from evil and conniving Shafterella Shoshstein, that bitch was checking out on her man, who was so famously checking out on her. Only nobody knew about the former, crafty thing she is.
Now, S.S. has moved on more openly—and how. Ms. S-squared has all the tabloid world thinking she's just dreamy and perfectly content with her new man, only nothing could be further from the truth.
What is the real deal with Shafterella, you ask? Well, not only does it not always involve the classiest kinds of guys (think real Crawley McNugget material here), but wouldn't you know it, S.S. also likes to have over supercurvy and very...
...femme babes to her Beverly Hills pad whenever she can.
You know, for tennis and myriad other athletic activities that involve sweaty thighs and skirts as short as possible. All the while, the lemming-like readers so faithful to ass-kissing People and similar rags, think Shafterella's all happy-butt with her dreamy man.
Like I said: That's hardly accurate, as S.S.'s man is much more content shacking up with his dude, anybody confused yet?
Oh, don't you know, it's just another day and story in the annals of fake-romance Hollywood, where publicists and agents (seriously, no joke) are still putting together these ersatz romances like it's the damn '50s. All so their clients can supposedly make bigger paychecks—and therefore, these 10 percenters do, too.
Everybody wins in the end, right?
Wrong. What about when these faker-jokers have kids? What then? It's one thing for Shafty and her dumb-crap gay BF to sell themselves out, but what, for instance, happens if Shafty and her partner do get married and have kids, what do you tell them?
Shafty? Superpastel tennis hair band got your tongue?
And it ain't: Sarah Michelle Gellar, Venus Williams, Demi Moore

Here's the link to the first Shaftarella BV from Oct 2008, including a full list of who has been eliminated.
And here is the newest Shafterella BV from June 2010.


Our top guess - Reese Witherspoon.

Toothy Tile kiss

Yesterday, Ted published a photo of Jake G grabbing Reese's face and planting a kiss on her at a Lakers game. Looks as if she was caught off guard and he just grabbed her cheeks. This is the first kiss I have seen of them. Here is what Ted said about it:

Jake and Reese Make Out - Gee, Such Passion

Wow, if these photos are any indication, looks like Jake Gyllenhaal and Reese Witherspoon have upgraded their relationship from hand-holding to kissing. The boring babes were actually caught smooching courtside at a Lakers game this weekend. Did they finally realize they need to one-up their tepid friend-like relaysh with something a little saucier?

Nothing works better than being on display in the front row at a basketball game—that's the equivalent of a People cover nowadays. Just ask Zac Efron and Vanessa Hudgens, who use courtside seats for publicity between High School Musical press tours—truly smoldering stuff there, babes.

Now, gotta say, this Lakers biz is a serious step-up from J&R's predictable dates—Starbucks runs and walking, yawn. Tell ya what, Jakey, we'll start to believe how in love you are with Wither-hon when we catch her entertaining you in the bathroom at Coco Deville à la Paris.

...

One Sneaky Dame Blind Vice

New Blind Vice from Ted Casablanca in the Awful Truth Oct 31 -

One Sneaky Dame Blind Vice
Okay, babes, we're back to you skanky hets this week! I swear, straight folks are getting as kinky as us gays, are we teaching you that well? Apparently so.
Shafterella Shoshstein sure seems to be taking lessons successfully, and has been for some time, who the hell knew? When she busted up with her man not that long ago, everybody was sympathizing with poor S2. How could such a sweet, darling little babe have deserved such treatment from her male-slut partner for all those years? She's too talented, too charming, too damn dazzling to have to have endured such wretchedness, America cried!
Turns out we were all weeping for the wrong partner, perhaps. S.S.'s ex is just now starting to put the truth out there, via a few tanked encounters with his fave bartender. Damn, sure hope this good-lookin' lad doesn't have to become full-blown alcoholic before we find out the full truth of the matter, but jeez, keep on drinkin' there, buddy-boy!
Oh, and Shafty, shame on you, girlfriend. Cannot believe you penis-partied galore all that time, while letting your less-designing other half take the tabloid fall. Actually, I can. They don't pay ya the big bucks for nothin'.
And it ain't: Whitney Houston, Halle Berry, Britney Spears

* Update 6/23/11: Ted has eliminated Whitney Houston, Halle Berry, Britney Spears, Shoshanna Lonstein, Jennifer Garner, Uma Thurman, Oprah Winfrey, Alanis Morissette, Jennifer Aniston, Jessica Simpson, Hilary Swank, Sarah Michelle Gellar, Venus Williams, Demi Moore, Jessica Simpson, Anne Hathaway Mary-Louise Parker, Sophia Bush, Miley Cyrus, Jessica Szohr, Michelle Williams, Demi Lovato, Blake Lively, Amanda Seyfried, Kristen Stewart, Nicole Kidman, Cindy Crawford, Christina Aguilera.


* Please see our label below for links to the other Shafterella BVs.


* Top guess: Reese Witherspoon. (Runners up: Tea Leoni, Christie Brinkley)

Ted babbles about fake Jake/Reese

Today in the Awful Truth, Ted babbles on and on about how Jake and Reese's relationship is fake. We know this is major hinting towards Toothy Tile.

Morning Piss: Gyllenspoon-Fed Merde

J'adore Reese and Jake. Those sweethearts are two of the most talented, adorable and luscious babes to hit T-town in some time.

Don't agree?

Think Reese is just a pixie-ish little waif with pale sex appeal? Think again. And if you consider Jake all boyish 'n' bashful brooding, no real outward he-man stuff goin' down, think again on that score, as well. R 'n' J are both terrifically not of what you see in real life.

And this whole aw-shucks romance they've got going down is so not how both types really are—why in the world the public is lapping it up, hook, line and photo-op, is beyond me.

Just look at their pics together, everybody! They act like bro 'n' sis (and not even particularly close ones, at that). These babes have movies and careers and agendas to sell, oldest story in the world. Jen and Vince, anyone?

Ms. W is the craftiest broad alive; she's teaching J.G. spectacularly well. Just ask Ryan Phillippe if you don't believe this to be a high probability. But on the other hand, if this sorta white-bread, milquetoast romance is what you need to get your fantasy on every morning, then, dears, go right ahead, be my limp guest.

I just prefer my Awful readers to be fully informed consumers, that's all.

Don't worry Ted, we get it...

Psychic's take on Jake and Reese's relationship

Psychic Kenny Kingston is claiming that Jake Gyllenhaal and Reese Witherspoon are destined to be together, that they were in love in a past life. LOL! Readers of BIE know that Jake is Toothy Tile, and Reese is his beard. Maybe Kenny Kingston should put away his crystal ball and catch up with Blind Items Exposed.

Here is the ridiculous "psychic"'s claim:

Washington, May 21 : The inseparable couple Reese Witherspoon and Jake Gyllenhaal were always destined to be together, as they were separated in a previous life, says a celebrity psychic.

According to top Tinseltown psychic Kenny Kingston, his spiritual guides have told him that both these actors were romantically involved when they were medics in World War One.

"He was a doctor, she was a nurse. They worked closely together and were also romantically involved," Contactmusic quoted him, as saying.

"But too soon, he was called to more active duty and they were separated. So, in this life. they must complete their relationship, both romantically and in some capacity, to work together.

"This (new relationship) will allow the relationship that started during World War One to fully blossom," he added.

Witherspoon and Gyllenhaal have been dating ever since the actress was separated from husband Ryan Phillippe last year (07).

ANI

Brief Toothy Tile mention today...

Today when answering letters from his mail bag, Ted answered a letter about Toothy Tile. I am posting this because we are all wondering the same thing about dear Tooth (Jake Gyllenhaal).

Dear Ted:
Does Toothy Tile's girlfriend know that he's Toothy Tile? I'm thinking Toothy might be working his way toward her ex.
Beth
Concord, N.C.

Dear Tooth-Fake:
Yes, and quite possible. But only if he already had him. T2’s in lurve, doncha know.

When saying T2 is in love, I am assuming he means with his beau Austin Nichols. He is not after Ryan Phillippe because he is already attached to his boyfriend. Most people buy the stories that Jake and Reese are in love, but I still think it is a publicity stunt. I know some people think that TT/Jake might be bisexual and that he really IS into Reese. But what about b-f Austin? Does Reese KNOW that he is Toothy Tile, and she is just his close friend? Or is she completely in the dark about the rumors and is actually having a relationship with him? Is TT lying to her and pretending to be straight? I don't know what is going on there. Discuss!

A Toothy/Jake and Reese question for Ted...

In today's Awful Truth, a reader asks about Toothy Tile AKA Jake Gyllenhaal.

Dear Ted:
Is the woman Toothy Tile's currently using as a beard also using him as a beard? In Old Hollywood, there were "lavender" marriages and relationships between two gay people of the opposite gender to throw off the public's suspicions. Do these still exist?
Nan
Des Moines, Iowa
Dear Crack Addict:
Get high much?

I don't think Reese Witherspoon is gay, and neither does Ted I don't think... Or does he? I'm not quite sure of his response here.

Toothy Tile buying a new house in San Fran?

In the Awful Truth today, Ted's blurb about Jake Gyllenhaal once again correlates with recent hints about Toothy Tile...

While we’re told by giddy, gay real estate movers ‘n’ minders that Jake Gyllenhaal is buying swank, family oriented real estate in San Francisco’s Noe Valley (the boys are praying Reese doesn’t come along and put flowered curtains up all over the place)...

Becoming domesticated, family-oriented... his buddies hoping that the beard stays away. JAKE = TOOTHY! Now, we wonder, about the family oriented pad? Will Gray Goose be living there? Will there be a nursery for Baby Tile?

Toothy Tile still trying hard to convince us...

In the latest Us Weekly, Jake Gyllenhaal and Reese Witherspoon were photgraphed Dec 29 and 30 together. Before their "beard" fallout? Who knows. Anyway, Dec 29 it was the two of them walking in Santa Monica. Dec 30 it was them with little Ava and Deacon in Malibu. Guess who was wearing the same exact blue plaid shirt he was wearing the day before? Our Toothy. Oh Tooth, trying so hard to convince us that he hadn't been home, couldn't change clothes. Trying so hard to make it look like he is having overnight visits with Reese. Hilarious!

Toothy Tile and Beard no longer?

In the Awful Truth today, Ted discusses Toothy Tile and his beard. We all knew here at Blind Items Exposed that Reese and Jake were only friends! (With a few tabloid PR-placed made up dates to make it look like something more). See below...

Certain H-town know-it-alls claim Reese Witherspoon and Jake Gyllenhaal plan to (again) end their romance. “They were never romantically involved,” relayed a close amiga to both stars. “They were just very good friends, trying to help each other out.” For the moment, I’ll leave the why on that particular non-Cupid score alone. After all, could have been for any number of reasons—a messy end to a relationship with horndog Ryan Phillippe will leave any girl ripe for some good ol’ hand-holding, trust. But look, Reese is a guaranteed movie star. She has an Oscar. She can open a movie. True, she’s had her share of bombs (Rendition with Jake, for ince), but she’s not exactly cautioning her every public move. She can afford to sass ‘n’ screw around a little more than Jake can. Gyllenhaal’s career is still climbing and somewhat unproven, less so Reese’s. That’s just one reason why a lotta Jakey’s buds have been getting increasingly miffed by the relationship between Reese and Jake (which People had the guffaw-inducing temerity to call “low-key,” after it ran any java-run pic of the two babes it could get its hot little Time Inc. hands on). Gyllenhaal’s friends—who really got tested by this whatever with Reese—feel J.G. was letting himself be used. He didn’t need to do this,” bitched one particularly frustrated companion to Jake. “His career was fine. His friends are fine. He has a family. I don’t know why he felt the need to attach himself to Reese like that. Well, I do. But he didn’t need to do it.” Oh, whatev. Certainly wouldn’t be the first time two famous folks hooked up because they thought it would be a personal and professional tabloid shot in the arm. Hookin'-up hijinks usually don't work out that way. Don’t believe me? Ask Pam and what’s his name. But back to R 'n' J. Think Jakey finally got sick to death of so many of his buds lampooning him, to put it very mildly, for being Reese’s bitch. You two, could it possibly be true? Is dimpled paradise ending for you both?

This gives us SO many hints that Jake is Toothy Tile. Remember a few weeks ago when Ted said that Toothy's friends are fed up with him lately? Above Ted says that Jake's friends are not happy with the Reese fake relationship thing. I also like the "dimpled paradise" thrown in. Thanks Ted for another Jake/Toothy update!

Awful Truth - 12/20 - Miniblind & Jake G blurb

Ted Casablanca's Awful Truth today had this "miniblind"...

You might want to put on gloves for this one. Louie Don't Sue Me is a talent impresario who's been accused of getting youngsters into hip clubs—he's also been known to allegedly pull some pretty inappropriate things with some of the kiddies he's offered entrée to. Yet another gal recently told us she's been a victim of L.D.'s skankiness, too.
He said he was going to show her a VIP room, she snit-relayed to us, but Louie really took her back into a kitchen and locked the door. When the young honey refused to do anything with the sleazy dude, he proceeded to take matters into his own hands. Yup, to her absolute horror, he proceeded to wank off right in front of the shocked femme. Thought that only happened in studio execs' offices these days. Apparently not. Why more women don't believe in a little castration now and then is beyond me.

I have no idea who Louie is and my computer is acting up so I can't research this. If you have a guess please comment!






Ted also made a mention today of Jake Gyllenhaal and Reese Witherspoon, which hints to us even further that Jake is Toothy Tile -

Sweet Aftertaste
"Don't know how long this thing with Reese will go on."—Close bud to Jake Gyllenhaal, regarding the length of this thing between R 'n' J, whose sugary affections for each other we thankfully haven't had to stomach much of...lately. Why's that? Because according to these mutual amigos we share, both Reese and Jake have been trying personal sitches that, uh, pull them away from each other a lot. Wonder what sitches those could possibly be? No matter. Both cuties are darling. Hope they find mucho happiness in '08. Just ain't gonna be with each other.

LOL. We all know they never were together!!!

Jake Gyllenhaal = Toothy Tile

One of Ted Casablanca's top Blind Vice subjects is Toothy Tile. He has covered him for a few years now. He is a closeted gay actor. Ted has excluded MANY actors but has never excluded Jake Gyllenhaal. Toothy supposedly has a serious boyfriend, who is suspected to be Jake's close bud Austin Nichols. In future posts we shall dissect Toothy Tile in more detail. But for today I will just share the nugget that appeared in Ted's column today. It was a blurb about the so-called relationship between Jake and Reese Witherspoon. Here Ted hints that we should not believe the hype...

"If you regularly read this column, you prolly know we haven’t exactly been gulping down the Gyllenspoon Kool-Aid like the rest of the rags, wonder why? Something about the sudden PDA sessions in front of the paps right as Rendition premiered smelled stinky to us—among sundry other suspect celeb goings-on. But that was all before we saw the pics of Jake (or supposedly of Jake, as he was wearing a giant gorilla costume) trick-or-treating with Reese’s tykes, Ava and Deacon. 'Cause, surely, if southern sweetie Reese is not only introducing Jake to her kids and having them all spend holidays together, there must be something more to their relationship...right? Unless...of course, it’s all just one big PR ploy to sell a dead movie, and certain other parties—who mysteriously don’t make it into press-release-esque photos of the dimpled duo—have always been there in the background, too, and Reese and Jake are just good buds. For ince, could Ryan still be hangin' round, trying to slink back with his fresh ex? Just a question here, dearies, and a preachy proviso to not always gobble up everything you read, this missive included."

Also, later in the column, Ted mentions Jake's close bud Austin Nichols when suggesting that Reese and Jake to to a basketball game like he used to do with his buddy. Hmmm... I am taking today's comments as a big affirmation from Ted that Toothy is Jake G! I don't believe the Reese rumors for a second. I smell a big ol' publicity stunt!
Photo courtesy of wireimage.com