Friday, October 31, 2008

One Sneaky Dame Blind Vice

New Blind Vice from Ted Casablanca in the Awful Truth Oct 31 -

One Sneaky Dame Blind Vice
Okay, babes, we're back to you skanky hets this week! I swear, straight folks are getting as kinky as us gays, are we teaching you that well? Apparently so.
Sweet Home AlabamaShafterella Shoshstein sure seems to be taking lessons successfully, and has been for some time, who the hell knew? When she busted up with her man not that long ago, everybody was sympathizing with poor S2. How could such a sweet, darling little babe have deserved such treatment from her male-slut partner for all those years? She's too talented, too charming, too damn dazzling to have to have endured such wretchedness, America cried!
Turns out we were all weeping for the wrong partner, perhaps. S.S.'s ex is just now starting to put the truth out there, via a few tanked encounters with his fave bartender. Damn, sure hope this good-lookin' lad doesn't have to become full-blown alcoholic before we find out the full truth of the matter, but jeez, keep on drinkin' there, buddy-boy!
Oh, and Shafty, shame on you, girlfriend. Cannot believe you penis-partied galore all that time, while letting your less-designing other half take the tabloid fall. Actually, I can. They don't pay ya the big bucks for nothin'.
And it ain't: Whitney Houston, Halle Berry, Britney Spears

* Update 6/23/11: Ted has eliminated Whitney Houston, Halle Berry, Britney Spears, Shoshanna Lonstein, Jennifer Garner, Uma Thurman, Oprah Winfrey, Alanis Morissette, Jennifer Aniston, Jessica Simpson, Hilary Swank, Sarah Michelle Gellar, Venus Williams, Demi Moore, Jessica Simpson, Anne Hathaway Mary-Louise Parker, Sophia Bush, Miley Cyrus, Jessica Szohr, Michelle Williams, Demi Lovato, Blake Lively, Amanda Seyfried, Kristen Stewart, Nicole Kidman, Cindy Crawford, Christina Aguilera.


* Please see our label below for links to the other Shafterella BVs.


* Top guess: Reese Witherspoon. (Runners up: Tea Leoni, Christie Brinkley)



77 comments:

unicorn jones said...

Toni Braxton?

I can't think of a singer/actress whose husband is taking the fall for cheating recently

---uj

blurry vice said...

Two AIA's are African American and two are singers.
Was thinking Jessica Simpson, but the AIA's lead me to believe that this could be Vanessa Williams and ex Rick Fox.

Anonymous said...

Reese.

blurry vice said...

Vanessa Williams was in the movie "shaft".

Anonymous said...

Madonna?

Anonymous said...

I agree with the Vanessa Williams comment. I reread it with that in mind, and noticed "America cried"... a possible reference to Ugly Betty? Also, the "less designing other half."

Duh! said...

sweet, darling little babe
too talented, too charming, too damn dazzling
They don't pay ya the big bucks for nothin'


Reese Witherspoon

Anonymous said...

If this is Reese (she's who came to mind for me), then he's been on a real Reese/Jake kick lately which makes me wonder if he'll finally out Toothy...

Duh! said...

Ted loves his job, he isn't going to out anyone.

Ted Casablance, Oct 24, 2008

Return of the Clit List!

Back by popular demand—or was that repulsion?—here's our second batch of inductees into the A.T.'s brand-ass-spanking-new Clit List, you know, the randy roster we began in order to counter that fab new book The Prick Index. If dudes' privates can't be lampooned, why can't gals'? Isn't it sexist to poke one, not the other? We say so!

Following are H'wood broads we consider to be some of the finest female schmucks around, and they deserve some damn credit for it, no?

Reese Witherspoon: Because she can secretly act like a huge you know what and still get everyone to like her—including us. The "good girl" persona is highly successful and has America hook, line and sinker, but behind the cutesy face is one conniving handful, trust. For ince, we've heard all about how she behaved rather coldly during her marriage to Ry-Ry (more to come), but in the end, he gets the bad rep and somehow she still has the poor guy reeling over her. Beware of the shady clits.

Anonymous said...

Tea Leoni.

Anonymous said...

it's not Tea, she's never been an America' sweetheart like described here,and no one cares that she divorced Duchovny,besides i don't think she gets paid "the big bucks"
i feel Reese's divorce was more shocking
it could be her

Noogie said...

This one is sooo Reese Witherspoon...

Anonymous said...

Jennifer Aniston & John Mayer.

Anonymous said...

^^^ what?

Anonymous said...

Although I see a huge Reese connection here, I don't see her connection to the AIA's at all. Unless someone can clarify that, I wouldn't be so quick to call this Reese (though, as I said, she sure does fit).

Anonymous said...

Reese all the way. Majorly an America's Sweetheart-type who attracts descriptions like talented and dazzling.

Two of the 'ain'ts' divorced the same year as Reese and one the year before, so that's Ted's idea of 'not that long ago'. Britney is from Louisiana like Reese, Halle is an Oscar winner too.

Described as 'little' like Reese is.

Some wording resembles comments in Ted's recent bitching about Reese, plus he's been heavily hinting there's a story to tell there.

Anonymous said...

Reese.

duffgrl said...

I think that there is much stronger hinting that it is Vanessa Williams; and the AIAs seem to fit better too. V.W. turned down Halle's role in "Monster's Ball". Britney and V.W. are Proactiv sponsors. All are singer/actors...

mico said...

How, in any way and to any extent, could Vanessa Williams be described as "such a sweet, darling little babe"?

shan said...

This is clearly Shania Twain. When her producer husband cheated on her there was Shania-watch on tv and "how is Shania holding up" articles in magazines.

I can't figureoutthe Halle Berry AIA except that she was cheated on by a musician. WH and BS are both,obviously singers like Shania.

The Reese and Ryan break-up was so long ago it would barely seem news worthy.

PrettyTarheelFan said...

This is not Shania. Shania's husband Mutt would hardly be classified as a "good lookin' lad." Also, she's rarely been considered a "sweetheart;" several reports have labeled her cold. She lives a very inaccessible life in Canada. However, Reese fits very well. Shania isn't viewed as a sweet, darlin, little babe-however, Reese's characters in movies such as "Sweet Home Alabama" and "Legally Blonde" have given her that little darlin' persona.

Anonymous said...

How 'bout Elizabeth Hurley? I'm terrible at these, but she was the first person to pop in my head.

Mickey said...

How about Anne Hathaway?? That was my first thought.

duffgrl said...

Anne Hathaway's ex was not a male slut; he was a criminal. I'm now going to agree w/ the person who said Tea Leoni: she does have a "darling" reputation, the divorce WAS big news esp. coming on the heels of his sex-addiction. Apparently she had been sleeping w/ BillyBob Thornton. There's the link to the Halle berry AIA(Monster's Ball)

Anonymous said...

I think it's Reese or Tea Leoni. To me, this item reads as though both husband and wife are celebs.

sistah2 said...

this sounds like TEa Leoni, but no connections to the AIA's. I dont think its Reese, simply because Ted always uses the same name for his BV's. If Reese has never been in his blind item column and this is the first time (& then first time he's named her at all).....I would be surprised. Then again, if you guys all think she has not been BV'd yet - this could in fact be her. But still the connect to the AIA's is weak for her as well.

blurry vice said...

I think this elimination above the Duchovny letter hints that this might be Tea Leoni -

"Dear Ted:
Is Shoshanna Lonstein, Jerry Seinfeld's ex-girlfriend, such an obvious choice that no one would even name her as a possibility for One Sneaky Dame Blind Vice? Or are your readers too young to even remember her?
—Sofia

Dear What's The Deal:
She's not that obvious to us—and we ain't that young. Try again, babe, someone much more in the spotlight.

Dear Ted:
I just discovered your site and I'm already addicted. Did Duchovny and Anderson ever hook up while they were doing The X-Files? I'm asking because I was a huge fan and had a crush on him until today.
—whatever22

Dear Sex Files:
Thanks buckets, babe, but you call yourself an X-Files fan? "

sistah2 said...

I hate when Ted never answers a question. anyway that letter is so random that I agree its a hint this is TL.

Anonymous said...

jajja i asked the question about Duchovny and Anderson, i know it seems obvious that they did hook up (or fans really really want to believe it) but certainly we all want a confirmation on that
I'm starting to think it could be Tea, their relationship fits all the description
Reese also seems like it, except that her divorce was a hundred years ago

Anonymous said...

i just re-read it and noticed it says "S.S.'s ex is just now starting to PUT THE TRUTH OUT THERE"
so i guess it is Tea

Anonymous said...

also uses the word "encounters"

Anonymous said...

I just don't think Tea Leoni is enough of "america's sweetheart" to fill this BV. It seems like a clue where he says "America cried!" Also, in today's column he says something about the girl being smiley and maybe not so tall...anyway, I'm thinking Reese.

Anonymous said...

Tea is definitely not America's sweetheart" but she could fill the description of maybe too nice and sweet for him
sometimes i think Ted exagerates things so it's not so easy for us to discover it but to me there's enough proof in the BV that points to her and David
Mostly because i don't think Ryan Phillipe could be consider a man-slut

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
I know this one! Shafterella Shoshstein from One Sneaky-Dame Blind Vice is Jennifer Garner!
—spyfan

Dear Jonesing on Jen:
No, no, no on Garner—both for this blind vice, and in general. This babe's far less outwardly bitchy to us, more inwardly, excellent WASP behavior, you know.

Dear Ted:
Is Shafterella Shoshstein Uma Thurman?
—Athena, Greece

Dear Greek Guess:
Nowhere near as statuesque as U.T.

Dear Ted:
I finally got one blind vice right! Shafterella Shoshstein is Oprah Winfrey!
—Gabby

Dear Nope-rah on Oprah:
Wrong race, wrong figure...completely wrong on Winfrey. "

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Is Shafterella Shoshstein Alanis Morissette? I hope not, because I adore her, anywhere near close on this one?
—Amy

Dear You Oughta Know:
Alanis can hold off her angst on this one, 'cause she's not S2. Our sneaky blind vice babe seems to be all smiles, while our girl 'Lanis has no trouble getting moody. "

Anonymous said...

Hank Moody is Duchovny's character in Californication

Anonymous said...

I'm sticking with Reese. Tea Leoni doesn't get the "big bucks". And Anon 11/5 @ 12:30, if Ted would exaggerate "America's Sweetheart", why not "male slut", a much more minor clue? Cheating on his wife was enough for most of the public to think of him that way, plus it may be a ref to his 54 character.

From the beginning this has clearly been a short, well-paid, much-loved, faux-perfect actress, and now he is making sure we REALLY get she's smiley, short and WASPy. Only one person fits to me.

Anonymous said...

What about Christy Brinkley?
Her ex was wrung through the wringer for cheating on her. "Poor Christy" was all we heard forever. He has been talking to the press that all is not as it appears.

sistah2 said...

Christy B is a great guess. Ted says the ex-hubby is her "less designing " other half - maybe a reference to Peter Cook being an architect? also - the BV never says this is an actress - implies this gal is well-paid, does not say for what.

anon said...
"I'm sticking with Reese. Tea Leoni doesn't get the "big bucks". And Anon 11/5 @ 12:30, if Ted would exaggerate "America's Sweetheart", why not "male slut", a much more minor clue? Cheating on his wife was enough for most of the public to think of him that way, plus it may be a ref to his 54 character.

From the beginning this has clearly been a short, well-paid, much-loved, faux-perfect actress, and now he is making sure we REALLY get she's smiley, short and WASPy. Only one person fits to me."

...But where did Ted say this is America's sweetheart? He does not really say she is short - just not as tall as Uma T. I agree though overall it seems like Reese, but something about this seems like a more recent bustup - Tea or Christy B.

Lily said...

I was totally thinking this was Reece, until I saw the Christy B. idea. it fits.

Could be either one... but I just don't think it's Tea for some reason. It just wouldn't be as scandelous from her, you know?

Anonymous said...

For whatever it's worth...in the Bitch Back column where Ted throws out a bunch of clues regarding SS's identity, he also references Jake G and Austin Nichols in separate questions. Seems like that may be a clue, having the three of them in one column (Jake, Austin, and Reese). However, as previously stated, I have no idea what Reese's connection to the AIA's may be... the only thing I can come up with is this:
Whitney played a singer in a movie (The Bodyguard) and Reese was in Walk The Line as a singer. Halle was cheated on by Eric Benet and it's been said Ryan cheated on Reese. As for Britney, blonde white girl with two kids. I could be totally off but that's all I can come up with.

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Is Shafterella Shoshstein Jennifer Aniston? Love the column!
—Laura

Dear Spinster Mayer:
Fab guess, but S.S. isn't a current tabloid-filled charity case."

Anonymous said...

Just a thought for Christy Brinkley. The BV alias, Shafterella Shoshstein, IS awfully similar to Shoshanna Lonstein who was once engaged to Jerry Seinfeld. Seinfeld purchased Billy Joel's house on Long Island and BJ was married to Christy Brinkley. Also, Halle Berry's ex, Eric Benet, had a sex addiction like Christy's ex, Peter Cook.

pomme said...

too easy to be Reese,i says Tea Leony because she's "friend" with an ex-husband of Angelina Jolie and Duchovny is sex-addict!

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
One Sneaky Dame Blind Vice is so Jessica Simpson. Wasn't she with Bam and then the guy from Maroon 5 before the divorce was final?
—srm24

Dear Jumpin' on Jess:
Does Romo know all this? And no, the elder Simpson isn't Shafterella Shoshstein. Think less buxom. "

Anonymous said...

sistah2, I was just using anon's own words of America's Sweetheart, which is a fair summary of Ted's comments that SS is dazzling, charming etc and that America cried for her.

I thought at first anon was actually saying they didn't buy Ryan as a male-slut, but Ted exaggerates so it could be possible. Re-reading, I saw that's not what they said, but were saying the clues about how loved SS is could be exaggerated so therefore could be Tea.

I was simply saying - if he could exaggerate this, why would 'male slut' rule out Ryan? By the same logic, Ted could exaggerate Ryan's affair with Abbie into 'male slut'.

But the exaggeration may be moot there anyway, as in today's blog he has basically called Ryan a slut :D.

Anonymous said...

^^^ actually, sorry, wasn't that anon who first used america's sweetheart here. and it doesn't have to literally mean that, it was just a shorthand way to sum up his dazzling, charming, talented clues, which is how that anon was using it too. i.e. that dazzling etc might be too strong for Tea, but ted might be exaggerating.

no he doesn't SAY how the big bucks are earned, but he's clearly pointing to it being something to do with keeping up an act, i.e. he can believe she kept up an act because after all that's what she gets the big bucks for. so it's either an actress, or someone who earned money from the tabloids for this.

and i just think "little babe" always made this sound like someone small, tall girls aren't usually spoken of like that. then the 'not statuesque' comment.

i'm sure there are guesses other than reese that could fit this, i just don't think anything eliminates reese yet, but think some clues eliminate some of the other guesses, especially tea and shania.

for those who think it has to be more recent, this is a sincere question not an argument - why, in your opinion, would the nots all be older break-ups?

my opinion is that if not a direct hint, then it at least says that timeframe is on the table.

and ted recently said not a current tabloid case, some of these are recent enough to still be getting current tabloid sympathy. so i see less reason to rule out reese than a very fresh break-up.

Anonymous said...

I agree that the AIAs are all breakups around the time Reese and Ryan broke up. That is the connection.

I Am Thinking said...

Somehow I can only think of 2 EX couples: Julia Roberts and Kiefer Sutherland; Sienna Miller and Jude Law.

sistah2 said...

I agree with you that yes, the clues do seem to point to Reese..but is Ryan P really crying in his beer 2-3 yrs later just now saying that she cheated? When he has moved on a long time ago? also - since Ted (supposedly ) never re-names his BV's are we to assume that Reese has never been a BV before and this is her debut - and she is now known as "SS"....we may never know because he never really reveals his bv's, unlike Lainey.

sistah2 said...

I just read the item again..I think it may (again) be Christie B..she was paid the "big bucks" by ET and other shows around the time of the divorce trial. -

Anonymous said...

Two more hints toward Reese in today's Bitch-Back. Hillary Swank is in the same "ballpark regarding talent."

----
Also this:

Dear Ted:
Due to the increasingly fickle nature of fans and pop culture, what do you think is the average shelf life of current Hollywood stars before they become irritating and annoying? A few years ago I enjoyed Reese Witherspoon in movies and now I can't stand her. Same goes for Jake Gyllenhaal and Will Ferrell. Do new up-and-coming movie stars even have a chance?
—Fred

Dear Worse With Age:
Who they screw often determines everything. I mean, if Will doesn't cheat on his wife soon with one of the Girls Next Door, he's a goner, fer sure.

----

Anonymous said...

sistah2, maybe it's the type of thing that keeps building up, especially with Reese still the golden girl in the press, so he's constantly reminded of the raw deal he got. I mean if this is true, he showed a lot of restraint not even hinting at anything Reese had done. That's hard to do when you've been wronged (and blamed), and hard to keep it in forever.

Maybe he just finally wanted to tell someone so confided in a stranger. And if he's starting to get a drinking problem, like it sounds in the blind, he might be getting more loose-lipped. It's not unusual for someone wasted and miserable to go on and on about everything that's pissed them off in their lifetime!

My prob with the Christie B. theory is I think that would have come out during the courtcase. And ex-hubby would be all over the TV telling EVERYONE.

Anonymous said...

Wasn't Peter Cook recently on TV talking about how it's Christie's fault? Nothing though about other men but then this could be part of the cover-up.

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
I think Hilary Swank is Shafterella Shoshstein from One Sneaky Dame Blind Vice. Chad Lowe totally took the tabloid fall for that one. Is it the Swankster, or am I at least in the ballpark?
—Squiddly

Dear Swing and a Miss:
You're in the ballpark regarding talent."

kivisara88 said...

So Reese Witherspoon. The public is blinded from her manipulative catty ways thanks to a great publicist and being one of(or maybe THE) most highly paid actresses in Hollywood. She's a bitch, coming from firsthand sources.

To think I once adored her back in the Legally Blonde days, too.

sistah2 said...

ok guys you have me almost convinced. IF SS is in the ballpark talent -wise with H Swank, it could be Reese...and that would rule out Christie B.
yea, unless someone has another great guess it looks like RW.
I have to say I think Ted re-names the BV's tho. I find it hard to believe he doesn't...anyone else?

Karen Dew. said...

I would have put my guess on Sienna Miller. Jude cheated on her with that nanny, everyone felt sorry for her but she's just as bad as him, even worse imo. And she's also a designer.
She was considered as talented a couple of years ago. But they're both British .. Reese is a good guess, she is the actress that gets paid the most, hence the 'They don't pay ya the big bucks for nothin' quote. Do love her though.

Anonymous said...

As if we needed more proof...Ted sure is being brazen lately. Check out this new article. Sounds like our girl:
As is if we needed another conniving, manipulative, rather good-looking gal operator in town, but mercy above, do we ever have one! Freshly graduated from the Angelina Jolie School of Shark-Swimming Without Scratches is...ta-da, Reese Witherspoon!

Watch her rewrite marital history! Watch her bed the most unbeddable bachelors in town! Oh, and if these magazine confessionals where Ms. W says the fact that she's "too trusting" is her greatest flaw isn't enough, now we've got all of America buying this nonsense, as Four Christmases' massive success is proof.

But look, this is a double-edged Pisser for me, really, as I happen to adore Ms. W, and not just because she likes to call me "Mr. Casablanca." So does Bill O'Reilly. Those good manners often reveal steely and dangerous aplomb deep down below, surely as it does with no one better than the Tennessee-raised barracuda herself.

R.W. beams while her myriad representatives take care of the dirty work in town, trust me on this score. I'm almost starting to admire Angelina, by comparison. At least she scowls on the outside when she's feeling it on the inside, something ladylike Witherspoon would do about as fast as she'd invite Abbie Cornish for tea.

sistah2 said...

ok, so if this is Reese, my next question is the obvious: who did she cheat on Ryan with? She does not seem the type to have a fling with a nobody. She'd go for someone famous. So who was it then?

Hilina said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

sistah, i think joaquin phoenix

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Reese Witherspoon is the Stuart Smalley of Hollywood. She's good enough, she's smart enough and doggonit, people like her! So unlike people like Robert Downey Jr. who crashed, burned and then came back, wouldn't a scandal ruin her? Why then, would she agree to be a beard or to sleep around...both of which you've inferred she's done? What gives?
—Patricia

Dear Withering Away:
Just like you said, Reese is one smart babe. Everything she does is with a purpose, trust."

-- I think this is a hint about this BV that he posted this letter about Reese sleeping around.

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Have been reading for years, and just love ya! I am wondering, does Toothy Tile's beard have a nickname? Is she a past Blind Vice? Thanks!
—NMHutcheson

Dear Mrs. Tooth:
Of course."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
I've been laid up lately with what I suspect is the pig flu, or whatever alpha/numerical name they're calling it now. After the awful symptoms start to abate, one is left with no energy to do much more than surf the Internet. So I started to read old Ted columns, some way back. So what do I find? A little one-liner addressed to Ryan Phillippe right after his separation from Reese: "Don't even bother lookin', Ry, they don't come any better than Reese!" Now, I've been reading you for almost a year, and you seem to have changed your tune about the wonders of Reese. Just when did this epiphany take place? And why?
—Patricia

Dear Archiver:
People change over time. Reese did. And so did my opinion of her."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Has Reese Witherspoon ever worked with Nevis Devine?
—Jennifer

Dear Reese-spicous:
Nope. She has worked with other Blind Vice subjects...and been one herself!"

blurry vice said...

"Dear Awful Truth:
I have a suggestion to properly name the Austin Nichols/Robert Buckley bromance. Robstin gets too confused with Robsten, so how about renaming them Robin? If we are going to hear a lot about this hot pair, then we'll have to have them properly identified. Is Sophia Bush Shafterella Shoshstein?
—Celine

Dear Done With One:
To be honest, I don't anticipate us ever talking about Austin/Rob again beyond a Bitch-Back or two—fellas just don't have much of a gossip-worthy shelf life, methinks. And no, Soph isn't nearly on the same level of stardom as S2, but she is just as sweet looking."

blurry vice said...

Reese made it to the Blind Vice Superstar Gallery - here is the hint:

"
Reese Witherspoon

Crafty Reese is all southern accent and blonde girlie charm, but deep down inside, you know this petite babe who originally wrangled rough stud Ryan Phillippe has what it takes to get what she wants and fool the rest.
"

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
I think you said that Toothy's now-ex "GF" had been in a bearding situation before. Does that refer to her most famous ex? Also, have you noticed how horrible Brangelina look? They were both so good-looking a few years ago, but now they look like homeless drug addicts!
—Andrea

Dear Heavy Bearden:
You know what I like to say: once a beard, always a beard. And speaking of beards, with Brad's scraggly ass facial hair gone awry (and Angelina's withered sour pout to match), it's hard to miss the once dynamic duo's...radical change."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
This is kind of random. But did Joaquin Phoenix and Reese Witherspoon have anything going on during filming of Walk the Line? There were several reports of Joaquin having a crush on her. And they seemed to get along and their chemistry was insane in the movie and during promo. So, anything?
—F

Dear Random Reese:
Nada. But Reese does love the buzz she generates with basically any eligible man in H'wood. And Joaquin can only improve his weird rep by being connected to America's Sweetheart, so they both come out as winners from this rumor."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Back to the Shafterella Shostein Blind Vice, how would you describe Shafterella's preferences? Gay or Bi? A corollary to this question is when did her ex-husband find about her activities which involved sweaty thighs and short skirts?
—CATS

Dear Vintage Vice:
Don't think her ex-hubby minded it all that much. They both tend to go the Bi-Bi-Bi route. Tres chic!"

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Is Shafterella Shoshstein Demi Lovato?
—A

Dear No, No, No:
Demi is not even close to as evil as Shafty. But maybe she should take some pointers? It definitely helped S.S. become a star."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Recently, you posted a B.V. on Shafterella Shoshstein. Could this person possibly be Blake Lively?
—Chach

Dear Gossip Guess:
Nope. She's way too young to be the Shaftress. Not to mention nice(r)."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Is Shafterella Shoshstein Amanda Seyfried?
—Escargo

Dear Mamma Mia:
Nope. Shafty is older and not as wide-eyed and fresh-faced."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Is Shafterella Shoshstein Kristen Stewart?
—Blue

Dear Stewstein:
Luckily, no. Kristen's like Dakota Fanning compared to this chick, age-wise."

Do people not read these?

Lindsay Callahan said...

I think Ted was implying Reese slept her way to the top.

Linz said...

I think Ted was implying Reese slept her way to the top.

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