Blind Vice: Double Devious Doings!
Oh, what a tangled website we weave, when at first we practice to deceive. That's what one of those crusty writer guys said, right?
OK, maybe not exactly, but conniving, breasty Harriet Talons sure had that in mind when she backstabbed so many people on her current hit show, her own network's New York website is currently weighing whether or not to write a scathing exposé on Harriet's behind-the-scenes shenanigans—they're that damn impressive.
Back in Hollywood, but equally as stealth—and to far more sexy results—would be an Oscar-nominated star's party behavior. Want to hear what Freddie Friction picked up along with his cocktail?
A date!
And it's weird on so many levels: Just like Harriet, who tells the world constantly (mostly in women's magazines) how down-to-earth and shy and humble she is, Jeremy's been busy spinning a similar ersatz media presence. For instance, he often talks about how "straight" he is. Like, a lot.
Isn't it fascinating how very unlike Crescent Cumquat and Topher Hairy-Tuchus—who often depend on extravagant online shenanigans to hook up with guys they fancy—Freddie is. He just asked a guy home at a recent N.Y. party! Right in front of everybody!
And even though the party dude who Freddie asked back to his place was completely shocked, he did manage to say yes, in case you were wondering.
Yeah, maybe it was kinda stupid for Freddie (who we hear is a tad on the old-fashioned side) to let this all go down in the open, but hey, makes more sense than Craigslist, huh? Less of a trail…
I think Freddie's gonna be a crafty one, just like Harriet. In fact, I'm sure of it!
AND IT AIN'T: Felicity Huffman and Chord Overstreet, Joan Rivers and Zac Efron, Betty White and Robert Pattinson
Showing posts with label Teri Hatcher. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Teri Hatcher. Show all posts
Friday, May 11, 2012
Blind Vice: Double Devious Doings!
New from Ted today... kickin' it old school with two random Vices in one -
Saturday, April 14, 2012
Blind Vice! Will Harriet Talons Ever Work Again?
New from Ted yesterday April 13 -
Blind Vice! Will Harriet Talons Ever Work Again?
You certainly all remember Harriet Talons, right? Our Blind Vice maven was just inducted into monikered infamy and is already back for another round of d-r-a-m-a. Would you expect anything less from someone wanted killed off her own show?
Well, apparently, horrible Harriet isn't as confident in her job security as we think she should be, because the boob-tube broad has been secretly trying to book another gig...ya know, just in case!
Apparently Harriet is supremely nervous about her future—or so say people within her camp.
While we already told you Ms. Talons probably won't be canned from her juicy hit series anytime soon (or ever), she has caught whiff of the hostility directed her way and is worried that sooner or later her attitude may lead to her demise.
Hey, we're just shocked she had enough self-awareness to realize everyone thought her stuff actually did stink.
But instead of, we don't know, simply being nicer to her costars and hard-working crew, or being less of a diva at the office (that would make far too much sense), H.T. has been aggressively pushing her agents to find other work.
That way she'll stay one step ahead of any potential firing. We told you she was a crafty devil, didn't we?
Here's the thing: She can't find any jobs!
You might think producers would be eager beavers to book the seemingly so talented Harriet for their gig, but her pushy reputation precedes her. And no one wants to have Harriet's talons unleashed on their set, heaven forbid!
But really, can you blame them?!
AND IT AIN'T: Naya Rivera, Eva Longoria, Kristin Bauer
Saturday, March 31, 2012
Blind Vice! TV Crew Wants Demanding Diva Killed Off!
New BV from Ted yesterday, Friday March 30 -
Blind Vice! TV Crew Wants Demanding Diva Killed Off!
Are you all ready for some end-of-the-week coworker catfighting?!
Have you ever despised another employee so dearly that you hoped against hope that one day they'd be canned, allowing you to lay claim to their cubicle and freeing you from the burden of their watercooler blabber?
Meet Harriet Talons—and rest easy knowing she won't be occupying your office anytime soon. She's a popular boob-tube babe on one of those hit series that's always being talked about…which would so not be the case if her coworkers had a say in it:
Because they want her character killed.
Dead. Six feet under. Never to be heard from again. And they want Harriet banished from set, thrown out on her perfectly toned toosh to fend for herself in cold, cruel Hollywood. Yep, Harriet's entire crew wants her fired.
And badly.
In fact, it's all pretty much anyone ever talks about anymore. The problem is, Ms. Talon's safety is all but secured—while another character's life hangs in the balance, Harriet knows her onscreen alter ego won't bite it anytime soon.
Probably not ever, actually.
Sorry, crew folk, looks like the wrath of Harriet will live on. I would normally suggest the people who truly despise her quit…but then there'd be no one left to work on the show (and some of H.T.'s castmates are pretty sweet, I wouldn't want them to be punished).
If it makes you feel better, know that it's not just at work that she's a total nightmare.
Heck, even Harriet's neighbor—who's a big-screen heartthrob as well as a juicy Vice star—can't stand the chick. Maybe it's because she's always begging for him to date her, which, FYI, he wouldn't do in a billion years.
AND IT AIN'T: Ellen Pompeo, Emily VanCamp, Jessica Lange
Monday, March 17, 2008
More Toothy Tile hints from Ted 3/17/08
From today's Awful Truth:
Jakey Blue Eyes finally shaved his babyface of that in-mourning scruff—hope the babe's feelin' better, we don't want those pearly whites to be hidden forever. J.G. also was slightly limping. I suspect it's all that cavorting around cafés with Reese that's taking a toll on this typically tight-lipped, low-key lad. He trotted off in a Toyota Camry, proof that this unobnoxious stud likes to keep his presence truly private and out of People spreads. Wonder what changed his clandestine ways...maybe love? Hardly.
...He also outs Teri Hatcher as Death Mint Myrtle. Disappointing, predictable. Very recent pics of her really didn't look that bad to me.
Jakey Blue Eyes finally shaved his babyface of that in-mourning scruff—hope the babe's feelin' better, we don't want those pearly whites to be hidden forever. J.G. also was slightly limping. I suspect it's all that cavorting around cafés with Reese that's taking a toll on this typically tight-lipped, low-key lad. He trotted off in a Toyota Camry, proof that this unobnoxious stud likes to keep his presence truly private and out of People spreads. Wonder what changed his clandestine ways...maybe love? Hardly.
...He also outs Teri Hatcher as Death Mint Myrtle. Disappointing, predictable. Very recent pics of her really didn't look that bad to me.
Thursday, February 14, 2008
One Wasted Waist Blind Vice
From the Awful Truth Feb 14:First Lead-in:
Snits Stink
Oh, merde, in today's frightening appearance Blind Vice, which middle-aged hon is makin' 'em weep in H-town (it ain't me).
Second Lead-in:
Eat My Morass
Uh-oh, have Death-Mint Myrtle's hideous dieting ways gotten her into a prime-time sitch that's causing her hit show's worker bees an alarming amount of cover-up time? Certainly seems so, check it out in this week's Blind Vice, calorie counters!
One Wasted Waist Blind Vice
Death-Mint Myrtle is the successful star of small and big screen. But it’s her addicting show, At Home with Hate, that—even though some jealous bitches say is past its prime, à la DMM—it’s really put Deathy back on the glossier maps. Hate is still a ratings force to be reckoned with on prime time, no BS. Now, Death-Mint might be enjoying the spotlight, but she’s still got a slew of secrets up her size-zero sleeves that are slowly slipping out. This actress’ apparently hideous eating habits are getting to be such a prob, not only for her feeble frame but for her fellow coworkers on the hit show.
See, the crew is quite inconvenienced whenever DMM has a scene, since it takes an extralong time to stage the camera angles just so—so that Ms. Myrtle’s obvious dubious health isn’t so noticeable to the naive TV viewer at home. “We have to make it look like she actually has a chest, sometimes,” bitched one totally in the know Hate worker-bee, and he wasn’t talkin’ boobs, honey-pies.
Howev, Myrtle might be battling an unfortunate mastication sitch, along with some unfair double standards. Despite her skinny skeleton, our girl’s handling the aging process quite well—offscreen. But in TV land, normal lifelines don’t fly. Wrinkles and creases in Myrtle’s forehead, due to her wilting frame, are blurred out in postprod of the show, since makeup sure can’t cover every little unwanted bit. The question to ponder is why the show’s producers are even trying so hard, when DMM is always being upstaged by her cuter costars.
Oh, of course, guess they like the tension on camera. What a doofus question. Forget we asked.
AND IT AIN'T: Joely Fisher, Mariska Hargitay, Tina Fey
Oh... right away I am thinking of the Desperate Housewives ladies. Discussion in comments!
UPDATE 3/18: Ted has revealed this to be TERI HATCHER. Just as we guessed originally, but we thought it was too predictable!
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