Lainey - She's A Piece of Work

She’s a piece of work

Written by Sarah
There’s one in every family. The in-law no one likes. They manage to find a way to bring down every family holiday and gathering, provoking fights, hurt feelings, and general awkwardness. You stare at the brother/sister/cousin/aunt, or maybe even parent, who introduced this unpleasant individual into your clan and think, Were you high when you proposed?  For this family, their “piece of work” is a loud-mouthed, famous blonde who insists on smoking at the table during family gatherings (the family patriarch is very health conscious--this is not a smoking-tolerant family). At first, they didn’t mind her so much, sold on her bright smile and seemingly pleasant manner. But as soon as her public trouble was smoothed over, her real personality started coming out. Now, her constant cursing and insistence on injecting herself into the middle of everything is rubbing everyone the wrong way. When friends of the family visited they were shocked by her behavior and attitude. The family was like, yeah, welcome to our world.  But what really irks them is her habit of emasculating their son--not only in front of them, but in the press, too. Things have gotten so bad that they’ll tell anyone they wish their son would leave her, wondering why he still puts up with her, going so far as to say they’d “lobotomize” him to make him forget her.

Top suspect: Katherine Heigl

Lainey- CheapAssNess Blind Riddle

New from Lainey today:

CheapAssNess

Tori Spelling says that everybody hates her from 90210. No doubt. But more people probably hate this other bitch who has virtually alienated all of her former costars and is widely known to be a pain in the ass but for some reason enjoys a popularity and a paycheque usually reserved for much more accomplished actors. So she’s rich now, yes, but that doesn’t mean she’s generous. And she’ll gouge you while she can, so aggressively that she was reprimanded by executives recently for trying to wrangle cash money out of the budget to pay for her hotel suites. Not an expense account, but straight up CASH. Apparently she was so belligerent about getting a free ride, and using her free ride cash money in other shady ways, so relentless with the demands, the people on the receiving end were emotional wrecks by the end of her tantrum. This was abuse. But there’s a history here: she’s already been rejected by her former bosses for insisting that they contribute to the furnishing of her personal residence and for inexplicably requesting that they cover the cost of her mother’s car. Every time they said no, she would call it an injustice, adding to a long list of perceived injustices that she claims affected her performance. People have been trying and trying to excuse her f-ckery. There is no excuse. She is not kind, she is not gracious, and she is cheap as sh-t.

Top guess - Katherine Heigl