Blind Vice: Hall of Fame Party This Weekend!

New from Ted yesterday -

Blind Vice: Hall of Fame Party This Weekend!

They'll all be there! Well, almost all: Fake à la Ferocity, Topher Hairy-Tuchus, Charlotte "Chuck" Finger-Dingle and even one of my personal oldie-faves, Trent Spent!
What fun the Academy Awards will be, after all (since we all pretty much know who's going to take home gold, right?), sniffing out all that award-winning private Hollywood Vicing:
Let's see, here are a few things to look out for while you're so busy judging (and cheering!) what everybody's wearing.
Take note:

• Fake à la Ferocity has not completely gotten off the synthetic heroin she gets prescribed to her by various fancy doctors round town, but she is indulging less than she used to. I guess that's progress, right? Absolutely! Her head's in the right place—and direction—and her family's way happy about this news, trust.

• Topher Hairy-Tuchus, after much finger-pointing and bitching from his peeps, has pretty much given up online hooking up. Just not entirely. And between you and mean and a million other folks, let's just say Fake à la, above, stands a much better chance of ultimately cleaning the Vice outta her life than does our eternally horny Topher. Poor thing (or not).

• Trent Spent sold his Vice soul to the domestic devil years ago—news that saddens us every day. After all, nobody had more naughty and mischievous sexual potential than the gorgeous, often insecure bisexual star. But then he met his match and got all cleaned up, dammit! Total waste for everybody except his Trent's lucky S-O-B S.O., ‘course.

• Chuck Finger-Dingle is in so many ways the new Fake à la Ferocity. Bitchy and bossy for days, more talent than she really knows what to do with—and a completely equal-opportunity sexual ladder climber. Only thing is, most likely Chuck's going to keep treating her conquests like the crap she so often does and we see a major, major backfiring in the babe's life sooner than later—and we don't just mean professionally.

• Oh, and guess what? Fey Oiled-Tush will also be on hand for the super-exciting Oscar Sunday, cannot wait. But the thing is, Fey, who's so busy reheating his career, has gotten overwhelmingly caught up in the A-list projects he's totally busy with that he's completely forgotten that we'd all prefer to be gossiping about his kinky-on-the-floor activities. So don't forget to have some fun with all that podium banter you've been so busy with lately, Fey!

All work and no same-sex play a boring movie star makes!
And They Ain't: Nicole Kidman, Jennifer Lawrence, George Clooney

Good stuff, Ted! Great mashup of classics from the past.

Newbies, please use the label below for a link to our posts on the previous BVs about each name, including a full discussion and lists of who has been eliminated for each.


Top suspects:
Fake-a-la Ferocity: Angelina Jolie
Trent Spent: Brad Pitt
Fey Oiled Tush: Tom Cruise 
Chuck Finger Dingle - ?
Topher Hairy Tuchus - ?

Blind Vice! Dark Secret Could Ruin Fey Oiled-Tush

This was new from ted yesterday - Tue Feb 22:

Blind Vice: Dark Secret Could Ruin Fey Oiled-Tush


Oh, Fey Oiled-Tush! How the mighty have fallen, and may fall even further down the carnivorous Hollywood food chain.
Last time we checked in with this married mega celebrity, he was mucho nervous, afraid his boy-on-boy mile-high club antics were going to be exposed by his pilot, whom Tushy treated with zero respect.
Well, if that wasn't bad enough...
We hear a major, major scandal is about to come seeping through the tabloids that will bring Fey—and his reputation he's tried so hard to keep in tact—down.
Fey Oiled-Tush has tons of secrets, like getting it on with dude after dude, but this particular skeleton in his well-guarded attic is nevertheless on the verge of being exposed. And it's something that's, uh, a little more complicated than simply being a good-looking closet-case in Hollywood.
See, some folks Oiled-Tush has gotten involved with behind the scenes are very bad people (even by Tinseltown standards, which is saying quite a lot). If those Fey's consorted with decide to air their dirty laundry on Fey, the onetime stud could quite practically be run right out of the business.
And Fey's lawful beard and family will all be hurt, no doubt about it, and he can kiss his career adios.
Despite this looming scenario, FOT finally booked himself a potential movie that could revive his career. But if this scandal comes out before its release date, the movie will be shelved—or at the very least, crushed (same difference). No family will go see this leading man in said blockbuster.
"I've never seen him so nervous," dishes our insider close to Fey, who very well knows what is at stake if these extra-dirty little secrets come out. "He knows that if this movie gets killed, he will never work in this town again." And Fey's nervousness is hardly without reason—as he's been told by his shady biz partners they aren't shy about leaking certain bits of damaging info they have on the dude.
Wonder what the darling wifey will do if all this threatened exposing comes to be? Certainly she won't want to stick around to be dragged down with him. Wife still has to have some brains, right?
And It Ain't: Kevin Bacon, Kevin Jonas, Marc Anthony

Please see the label below for our other posts on the previous FOT BVs, including a full list of who has been eliminated.

Top suspect: Tom Cruise

Blind Vice: Cockpit Rockin' With Boys and Paranoia!

From Ted yesterday 1-22-10:

Blind Vice: Cockpit Rockin' With Boys and Paranoia!

We haven't heard much about Fey Oiled-Tush since he dripped (not enough) jewels all over Hollywood's leading vamp movie star. So thought you all might like to know what the closeted big-time celeb's been up to—besides getting it on with gorgeous young men up in his private plane, that is.
He's getting very nervous.
And no, not just because Fey's worried his myriad boy-lovers will squeal on him—they all have to sign confidentiality agreements, mind you—but because of Oiled-Tush's pilot. Yep, the guy who's seen it all, and how, is super pissed off...Can you guess why?
"It's not the boys," a source very close to the pilot revealed. "It's how he's being treated, which he thinks is really badly, and borderline unlawful."
Turns out that Mr. Tush's flier, who's straight, has no prob watching all the gay mile-high club stuff go down (or up, as it were). But he does very much mind how Fey's utterly controlling of his personal time, especially after they've all landed at various far-off locales. According to the pilot's tight pals, Oiled-Tush locks his employee in hotel rooms and uses surveillance mechanisms on him, so as to oversee his every move.
To say the flyin' dude—who's totally not into the celeb scene to begin with—is majorly creeped out by all this is an understatement. Indeed, the pilot's so damn alarmed by his boss's evil-eye behavior, he called his lawyer and threatened legal action, which he has begun.
Will Mr. Tush wise up and lighten up on the guy, maybe throw in a cool million as an apology, while he's at it?
He will if he's smart, that's for sure. 'Cause it was really stupid-o-la, to begin with, to even mess with a dude who had no intention of messing with your closeted ass, until you started treating him like a prisoner in some kind of James Bond movie.
And it ain't: Harrison Ford, Mike Myers, Tobey Maguire

Here is the link to the previous Fey-Oiled Tush BV from April 2008 including a full list of who has been eliminated.
* Top suspect: Tom Cruise after Ted's hint 4/7/10 (see comments under the April '08 BV)

One Bisexual Bejeweled Blind Vice

NEW BV from the Awful Truth

Lead-ins

The Hex files
The closeted megastar Fey Oiled-Tush just can’t get no gay icon satisfaction in Friday’s Blind Vice, hooray for homo-helping Hollywood!

Cheap TricksFor once, we've got a gay-friendly powerful figure in Hollywood who does not suffer closeted movie-star fools lightly—or inexpensively. It's not too often that Fey Oiled-Tush doesn’t get his spoiled, luxe-lovin’ way, but he sure as hell didn’t this time in Bel Air, in One Bisexual Bejeweled Blind Vice!

One Bisexual Bejeweled Blind Vice

Fey Oiled-Tush is a very rich man. He’s also a very desperate man, as so many celebrated Hollywood players ultimately are. After all, doesn’t success just beget the desire for more success—rather than satisfaction? Always. Just ask Michael Eisner, Mike Ovitz, Meg Ryan and assorted other colossal check cashers who once thought the green would never stop coming, only to see the influx dwindle considerably. But this Vice ain’t about power, it’s about fag-hag ass kissing, sorry.
Margarita Screwed-'Em-All is a reigning queen of Tinseltown. And even though she doesn’t go out much, she sure as hell did at one time—always with one of her myriad lovers/husbands/pets. (Paris was so not the first to make a pooch a photo-op accoutrement, Margarita beat her on that score ages ago.) Instead, M-babe stays home at her art-filled mansion (which is a little on the tacky side, I must say, unless you prefer brass deer next to your masterpieces and that sort of overpriced mishmash style). However, she loves to receive. Particularly the gays.
True, she’s doing it less nowadays, but still, a flaming fagola—along with fewer and fewer members of Screwed-Em’-All’s own fam—still makes it up past M.S.’s fancy gates. And Fey, utterly distraught by the current downturn of his previously magical movie touch and sorely needing a pick-me-up, was dying to be one of them recently. Don’t think FOT mentioned anything about bringing the wife-unit when he—and not one of his minions—rang up Margarita’s secretary to request an audience. “Get him to buy me those jewels I liked,” Ms. S barked, via her assistant, back to Fey, message being no rocks, no tush pecking.
So Mr. Oiled-Tush, armed with the location of the baubles that tickled Margarita so, actually went and picked out a piece from the overpriced jeweler. Had it delivered pronto to Margarita, who, after tearing open the box which contained a sweet little piece, screamed: “One! He only got me one?”
Indeed, Fey had made the lethal error of purchasing not an assortment of expensive sparklers for Margarita to choose from—but only one already-selected lonely little lovely. Not good. Result being, there was no audience.
And the gift was not returned, bitch you very much. Poor Fey. What will he do for his mood-altering now, I wonder? Start up with the boys again?

And it ain't: Will Smith, Chris Rock, Brendan Fraser

* Update: Here is the link to the more recent Fey Oiled-Tush BV from January 2010.


For Fey Oiled-Tush:
As of 5/14/11, Ted has eliminated Will Smith, Chris Rock, Brendan Fraser, Kevin Costner, Albert Brooks, Harrison Ford, Mike Myers, Tobey Maguire, Kevin Bacon, Kevin Jonas, Marc Anthony, Matt Damon, John Travolta, Jeremy Piven.
*Top suspect:  now Tom Cruise after Ted's hint on 4/7/10 (See comments).

For Margarita Screwed-'Em-All:
Top suspect: Elizabeth Taylor.
Update - on 3/24/11, Ted has revealed Elizabeth Taylor as Margarita Screwed-Em-All in this post.