Blind Vice: During Awards Season, the King Forgets His Queen Days

New BV from Ted today.  Schlong returns...

Blind Vice: During Awards Season, the King Forgets His Queen Days


Some dudes like Crotch Uh-Lastic and Toothy Tile, we really feel for. These are movie stars who truly do only like other guys, even though they also (just as much) want to be renowned film actors. So they play the game (well, Toothy does).
But then there's mischievous bisexual King Schlong, who can take boys—or go without them.
So, what's King's current sexual bent? And could the dog-eat-dog awards season have something to do with King's choice?
Girls, girls, girls and yes, yes, yes.

You see, truth be known, King's always fooled around with both sexes (as recently as this year, too!). But it's really not what drives King ultimately romantically—and certainly not come the career-defining months from Emmys to Oscars.
"That boy will no sooner go around boys when these awards are still out than Alec Baldwin will apologize to American Airlines," said one of King's myriad Biz colleagues, who knows full well that Schlong has long been a free spirit and doesn't want to be tied down to either sex, in any capacity.
But this maverick sensibility, we're told, is wholly heterosexually infused, at this time of the year because what King wants more than domestic happiness is...big ol' trophy-time recognition. "Like, bad," is how it was put to us.
Jeez. Kinda sounds like that old stereotype people are always applying to women only in this town, like, she slept her way to the top.
Apparently, King's desperately trying it out, too.
But will it work?
And It Ain't: Alex Pettyfer, Kellan Lutz, Alec Baldwin

Please refer to the label below for a link to our posts on the previous King Schlong BVs, including a full list of who has been eliminated.

Top suspect: still Leo. 

Blind Vice: King Schlong Is a Texter Molester Behind His Girlfriend's Back

Happy 4th of July weekend!  Here was Ted's new BV yesterday -

Blind Vice: King Schlong Is a Texter Molester Behind His Girlfriend's Back

King Schlong is at it again, folks.
Same old cheating crap, new gorgeous gal-pal getting duped by his charming ways.
See, K.S. swapped one chick for another (as he does so often), but this time he actually seemed to be into his gal of the moment. And stupidly, we thought the King may have turned over a new leaf for a hot second there. But turns out this Hollywood playboy can't change his spots.
Like at all...
‘Cause the gal this dude is publicly romancing ain't the only chick he's getting down and dirty with.
We hear firsthand that the Schlong is not only wooing the ladies while his sorta-GF is out of town working on some swanky project or another, but he is texting numerous girls even when they're in the same city!
At a recent dinner in Los Angeles, a buxom brunette model (totally King's type) couldn't get her plastic-surgery-perfected nose out of her smart phone, where she spent the evening swapping skanky texts with the super schlong and giggling at everything he sent her.
Totally déjà vu, huh? Doesn't King know that no one in this town keeps their trap shut?
Turns out the two have been sexting since like forevs, but at least this gal knows she ain't the only lady on the side.
As the dark-haired beauty bragged to her dinner dates, "We talk all the time and hang out, but it's nothing serious."
Um, maybe someone should tell K.S.'s GF to take on a similar ‘tude?
AND IT AIN'T: Jason Statham, Kris Humphries, Michael Sheen

Please refer to our label below for a link to our previous King Schlong BVs.

Top suspect: Leonardo DiCaprio

Blind Vice: Sorry Girls, King Schlong Isn't All Yours

New from Ted 3/18/11 -

Blind Vice: Sorry Girls, King Schlong Isn't All Yours

Totally lovable (but totally slutty) King Schlong is a heartbreaker on so many levels, certain Hollywood women are now discovering. Not only has King stepped out on his current super-hot GF (many times), turns out he's also been rather adept at stepping out on the whole female race!
Here's what went down just this week:
Schlong's never been any good at keeping that extremely popular salami of his zipped up, this is a well-known, barely kept Hollywood secret. No surprise there.
But what was a shocker for one of King's avid, young and lusting female fans was the following:
Gorgeous Hollywood insider babe was talking to veteran Hollywood producer gal. "I just love King," she breathlessly confessed to the older woman, "and he's all man. That's what I love about him the most. Such a stud."
"Uh, honey," replied the more seasoned broad, who has worked with King in the past on one of his many A-list projects, "he's not exactly the man you think he is."
"What...what do you mean?" asked the younger T-town gal, who feared the worst (she considered), and pretty much got it.
"A few years ago, I walked in on King and [fellow A-list movie heartthrob], and they were just going at it in bed. So, look, he may be all man, but he doesn't mind sharing it with another man, get it?"
"No!" screamed the frightened woman, as if a man who sleeps with other men in Tinseltown is some kind of anomaly, far from it! "He's not...not gay, is he?"
"No, he's not gay gay," answered the producer-type, who was almost pitifully laughing at her dejected colleague. "But he sleeps with guys when he feels like it. Just don't think he's felt like in a while!"
The broken King fan was feeling a little better after hearing this news but, we gotta say we just don't get this hypocritical BS.
Why is it when women like Angelina Jolie say they've slept with other women, men think it's hot as hell, but when women hear it about men who have done the same with their own sex, they get all grossed out?
Totally sexist. Aren't women supposed to be the more evolved sex, anyway?
It Ain't: Chris O'Donnell, Christian Bale, Matthew McConaughey

See Labels for previous King Schlong Blind Item, including list of Ted's eliminations.
Top Suspect: Leo DiCaprio

Blind Vice: King Schlong Can't Keep It in His Pants

New from Ted -

Blind Vice: King Schlong Can't Keep It in His Pants



Oh King Schlong! How happy you're about to make many of your groupies all over the world, when they find out that high profile relationship you're in don't mean a thang.
See, King is king for a reason. He's charming, knows how to command a room, and is good looking in that yeah, I know I'm the s--t kind of way.
So, it only makes sense he found an equally yummy counterpart whom he has flaunted all over the world.
But does she know where her man's penis plays when she's away?
Lots of places, really, but one girl she might be super pissed about her man shagging is a well-known L.A. party chick who has bedded the likes of one Shafterella Shoshtein's boy bitches, Super Duper-Cooper, and the bisexual star who gave Crescent Kumquat herpes.
Don't you just love the one degree of Blind Vice separation in this town?
Anyhoo, party honey was pulling her phone out and showing all kinds of dirty texts that King Schlong was sending her while he was supposedly with his pretty babe.
"She's so stupid," quipped the preening slut about King's main gal. "He cheats on her all the time. But he's good in bed and hot, so I don't feel bad about it."
It's true, King Schlong has his moniker for a reason. He's quite royally equipped.
And it's only a matter of time before that gorgeous babe of his catches him putting his jewels where they don't belong—and calls it off.
Clearly, it's what the eternal bachelor is aiming for.
And It Ain't: Joel Madden, Kanye West, Johnny Depp

Update 3/24/12 - Ted has eliminated Joel Madden, Kanye West, Johnny Depp, Caleb Followhill, Prince William, George Clooney, Darren DeGallo, Jared Leto, Robert Pattinson, 50 Cent, Joe Jonas, Channing Tatum, Mark Wahlberg, P Diddy, Matthew McConaughey, Justin Timberlake, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Bruce Willis, Dwayne Johnson, Jon Hamm, Ryan Gosling, Alexander Skarsgard, Bradley Cooper, Christian Bale, Jason Statham, Kevin Connolly, Brad Pitt, Chris O'Donnell, Matthew McConaughey, Anderson Cooper, James Franco, Ryan Reynolds, Chris Pine, Ashton Kutcher, Tao Ruspoli, Morgan Freeman, Tom Hardy, Aaron Eckhart, Chord Overstreet, Taylor Lautner, Jamie Foxx, Alex Pettyfer, Kellan Lutz, Alec Baldwin, Jonah Hill, Michael Fassbender.

Clues: Not an athlete; has not done voice-over work; has been a side character in a BV before, but never a starring role until now.Was at the 2011 Academy Award ceremony. Think more movies than television.  Does not have kids.  Much younger than Morgan Freeman.

Top suspect -Leonardo DiCaprio (even though he has already been a BV "ages ago" per Ted in 2010. Yes... Ted says KS has been in a BV before, as a side character. He is now saying people can have two names. See our discussion in comments!)