Showing posts with label Pete Poked. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Pete Poked. Show all posts

Saturday, April 17, 2010

Vintage BV: Pete Poked, Charmaine Chuck-Up

Since Ted mentioned Pete Poked in his column recently, we're bringing back another one of his oldies...

One Reserved-Parking Blind Vice - Sept 7, 2006

Another Hollywood bustup. Boo-freakin'-hoo. Excuse me if I'm not exactly cryin' into my hanky. In this town, where relationships last about as long as lunchtime Botox sessions, peeps who manage to stay together are the real newsworthy ones, don't you all think? Anyhow, I never really thought Pete Poked and Charmaine Chuck-Up were such hot 'n' heavy lovebirds in the first place.

I mean, you can't place your Prius in a spot that's already taken, can you? 'Course not! Kinda like how Char-love couldn't possibly be the stylish ride of choice for Petey's daredevil desires, 'cause he's already had a serious shotgun boyfriend for quite sometime. Yes, that's right: Just like Toothy and so many of the friggin' rest of 'em, P2 likes the boys, not the girls--no matter how thin or pretty or pouty they may be.

I'm told this par-tick tight boyish twosome enjoys sportin' weekend jaunts to the mountains, where they can hit the slopes and canoodle by candlelight far, far away from those pesky papa-Nazis. Wonder if Charmaine recently found out about these little snowy va-cays and went berserk, hence their recent bustup?

Or maybe she knew about them all along and is just dumping him now that her face has become so gaunt, she can't even fake the fake no more? Note to snitty types: Eat! Or your emoting capabilities nosedive, as it were.

And it ain't: Jennifer Aniston/Vince Vaughn, Tori Spelling/Dean McDermott, or Jessica Simpson/John Mayer


Also eliminated - Tobey Maguire, Charlize Theron/Stuart Townsend, Joel Madden/Hillary Duff

Top suspects - Orlando Bloom/Kate Bosworth, Jude Law/Sienna Miller, Leonardo DiCaprio, Gisele Bundchen

Here is the other vintage BV in which Pete Poked is mentioned.

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Vintage Ted - Trent Spent, Divella Sniffella, Pete Poked

OK here are two BV's about Trent Spent. These were also suspected to be about Brad Pitt, and there are two of them which fits with what Ted said today.
 (Divella Sniffella = Jennifer Ansiton? See comments for discussion on how Ted has contradicted himself on whether or not she is a BV.)

One Luxurious Blind Vice - April 2005

BRAD PITT 24X36 COLOR POSTER PRINTFor those of you out there who are sick of the same-sex Vices, hey, just write me an extra-vitriolic email (I can take it) and wait for next week's installment, 'kay? Otherwise, read room-service-ready on.

Trent Spent is rich as he is horny. He's also as talented as he is successful in love. T.S. recently busted up with his significant other, Divella Sniffella, a heterosexual woman who was tired of dealing with Trent's sexual preferences, which didn't always happen to include her.

Funny. While Spent's friends are busy amongst themselves with gossipy gab trying to figure out just which babely honey has replaced Divella, Trent's been down south laughing at them all.

No, not down in Mexico. Not that far. Maybe halfway or so. At a luxury spot frequented by stars who like to let it all hang out--and then some.

You see, this red-hot enclave has developed such a reputation for protecting the percolating peccadilloes of movie stars that those salty celebs have become something close to lax once they arrive. Like, maybe, for ince, Trent not hiding the fact that he regularly romps around on those down duvets with other dudes. Down, boys! Those delish manly meetings are makin' the maids talk. A lot!


And it ain't: George Clooney, John Stamos, Jamie Foxx


Also this one

One Secret Suck-Face Blind Vice - June 2005

Trent Spent should stop by to the following friskiness (as he likes a roll in the homo hay, from time to time), but alas, word might get out that he's not actually as
superhetero as the box-office-supporting public likes to think. Bummer.

Because these private get-downs up in the Hollywood Hills are becoming the place to hitch a ride on the same-sex bus to bonk heaven! Translation: orgies. For men only. Got it, Gracie? Good. Get out a couple of Trojans and trudge on:

Up until recently, these semi-private poof-poundings have been harder to get into than Katie Holmes' privates. But that appears to be changing, as certain regular guests (all of whom must be big-ish in the Biz, to insure privacy) have begun inviting lesser mortals.

Pete Poked is not happy to learn of these dangerous circumstances. As he and those of his in front of the camera have far more to lose--should the newbie commoners run screaming about their sweaty discoveries.
And it ain't: Harrison Ford & Josh Brolin, Will Smith & Josh Hartnett, Paul Newman & Josh Lucas


More people eliminated as Trent Spent were: Charlie Sheen, Tom Cruise, Usher, Colin Farrell, Josh Duhamel.

For Divella Sniffella, the only people eliminated that we know were Naomi Campbell and Chilli from TLC.

Also for Pete Poked the following were also eliminated: Josh Duhamel, Tobey Maguire, Vince Vaughn, John Mayer, Dean McDermott, Stuart Townsend, Joel Madden.
Here is the other Pete Poked BV.


* Top suspects:
Pete Poked: Orlando Bloom, Leonardo DiCaprio
Trent Spent: Brad Pitt
Divella Sniffella: Jennifer Aniston

Comment with your thoughts... I think this is all too confusing.
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