Blind Vice: Cruella Drives Her Latest Man to Extremes!

New BV from Ted yesterday, August 5 -

Blind Vice: Cruella Drives Her Latest Man to Extremes!

Poor Marky Sweet-Puss. He's sweet no more.
But anybody who knows anything about Cruella St. Shackles, Marky's super-evil missus, knew that it was probably only a matter of time before Marky's aw-shucks demeanor bit the dust.
I mean, how can you possibly stay genuine and good-hearted with a woman who...
Is so anal she has her dietician/cook/slave place Post-Its on Tupperware containers of precooked meals in the fridge, each yellow note with the precise number of calories in each dish. And if a meal goes even one calorie over Cruella's trainer/workout partner/slave's suggested limit, then that kitchen is not a pretty place to be...for a long time.
So, imagine what it's like for Marky, who really was just a TV-dinner kinda guy before he hooked up with Cruella, in the bedroom with this exacting broad! Suffice it to say, it hasn't been easy. Nor in any other room of the house, for that matter.
As Marky's friend's put it: "He is so controlled by [Cruella], it's a wonder she lets him take a s--t."
And the sad result of all this totally brain-screwing domestic hovering is that Marky has begun losing his temper, both in front of Cruella, and not. Some folks are wrongly wondering if Sweet-Puss (who used to have a problem with drugs) isn't using again? Seems to always be on edge, ya know?
Hardly. It's all about being treated like a little husband/servant/roach at home. Fetching this, doing that, minding whatever—all for the insatiable, power-crazy St. Shackles.
"The temper thing's getting out of control," said one Sweet-Puss confidant. "I can only imagine what he's having to put up with."
Let's just hope Marky doesn't start using again and instead decides to ditch the doomed marriage first!
It Ain't: Nicole Richie, Vanessa Minnillo, Michelle Pfeiffer

Please refer to the label below for the link to the previous Marky Sweet Puss and Cruella St. Shackles BVs.

Top suspects: still Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban

Blind Vice: Who's Paying Cruella to Keep Quiet?

New from Ted today -

Blind Vice: Who's Paying Cruella to Keep Quiet?


In case you're all feeling sorry for poor Marky Sweet-Puss—the talented, put-upon husband to the notoriously demanding and overly controlling Cruella St. Shackles—well, don't stop. He needs all the help (and prayers) he can get.
But just wanted to let you all know that Marky's hardly the only man in Cruella's labyrinth-filled past of scheming personal vendettas and bossed-around men.
In fact, she's still getting paid off by...
Another magnificently rich (and just as ambitious) Blind Vice Superstar! Someone, say, somewhere between the ages of 33 and 49 and a half? Pretty good-looking dude, too. But, they had an awfully rough break-up.
So much so, Cruella, who's always looking to get a leg up—just as much as an extra buck or two—signed a deal with this handsome movie star for him to pay her for life. What for, you ask?
To not reveal any of this chiseled guy's deep secrets, which friends say, at this point, he's convinced even himself he doesn't have any more! The man is in such colossal denial, Toothy Tile would be impressed, we're certain!
And Cruella was counting on this stupid lack of introspection when she made her departure deal, once she and her ex broke up. She knew this would be a good little trust fund, if she just always kept her trap shut, which she always has. Consequently, Cruella, to this day, receives very nice checks with lotso zeroes. Every friggin' month.
Jeez. Must be nice. Get all the money you can from the last cuckolded dude while you're still taking it from the current one! Of course, Cruella knows it's a dirty two-way street, and that last lover of hers could also make life very uncomfortable for her. This is actually a stronger possibility than vice versa, but, don't think St. Shackles last man (who's actually damn lucky to be outta her life, and he knows it) has the gumption to pull it off right now, maybe later (let's hope).
Still, this woman Cruella should get an Oscar for the private performances she pulls.
Or, at least a mention in Forbes richest Hollywood heathens.
It Ain't: Angelina Jolie, Gwyneth Paltrow, Scarlett Johansson

Please see the labels below for our other posts on the previous Cruella and Marky BVs, including a full list of who has been eliminated.


Top suspects:  Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban

Superstar Ex: Tom Cruise

Bonus Blind: Cruella Lies to Save Her Evil Ass

New from Ted today -

Bonus Blind: Cruella Lies to Save Her Evil Ass


The older Cruella St. Shackles gets, the weirder this broad becomes. She's shocked Hollywood a number of times with erratic movie choices, her boobs, her venom, her dubious choice in men, hell, even her damn clothes constantly get attacked—or worshipped.
And, weirdly enough, Cruella's begun doing some of her best acting work in ages. Which is always a sign that her personal life is a disaster:
"She's busy telling the world how great her family life is," reveals a very-inside Cruella camper, "and, you can believe it's not."
Yep, while Cruella tells any media rag that'll listen how simple and homey her big-star life really is, just the opposite is true. The broad's kids are messes (in many regards), the husband's cheating and drugging again and the bitch is getting treated horribly by her own damn mother!
Jeez, we're starting to almost feel sorry for the tough old star, but, sorry, not quite.
And the surest sign that Cruella's close to cracking? In deciding how best to cope with her crapfest of a life (much of which she brought on herself by treating everyone within her reach like roach turds), C's decided the best method will be…beating everybody to the tabloid punch.
In other words, she knows former members of her team are threatening to not only write books about her, but, just rip her to shreds, period. She also knows it's only a matter of time before the media becomes more aware of her myriad lies, including the ones about her physical appearance.
So, bit by bit, Cruella has decided to start telling half-truths about her "truths." To the press.
They've already started to get out. But, we should tell Cruella she shouldn't have bothered.
It's only going to make things worse.
And It Ain't: Jennifer Lopez, Sharon Stone, Jada Pinkett Smith

This is the 5th Cruella St. Shackles Blind Vice.  Please see our label below for our other posts on the past Cruella/Marky BVs, including a full list of who has been eliminated.

Top suspect: Nicole Kidman

Blind Vice: Cruella Cashes in While Pawning Her Kids

Sorry for the delay gossip freaks.  Here's Ted's new BV from today:

Blind Vice: Cruella Cashes in While Pawning Her Kids


While Cruella was busy buying herself new boobs, two things happened: 1) She knew she'd never have to worry about the bill, and, 2) she knew it would help her in her life-long mission numero uno: to stay vital, sexy and—most importantly—ahead of the game in the press.
See, media coverage is so important to Cruella, she'll do anything to be portrayed as the sympathetic sexy muffin she most certainly ain't.
She's even stooped low enough to...
Barter her own children!
Yep, absolute fact: Cruella's offspring have not only complained that they will "go to the press" if they get used for any more press (mainly photo ops), but, the mom who makes Faye Dunaway in Mommie Dearest look like June Friggin' Cleaver also trades information on her kiddies out to journalists, just so they'll write nicer, more wholesome copy about her.
I'm sorry, but, maybe we could give a little breather to the outrage we all feel towards gay actors who intentionally lie about their sexuality, in order to get ahead. 'Cause whoring out your children (ya know, involving others in your hunger for stardom who arguably have no choice in the matter) is just as bad, if not far worse.
Oh, and if you're wondering why one of the many men in Cruella's storied life doesn't swoop in and do something about how she uses her kiddos like magazine-copy currency, well, let's say the one who's best able to (as he's got the deepest pockets and the most fame) is already pretty legally encumbered, and busy, as it is.
Getting those Titanic-sized monthly checks to Cruella is pretty much a Herculean effort in itself, you know. And, girlfriends, does she ever cash them—can't wait to see what St. Shackles' next set of knockers look like!

And It Ain't: Tatum O'Neal, Jada Pinkett Smith, Melanie Griffith

This is the 4th Cruella St. Shackles BV.  Here are the links to the previous Cruella Blind Vices:
The 1st, on 2/26/10 including a full list of who has been eliminated; alsothe 2nd 4/2/10 and the 3rd, more recent on 7/2/10.

Top suspect: Nicole Kidman

Blind Vice! Cruella Buys Boingier Boobs - Again

New from Ted today....

Blind Vice!  Cruella Buys Boingier Boobs - Again

Forget sex, drugs, and all the usual juicy tidbits that celebs work so hard to keep under wraps. These days a T-town tart's worst fear is that her on-call plastic surgeon will fess up to the nip 'n' tuck she hoped no one would notice.
But we weren't too shocked when we heard word that our (least) fave ice-queen Cruella St. Shackles has gone under the knife. So what did the über-bitchy broad get plumped, pinched, or prodded this time?
Her boobs, of course!
Seems nasty ol' Cruella has bigger worries than her loose-lipped employees. Like, say, gravity?
Cruella, who some would argue was a knockout in her heyday, was tres unhappy with her not-so-perky friends and called her trusty doc for boob job numero dos. Just FYI, she got her first set of around the time she married Marky Sweet-Puss (not that he was interested, really).
Way to come late to the big-tittie committee, Cruella! Aren't you getting a bit old to focus on your breasticles, especially since all your plastic-surgery peers are prepping to get their faces injected with the latest fountain-of-youth chemicals?
Or maybe that's exactly why Cruella went for the cleavage upgrade.
See, Cruella is no stranger to going under the knife—no matter how many times she may deny it. Let's say that if surgeons gave out "buy five, get one on the house" procedures, this plastic prima donna would be cashing in freebies quite a bit.
And she's starting to become a cautionary tale of Plastic Surgery Gone Wrong.
But now with her new and improved silicone sisters, Cruella probably thinks she may finally be able to divert some of the attention away from her messed-up mug. Uh, too late for that, sister.
Wondering where she got the cash to pay for all these "cosmetic enhancements"? That's a Vice so for another day, kiddies.
And It Ain't: Sarah Palin, Sarah Jessica Parker, Victoria Beckham

Here are the links to the two previous Cruella/Marky BVs - from Feb 2010 including a full list of who has been eliminated; and April 2010.  And here is the 4th, most recent BV from 7/23/10.

Top suspects: Cruella St. Shackles = Nicole Kidman;Marky Sweet-Puss = Keith Urban

Blind Vice: Cruella's Getting Nervous! (She Should)

From Ted yesterday 4/2-

Blind Vice: Cruella's Getting Nervous! (She Should)

Isn't is just awful when the once-loyal employees of overly demanding celebs decide to spill the dirt they're asked to keep quiet? Yes, just terrible. Not!
At least not for us, right? You bet, baby. And last time we checked in on Cruella St. Shackles, the poor broad was in a tizzy about what to do with her hubby's druggin' and dude-diggin' ways. And as if that's not enough to keep a celebrity housewife in a tizzy, now Cruella's got more to fret about:
Just as Angelina Jolie must contend with that former bodyguard reportedly spilling about what a bitch she really is (such the shocker, huh?), now Ms. St. Shackles is concerned that one (or more) of her underpaid and overworked staffers is going to blab, too. With good reason.
"She is horrible to people who work for her," seethed a source deep inside Camp Cruella. "And she's always threatening them with lawsuits if they talk."
Indeed, Marky Sweet-Puss' bossy other half asks that her employees sign confidentiality agreements, but we know how often people pay attention to those babies in this town. Not always, thank heaven. And we're told C.S. is trembling right now because she knows she's pushed the overbearing card way too far.
"She really is overdoing it with the diva behavior," blabs the Cruella know-it-all. "She's a monster."
Jeez, a heathen who makes Angelina Jolie look like a be-yotch wannabe, is that what we've got goin' on here?
"And how," came the reply.
Oh, mercy, mercy, these Mommie Dearest types are just like Jesse James and Tiger Woods. They think nobody will ever know.
How wrong they are.

It Ain't: Barack and Michelle Obama, Harrison Ford and Calista Flockhart, Sarah Michelle Gellar and Freddie Prinze Jr.

The link to the first Cruella and Marky BV from 2/26/10 is here including a full list of who has been eliminated.  The link to the third Cruella/Marky BV from 7/2/10 is here.  And the fourth, most recent from 7/23/10 is here.

* Top suspects: Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban

Blind Vice: Another Straight Star Bites the Dust

New from Ted today ...

Blind Vice: Another Straight Star Bites the Dust

Are there any straight straight people left in Hollywood? Apparently not.
Marky Sweet-Puss is a sweet enough dude, dog though he may have been at one time. He cleaned up his act a bit once he hooked up with chilly actress type Cruella St. Shackles, who miraculously started Marky off on a far more domesticated diet of monogamous sex and healthier living. Many a star watcher was amazed to see this go down, as—let's be honest—Cruella isn't exactly known for her conservative lifestyle. If the hinterland-types who watch her only knew half the hell-raising crap this broad creates in a mere 24 hours!
But this Vice is really more about Marky's shenanigans than Cruella's.
Here's what went down: Marky's very concerned pals brought to Cruella's attention the disturbing fact that Marky's personal assistant was preparing to go to the press, saying that he and Marky had...
...been getting it on pretty regularly. Probably would have been fun to watch, too, as Marky's not exactly hard to look at!
Horribly, the nasty-mouthed assistant was prepared to tell the press unless he was paid off. Pretty simple, everyday blackmail, which goes on in Hollywood a helluva lot more than women eating, I'll tell ya that much.
So, Cruella didn't know what the ef to do. She had suspected her hubby might have desires that way, but she'd never really talked about it, pretty much hoping it would go away. As if!
Cruella decided to bite the big one (not her hubby) and pay the damn bill. After all, she decided, she's been involved in other unseemly goings-down—as far as her career goes—so this wasn't exactly new dirty-works territory for her.
She just thought she'd never have to participate in that kind of crap in her personal life.
Funny, if you look at Cruella lately, you can tell something's just not right. Could it be that being blackmailed doesn't do anything for her complexion?

And it ain't: Eva Longoria Parker/Tony Parker, Robert Pattinson/Kristen Stewart, Josh Duhamel/Fergie

* As of 8/21/11: 

Eliminated for Cruella St. Shackles:  Eva Longoria Parker, Kristen Stewart, Fergie, Jennifer Garner, Melanie Griffith, Sarah Michelle Gellar, Courtney Cox Arquette, Michelle Obama, Calista Flockhart, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Rachael Ray, Sarah Palin, Sarah Jessica Parker, Victoria Beckham, Naomi Campbell, Joan Rivers, Tatum O'Neal, Jada Pinkett Smith, Reese Witherspoon, Renee Zellweger, Jennifer Lopez, Sharon Stone, Oprah Winfrey, Gwyneth Paltrow, Angelina Jolie, Scarlett Johansson, Demi Moore, Nicole Richie, Vanessa Minnillo, Michelle Pfeiffer, Sienna Miller.


Eliminated for Marky Sweet-Puss:  Tony Parker, Robert Pattinson, Josh Duhamel, Ben Affleck, Antonio Banderas, Freddie Prinze Jr., David Arquette, Barack Obama, Harrison Ford, Michael Douglas, Ryan Phillippe, Tom Sturridge, Ashton Kutcher
(also Todd Palin, Matthew Broderick, David Beckham, Will Smith, Antonio Banderas, Marc Anthony, Stedman Graham, Chris Martin, Brad Pitt, Nick Lachey, - eliminated by way of not being Cruella's spouse)

* Please refer to the labels below for links to the many more Cruella and Marky BVs.

* Top suspects: Nicole Kidman/Keith Urban