Blind Vice: Toothy Gets Slutty With Room Service

New from Ted yesterday -

Blind Vice: Toothy Gets Slutty With Room Service!


Do we have any Blind Vice couples with happy endings? Stealth Stud-Poof and his BF? Eh. Judas Jack-Off and Dashed Dingle-Dream? Definitely not.
So it was with naïve, battered hope we were all holding out for a Toothy Tile and Grey Goose's happy ending, right?
Don't think we're getting it:
Because even though put-upon Grey has looked the other way during Toothy's pastindiscretions this latest one's a little harder to stomach.
T2 had the nerve to not exactly discreetly hole up in a fancy hotel room recently with a coworker. From one of his movies, no less.
It did not go unnoticed by the posh inn's even more posh clientele.
This is a far cry from one of Toothy's back-alley pretty-boy quickies, and it's a situation Grey's finding it much harder to not let bug him.
We say why try? Isn't enough enough?
Come on, true love's one thing (especially when you have family together), but unending masochistic devotion's entirely another.
Grey, stop pretending you're Saint Suck-Up and completely move on, already.
AND IT AIN'T: Brandon Routh, Lenny Kravitz, Jon Hamm

Please refer to the link below for posts on our previous posts on Toothy Tile and Grey Goose, including complete lists of who has been eliminated for each. 
* HERE is our list of who Ted has eliminated as Toothy.

Top suspects:  
Toothy Tile = Jake Gyllenhaal  
Grey Goose = Austin Nichols

Blind Vice: Toothy Tile's Back to Dangerous Sex!

New from Ted yesterday...

Blind Vice: Toothy Tile's Back to Dangerous Sex!

It's really gotten to be one of the most vicious, Catch-22 romantic situations in Hollywood: poor Toothy Tile's love life. Last we heard, Tinseltown's most notoriously closeted actor last gave his fake-beard ways another whirl—and not in the classiest of ways, either.
Hmmm. Wonder if that chick-patrolling Toothy was up to could be a habit he picked up...
While cruising for guys in West Hollywood? In dark, public places? We think this just might be an affirmative assumption on our part!
Only because not only do old habits die hard (Toothy loves doing it anyplace except a bed, remember?), but it's clear Tooth's recently amped-up, PR chick-dating has made him hungrier than usual for his natural inclination: dudes.
Near the Sunset Strip, Tooth was recently standing not that far from a popular gay club. He was by himself, in the alley in between two darkly lit buildings. A super-cute guy a little younger than Mr. Tile walked by. The young brown-haired guy knew the drill: If he was interested, turn back around. Which he did.
Very nervously, he went up to Toothy, knowing exactly who he was. Toothy replied, "Hey."
"Hey," responded cute boy, barely audible. The wholesome-looking dude added, "How's...it going?"
"Great," said Toothy, who moved further back into the blackness of the alley, somewhere near the—gasp!—trash bins. He placed one hand on his growing crotch, which was not insignificant at this point.
Toothy's man-choice for the night reluctantly took one step toward Toothy, and then he stepped back. It wasn't so much that he had a boyfriend at home he was thinking about, but it was more so the faint smell of eau de refuse that was making him hesitate. He just couldn't go through with it.
He bolted, practically hitting himself the whole way home.
And yes, this really did happen. All 18 tales of our Toothy archives have indeed gone down. As it were.
And It Ain't: Matt Lanter, Ralph Fiennes, Joseph Fiennes

Top suspect: Jake Gyllenhaal 

Please see the Toothy Tile label below for links to previous Toothy BVs.  Here is our list of everyone who has been eliminated as Toothy.

Awful Truth's new Toothy Tile Archive!

Wow... eonline has finally done it.  They have created a Toothy Tile archive.    All of the Toothy Tile Blind Vices listed together, with a list of the AIAs.

The Perp: Toothy Tile
Primary Vice: Closeted actor
Blind Bio: A-List actor, prevalent in the tabloids but not so much Hollywood clubs. Has been deep in the closet for quite sometime, but at one point was going to come out until his team of conniving lettuce-eaters convinced him it was a career kiss of death. Has been in a serious relationship with Grey Goose and the two have a kid together, Baby Tile. Will Toothy ever come out?

Cool!  However, our list which can be found here has a more complete list of who has been eliminated as Toothy Tile.  We have also been including everyone Ted has eliminated in bitch-back question/answers over the years.

Still, this new Toothy archive is a great resource for the Blind Vice lover such as us.  Hopefully there will be more like it to come from the awful team in the future.  Thanks Ted!

Top suspect = Jake Gyllenhaal

Blind Vice: Toothy Tile Gets Fishy Again

Sorry for the delay.  Toothy is back in yesterday's new BV from Ted...

Blind Vice: Toothy Tile Gets Fishy Again

Uh, oh. Looks like our handsome, beloved, sexually confused Blind Vice stud Toothy Tile is back to taking bad advice from his short-sighted, money-grubbing handlers. 'Cause T2's again trying to make it appear as if he's actually into bedding women. So gross.
Remember the last time T.T. tried this heterosexual nonsense, bedding women? Poor Toothy had to rely on not Viagra, but the white, powdery stuff, instead.
Hmm. Wonder if Lindsay Lohan's little helper is what Tooth is relying on this time around:
Desperate Tooth, who hasn't exactly had an easy time of it at the box-office (or on the home front, for that matter), has taken to lurking around out-of-town strips clubs, leaving these sleazy joints with chicks. Wonder what he does when the babes finally get him home? Do they tell Toothy their favorite films from his mostly impressive film repertoire, just to excite him, once they discover he's not exactly rarin' to rip their panties off?
Probably.
Also, it's strange that this time around, Mr. Tile's opting to pull his ersatz straight-guy stuff outside of Hollywood. He knows perfectly well what he's been up to will eventually trickle back to T-Town. But it's almost as if Toothy's deciding as long as he's pullin' this fake babe-nailing crap outta town, it doesn't really count.
Or maybe it's that Toothy's put-upon partner (the male one) won't find out? Hey, gotta tip for ya, Tooth—it's doubtful Grey even cares anymore. He's over it.
Besides, Grey's learned from the best: he's on his own Toothy-like pretend romance that's beginning to make your past ones look like kid stuff.
And It Ain't: Justin Bieber, Jason Ritter, Alec Baldwin

See the label below for our other Toothy Tile posts.  We believe he is Jake Gyllenhaal.  And Grey Goose is Austin Nichols.

Blind Vice: Shafterella Shoshstein Strikes Again!

New form Ted today...

Blind Vice: Shafterella Shoshstein Strikes Again!


Be careful of a sweet young thing who looks supercute in a matching hair band:
As if ditching her poor PR boyfriend and leaving him out to dry wasn't conniving enough, it turns out sexually adventurous Blind Vice superstar Shafterella Shoshstein was selling out that cute romance partner of hers all along.
Shafterella had arranged to be her ex's publicity-only girlfriend (they were friends and both stars' agents thought it would be a good idea for their A-list careers), but planned all along to dump him. This would leave the world to wonder why the poor dude couldn't make a relationship with a woman work—and fuel gossip that he's gay.
Which, of course, he is, but that's beside the point.
How do we know S.S. had such an evil plan?
"She was with the boyfriend she's with now all along," says a source deep within the managerial machinations that put the two very beautiful stars in a relationship. "People think it just started after she broke up, but it didn't, the other guy was there all along—and they were very serious."
The dumped boyfriend, by the by, is furious with Shafterella for leaving him in a lurch. He knew people were suspecting his romance with Shoshstein was suspect to begin with, but when she reneged on their PR agreement to be romantically involved (for show), not only did she do it behind his back—and without warning—the dumpee had actually gone to great lengths to curb his own real-life love life, and to make the ersatz affair look as believable as possible.
Granted, this was one of the man's worst performances of his career, but let's put it this way: He's ultimately a nice guy and was doing his best to abide by the commitment he'd made to Shafterella, who was diddling somebody else off to the side the whole time, laughing and scheming all along.
Wonder when karma's gonna twist her little sweater set around her neck, already?
And what I want to know is why aren't there awards in this town for Best Fake Relationship?
Oh, forgot, there are: People magazine gives them out weekly.
And It Ain't: Miley Cyrus, Jessica Szohr, Michelle Williams

Top suspect: Still Reese Witherspoon.  And the ex-bf in question = Jake Gyllenhaal.  See our posts for Toothy Tile for more on that fake relaysh.  Her current bf = Jim Toth.



Links to the previous two Shafterella Shoshstein BV's are here - Oct 2008 including a full list of who has been eliminated, and July 2009.

Vintage BV: Toothy Tile

We finally have compiled the missing Toothy Tile blind vices!  Going back over 5 years here. Check the labels on the right side of your screen for many other, more recent Toothy Tile blind vices.  There's also a couple of other BV pseudonyms in these.  Discussion in the comments section on who those may be.
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One Adorable Blind Vice - March 9, 2005


Okay, sugar-muffins, the only reason this one's in the Vice section is because until quite recently, Toothy Tile was dating his superpopular, superannoyingly perfect girlfriend. Not boyfriend. Which, if you ask this old gossip whore, is the classification Tile would prefer his significant others be filed under in the very near future.

Mere days ago, while everyone was hooting and complaining about this gown and that host from the Oscars, Tile was right out in the open holding hands with his man in a West Hollywood restaurant--which shall remain nameless...because I love going there and they probably won't serve me anymore if I start outing their customers, ca-friggin'-peesh?

Not that I'd be outting anybody, anyway. Mr. Tile took care of that himself. Covertly, but he did it.

It was late in the afternoon; everybody had cleared out. Save Tile and his man-amigo, who extended his hands flat on the marble table (yes, that's a hint) until they were intertwined with Tile's. Massive smiles then appeared on both daring dudes.

Too sweet! And such a departure for this debauched department, doncha think? Don't worry, as sure as Tile's famous ex knew, deep down, way below her doable dimples, what Tile really wanted (hence, the breakup), next week, we'll be right back on salacious patrol, damn sure.

And it ain't: Tobey Maguire, Keanu Reeves, Jamie Foxx
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One Window-Fogged Blind Vice - March 23, 2005


This one's getting interesting.

Remember Toothy Tile from One Adorable Blind Vice? The sweet movie-star guy who was surreptitiously holding digits with his boyfriend at a West Hollywood restaurant? Well, he's at it again. Only, this time, more than digits are being utilized. At least the ones...never mind.

So, there T2 is with the stud-unit again. In the concrete parking structure of a very popular Hell-Ay shopping enclave. It was dark. Not too many shoppers were around.

Could this be why handsome Tooth (whose legs, I feel, have been vastly undersold, thanks to his mega-charming smile) saw fit to smooch his companion in their car, reclining their seats as far back as Faye Dunaway's forehead. And this kissing scene didn't simply occur in first, my dears. No, Tile brought the all-man, all-body Frenching session right on home, full throttle, all the way to fifth, I'd say.

Damn, that boy's a gusty speed racer.

And it ain't: Leonardo DiCaprio, Ben Affleck, Mark Wahlberg
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One Multimedia Blind Vice - May 26, 2005

OK, my dishin' darlings, Toothy Tile's back for a raunchy round three. Let's see, we've had T.T., a handsome boy, by far, hand-holding at restaurants, snogging his man-love in Hell-Ay's subterranean parking lots...What's next, an Oprah appearance with Toothy declaring his love for the good-lookin' b-f?
Close. Very close.
Word on the homo-connected nut-vine has it that Toothy's been in talks with an Oprah-esque mag (i.e., huge circulation, other media connections like TV networks) about coming out of the closet. Not as gay, but as...bisexual.
This, of course, would help explain T.T.'s past dating experience with lithe female movie stars. But (as is often the case with love) now he can't control the fact that he's in a major butterfly state with a dude (don't you hate it when that happens?).
At least, that's the plan—to be done with a queer writer for added politically correct synergy (some say for guaranteed taste, but I don't trust these reporters, regardless of their sexual orientation).
It'll be most interesting. Particularly when Mr. Tile's big-screen job makes a very sensual, boyish splash at the same time.
And it ain't: Tobey Maguire, Will Smith, Val Kilmer

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One Confused Blind Vice - July 27, 2005


Toothy Tile, the rising young male star who secretly likes boys, is creating quite the media sitch. Not only am I told by same-sex inside sources that Mr. T. is still speaking with media representatives about coming out of the closet (much to the dissatisfaction of T.T.'s ten-percent crowd), but poor T. is feeling a tad...pulled.

He really loves his old g-f. That much is very clear. Nevertheless, T.T. is not breaking up with his (largely unknown) boyfriend, even though Mr. T.--whose dimples nevertheless remain quite dreamy through all this suspenseful tsuris--is not quite sure what, exactly, to do about the ex-girlfriend.

What's a bisexual budding star to do?

Oh, probably what all the rest of 'em do: Stay right in the damn closet.

Care to prove me wrong, Tooth?

And it ain't Josh Duhamel, Josh Lucas, Benjamin McKenzie
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Two Bad Boys Blind Vice - August 11, 2005


Let's see, we've got Studly Seymour goin' down on some chick at the Viceroy in Santa Monica. Does that interest you? A little, you say? Well, it was quite impromptu, nothing planned (like in a bathroom stall or anything). Box-office deliverer S2 and his latest gal--for the moment, I assure you--just wanted to share a scream or 15 in the ballroom, that's all. So what if other folks crashed their sweaty party?

Toothy Tile, on the other orgasmic hand, does mind. Or maybe not? Hmmm.

As any reader of this filthy column knows damn well by now, our boy Tooth--much like Seymour, above--likes taking chances. He does it in the parking garages of Hell-Ay's more bourgeois shopping centers. On restaurant balconies--hell, wherever there's a chance of getting caught.


Just like he did last weekend. Parking lot right off the Strip. T.T. and his b-f (for whom, I'm told, Toothy has considered very heavily coming out of the proverbial media closet) were "hard-core" doing the diddly, say their concerned amigos.

Only problem was, a security cop called the real coppers, who hand-slapped T.T. something good. Alas, somebody's somebody called the head somebody at the police station, and the whole thing got covered up--just like most of the fun stuff does in this ass-greasing enclave.

So, don't expect Mr. T. to bare his bisexual soul anytime soon. I hear his relationship with the same-sex partner is suddenly not quite as gung-ho as it has been for months previous. Toothy got so friggin' scared he's edging back in the closet. And--you guessed it--the opposite-sex ex is soothing Tile's bruised psyche.

Hey, don't sweat it, Tooth. I once did it on the Long Island Railroad with my then beach boy, and the conductor happened by. Oops. Didn't ask for my ticket, funny enough.


AIA: Johnny Depp/David Vartan, Seann William Scott, Johnny Knoxville/Seth Green


Also elimianted for Studly Seymour - Colin Farrell
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One Forced Fagola Blind Vice - Nov 3, 2005


Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're tired of Toothy Tile. But, darlings, the way folks are yappin' lately, this might be one of my last chances to discuss the closeted and increasingly curious conundrums of T2!

Tragic, I know.

Now what you might not realize is that T.T. and his boyfriend have their own share of Jude Law-and-Sadie Frost-style drama. They were on for forevah. Then they broke up. And now, phew, they're on! (And Toothy's public "girlfriend" is fadin' into the background fast.)

But here's the (big) prob: Everyone loves a good drama. And some people couldn't give a Simpson's ass about Nick and Jessica. These folks--all fancy, rich and A-list, mind you--like dishin' on Toothy and his b-f instead. Where have they been having sex in their butch automobiles lately? Jeez. Their li'l relationship is like the cocktail fodder at WeHo's most elite, gay gatherings.

Some het ones, too.

Why, darlings, at all the best Halloween do's, particularly one held by a mucho impressive movie director, it's the only thing folks could blab on about--all the poor Cher impersonators were driven to near tears 'cause no one paid them no damn mind!

Also, big-name big-timers are openly chatting about T2's homo-rrific love life. No whispers required. It's, forgive the pun, out there. Everywhere.

So, if everyone who's anyone is openly talkin' Toothy, can it be long before the rest of America catches up? I for one hope we have a little more time. I'd kinda miss Toothy.

(Hey, Tooth, glad you're back with that man of yours--for good this time? It's sure what he thinks.)

And it ain't Joaquin Phoenix, Scott Speedman, Rob Thomas
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Two To The Limit Blind Vices - November 14, 2005


Toothy Tile and Petunia Pickle-Pop really should start dating.

I mean, it would be a fake get-together, but how many real ones are left in this town? Like Jude Law and Sienna Miller are going to last. Like they got back together because they just feel so right for each other, in the end--current flicks to sell be damned!

So, Toothy and Petunia are pushing the upchuck-and-saliva-covered envelope like you would not believe. Or maybe you would?

Ladies first. Movie-stah Toothy--who's been playing with whether or not to come out the closet for so long now, readers think I'm just makin' this sitch up (I'm not)--recently did a chat show for his latest pic, Casablanca Cuckold. You'll never guess what a network worker bee caught him doing in the privacy of his dressing room before taping...

No, not fornicating (you dirty busybodies), just tonguing his b-f, that's all. And this little love licking spread through the studio faster than a pink-slip distribution list at ABC!


Causing far fewer but much more horrified mouths to gasp at an L.A. recording studio was Petunia's smelly wake. After barging into the classy operation with her screeching wheels, P2 headed straight for the bathroom, which had been oh so thoughtfully set up with scented candles and tasteful towels and such.

After 15 minutes of locking herself in the loo, Petunia emerged, leaving the bathroom looking like something out of Martha Stewart's nightmares. And guess what was left smack in the middle of the restroom--with one tiny towel placed in the middle?

It was a reeking, warm pile of human discard. Puke. All over the floor.

Jeez, whose wake is stinkier these days, drugged-out Pet's or duded-out Tooth's?

And it ain't:  Will Smith and Kimberly Stewart, Wentworth Miller and Ashlee Simpson, Chad Michael Murray and Hilary Duff

Also eliminated for Petunia Pickle-Pop: Kimberly Stewart, Ashlee Simpson, Hilary Duff, Drew Barrymore, Faye Dunaway, Carrie Fisher, Mary Kate Olsen, Mischa Barton, Bijou Phillips
Here is the other PPP Bv from 10/20/05. 
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 Two Tush-Trying Blind Vices - Oct 19, 2006

That Toothy Tile. He just lives to push the fagola envelope, love that about the young acting hunk! (And I know you do, too.)
Now, quite frankly, T2's latest man-on-man moves far outshine his recent movie choices; though, that's an arguable statement at best—I just don't go fer this hetero image Mr. T. is busy trying to push over on his ever loyal, hapless, ticket-buying fans. 
But we'll just leave that li'l bit o' politically incorrect poo-pooing and get straight, as it were, to the attempted wild sex in the back of the limousine, 'kay? Thought you might agree...
Oh, gawd, I am getting old. I'm confusing all these closeted fruits into one big ass-banging aspic! So, sorry. It was Jiggly Wiggle-Poof who pounced—quite stupidly, I might add—on his so-not-gay limo driver while out promoting his supersuccessful boob-tube show in some hick state. And let's just say what went down was not at all what Jiggly had in mind (something bruised, not blushing).
Also, there's hope, I want you all to know, for Mr. Tile's movie career. Dare I say some of his future film projects are looking up, because, uh, how can I put this? T.T. has decided to start sleeping with better-looking people now to get his future projects—is that being too crass about it all?
In other words, for T.T.'s next 40-foot-wide job, Tooth-doll not only seduced the man who would decide the whole-deal shebang (it's sort of a studly adventure story, in so many ways), he now shares cocaine, hotel suites and party favors with the bigwig. Isn't that sweet when one can stay bestest amigos with one's ladder-climbing bed partners?
Warms my jaded-ass heart.
AIA: Danny Bonaduce, Josh Duhamel, Isaiah Washington

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One Kids 'R' Us Blind Vice - January 11, 2007

Congrats are in order! Guess what? I hear our fave hubba-hubba, humpy homo in T-town, Toothy Tile, is seriously considering making things super-
domesticated with his equally homosational b-f. And no, I don't mean the gorgeous closeted (albeit permanently, it seems) actor is getting a new puppy or Cuisinart.
Hear ol' T2 is thinking about helping his man-friend adopt something, uh, more...complex. As in a human (aren't we all?). Meaning, a baby! Too sweet!
I could just cry (since Ellen D. left me on the verge yesterday, ya know) with happiness!
Couldn't all you hard-asses at home weep with me, too?
Yeah, right—wouldn't hurt for you malcontents to soften up a bit, but whatever.
You all going for a boy or a girl, Mr. Tooth?
And if he or she turns out to be gay, like you, and if he or she wants to become a mucho-talented performer, also like you, Daddy Toothy, I declare, I do wonder what advice you'd offer the kiddo? Hmmm. What could it be?
Stay away from the Biz, altogether, I wonder?
AIA: George Clooney, Clay Aiken, John Stamos

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One Pansy Pushing Blind Vice - July 7, 2007


Bulbous Seymour is one fine piece o' man-lovin’ meat. Not a bad actor, either. But Bulbous knows—just like most audiences and H-town execs are aware—that his best talents lie not on the silver screen but in the golden nether regions of B.S.’ impressive bod. Yeah, he’s a stud. And what do studs do best?
Now, before I get too carried away on whatever (or whomever) Bulbous utilizes his heavenly powers for—this Blind Vice ain’t about him. Well, not exactly. See, Mr. Es has been doing what we here at the Awful Truth live for: gossiping about other closeted homosexual movie stars! Too fun for the hard-abbed tum! Delish, darlin's, so let’s get to whom B.S. is blabbin’ ‘bout:

Toothy Tile, natch. You were expecting Gussy 'n' Fussy, perhaps? Like, who cares about those ersatz het jokers anymore? (Not too many folks, I assure ya.) Nah, it’s all about Toothy Tile—and when the hell this gorgeous scaredy-puss is gonna disclose his sexual pref, already—and Bulbous knows this fagola factoid. So much so, he’s been mouthing off at chic Hell-Ay events about just how Toothy isn’t foolin’ anybody.

Well, I beg to differ. Had I been at this one par-tick fancy-schmancy soiree, I would have gladly explained to B.S. that half of Bush’s “Mare-kuh” thinks T.T. is as heterosexual as our current prez. Wait, Bush is straight, isn’t he? Don’t answer that, actually, do not want to go there…

Back to B.S., who’s clearly dying for Toothy’s sexuality to come to the surface so the media will ease off his dubious dame-doin' existence. Uh, word to the unwise wower: Boyfriend, you just keep on gettin’ higher 'n' higher at those swell dos you go to. You’ll be outing Toothy long before anybody like moi would ever dream of doing so.


AIA: Sean Penn, Colin Farrell, Will Smith
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One Special Edition Blind Vice - July 26, 2007


Look, everybody, I was going to tell you all about a certain Morgan Mayhem family member who, just like Morgy, is getting hugely wasted more often than she burps overpriced champagne, but, like, whatever, ya know? No big ser-prize there.

So, instead, due to an overwhelming demand for all things closeted and Toothy Tile, we’re going to round up all recent clues provided for our limited-run special 20 Questions and give ya another fab clue! Ding ding ding! Hot fun for the same-sex tum, huh? Now, keep in mind, for those of you teething for Tooth, we’re not even friggin’ halfway through the 20 queries, but thus far, this is what we’ve previously let out, as it were:

Q: Was he on Dancing with the Stars?
A: No. T2 is a talented thesp who's way above reality TV, trust.

Q: Are Toothy's initials in the first half of the alphabet, or the second? FYI: I'm asking about his real name, not pseudonym, so no tricks please.
A: No.

Q: Is Toothy known to be an animal lover?
A: Uh, yes, but isn’t everybody (or at least pretending to be) in this hairy town?

Q: What happened to Baby Tile? Did Toothy and B-F Tile have the kid, or did they give up on the idea of becoming dads? Are they still together and superdomesticated?
A: Give the nonnuclear fam time, doll-babe.

Q: Is Toothy Tile known to be athletic?
A: That, my dear, depends on your definition of athletic. He can hold his own, how about that?

Q: Is Toothy Tile Isaiah Washington?
A: Wrong bum-lovin’ boy. Think younger, cuter ‘n’ sans snarkiness.

And for all you unleashed types doggin’ for the good-lookin’ dude’s identity, here are two more newbie inquiries to get ya through the weekend. Now, keep the questions burnin’!

Q: Has Toothy Tile ever been nominated for or won a major American award?
A: For Best Kinky Performance in a Parking Lot? Why, yes! By the West Hollywood Sheriff’s voting academy, actually!

Q: Why is Jennifer Aniston the only woman Vince Vaughn has been linked to in the tabloids? Is he Toothy Tile?
A: No. He’s not nearly agile enough. Certainly not for the back-seat seduction game.

And It Ain't: Don Cheadle, Homer Simpson, Carrot Top
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* Toothy Tile = Jake Gyllenhaal

FYI, Here is our full ongoing list of who has been eliminated as Toothy Tile.

Vintage BV: 3 in one

From Nov 2006

Three Envelope Dangling Blind Vices

Is it the upcoming holiday season, or is our lovely assortment of trim-waisted (and closeted) H-town fruitcakes getting increasingly mistletoe-ready in public 'cause they're getting closer and closer to officially coming out? (As if anybody left in the free world doesn't friggin' know who these cavorting fagolas are.)

First off, our fave, and top tumescent dawg, Toothy Tile: T2 was just caught at a fancy-ass New Yawk restaurant playing footsie with the b-f underneath the table. Right in front of Tooth's 'rents! And the busboys! Not to mention a few (thank gawd) Awful Truth readers, too fun. Tooth-doll, makes sense, as I hear you're getting thisclose to superdomesticating things with your most benevolently forgiving man. What, getting tired of the doin'-it-in-the-parking-lot scene, T-man? Regardless, congrats!

Even more daring would be Renaldo Rim-Me, who's now holding hands with his main hombre in myriad Starbucks and quasi-posh dance clubs across the nation. What-ev.

But really, the more intriguing of our on-the-edge homo report this week involves Matinee Mooner, who's about as discreet with his homosexuality as Star Jones Reynolds is with her temper. Yet in between screwing his latest male conquest in myriad semipublic locales (takes after Toothy, this one), Mr. Mooner took time out to plug his almost heady career, stopping over for a little couch chat with Oprah, and seduced her so in the process.

Not on camera (or behind), mind you, M2 just sorta got his pearlie jobs all sparkling fer the talented broad, and it was no secret Ms. O. was rather smitten.

Must explain why, then, some important members of O.'s team subsequently made it quite plain to a visiting friend of theirs, a little later on, that Matinee was, like, "so gay." This announcement by the big O.'s pro campers came right after their innocent little amiga proclaimed her smitten-ness for M.M.

Jeez, Moon-babe. When the nation's most powerful boob-tube movers 'n' shakers are busy spreading your boy-on-boy biz, I'd say that 9-to-5 gig of yours might be coming to a halt. Or at least a bit o' a slow down.

Just a hunch, nothing more.

Have fun, all you handsome horn dogs!

(NO AIA's)

Eliminations:
Matinee Mooner is NOT: Barry Manilow
Renaldo Rim-Me is NOT Jamie Foxx, Usher, Leonardo DiCaprio, Will Smith, Wilmer Valderrama

Top guesses:
Toothy Tile - Jake Gyllenhaal
Renaldo Rim-Me - Ricky Martin
Matinee Mooner - Matthew McConaughey, Jamie Foxx, Anderson Cooper, Tom Cruise, John Travolta

Straight Dude Buds Stand Up Tall for Toothy Tile

From Ted Fri 12/11 -

Straight Dudes Stand Up for Toothy Tile

Something our dear, closeted Toothy Tile most certainly does not share with his also-in-the-closet brethren like Lloyd Boy-Toyed, Crotch Uh-Lastic and Jackie Bouffant is a virtual cornucopia of straight buds.
I don't mean the pretend kind, but the ones you never see Toothy photographed with. Yeah, you heard me right: These are heterosexual bros with whom Toothy loves to shoot the shit, have a few brews, talk about the broads, all that 100-percent-cotton American man stuff Toothy just can't seem to let go from his, like, totally gay life.
OK, it's cool, I have tons (maybe a few) gay friends who are completely into the SUVs/watching sports/unshowered thing, maybe it's not so completely weird that Toothy's wired that way a little, too?
But what's wacko is when these boy-buds o' Toothy's start, shockingly...
...coming to the put-upon pooftah's defense! At parties! At bars! At ball games! At beach barbecues! It's getting friggin' hi-larious!
And no, these dudes who actually do know Toothy rather well are not defending Mr. Tile's very publicized fauxmance and whether or not it's legitimate, hardly.
Nope, instead, they're busy saying, as of late, that Toothy and his man are doin' just fine, thank you, and further more, "They're the real thing." These het amigos like to tell this to anybody who starts talking crap about their good friend.
Backstabbing gossip gets these hetero friends of Toothy's so very riled up, they've lately been stating how "in love" Mr. and Mr. Toothy Tile happen to be right now. So there!
Wow. With friends like that, who needs gossip columns? But ain't it nice to now how truly true-blue Toothy is?
I knew it all along, didn't you?
I mean, come on, I would never have given a hateful scum-schmuck such press. Toothy's cool. Just currently a bit lost.
And it ain't: James Marsden, Kellan Lutz, Javier Bardem

Well that's good news... I was wondering what their deal was.

See our links for more posts on Toothy. He is Jake Gyllenhaal and his boyfriend is Austin Nichols.


Here is our ongoing full list of those who have been eliminated as Toothy Tile.
Here is our ongoing list of who has been eliminated as Grey Goose (Toothy's boyfriend).

Ted's new "People who are not Toothy" Gallery

Ted has created a "People Who Are Not Toothy" gallery today. All of the 12 people featured are repeat eliminations. We here at Blind Items Exposed have been keeping track all along... you can find out post here. Anyway, here is what Ted said:

Who Is Toothy Tile? Here are 12 People He's Not!

The hunt's been on for as long as Angelina Jolie's been working men—and women. Closeted quasi-hunky movie star Toothy Tile has legions of folks wondering who he is, and he's become our biggest Blind Vice superstar.
While Toothy's busy—chatting up fellow not-out gay stars or apparently trying to go straight—we're gonna help the guessing game along. In more of a, uh, back-door kinda way.
See, we're going to tell you fab detectives who Toothy isn't!
Behold our People Who Are Not Toothy Tile gallery! We'll start updating this more often so you sexy sniffers can see the fellas who most definitely are not the erstwhile closeted T.T. And keep the guesses coming!

Included in the Gallery, including the captions with each photo:

Zac Efron: Zac's still up and coming—although we must say, his career is looking better than Toothy's right now.
Will Smith: Will certainly flashes those pearly whites, so we see why he would be an obvious guess. But come on—W.S. loves to blab about his and Jada's sexcapades. Toothy doesn't do that about his beard, and certainly not about dear old Grey Goose.

Brad Pitt: Pitt's in a whole other status level than T.T.—fame- and kids-wise.
Gerard Butler: G.B. has only been getting a lot of press lately because of the various women he's supposedly bedded. Toothy's never been that guy. At least not in any kind of repeat fashion.
Matthew McConaughey: Sorry, Toothy's M.O. is hardly to play the bongos nude. It's to have secret guy-on-guy rendezvous in parking lots…duh. Well, used to, at least, before he went all publicist on us.
Ben Affleck: Sorry, Ben's got his own issues to deal with, and they aren't Toothy Tile's. But of all the dudes on this list, Ben comes closest to T.T., acting oeuvre-wise.
Kevin Spacey: It's obvious why Spacey would be an obvious choice here. Except T.T. is younger and is still working his way up the H'wood ladder. Kevin is too vintage. Too a lotta things.
Shia LeBeouf: Too young—and Shia's problems are way too public. Toothy likes to keep his stuff über-secret, you all should know that by now. Also Toothy controls his substances far better.

Jamie Foxx: Probably the least likely Tooth candidate of this list. T.T. isn't that dark and handsome. At least not to some folks. Also, J.F. hardly hides his naughtiness, unlike Tooth, who's all about it these days.
Ryan Gosling: Thank goodness it's not a stud fave of Team Awful's like Gosling. Toothy's beard has most definitely not been Rachel McAdams. Think less studly, slightly.
Robert Pattinson: Fear not, Team Edward—R.Pattz hasn't been relevant long enough to be a contender in the Toothy guessing game. But he's sure got the right blush.
Bradley Cooper: Cooper has his secrets, sure, but he's not quite Toothy status yet. Although B.C. is a fab guess.

As we said, none of these elims are surprises to those of us who have been keeping track of past eliminations. So this gallery gives us no new information, except little hints in the captions.
Toothy of course is Jake Gyllenhaal for anyone who is new to our site or Ted's column.


Here is our ongoing full list of those who have been eliminated as Toothy Tile.
Here is our ongoing list of who has been eliminated as Grey Goose (Toothy's boyfriend).

Grey Goose and beard

Yesterday, Ted discussed Austin Nichols and Sophia Bush -

Is Austin Lighting Sophia's Bush?

Even though we here at the A.T. may not understand the appeal of One Tree Hill, we found out that many of you are still eager to read about what this naughty cast is really up to when the cameras stop rolling.
Chad Michael Murray's unfortunate ex, Sophia Bush, showed up to the Sixth Annual Hollywood Style Awards last night with her other more-than-costar, Austin Nichols.
Uh, so is this now almost-official couple the hot new thing in Hollywood?
Hardly! The two are more on the Gyllenspoon track, if anything. I mean, should we get their new moniker ready? Bushnic?
Back to the do:
Sophia looked gorge in a sexy, black lace Max Azria dress and walked the carpet solo, dodging personal questions. However, once she got inside, she was quick to meet up with her "good friend" and costar Nichols, who just happened to be moonlighting as her date, we guess.
The two were not PDA-ish at all, but they were clearly there together. They chatted closely for a while before heading into the theater to watch the show, their goonish guard reps in tow everywhere they went, natch. Hands off the merchandise in every regard. Hello, isn't four a crowd?

Puppy-like Nichols followed Sophia around for most of the night, but when it was time to exit out the front, Sophia made a beeline for the door alone. A-L-O-N-E. Yeah, that makes a lotta sense: your first big outing as a brand-new couple, no coziness whatsoever, and separate exits. Sounds like a real burning love affair with those two already. They make Robsten look like friggin' Eric Dane and Rebecca Gayheart or somethin'.

Even though Bush referred to Nichols as her boyfriend to friends, Austin played coy when our own Party Girl asked him if they were dating.

"I'm not gonna say anything except that...I'm here to drink. We were talking before. We have a bunch of friends together—we work together," Austin said.
Looks like Nichols has taken a romance tip straight from BFF Jake Gyllenhaal's playbook: boring in public and saving the supposed spicy stuff for behind closed doors.

What, are you two studs too embarrassed to get frisky for all to see? Screw the proper Hollywood dating etiquette and do dumb, young-love stuff next time you're out with your significant other.
Sophia and Austin, we will be very disappointed if this coy stuff turns into coffee dates. Seriously, what's next, doubling up with Jake and Reese at Starbucks? Yeah, we're so sure that's about to happen.

(Big hints for Austin Nichols being Grey Goose.)

Blind Vice: Toothy Trading Coke For Cracking Up?

New from Ted today-

Blind Vice: Toothy Trading Coke For Cracking Up?

This is not a joke: Poor closeted movie star Toothy Tile, last caught pitifully fooling around with blow and broads, is more recently causing his friends to worry something fierce about his head.
And I don't mean the kind he prefers getting in West Hollywood parking lots.
As our beloved Mr. T's same-sex desires (and née partnership) have been cast as far back in the closet as Kevin Spacey appears to be, Toothy's extremely tight band of friends are fretting for the fella's emotional well-being?and rightfully so.
"We're wondering when he's going to crack," said one of the slightly lesser-inside chums to the notoriously private actor. "I keep hearing from everybody else that he's about to pop, but it's weird, whenever I see him, he acts like everything's cool. I think he only shows that side of himself to a couple of people."
And those people are telling other people who are telling me:
Toothy's current and arranged girlfriend is starting to "really get on his nerves," particularly when she cleans up after Toothy, who's apparently a bit of a clumsy eater.
Toothy's getting fed up with having to keep his (currently reinvented) relationship with Grey Goose in the dark and is threatening his publicists and hangers-on with outing both himself and Grey, which would then, ironically, ruin Grey's own beard relationship, not that anybody really cares, so never mind.
Toothy's been heard complaining to his advisers that the Biz angle they've chosen for him is not exactly panning out, so "what has it been for?," as Toothy has cried.
Toothy's so frustrated by being a nonperson, as it were (and how he deems it, quite unlike many other fellow Hollywood celebs who are perfectly happy to sell their empty souls to the tabloid devil), he's become unnaturally obsessed with his abs, a subject years prior, when he was happier with Grey, he didn't give an ef about.
Toothy, Toothy, Toothy!
Please give up this hideous fake life while you can?and before you turn into one of these six-packed prima donnas who have about as much to say in life as does Kristin Cavallari. We know the real Toothy's dying to come out.
Let him!
(Hey, Neil Patrick Harris still has an OK gig, ya know).

It Ain't: Kevin Spacey, Bradley Cooper, Robert Pattinson

I think we all know who it is....

Ted drops another Toothy hint...

Ted blabbed about Jakey G this past Friday, and drops another hint that he is Toothy Tile...

Do-Me Meter: Jake Gyllenhall's Got Giant Muscles!

First we had Brad Pitt in Troy. Then Colin Farrell in Alexander. Now joining these long-haired hunks with epically pumped pecs in epic pics comes...Jake Gyllenhaal in Prince of Persia!

Almost didn't recognize him without a latte in his hand.

We can barely look away from EW's "first look" sneak pics—but instead of drooling, we can't stop giggling. Beefcaked within an inch of his life, Jakey looks like one of the animatronics from some Gladiator theme park ride—or like he's on the way to a Purim costume party with Dem and Ashton.

So, yeah. We aren't buying this rough-and-tough Gyllenhaal. We much prefer him toned down, all sleek and sensitive. (Though we bet Reese sure doesn't.) I mean, come on, it looks just so, well...gay, right?

What do you think?

Love ya Ted!

Toothy Tile and Gray Goose go biking.

Thanks to Ted Casablanca for alerting us today of this great shot of Toothy and Goosey biking together on PopSugar.

Here's what Ted said about it:

Jake's Secure Sexuality Poll: The Results!

You guys simply must have big-chinned, dreamy-eyed babies on the brain. Your dedication to keep Gyllenspoon alive showed in our poll results, since your fave way for Jakey-poo to show the world he's secure in his sexuality was to walk his Wither-hon down the aisle—in a ceremony planned by himself, no less!

Is it too late to add choice E: bike ride with his best male bud for all to gawk at? That certainly takes more guts than saying I do to your conveniently arranged arm candy, doncha think?

.

Toothy Tile does a musical?

.... if he's Jake Gyllenhaal! Here's a blurb from Ted today -

How thrilling! Jake Gyllenhaal is supposedly starring in an upcoming musical with Jim Carrey! Shocker? Not really. Jakey-poo loves to prove he’s sufficiently butch for these types of roles. Way to show all those people out there that those gay rumors are false, right? What's the next way Jake Gyllenhaal will show the world he’s straight?

One Fabulous Fagola Run-In Blind Vice!

New from Ted today...

One Fabulous Fagola Run-In Blind Vice

It was so delicious. Better than Angie getting her gal-flirt on at the Globes. Far better than whatever Mickey Rourke did with all those easy chicks at the after-parties. Call it showdown of the down-low dudes! (You do know what down-low means, right? Uh, it's when superficially macho guys, often in the black and Latino cultures, but not always, like to screw with guys on the side while they've got the babes out in front.) So here we go: Like the good little showman he is, Toothy Tile went to the Golden Globes this past weekend. And where was a camera when you needed one 'cause boyfriend ran into Lloyd Boy-Toyed, one of our other closeted Hollywood actors, just not as famous. Jeez, wanna hear what happened? They met. For the first time, I do not know, but I'm pretty sure it was. And even though both stars live to get their boy-flirt on, big-time, these guys are nearly a generation apart, so I highly doubt they mingle at the same gay gatherings. But what's really interesting is how very sad Lloyd acted with Toothy, almost as if he saw before him the chance he'll never have: the possibility to come out of the closet and still have a career. Boy-Toyed never will out himself (although others sure as hell keep trying), not just because of his age, but because of his family, trust me on that one. But Toothy? Everybody knows he could still have it both ways; he's sure young enough. So what did Lloyd and Tooth discuss? "The awards, the show, politics—it was a total come-on," insists my Toothy/Lloyd interloper. Am I quoting myself here, I wonder, and being very sneaky? Hmm. "It's how Lloyd operates. It's all in the eyes." Yes, that much is true. Very true. I know firsthand. But let's get the point, already: Did Lloyd and Toothy hook up? Not there, they didn't, although I do believe digital info was exchanged, a dynamic that never would have gone down had T.T.'s standard chick date been around, which she wasn't, at least not then. Where could she have been? Stitching up Kate Beckinsale's dress in the ladies room? Oh, and Lloyd. You might as well throw that number away. Toothy so is not calling. Sorry. (He's taken, a few times over.)
And it ain't: (no one)

Here is the link to the original Lloyd Boy-Toyed Blind Vice from September '08, including a full list of who has been eliminated.
And here is the link to the most recent LBT BV from October '09.


Top suspect for LBT: Alec Baldwin



(For Toothy, follow the label link for our many posts about him!!!)

Awful Truth: Ted calls out Toothy

Today in Awful Truth, Ted called out Toothy Tile:

Pigs in Blankets for Toothy?

When we announced that Toothy Tile won our user-voted year-end awards, the Prop 88s (88 celebrity propositions we want passed, including T. Tile coming out of his very dusty closet), we suggested a lovely ceremony at the Beverly Hilton to make it official. You know, award him with an actual trophy instead of a trophy girlfriend, that sort of sensible thing.

We chose Oct. 11, National Coming Out Day, can't think why. Next thing you know, the senior catering manger from the damn Hilton emails us and wants to know if we really are booking the joint? I said I'd ask.

Toothy? Is it a date?

.

Toothy Tile kiss

Yesterday, Ted published a photo of Jake G grabbing Reese's face and planting a kiss on her at a Lakers game. Looks as if she was caught off guard and he just grabbed her cheeks. This is the first kiss I have seen of them. Here is what Ted said about it:

Jake and Reese Make Out - Gee, Such Passion

Wow, if these photos are any indication, looks like Jake Gyllenhaal and Reese Witherspoon have upgraded their relationship from hand-holding to kissing. The boring babes were actually caught smooching courtside at a Lakers game this weekend. Did they finally realize they need to one-up their tepid friend-like relaysh with something a little saucier?

Nothing works better than being on display in the front row at a basketball game—that's the equivalent of a People cover nowadays. Just ask Zac Efron and Vanessa Hudgens, who use courtside seats for publicity between High School Musical press tours—truly smoldering stuff there, babes.

Now, gotta say, this Lakers biz is a serious step-up from J&R's predictable dates—Starbucks runs and walking, yawn. Tell ya what, Jakey, we'll start to believe how in love you are with Wither-hon when we catch her entertaining you in the bathroom at Coco Deville à la Paris.

...

One Gag Me With Cocaine Blind Vice

New from Ted Dec 19:

One Gag Me With Cocaine Blind Vice

Toothy Tile, we hardly knew ya. Last week it was signed confidentiality agreements with your male paramours (other than your main man); this week it's far, far, far worse: pretend, horrible sex with a member of the opposite sex, in hopes that your studly reputation will somehow be fixed. Ain't gonnna work—here's why:

Repeat Blind Vice offender Toothy has a former fling running her (yes, her) mouth around town about a drug-infested hookup with Mr. Tile. Do tell, babes! Apparently, T.T. banged said blabber to try to prove to himself—or more importantly, the powers that be (managers, publicists, the public) that he isn't gay. See, the more chicks he hooks, the farther back in the closet he goes; just how his handlers want it.

Eh, not really the best plan, as Tooth's last female "lover," if you could call her that, has been yapping away about her evening with the now A-list famous type. But it wasn't exactly candles and cuddles like you'd think.

Try tons of coke. Toothy would make this lady blow lines all over his tight bod until he was “numb,” bitched the gal who did the blowing. Then they could get down to business in what we're told were very "interesting" positions, i.e., painfully unnatural and not exactly enjoyable.

As disturbing as this news is, we must say we feel a bit sorry for our beloved Tooth (not to mention the used honey). This all took place, we're told, before Tile hooked up with his current beard, right when he was adamantly told not to come out, so it's no wonder he turned to drugs.

What's next? Meth with Morgan Mayhem? Pray not.

And It Ain't: All 3 Jonas Bros

Once again here is the link with a list of everyone Ted has eliminated as Toothy. Please share your thoughts!

One Signed-Sex Blind Vice

New BV from Ted today...

Toothy Tile Returns in... One Signed-Sex Blind Vice!

Another one bites the romantic dust. Sure, it's no secret that lots of Hollywood movie stars require confidentiality contracts—from their house cleaners, their assistants, their cooks and, yes, sometimes, even their lovers. We've mentioned this before.
Heartless as it may seem, some folks can't even get close to getting off unless they feel they'll be protected from any morning-after spills to the tabloids, thanks to whichever partner they happened to hook up with. Not really such the shocker there, once you think about it. But what's truly unusual is who we're told has now used this cold-as-ice, fine-print safeguard, you'll never guess...
Yes, it's our very own beloved closet cutie, Toothy Tile!
Love it, he's not so dumb after all, eh? I remember Toothy back from when he was getting it on in West Hollywood parking lots, for any cop to see. In fact one did see, but, of course, the Tooth got off, thanks to his powerful reps—sheesh, so predictable. But now comes word that Toothy's not only stepping out on the B.F. (unless this was done with his approval, perchance?), but he's doing it smartly, like, every other bigass, closeted dude in town does—contracts to sign, in hand.
Nice one, Tooth! The publicist-powered group you hang with nowadays musta taught you a thing or two, eh?
Oh, and you want the dirt from the guy who took his very own confidentiality agreement in hand and spilled the deets just the same? It was all lovely, we're told...the kind of loveliness that grows on ya, if you catch my naughty drift.
Oh, and that Toothy has something in common with Ryan Gosling: Such a cool demeanor, you'd have no idea the fire burning down below. None.
It Ain't: Ryan Gosling, Shia LaBeouf, John Krasinski

Another one for the Toothy files! :) Here is the post with our ongoing list of people Ted has excluded. Toothy Tile is, of course, Jake Gyllenhaal in case you have been living under a rock for the past few years.

Ted Casablanca = Bruce Bibby?

Am I the last one to know about this? This article which Ted links to today, mentions Toothy Tile and other closeted actors, blah blah blah. Anyway, I was shocked because it says that Ted's real name is Bruce Bibby. For real? I really thought Ted Casablanca was his real name. I am naive I guess!