Saturday, December 12, 2009

Straight Dude Buds Stand Up Tall for Toothy Tile

From Ted Fri 12/11 -

Straight Dudes Stand Up for Toothy Tile
Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time Movie (Dagger) Poster Print - 22x34Something our dear, closeted Toothy Tile most certainly does not share with his also-in-the-closet brethren like Lloyd Boy-Toyed, Crotch Uh-Lastic and Jackie Bouffant is a virtual cornucopia of straight buds.
I don't mean the pretend kind, but the ones you never see Toothy photographed with. Yeah, you heard me right: These are heterosexual bros with whom Toothy loves to shoot the shit, have a few brews, talk about the broads, all that 100-percent-cotton American man stuff Toothy just can't seem to let go from his, like, totally gay life.
OK, it's cool, I have tons (maybe a few) gay friends who are completely into the SUVs/watching sports/unshowered thing, maybe it's not so completely weird that Toothy's wired that way a little, too?
But what's wacko is when these boy-buds o' Toothy's start, shockingly...
...coming to the put-upon pooftah's defense! At parties! At bars! At ball games! At beach barbecues! It's getting friggin' hi-larious!
And no, these dudes who actually do know Toothy rather well are not defending Mr. Tile's very publicized fauxmance and whether or not it's legitimate, hardly.
Nope, instead, they're busy saying, as of late, that Toothy and his man are doin' just fine, thank you, and further more, "They're the real thing." These het amigos like to tell this to anybody who starts talking crap about their good friend.
Backstabbing gossip gets these hetero friends of Toothy's so very riled up, they've lately been stating how "in love" Mr. and Mr. Toothy Tile happen to be right now. So there!
Wow. With friends like that, who needs gossip columns? But ain't it nice to now how truly true-blue Toothy is?
I knew it all along, didn't you?
I mean, come on, I would never have given a hateful scum-schmuck such press. Toothy's cool. Just currently a bit lost.
And it ain't: James Marsden, Kellan Lutz, Javier Bardem

Well that's good news... I was wondering what their deal was.

See our links for more posts on Toothy. He is Jake Gyllenhaal and his boyfriend is Austin Nichols.


Here is our ongoing full list of those who have been eliminated as Toothy Tile.
Here is our ongoing list of who has been eliminated as Grey Goose (Toothy's boyfriend).

140 comments:

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
What is really going on with the Jake Gyllenhaal and Reese Witherspoon's fauxmance? Was the breakup staged? The same week they were promoting a movie/dvds/products just temporary to gain convenient publicity or is it permanent? Will they resurface married, or are we free of ever having to see their boring tricks again? Nothing can surprise me about this manufactured showmance at this point, but I hope it ends soon.
—Mika

Dear Rekindled Loves:
I'm just as curious as you, babe. And what makes you so certain it's totally fake, anyway? Reese and Jake both get a lot out of their relaysh, so it would surprise me if this was it for them."

Judy said...

I've heard that "Mr. Tile" might be Chris Fisher and not Austin Nichols? your thoughts?

Anonymous said...

"With friends like that, who needs gossip columns? But ain't it nice to now how truly true-blue Toothy is? "

True blue is aussie slang for patriotic. Maybe thats a reference for an australian or maybe american hero type

thespie said...

"True Blue" is American slang as well, with a meaning of "faithful and loyal". It's also the title of a Madonna album. That doesn't mean that Toothy is Sean Penn, does it?

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
I love your latest blind item. Knowing that Toothy Tile and Gray Goose are still together and in love after so many years and in spite of all the obstacles warms my heart. Are they Wentworth Miller and Luke McFarlane? It would be beautiful if these two hotties are sweet Baby Tile's dads.
—Angela

Dear Right Idea:
But Toothy is far more relevant than either Wentworth or Luke."

blurry vice said...

http://www.eonline.com/uberblog/the_awful_truth/b158421_morning_piss_what_would_toothy_tile_do.html

Courtney said...

I think Ted mistakenly on purpose confirmed Jake as toothy tile.

What do you think?

Dear Ted:
Can someone snag and burn that awful, gray stocking cap thing that Jake Gyllenhall persists in wearing? How do any of his people let him out in public wearing that? He will never up his significant-other quality quotient with that on his head!
—Bicho

Dear Bad Looks:
Hate the hat, but Jake's still cute and doable in it. I think he won't have a problem finding a suitor who agrees.

Here's the link:
http://www.eonline.com/uberblog/the_awful_truth/b158802_bitch-back_whats_up_with_1_rob_2_nicole.html

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Can someone snag and burn that awful, gray stocking cap thing that Jake Gyllenhall persists in wearing? How do any of his people let him out in public wearing that? He will never up his significant-other quality quotient with that on his head!
—Bicho

Dear Bad Looks:
Hate the hat, but Jake's still cute and doable in it. I think he won't have a problem finding a suitor who agrees."

blurry vice said...

Courtney - that was not a confirmation at all. It WAS a hint about "suitor" that he is gay.

But Ted has outed Jake as Toothy MUCH more specifically than this.

About 3 years ago he when his column had a different layout, and every column had 3 photos of people that would appear, with a caption. Well, one day Ted had a picture of Jake that had a specific caption. Jake did not appear inthe column. But there was a Toothy article written that correlated specifically with JAke's caption. This was when he was outed. It was about 2-3 years ago.

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Was Toothy Tile more famous when his vice came out a few years back and he is less popular while his vice is growing? Or is he still high up in fame in Hollywood land?
—Mollie

Dear Famous BV:
Toothy is pretty well known, as all celebs are at one point or another."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
What you said about Jake needing a date to the Prince of Persia premiere...may I suggest Anne Hathaway? I've seen this coming since their "steamy" sex scenes were mentioned. Please tell me she is smarter than this!
—Curious

Dear Failed Cupid:
Don't think they're right for each other. Like, at all."

Courtney said...

oooh thanks! I've only been following for about a year or so

Anonymous said...

Please, please, please post this!

http://www.eonline.com/uberblog/the_awful_truth/b158421_morning_piss_what_would_toothy_tile_do.html

Even if you're tired of the BV, it's still the most blatant he's ever gone.

Anonymous said...

Morning Piss: What Would Toothy Tile Do?

Toothy never would have pulled such a dumb maneuver as leaving his fake GF right before he had a movie coming out—come on, get real.

Tile would have kept it going just long enough to sell that stinker in the press, then split with the "girlfriend" discreetly on down the line. Who the hell's going to go as Jake's People magazine-adoring dream date, now?

That stupid undersea creature Jake just appeared on Sesame Street with while, ironies of ironies mind you, helping to explain the word separate is another media misfire T.T. would never have been caught dead—or lisping—doing?

Isn't he saying that Jake is not Toothy Tile?

sistah2 said...

Hey anon did this post come from Ted?
I dont get it - someone explain.
btw I still want to know from Ted where baby Tile is, until he brings that up again & gives a decent explanation I have my doubts that Tile is even real.

Scarlett Pumpkin said...

The Morning Piss was something Ted posted shortly after this blind. And it's left me stumped. To me, this Morning Piss sounds like he's outing Jake as someone that is comparable to Toothy, but not actually Toothy. I thought the whole lisp thing Ted threw out there maybe meant he was Crisp Lisp - but he doesn't really fit Crisp. Anyway, my point is, I know you gals here at Blind Items are convinced Jake is Toothy. But after reading that Morning Piss, I'm not so sure.

Anonymous said...

i'm with you scarlett! if TT even exists, for me it just doesn't add up as JG. and i think the morning piss says he isn't.

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Now that Jake has broken up with Reese, I would have thought his good friend Austin Nichols would be spending some quality time trying to cheer Jake up. But if tweets leading up to a well-timed photo of Jake just flying into L.A. this week are to be believed, these two amigos are never in L.A. or any other place at the same time.
—Twitter Skeptic

Dear East Coast Lovin':
They cheer each other up more often that you think."

blurry vice said...

http://www.eonline.com/uberblog/the_awful_truth/b160845_source_gyllenspoon_round_2_not_happening.html

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
On a number of occasions in the past few years you've hinted that Toothy was on the verge of pulling the plug on his public persona charade and revealing his true persuasion, but to no avail. Toothy seems to have lost his nerve each time and his true identity still eludes us. Is 2010 the year where we will finally definitely find out who Toothy really is? Is Toothy any closer to coming clean? What about Grey Goose? Any chance he may decide on going public in the near future?
—Quickly Losing Hope

Dear Toothy Perplexed:
I don't see Grey Goose going public unless Toothy would. I think T.T. is calling the shots, and he has much more to lose. I'm with you, babe, I've been waiting and waiting, and really don't know what to expect anymore. But I still have stupidass hope!"

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
I've been curious for a while if Jamie Foxx's Blind Vice has anything to do with Jake's. They are friends, but how close are they really?
—First timer

Dear Random Pairing:
Sorry, detective horny, Jamie and Jake have two separate B.V.s."

Anonymous said...

That morning piss was ted's way of saying it wasn't toothy aka. jake's idea, reese has been calling shots

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Is there a second Baby Tile in the Tile-Goose family?
—Little Sibling

Dear Bundle of Joy:
Their family is constantly expanding, in many ways."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
In a blind item last October, you told us that Toothy was fed up with his beard and was complaining to his PR team that the bearding angle they chose for him wasn't working. Also, he was tired of hiding his relationship with Grey Goose. Do you think that now he will choose a different strategy for his image? A glass closet, perhaps?
—Portia

Dear Pins and Needles:
Doll, I'm just as anxious to see Toothy's next move as you are. But after this out-me fagola dance that's been going on for years, I don't have my hopes up for a glass closet."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
I saw a picture of Jake G and Marion Cotillard, all smiles, at an event in her honor. Hmm....What's your take on that possibility? I mean, he does need a date for Prince of Persia, right?
—Mrs

Dear No:
And no."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Do Toothy and Gray Goose's close circle of family and friends know about Baby Tile?
—Beth

Dear Family Fun:
Duh!"

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
So do other actors actually know about Toothy Tile's secret or is it top secret among his family and close friends?
—Me

Dear Hush-Hush:
People know."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
We are approaching the fifth anniversary of the Toothy Tile Blind Vice in less than two months. Here we are with a bittersweet taste. It's sweet Toothy is still with the same boyfriend and they have a family together, but it's bitter they are still closeted and bearding. Had you ever imagined when you wrote the first item that Toothy would become the main Blind Vice superstar? Do you plan to do anything special for the Toothy blind item birthday?
—TT/GG/BT fan

Dear Sentimental:
Spank him, in his birthday suit, in the men's room at Barneys. Or do you think I should plan something more grand?"

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
I hope all is well. My doggy sends a friendly "woof" to your kids! I have two questions. Not sure if this has already been asked, but first question is: Do Toothy and Grey Goose actively raise Baby Tile, or was this a "sire" situation? (As in Toothy, uh, provided elements to help make the baby for a friend or family member who is raising the baby). Second, of all the closeted Blind Vices you've reported over the years, which one is most likely to come out?
—Sarah

Dear Tough Questions:
(a) Active; (b) My guess? Crotch Uh-Lastic."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
I'm sorry to burst your cynical bubble—I work in a tiny cafe in London far, far away from the glare of the paps, and Jake and Reese used to come in frequently with her children. They were an extremely affectionate and obviously in love couple. What would be the point of such displays and spending weeks in another country together if their relationship wasn't genuine? Also, he is hot stuff! Aye Papi!
—X

Dear Shabby Sherlock:
You might want to get a new magnifying glass because you're missing what's right in front of your eyes: nothing. So, what would be the point of America's sweetheart and one of Hollywood's sexiest young studs coupling up? Oh, I don't know...movies to sell with their mush?"

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
There are several sightings of Jake Gyllenhaal doing yoga shirtless lately. I wonder if he is really into yoga or if he is just showing off his body. Do you think there is any chance he would also bike shirtless with his cycling partner, Austin, for our viewing pleasure?
—Asana

Dear Sporty Spice:
Been there, done that. Austin and Jake and Matthew McConaughey and Lance Armstrong all have never exactly shied away from the Naked Cyclist Book Club, membership in which has its very special privileges."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
I love the Toothy Tile saga, but one thing really puzzles me: Why doesn't Toothy tell the public about Baby Tile. Is it because he values his privacy and wants to protect his child (or children) from the paparazzi? Or is it because he's protecting that closet of his? And if the latter, what kind of parent does that to their own child?
—Wondering in New York

Dear Ask Candy Spelling:
She could probably 'splain a thing or two about how public figures treat their own kids. But obviously Toothy wants to barricade himself in that cozy preppy closet of his. If he tells the public about Baby Tile, then that sweet little kid (not to mention's Toothy's supposedly bachelor ways) will be stalkarazzi'd no matter what."

sistah2 said...

OK. So now Ted's back on the baby Tile blitz. Its quite a thing to claim that Jake G. has a child that he is hiding out. Wow, if true, why wont the Enquirer print it? What, they are more afraid of Jake G than they were of John Edwards?
Come on! is this believable?

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
I wonder who sleeps better at night—Jake or Reese?
—Sandy

Dear Lunesta:
The really cruel one. Like a baby, darling."

Kyla said...

Here's a question, does anyone know how old Baby Tile is or how he/she was conceived? I just had a huge idea after seeing a picture Lainey had posted with Maggie Gyllenhaal walking with Jake and her husband Peter. Ramona looks just like her mother (and therefore like Jake)...anyone have any idea how this all could have played out?

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
With Valentine's Day approaching, could you tell us which is your favorite Blind Vice couple?
—Marina

Dear Lover:
As if there's any question: the not still-not-entirely doomed Toothy Tile and Grey Goose."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
We know that several of the most infamous Blind Vicers have children. How do these closeted parents expect the children to keep their secrets? I am especially asking about Baby Tile as he/she grows up, since the parents are both in the closet and/or with their beards. Will the child be in the dark like the public, too?
—Maybe now I know why celeb kids are nuts

Dear Best-Sellers to Be:
Darling, it's going to be a whole new generation of Mommie Dearests!"

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
There have been rumors for years about Ricky Martin's sexuality. Then a year or so ago, around the same time you started mentioning Toothy and his BF bringing a little Baby Tile into the picture, Ricky announces he has twin boys. Any connection?
—Randi

Dear Shake Your Bon Bon:
Do you really think Toothy would be so careless? He keeps his secret baby, well...a secret."

BROOKE said...

I know that Jensen has been eliminated as GG, but it's just strange and ironic that in the pic (link posted below) that his tag around his neck clearly say Grey Goose. Apparently GG is a name of vodka that was sponsoring the event.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v77/phoephoe/Jensen-jensen-ackles-9690466-604-45.jpg

blurry vice said...

Kyla - Baby Tile would probably be about that age. However, people have asked about that and Ted aswered that was not correct. I forget the details or if we have the letter on this site or not. But I think the person asked if BT was born as a surrogate by TT's sister and he said no? Forget exactly.

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Do you know if any of your closeted Blind Vices are planning to come out anytime in the near future? ('Cause I would love that!)
—Roman

Dear Come Out Already!:
Possibly, just possibly, Toothy Tile and Crotch Uh-Lastic."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
It's Valentine's Day this weekend. Could you tell us something nice and sweet about our favorite Blind Vice couple Toothy and Goosey?
—Ashley

Dear Vicey Valentines:
They're planning on making a big mess; does that make you happy?"

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
I was wondering now that Jake Gyllenhaal and Michelle Williams are both single, is there a chance they will hook up in the future? He's also the godfather of her daughter Matilda.
—DD

Dear HA!:
Don't count on it."

blurry vice said...

Brooke - So Grey Goose vodka was sposoring the event. GG is not Jensen.

If you look at a bottle of Grey Goose, it says "Austin Nichols" on the bottle.

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
I was wondering if Toothy Tile has ever appeared on Oprah?
—R.J.

Dear Toooooothy Tiiiiile:
With all the people the daytime diva has chatted with, would that even narrow it down for you? Narrow it down better, baby!"

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Assuming Toothy Tile ever comes out, will Grey Goose come out with him? Or will he stay in the closet and continue bearding?
—A

Dear Out of the Closet:
With the stress that he's been under about not living loud and proud, if Toothy ever finally breaks down the closet door he's pulling Grey out with him. G.G.'s career wouldn't be as affected by the outing as T.T.'s."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
With all due respect to his acting abilities, Toothy Tile has never come across in any of his roles as some supermacho, ladies' man character. I'm not sure most of the movie-buying public buys him as a romantic lead as it is, and he certainly couldn't pull of a Barney-like part like Neil Patrick Harris. I guess what I'm saying to Toothy is: "People aren't going to be shocked, believe me...so why deal with the hassle?"
—Truth

Dear Know-It-All:
Love how some folks, from the comfort of their anonymous computers, tell other folks how easy it is to jump off that cliff."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Gerard Butler and his former 300 costar Rodrigo Santoro spent some time together in Brazil around Valentine's Day. Are they Toothy Tile and Grey Goose? If these two hunks mixed their juices, Baby Tile must be a gorgeous kid!
—Mary

Dear Likes to Drool:
The above bromance, yummy as it may be, is not the great love affair of Toothy and Grey. Think a bit less muscled."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
What kind of boyfriend would you describe Jake Gyllenhaal as being? Say hi to your furry friends for me!
—Addicted

Dear BF Score:
Lately? A much better one. Charlie, Margo and Cleo all say woof and meow back!"

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
I guess many of us think we know the identities of Toothy Tile and Grey Goose, but I was wondering if there were any other Hollywood pairs like them out there—i.e., both dudes (or girls) are in the public eye? Also, I know fans sometimes like to imagine that people are together, like in the case of Chris Pine and Zachary Quinto in Star Trek, but are there any current colleagues who are or were more than friends, and would America be shocked by it?
—Daisy

Dear Close and Closeted:
Am I reading this right—are you honestly asking if there are other closeted gay couples in Hollywood? Duh. And gay couples have on-set hookups just like their superhorny straight costars. Think about that next time you're at the movies."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Hey boy, with all this love your precious Twi-hards and Jackles peeps are getting from your intense love of those pairings, you never talk about your Blind Vices anymore. So do me a fave and answer a couple of questions on a couple of older Vices: Does Gray Goose mostly work in television, and how does he keep their forbidden love child from the paps when celebrities can't walk out the door without being stalked? And how's Dashed Dingle-Dream's relationship with his own beard going now that Judas has cut him off for good?
—Blondie

Dear Of Vice and Men:
It's not hard for celebs to keep their private lives out of the press if they really want them to remain a secret—à la Baby Tile. Publicity is a nasty little game and stars are usually willing to air their own dirty laundry—although seemingly against their will—to stay in the spotlight. And DDD and his beard have the same relaysh as all bearding situations: unsatisfying."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Is Baby Tile human, feline, canine or equine?
—J

Dear Smarty Pants:
Come to think of it, I didn't say kitty, puppy or pony—did I?"


--- He did not answer here, but Ted has had this question in the past and said that Baby Tile is NOT a dog. That Baby Tile is a real human.

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
With all the hyped nonrelationship between Jake and Reese, I have to wonder: Were he and Kirsten Dunst ever the real deal?
—B.T.

Dear History Lesson:
Jake and Kirsten were definitely more believable than Gyllenspoon. I can assure you of that."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Are Toothy Tile and Grey Goose Jim Carrey and Jenny McCarthy? If you don't post this, I'll take that as a yes.
—Danni

Dear Posted:
Besides the fact that Jenny is a chick while Goose is far manlier, the comedic couple isn't hiding their relationship which automatically vetoes them as this darned B.V. Points for creative guess, though, babe."

-- I seriously do not understand why people guess a female for a BV about a gay man.

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Do the friends and families of the closeted stars know their dirty secrets? Are they supportive? If so, the only reason I can see for not coming out is to protect their fame and fortune. And if that is their motivation, it makes me sick and shows a real lack of integrity and self-respect. The gay community works so hard to be accepted by Middle America and deserves the utmost respect for having the courage to live their lives open and proud. I do not believe it is anybody's right to out closeted stars, but I hope they become better role models and stop putting money or celebrity before their dignity.
—O

Dear Not Loud but Proud:
Accepted? Uh, not me. Treated equally might be a better term. But regarding Toothy specifically, his friends and family are in-the-know about his hunger for hot hunks. Unfortunately, until actors aren't worried about losing roles based on who they're porking off the set, they'll stay locked in the closet. Things are looking up though. You may even hear from our pal Toothy soon."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
In recent days you've been implying that our beloved Toothy Tile may see the light ("You may even hear from our pal Toothy soon."), be true to himself (and Grey Goose) and finally come out. But with his recent breakup so fresh, wouldn't his coming out be too embarrassing and potentially damaging for his ex-beard? She certainly has a career and image she needs to protect.
—Melina

Dear Know It All:
Well, if you're so confident you know who T.T. is, then why does he even have to come out in the first place?"

blurry vice said...

"Quentin Tarantino seemed to be honoree of the night as everyone wanted a piece of the director, but the partyer who most caught our eye was Awful Truth fave Jake Gyllenhaal…who was seen chatting up another quasi-famous face for part of the night…

Jake and Olivia Munn (Chris Pine's ex gf) were speaking closely inside Soho House for part of the night, but we don't see a romance brewing quite yet for these two.

"It looked totally innocent," says an eyewitness at the shindig. "They hung for a while, but Jake was overheard telling people he was just at the party to have a good time with his friends."

We're told the once Oscar golden boy was "smiling all night" as he perused the Hollywood crowd. We just love single (and happy) Jakey, don't you?!

Still, don't count the tabloids out for prematurely naming Gyllenhaal and Munn Hollywood's new couple!"

Read more: http://www.eonline.com/uberblog/the_awful_truth/b170547_jake_gyllenhaal_hungry_ready_mingle.html#ixzz0hgfBJVfJ

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
There are some persistent rumors about some big star's coming out on the cover of the next issue of The Advocate, is it true? If true, is it someone living in an open glass-closet already, in an iron clod closet, or in Narnia land? And is it one of your Blind Vice stars? I know curiosity killed the cat, but I'm a dog-person anyway, so please answer me.
—Audrey

Dear Coming-Out Party:
If it’s who I suspect, I wouldn’t get too excited just yet. This person has been rumored to come out in one magazine or another for the last five years. Maybe this time the dude will finally actually do it?"

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
In one of your recent posts, you commented, "remember, T.Swift never rocked the purity ring like those JoBros did. She's not a fake, which, in our book, really makes you sexy." Are all of the purity ring wearers in Hollywood fake, or do some of them actually keep their promises?
—Cea

Dear Gullible:
I believe Jake Gyllenhaal has put his back on, but, he's pretty much the exception."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
With One Tree Hill being on the bubble of cancellation, do you think the same is true for Sophia and Austin? How long do you think they'll last if OTH gets the ax?
—Alittlebliss

Dear Good Question:
Hmm. How long did it take for Sophia's BFF Danneel Harris to tell me she's so getting married to Jensen Ackles? About the same time."

"Dear Ted:
So the "big coming out" on the cover of The Advocate is Sean Hayes, like seriously? God, even my grandma, who has no clue about who Madonna is, already knew he was gay. It's great for him, but if that's what some HW gay journalists are considering as a major revelation, it only unfortunately proves that there's still a looong way until any gay A-lister (Toothy Tile, I'm looking at you) will be comfortable to officially be proud of who they are and who they love, and that's really sad and disappointing. But I guess one tiny little baby step after the other is better than nothing.
—Audrey

Dear You Maybe Gotta Point:
I still don't think we should keep settling for only small-screen stars to do our same-sex battling for us. It's all very second-class citizen stuff, really. We should demand the big leaguers be honest with us, too. "

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Who's deeper in the closet? Toothy or Judas Jack-Off? I'd say Toothy, since he's also hiding Baby Tile, but JJO seems to go to great lengths to hide his true self...thoughts?
—Scott

Dear Hard One:
Tough! The way Toothy's been acting lately, I'm gonna go with him. Though I don't say JJO coming out anytime soon, either."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Toothy Tile truly is never going to come out, is he? Just answer me this: Will Grey Goose continue to wait around for him, or is this duo running out of love and time?
—J

Dear Sweet Thing:
Poor Grey Goose will wait for his man until he's old and stuffed, hence, his name."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
I am so loving Jakey G. right now, but why can't people leave his love life alone? I think he has learned his lesson about PR romances, so I wish his so-called fans and followers would give the guy a break and stay out of his personal life and stop stalking his bedroom.
—Reformed Gyllenholic

Dear Lesson Learned:
Psh, you can wish it all you want, but J.G.'s personal life will never be completely personal. He's already too big a tabloid staple."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Don't you think it's too PR convenient that Jake Gyllenhaal's people created a media hookup with Olivia Munn just when Prince of Persia is soon to be released? She is a host of a video game channel with a geek fanbase. Could you tell they are trying to attract the gamers to see Jake's video game-based movie? The people who design showmances are too transparent.
—Mike

Dear G4 True Love:
You, my friend, may have a future in PR."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
You've mentioned in the past that Rachel McAdams is as real as they get in Hollywood. In your B.B., you said that she would only date Jake Gyllenhaal if "one of them had a movie coming out." Is Rachel really the type of girl to fake date someone just to promote a movie? Say it ain't so! She's one of the few normal ones left!
—V

Dear Better Than That:
A good costar romance (or at least the rumor of one) can help create buzz for any movie, but don't give up on Rach just yet. We were focusing more on Jakey-poo with that jab. Because we love him so."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Does Toothy Tile read your column? If so, how does he feel about being such a popular Blind Vice? It always makes me sad to think that he has to live a double life. I couldn't imagine how awful it would be if I had to pretend I wasn't with my husband when we were out in public.
—Ellen

Dear Popularity Contest:
Yes. Loves it. He's sad, too. Don't even start."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
I think a majority of your readers (as well as other gossip devourers) have correctly determined the identity of Toothy Tile. If he knew how many people nationwide have a strong suspicion/conviction of his real identity, do you think his mind would change about staying in the closet? I know—there are still so many closed-minded people out there, including the big suits in Hollywood.
—J

Dear Mass Appeal:
I think the whole country could actually know who T.T. was and he still wouldn't publicly come out—not yet, at least."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
My partner and I have three rescue dogs and have supported a local organization! Please, please answer my questions! I love your column and follow it every day! Here's what I'm wondering. As it concerns stars and their sexuality, I see three categories: (1) Celebrities who are out and proud, i.e. Neil Patrick Harris, Lance Bass, etc.; (2) Celebrities who are out, but don't publicly proclaim it to the press, and can be discovered by any amateur Googler; and (3) Celebrities who are deep in the closet and often participate in the "bearding program." Are most of the Blind Vices in category 3? For instance, if Toothy Tile (and most of the gay or bisexual Blind Vicers) came out, would you go back and tell us that said actor was Toothy Tile all along? Also, specifically about Parrish Maguire, Jackie Bouffant, and Crescent Kumquat—what age bracket do they fall into, 20s, 30s, 40s? Thank you so muc,h Ted, and I hope you answer my questions!
—Brian

Dear Categories:
Right-o, most of the B.V.s are from the deep-in-the-closet variety. As for the B.V.s you named—they definitely cover a couple of the age groups you named, and then some."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
I was just reading how Reese Witherspoon has a new boyfriend already. Gee, it didn't take her long to get over Jake, now did it? I guess it wasn't such a bad breakup after all.
—Lee

Dear Wrong:
No darling. Trust me. It was."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
You have stated (many times) that the breakup between Reese and Jake was bad, but I don't remember you saying much in the way of actual details. Are you allowed (in blind fashion or hopefully out in the open) to discuss?
—L

Dear Nice Try:
Let's just say it ended much more abruptly than anticipated."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
I love when you talk about Toothy Tile, but I miss hearing about his partner, Grey Goose, and their Baby Tile. Can you tell us anything sweet about the lovely family Tile?
—Kate

Dear Family Matters:
I think the whole fam's getting close to pulling a Bullock, sorry to say."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
How can you drop a bomb about our dear family Tile saying they are close to pulling a Bullock but not actually saying why? It's not fair. If you break our hearts, please tell us what is going on! I hope whatever it is, that Toothy and Grey Goose stay together.
—Mia

Dear Bumshell:
A Bullock could be any number of things, including thinking about busting up but not actually doing it, thought about that?"

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Alas, I have no dogs nor cats that I've been saving lately and I also don't want to lie and say that I saved any. Too honest, that's me. But maybe I can collect some points with my everlasting love for my soon-to-be 15-year-old cat, Mira? So, this is my question about Baby Tile: Has there ever been a kid growing up in the same circumstances as his before in H'wood? (I guess the answer is 'duh' for the rest of the world, as anything goes, but I was asking specifically about H'wood.) Or is he being raised somewhere else? (Would be saner, too.) Lots o' love from Germany.
—Nina

Dear H'wood Happenings:
If you say anything goes for the rest of the normal world, then anything and everything goes for Hollywood. H'wood is like the regular world amped up on sex and weirdness. Answer's yes."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Ted, sorry but your gingerbread manner of speaking drives this reader nuts. Riddle me this after that last ambiguous Toothy spill: Are Toothy and Grey Goose headed for divorce court?
—Concerned in Kansas

Dear Call Off The Lawyers:
No. Just have a lot of tensions to sort through right now. Both dudes don't exactly have the best career outlooks at the moment."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Since Toothy's and Grey's careers aren't doing so well, any chance that coming out would improve their lot—maybe make people want to see them more since they would be less boring if they were gay and acting straight?
—S

Dear Talk on Town:
T2 and G2 may get a whole lot of tabloid buzz if they come out, but both of the dudes are still totally terrified they won't get the roles they want if studio types know they're gay—especially Toothy, who loves his heartthrob status."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Are two of your favorite gay B.V.s, Crescent Kumquat and Judas Jack-Off, native of the same geographical area? And why do Toothy Tile and Grey Goose have couples issues? Toothy dropped/was dropped by his beard and seems happy about it; Grey only use his fag-hag for red carpet events and very rare paparazzi pictures. They're both working as usual, so it should be like their second honeymoon phase instead of the "Is it your CD or mine?" moment.
—A

Dear Blinded by the Slight:
Just like with straight couples, gay couples suffer from competitive careeritis, too. As is the case with Tooth 'n' Grey. And no to the geo query."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
You said that Reese and Jake's relationship ended quicker than expected, but who expected it to last longer? Can you elaborate for us?
—Rainbaby

Dear Nice Guys Get Screwed:
It was Jake. He was pretty impressed with how Reese changed things around (on her own accord). I wasn’t!"

blurry vice said...

http://www.eonline.com/uberblog/the_awful_truth/b174164_ricky_came_out_why_
canrsquot_toothy_tile.html

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Reese really was the dumper, and Jake the dumpee? He never looked that happy with her. Did you see the photos of the family yogurt run last fall? Jake looked like he'd rather play in traffic. Also puzzled as to how Jake could think Reese helped his career. Many of his fans disliked Reese—thought the staged coffee runs for the paps turned him into just another H'wood phony and thought the relaysh killed his hotness. Fans didn't turn out for Jake's last two movies, and don't see much buzz for Prince of Persia. In contrast, look at Zachary Quinto. He just needs to be seen with his dog, Noah, to get fan love and sighs of how hot he is. And his career is taking off despite the lack of a tabloid relationship. Star Trek was not only one of the biggest films last year, it was actually good. Now Z.Q. has the lead in a new Spielberg film, and is producing a pilot for a TV series. Who really has the best strategy for a good career?
—Sydney

Dear Comparing Cuties:
Please, Jake dating Reese kept his name in the headlines and his picture on all the goss sites. His fans may have been less than thrilled to put up with the blond babe, but she got him attention. And it's unfair to compare him to Z.Q. Jake carries movies, while Zach is still part of an ensemble cast. For now."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
I was pleasantly surprised about Ricky Martin's decision to get himself out in the open, since I thought he was one of those candidates who would stay in the closet forever. OK, I think no one was really surprised he is gay, but still. Granted, he did out himself in his own time, but it still was a big decision to make. To my mind he did the right thing for himself and those two boys of his, and I wish them all the best. So since there is a child involved as well, do you think that Toothy and Grey Goose took note and got to thinking a little? They can't keep up their charade forever, can they? Or do you think they are so deep in the closet already that there is no turning back?
—Nic

Dear Following Suit:
Definite bravo to Ricky, but there is still a big difference between him and Toothy coming out. While I think there's definitely a chance T2 could come out sometime in the near future, I wouldn't expect Ricky's success to inspire Toothy to come sprinting out of his closet."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Last week you said Toothy (and Goose) are afraid they wouldn't get work if studios knew they were gay. I could swear I remember you saying that everyone in H'wood already knows all about T2 and G2. Are studio heads really in the dark? And does T2 ever take G2 to Industry events, particularly the kind not open to the prying eyes of the public? Or are they too deep in the closet for that?
—Jose

Dear Logistics:
It's not the Industry people, per se, that would stop T2 and G2 from working: it's the general public. If the viewers find out Toothy and hubby's secret, certain groups may be less inclined to see their movies, which the studio folks do not want."

blurry vice said...

http://www.eonline.com/uberblog/the_awful_truth
/b174930_does_jake_have_new_crush.html

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
I keep wondering, who has more to hide, based on their Blind Vices, Jake G. or Angie? Angie seems more sneaky. Sending hugs to your furry friends.
–Sandy

Dear Vice is a Vice:
They're both sneaky. But I would say Saint Jolie has more to lose. Much."

blurry vice said...

From Feb 11

"Dear Ted:
Don't you think it's great to see Jake Gyllenhaal again hanging out with his real friends and having a genuinely good time, instead of fauxmancing for the cameras in staged photo ops? I hope it means that tabloid-product Jake is a thing of the past and that he'll now focus on acting and remain true to his charming self. What do you think?
—Marisa

Dear Team Jake:
I totally prefer the non-Reese-attached Jake myself."

Read more: http://www.eonline.com/uberblog/b166668_Bitch_Back__Who_Are_Chester_and_Secretia_.html#ixzz0kdpZ7UKu

blurry vice said...

Feb 11

"Dear Ted:
How did you start writing your B.V.s? Did you just wake up one day and decided to tease us? Also when is Toothy Tile going to come out?! The suspense is killing me!
—Just Waiting

Dear History Lesson:
I actually think Toothy just might come out before all my hair turns gray."

Read more: http://www.eonline.com/uberblog/b166668_Bitch_Back__Who_Are_Chester_and_Secretia_.html#ixzz0kdps227Q

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
The prearrangement theory you mentioned over the weekend doesn't fly for beards, because who is to say Tiger and Elin didn't have an arrangement that let him bang skanks? We know they didn't, but that doesn't mean we knew they or others like Sandra/Jesse James or whomever didn't before it was reported. Therefore, the very same rules should apply. Everyone wants equality, but only when it doesn't harm someone's image. Bullock's, I say!
—Arranged

Dear Adamant One:
True, and many of these straight couples do have arrangements on the side. But, again, for the most part, it's these cash hungry babes who are doing the outing themselves. That's not gonna be the case for Toothy's male conquests. Or is it?"

blurry vice said...

http://www.eonline.com/uberblog/the_awful_truth/b176069_thats_not_really
_jake_on_gqmdashor_it.html

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
A lot of sources are saying that Jake Gyllenhaal and Isabel Lucas are hooking up? Is this just another brief fauxmance?
—M

Dear Show and Tell:
Let's see if she's on the tip sheet for the Prince of Persia premiere in a few weeks. If she is, I'm going to be very disappointed in Jake."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
What a disappointment was to read the quotes from Jake Gyllenhaal's new GQ interview. I thought we could find a more mature, genuine and honest person, but instead we have the same image obsessed fake guy recycling his own three year old PR approved quotes from his previous 2007 GQ interview. Like "it's important for every man to find the right woman?" What the hell is this hetero-centric and homophobic statement? Is he still living in the 1950s? I know he is promoting a Disney blockbuster and wants a conservative majority to buy a ticket but come on! This is too much! Do you think this is the only Jake we are going to get post-Prince of Persia, too?
—Carrie Bradshaw

Dear Dark Ages:
Glad you agree with me. Was totally disappointed! Don't you think he needs to be in the edgier mags? Then again you aren't going to find the un-PC quotes in GQ, it's quite mainstream."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Have Toothy Tile and Saucy Bossy ever worked on a film together? If so, did any extra-curricular kinky activities happen between the two down-low studs?
—G

Dear Hollywood is Small:
They're acquainted, yes."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
I'm a little confused by the argument some people use that if a gay A-lister comes out, such as Toothy or Nevis Divine, it will make it easier for other gay people to come out from all walks of life. Isn't coming out a personal journey for an individual? I don't believe a wealthy actor coming out in liberal Hollywood would make it easier for a young store clerk living in a small Southern town. Don't you feel it's too much pressure to put on actors and actresses who are not out to be unwilling role models? I understand the lying to the public is wrong, but I don't think outing people publicly or blindly is justified.
—CB

Dear the Norm:
You're right in that coming out is different for different people, but the more gay role models and gay public figures there are, the more exposure the noninformed get of the LGBT community—which is huge. And when those walls come down, coming out should be a bit easier for everyone, no?"

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
With this report that another celeb is about to come out, can it be Toothy at last?
—Ft. Lauderdale Friend

Dear Don't Hold Your Breathe:
Could it be? Possibly. It's been rumored to be old T2 for long enough. But will it be is a whole different question. One that I'm betting is going to be a big fat no."

ARTICLE: http://blog.zap2it.com/thedishrag/2010/04/move-over-ricky-martin-another-hollywood-celeb-is-coming-out.html

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Thanks for all you do for animals. Just curious. Are there contracts involved with showmances? How do the parties involved go about daily living with each other? For example, would Toothy have paid his beard's water bill or shared cereal with her?
—SC

Dear Paperwork:
Good question. Yes, specified bargains and deals exist between these jokers. But think less Toothy Tile, more Fey Oiled-Tush."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
So I heard Sandra Bullock is filing for divorce and there's an adopted baby, Louis, that's been in hiding for a little while. Did Sandra learn this trick from our man Toothy Tile himself? Is there a connection somewhere in this weird little Hollywood world, or just perhaps word of mouth through some famous close Texan friends?
—Too Much

Dear Secret No More:
Yep, Sandy has filed for divorce and is a new mama of adorable baby Louis. Sandy kept the new baby a secret 'cause she didn't want to subject him to all the paparazzi that were around her during awards season and then the cheating scandal. SB and Toothy aren't from the same Hollywood breed—at all."

blurry vice said...

http://www.eonline.com/uberblog/the_awful_truth/b178802_was_jakes_run-in_with_ex_hotmdashor_not.html

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
I was starting to think Reese was actually for real with Jim, but I keep seeing pictures of them taking walks, having lunch dates, and wearing baseball caps...it's starting to remind me of her and Jake...what's the deal?
—Amy

Dear Showmance Round 2?:
Poor Reese, right? It's going to take her plenty of time—and I'm sure plenty of guys—before we get the bad taste of Gyllenspoon out of our mouths. Bet she's up for the challenge, though."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Other than the odd reference here and there, there has been a real drought of gossip on Toothy Tile in the past few months. It seems like forever since we've had a Toothy Blind Vice, clues on his identity or any real news on his current love life. Has Toothy really become that good at hiding his secrets, or are you just growing tired of the whole Toothy-Grey Goose love saga? Any new info you can share?
—JA

Dear Update:
Not happy with the same-sex shenanigans of Toothy's D.L. peers? Can't blame you. I do love T2, who, FYI, I would never grow tired of, but as for Toothy and his hubby go, I'm afraid to report they're not only both behaving far too much for my tastes, they're (again) listening far too much to their advisors. Twisted stuff."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
I have 5 rescue cats. I'm a sucker for those little balls of fur that need me. Anyway, I recently watched The Day After Tomorrow for the first time in many years. I knew Jake G was in the movie and Dennis Quaid. But didn't realize Austin Nichols and Emmy Rossum were supporting players. I thought Phantom was Emmy's debut. Which makes me wonder, did Jake, Austin and Emmy become friends during filming? Have they (or any combination of them) stayed friends?
—D

Dear Bromance:
Haven't you heard—Jakey and Sophia Bush's beau Austin are totally BFF."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
What's up with Jake Gyllenhaal? I used to really enjoy his interviews, I thought they were funny and genuine, but I'm finding his interviews for Prince of Persia kind of robotic, not to mention reserved despite all the attempts to be funny. I'm also not finding the frat boy humor funny. Making gagging gestures when Jonathan Ross jokes about kissing his male guests while interviewing Adam Lambert? Recoiling when your colleague on The Daily 10 tried to give him a comforting hug during a joking routine that included tissue and fake tears? By the way, the contrast between Jake and Adam on Jonathan Ross was like night and day. Where's that "it" factor, the star quality that Jake used to have gone to?
—Worried Jake Fan

Dear Great Pretender:
That's exactly what I've been saying, babe. I thought after Gyllenspoon was no more, the real Jake might stand up, but that so hasn't been happening—for now, at least. Don't know if that's his choice or Disney's, but I'm not buying the über-man that's being shoved down our throats."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
A quick point to defend Jake Gyllenhaal on the Jonathan Ross show in the U.K. I don't know if you know Jonathan Ross over there in the U.S., but over here, he's a real TV personality who can be a great interviewer—he banters and has fun with his guests and it can be a laugh. But with both Adam Lambert and Jake Gyllenhaal, he was embarrassing. He had obviously done very little research on either Lambert or Gyllenhaal, so the interviews had an awkward, repetitious quality. And frankly, if Jonathan Ross threatened to kiss me, I'd feel like gagging, too. So I don't know about the rest of J.G.'s press tour for Prince of Persia, but on Jonathan Ross, at least, I understand why he might have been a bit uncomfortable. (And he retaliated with J.R.'s iPad at the end of the show—I approve!) There was no way J.G. was going to relax with a massive summer blockbuster riding on his shoulders. Let's give the guy time.
—Anna

Dear Point Taken:
I really do heart my Jake, trust. I'm sure there are plenty of other things on his mind right now, too."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
So sad that Crescent Kumquat would be so stupid as to have sex without a condom! I wonder if he thought you don't get stuff from powerful females, only gay guys. Are any other Blind Vices now worried they might have picked up something from him recently? Any chance C.K. and Toothy hooked up recently? Or is Toothy being faithful to Grey Goose?
—Bob

Dear Safe Sex:
Totally agree. I think Cres was more worried about getting his hetero on than protecting his business. A C.K.-T2 matchup, while superhot (well, if you ignore the herp), hasn't gone down. Don't expect it to, either. Totally different conniving animals."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
My guess for Toothy Tile and Grey Goose is Tom Cruise and John Travolta. Am I close, or way off? Love your column, it totally gets me thru the day. And thank you for all your shout outs and tireless efforts supporting animal shelters. I have a Russian Blue who is blind in one eye after being abandoned in a gutter and my family wouldn't be the same without him! Kisses.
—Lili

Dear BV Blunder:
Kisses to your kitty who sounds fab, which makes me sad to say your guess is a no-go. Maybe those dudes have other Vices?"

Doesn't anyone read our blog?

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
I've recently become hopelessly addicted to your column (much love from the U.K.). Reading up on the sleazy and kind of tragic epic of JJO and DDD has made me wonder; are there any closeted celeb couples in Tinseltown in happy relationships you just don't tell us about because they behave? Or does it always end like a bad soap plot like it has has for poor DDD and his dreamy ex? I'm a sucker for any kind of happy ending, though, so any chance these two can reconcile and be together with or without beards even in secret? What would it take? Props for all the effort you put in for our adorable animal friends BTW.
—B.V. Addict

Dear Heart Breaker:
Sure, being on the DL doesn't help a relaysh—and while some can make it work (Toothy and Grey), it's tough to keep things together with so much pressure. Especially when these dudes see out couples like Neil Patrick Harris and his BF being honest and happy."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
With the shomance over, I am very curious what Reese will do this weekend to get photographed? With all the Prince of Persia hype this week, I am surprised that Reese isn't being "spotted" all over the place or maybe floating a rumor of engagement.
—CJ

Dear Paparazzi Hot Spot:
The weekend is still young, CJ—there's plenty of time for Reese to decide to do a last-minute shopping spree on Rodeo, new BF in tow, obviously. That's so Reese's way, after all."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Is Toothy Tile still with his beard?
—Brooke

Dear Shaved:
T2 is currently without female company—who do you think will be his next beardy babe?"

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
How closeted are our favorite closeted stars? More specifically, do their families know? Like Toothy and Crescent. Are their parents and siblings in on it? Or are they as blind to their Vices as the general public is? My family—namely my two adopted dogs—know all of my vices. They are the very best secret-keepers.
—Elizabeth

Dear Open House:
Depends on the DL fellow, really. Some, who are more in the "experimenting" phase (Crescent Kumquat), keep it secret even from good old mom and pops. But those guys in more knowing times of their sexuality (Toothy Tile)? Usually the fam is in the know and, more often than not, happy for ‘em."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Who is raising Baby Tile? I'm guessing if both his dads are so attached to their respective closets, they wouldn't both be living with Baby Tile full-time. And the beard for Daddy Grey Goose, does she know Baby Tile exists? If so, does she spend quality time with Baby? I'm so curious about how this unusual family works/doesn't work. Betsy and Tacy, my two rescue kitties, are also curious about this whole sitch. Details, please!
—Tib

Dear Family Matters:
Darling, this was all arranged ages ago—by professionals. And it largely continues to remain so (to the knowledge of everyone involved, of course), with the exception of Toothy himself."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
At one point you mentioned that Toothy was born in Texas? This Toothy Tile thing is killing me! I must be superlame, because even with the hints, I haven't got a clue. Is Ryan Cabrera from Texas?
—Barry, the O.C.

Dear Tile and Error:
Nope. Toothy's a celebrity. (Zing!) And, besides, I said he was born west of Texas."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
What's the deal with the new inseparable BFFs Jake Gyllenhaal and Adam Levine?
—Lia

Dear Bromance:
They're BFFs. Why, do you think there's something more?"

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
In regard to Toothy Tile, I have to wonder how Baby Tile will feel once he's grown and realizes that his father kept him a secret from the world because he didn't want to hurt his career. Or am I wrong as to why Baby Tile has been kept a secret?
—Msmith

Dear Who Is Toothy? Never Heard of Him:
When Baby Tile grows up, that'll be an entirely different ball game. Who's to say what five, 10 or 15 years will bring for the kid and his 'rents?"

So baby tile is a he.

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Our rescue kitty, Trudi, is dying to know what is up with Jake Gyllenhaal. So many people think Jake is gay, but Trudi saw recent photos of him checking some girl out as she climbed some stairs. Did he do it to throw off the paps, or is he actually straight? (I don't think you can out someone as straight can you?) Inquiring kittens want to know...
—Treefon

Dear Yeah, Right:
I'm so sure Trudi is bypassing the catnip and the treats you spoil with her so she can check out the latest tabloids, uh-huh. Regardless, tell "Trudi" that Jake was checking out a pretty girl because that's what people who like sexy, pretty people do. The woman was a looker; he looked. End of story. Add to that, however, that Jake wants you right where you are: wondering. He's adamant that his intimate side remain his. Remind you of anybody else?"

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Haven't heard much about Toothy Tile, what has he been up to lately? Hope he is closer to coming out and being himself. I would still love him.
—Sandy

Dear Get Your Crowbar:
Hate to say it, but T2 seems less likely to come out than ever before. Total shame, right? I'm sure you're not the only one who would still love him, but Toothy ain't having any of it. Not now or for the foreseeable future, at least. Actually I take that back, Grey Goose may be less likely to come out than ever."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Does any of the gossip you hear ever get boring even though it might be fascinating to your readers? Out of these B.V. subjects, who do you find the most and least interesting to write about? Toothy Tile, Crescent Kumquat, Judas Jack-Off, Grey Goose and Nevis Divine.
—Meg

Dear T-town Twist:
To answer your first question, I stick with those celebs who are relevant currently and making goss worth gabbing about, that way it doesn't get boring for me or you. As for the Vices, I'd say I'm mucho intrigued by Cres and Nev and the ways they're exploring their sexuality. None really bore me, but T2 hasn't exactly been causing any trouble lately. Care to fix that, Tooth?"

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Many thanks for yesterday's update (albeit disappointing) on my two favorite Blind Vicers, Toothy Tile and Grey Goose. I was starting to think you had thrown in the towel on these two. With the news that G.G. is now the least likely to step out of the closet, does this mean G.G. might actually genuinely be falling for his beard? As sad as it may be, is this the end of Toothy and Goose's erratic relationship?
—Lovelorn

Dear Heart of the Matter:
More like G2 is genuinely falling for his booming career—his beard is just helping him get there."

blurry vice said...

http://www.eonline.com/uberblog/the_awful_truth/b190580_jake_gyllenhaal_hits_
homerun_with_new.html

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
I have been an avid reader of your column for years, yet can't help but think lately that something is off with your reporting. I know that for as long as the Toothy saga has been going on, it must be hard to keep track of everything you have written on the subject, but I don't understand how Baby Tile can even exist. Especially in light of the fact that both TT and Grey Goose are back in the darkest recesses of their respective closest. Are there grandparents that take care of this child? Are Toothy and Grey even in the child's life to a significant degree? How on earth does this unusual arrangement work?
—LC

Dear You Must Be Joking:
That's like saying no marriage contracts or secret affairs or drug habits exist in this town. Darling, stars have their secrets, especially when they want more than anything to protect them. Case in point: Toothy's kid."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
In your opinion, who's more likely to come out first: Toothy or Nevis?
—Sam

Dear Neither:
But if I had to pick, I would say—gasp—Toothy. Again, though, don't count on either happening anytime soon. Maybe by the time his offspring reach college age."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
I know that you can sometimes be playfully coy and cagey in some of your answers, but here is hoping for a straightforward answer to my one simple question: Are Toothy Tile and Grey Goose still together as a couple?
—Isobel

Dear Bashful Betty:
Yes. See, that wasn't so painful, was it?"

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Before Clay Aiken "officially" came out, his orientation was an open secret—the only people who didn't know were his fans (well, some of them, anyway). In other words, it wasn't hidden from anyone working with him. Is it the same kind of sitch with Toothy Tile? You've said that T.T. knows he's T.T....Is it readily acknowledged (to his face) in Hollywood, and just kept a secret from the public? For instance, would he and Grey Goose be invited to a party as a couple?
—Terri

Dear Glass Closet:
T2 is much more closeted than Clay, even within T-town. Sure, a lot of his coworkers and the corporate big-wigs know what's up, but it's not as acknowledged or discussed openly as it was with Clay."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Now that Judas Jack-Off and Dashed Dingle-Dream are back together, what are the chances they will finally come out? Do you think they are more or less likely to come out than Toothy Tile and Grey Goose? I hope at least one of them will!
—Chaz

Dear Close Closet Call:
That's a tough one, Chaz, 'cause both the duos are mucho comfortable in their respective closets. But if I had to choose who would come out as a couple, it would be T2 and G2. Way more serious and way more comfortable with each other."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Is Toothy's longtime BF a chef?
—Curious

Dear Dinner and Dessert:
By profession, no. But who knows what he could whip up in the kitchen for his main man."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
I know Toothy Tile won't come out any time soon but I just want him and Grey Goose to come out and live their actual life. I was wondering who do you think has the possibility of coming out sooner: Toothy Tile or Grey Goose?
—Sandy

Dear Come Out Come Out:
You're telling me, Sandy. Believe it or not I've grown quite attached to Toothy over the years and would love it if he would come out and live his life the way that I know he's dying to. As for who'd come out first, it actually would be T2 these days. How about that?"

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Regarding Toothy Tile and Baby Tile, can you give me a little dirt on the surrogate he used. Was she a friend/relative of his or his partner's or a random choice? Is she still in Baby Tile's life? I'm fairly certain on Toothy's identity and this piece of the puzzle would clench it for me!
—SarahTV

Dear Baby Mama Drama:
Ah, Baby Tile, one of my fave Blind Vice sagas! And such an adorable story if you think about it. Don't you just wish Toothy and Grey Goose didn't have to keep their little one a secret? As for the surrogate, suffice it to say, it was a business transaction, in so many ways."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Do you talk about the following B.V. subjects much under their real names: Crescent Kumquat, Judas Jack-Off, Dashed Dingle-Dream, Crotch Uh-Lastic and Grey Goose?
—Chaz

Dear Recent Appearances:
Hmmm...Crescent's been mentioned on and off lately. Not much from Judas or Dashed. Crotchy's recently been featured, but then again, he's always been here and there, lurking around. And I think that's all I'll tell you for now."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
I'd love to know if Baby Tile is ready to be called Tile Tot and if it's a girl or a boy?
—Pitter Patter

Dear Tile Offspring:
What's with this huge interest in Baby Tile—who didn't ask to be brought into this PR web, mind you."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Since we have not had any real clues on Toothy Tile's identity in ages I thought maybe you would be more forthcoming on clues concerning Grey Goose. Other than the time Toothy and Goose got caught getting frisky by the LAPD, has Goose had any other altercations with the law?
—CP

Dear LAPO'd:
Nothing worse than any other star, really."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Any truth to the rumors about Jake Gyllenhaal and Rachel Bilson coupling up?
—Moo

Dear Hardly:
None so far on my end. Although that sounds like it'd be quite the little career juicer for both parties, don't you think?"

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Is Baby Tile a human baby, or could it be a pet that the Tiles' adopted and share?
—CF

Dear Baby Onboard:
How disappointing would that be! Nope, while T2 loves his four-legged friend, Baby Tile is as human as they come."

- People need to read our site. I already asked that question like 3 yrs ago. at least ted admits here that toothy does have a dog (jake's dog atticus).

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
When Ricky Martin came out, you told us you couldn't reveal his B.V. because being gay was not the Vice, but rather other things he may have gotten up to. I am wondering if there are any of the closeted B.V.s you could reveal if the star came out. Toothy perhaps?
—Chaz

Dear The Tile File:
Hardly! Toothy has far dirtier secrets than the fact that he's down with the LGBT. Like, say, sex in public and an occasional cocaine habit (though not so much these days), not to mention there are the identities of Grey Goose, Baby Tile and any beard T2's ever had. That's where things get complicated, Chaz."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Did you hear the good news about Florida? We finally lifted the ban on adoptions by gays! Baby steps (pun intended). Not much about Toothy Tile or Grey Goose lately. Any new tales to tell?
—XXOO

Dear Gator Gold:
Kudos to Florida! Now if Cali could only get its act together, we'd keep making those baby steps. T2 and G2 haven't been making much of a splash lately. Grey's been super busy with work, while Toothy is enjoying a bit of down time. When did these two become so friggin' boring?"

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Have we ever seen Baby Tile in photos and not realized the connection to Toothy? I'm just curious whether Baby Tile has been hiding under our noses all along.
—Curious

Dear Tile Overload:
Ah, the adorable saga of Baby Tile! Trust, B.T. has never appeared in a paparazzi pic. Toothy would never allow it."

blurry vice said...

I added a "Baby Tile" label to this post. NOt because the BV is about Baby Tile but because I post all BT related comments etc under this post. (We don't have a lot of early posts about Baby Tile, just more recent info. BT is about/at least 3 years old by now)

blurry vice said...

http://www.eonline.com/uberblog/the_awful_truth/b202873_sophia_austin_not_hunting_gossip.html

http://www.eonline.com/uberblog/the_awful_truth/b202645_jake_gyllenhaal_debuts_new_beard.html

blurry vice said...

http://www.eonline.com/uberblog/the_awful_truth/b202860_can_peta_get_guy_naked_already.html

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Brad Pitt, Zac Efron, Robert Pattinson and even Jake Gyllenhaal have all grown beards this year, so what's going on with the hunks of Hollywood? Is this their way of going on strike against the demands of the PR machine? I don't think the beards become any of them (well, maybe Zac's, last I saw his was neatly trimmed). What's next? Is Toothy Tile going to get a beard too? I wonder what Grey Goose would have to say about that?
—M

Dear No Shave 2010:
It's the fad, doll. All the hottest guys in Hollywood want to be seen as rugged hot instead of pretty boy hot. The beard makes them seem like they care a lot less about their looks (though you know that's totally BS). As for these days, Goose is the bearded babe in that relaysh—er, actually, which beard did you mean?"

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
In light of your latest chapter on Toothy, I think I am now almost as confused about what Toothy is up to as Toothy is of his own sexuality! If Tooth is choosing to secretly hook up with chicks away from prying eyes, I struggle to understand how this will bolster the faux public hetero image pushed by his handlers. What makes you so certain that this is "fake babe-nailing" and that T2 does not genuinely have the hots for both boys and girls à la Nevis Divine? And I guess your comment on Grey Goose being "over it" means that sadly, the love story between T.T. and G.G. is on the outs. So who gets Baby Tile?
—AS

Dear Tile-Phile:
Whew! So many queries, hon-pie. In order you mentioned: You are not alone. It won't. Because I know. Not yet. TBD."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
In what state does Baby Tile live? Does he or she live with Toothy or Gray Goose?
—Suz

Dear One Big Toothy Family:
More than one."


"Dear Ted:
I was recently thinking about my favorite vice of yours Toothy Tile and couldn't help but wonder, if a movie were ever to come out the based on this Vice who would play Toothy, Grey Goose and Baby Tile?
—pksk4life

Dear Love it:
Either Chace Crawford or James Franco would be terrific as Grey, and the beloved Tooth himself? I nominate Ryan Gosling. Baby Tile would probably best be tackled by Willow Smith. It's a hit, no?"

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
So is Toothy Tile still with Grey Goose? Love ya Ted. You da man.
—Nosey Nelly

Dear Dysfunctional Duo:
It's hard to say these days. They definitely haven't called it quits yet, but things are not going smoothly, mostly thanks to Toothy's heaps and heaps of

Vicey problems. So Goose has been biding his time with things he thinks are more important while he waits for T2 to get his friggin' act together."

"Dear Ted:
I was wondering about the whole Jake Gyllenhaal and Taylor Swift showmance. It just seems way too adorable and sweet, lovey-dovey. Are they really into each

other, or is this strictly business?
—miri_aft21

Dear Horoscope Says:
Let's put it this way: Jaw to the floor that these two are still cavorting around together. It looks like if it's up to any higher power, aside from us, Jake

and Taylor may just make it through the long haul. We'll admit the two are a cute match, but the cheesy photo op dates aren't helping their case against any

nonbelievers. It's time to switch up the scene, you two, before this fairy tale turns into even more of a media nightmare!"

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Saw the pics of Alec Baldwin wearing that black band on his ring finger. Could Alec be Grey Goose? If I'm way off base do you at least know what that ring

was all about?
—Kathy

Dear All the Single Fellahs:
Grey is actually less of a silver fox than Alec, despite the nomenclature. Not a bad guess though, babe. As for the ring, well, Alec has been muy secretive

of its meaning—but don't be fooled, he wants you to ask about it.

Dear Ted:
Are there, by any chance, any updates to be had on the most famous of your Vicers, Toothy Tile? Is it still parking lots and dirty alleyways or did he find

somewhere even more exciting to share his talent? Also, do you know how baby Tile is doing? Progressing well?
—F

Dear Good Heart:
Tile's great, very well taken care of. As far as Toothy's love-life and career go, he's gotten more domestic lately, which has greatly helped the latter."

blurry vice said...

"
Dear Ted:
This might sound weird but I have a child-welfare question on the brain. If Toothy Tile, who's a media darling, has kept Baby Tile as well hidden from the

media as it sounds, what kind of life can the poor kid have? How does Toothy do it? It sounds a bit creepy...is the kid locked up in an attic or something?

And does he ever see his dad?
—W

Dear Dorian Dad:
In the order you asked: a great one, as Toothy's a great dad; easily (you'd be surprised at how easy it is to have a private life when that's what you truly

desire, just ask Jodie Foster and her family); I think it sounds just the opposite, and definitely no. Lastly, all the damn time.

Dear Ted:
Austin Nichols and Sophia Bush broke up recently. Sophia seems to date anyone she costars with but Austin seems to have a nonexistent dating record. What

gives? The man is 31 years old, is he that picky? Who would you set him up with? Any Vicey behavior?
—CuriousGMan

Dear On To The Next One:
Doll, Austin wasn't even that famous until he hit the One Tree Hill scene...and subsequently hit the social scene with Ms. Bush—so it's not too surprising

that his history of ex-GFs isn't too public. But he is a Vice star, yes. Actually that probably has more to do with his dating habits than pickiness."

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