One Squat-Ready Blind Vice - May 2006
Dubba Do-Me better put in a call to Jenny Craig; he's that out of shape. The young boys he secretly favors are bitchin'--and so are the big shots who maintain his hetero-hot image.
Toothy Tile has some clandestine company these days, and I'm not just referring to those starry dudes who are dangling soclose to suddenly revealed homo-card territory. Not at all.
Ya see, Dubba Do-Me has been right out there, for years, walking that tightrope of pretend-hetero public infatuation, (mostly) stellar entertainment delivery and private-trainer poking, among other closely paid companions.
Yes, yes, yes, said trainers are boys, all boys. They're the ones who secretly visit D.D.-M. on his myriad film sets, where Dubba's trailers always resemble many homes on the Great Plains, size- and price-wise.
But don't get me wrong here, sweetcakes--we're not talkin' alleged Michael Jackson stuff, uh-uh. Let's just say Mr. Do-Me prefers guys younger than him. Much.
Is this all such a big deal? Not really. But I suspect it will be, as more and more (two this week alone, that I'm aware of) have started complaining so damn loudly about having to peddle Do-Me's false image that they're getting mucho restless. Especially now that D.'s bitchin' bod ain't exactly what it used to be.
In other words, get ready for Emperor Do-Me's clothes to become transparent rather quickly.
And it ain't: Frankie Muniz, Eddie Murphy, Kurt Russell
Also eliminated: Michael Douglas, Alec Baldwin, Kevin Spacey, Will Smith, Ricky Martin, George Clooney, Vin Diesel, Kevin Costner, Jared Leto
Top suspects: Tom Cruise, John Travolta