Blind Vice! Super-Duper Cooper Peeved About Poop Scoop!

Newest BV from Ted...

Blind Vice! Super-Duper Cooper Peeved About Poop Scoop

We've filled you in on lots of the gross-out goss that goes on behind Vice stars' closed doors, and now one of the stinkiest celebs has finally caught a whiff of his own dirty laundry.
We're sure you can guess who, too...
Super-Duper Cooper, the superstar who likes his nookie with a side of No. 2!
And when SDC caught wind that we were blabbing about his penchant for poo, he wasn't too pleased:
'Cause the dude's going out of his way to make sure hotel insiders don't snitch to us again!
See, Coop was set to make his return to Sin City—and his smelly sexcapades, we're sure—but didn't want to leave a tell-all trail this time.
So like any good celeb worth their A-list status, he had his people take care of it.
We're advised that Coop's assistant called up every million-dollar, high-rise hotel the star has stayed in, including the hotel our partic chatty friend works at, and had a conversation that goes a little something like this:
"Hello! Hope you've been well! How are the kids? Blah blah blah, by the way, have you heard any rumors about Super-Duper Cooper lately?"
Our mischievous source, of course says, "No, why?" And that's when Coop's pal gets sassy, saying:
"Oh, there's just an old gossip columnists who's out to get Coop. They don't understand him because Coop is irreverent."
And when our in-the-know worker said that didn't keep up with the goss, Coop's fellow booked a room on the spot.
Hm, wonder if he'll be sure to clean up after himself this time.
Listen up, Coop, as long as you keep being so careless with your feces fun, I'll be sure to blab it. We can both be irreverent in that way, huh? But thanks for reading the blolumn!
(And for the record, you've kissed women my age and sure seemed to get off on it, dude.)
And It Ain't: Alexander Skarsgård, Charlie Sheen, Kevin Jonas

Please refer to the label below for a link to our discussion on the previous SDC BVs, including a full list of who has been eliminated.

Top suspect: John Mayer

Blind Vice Valentine: One Horny, Lonely Sleazeball!

New from Ted yesterday -

Blind Vice Valentine: One Horny, Lonely Sleazeball!

What would Valentines Day be without our favorite dirt bag, Super-Duper Cooper?
Remember the last time we heard from him?
For all of you single and slightly depressed folks out there, be damn grateful you're sharing a bed alone tonight, not with Cooper's feces and, ahem, other things mixed in.
But we didn't know just how kinky SDC likes to get? You'll never believe who he invited to crawl in bed with him...
A dude! What, is Super-Duper Cooper's reputation so tarnished with the ladies he's switching teams on us?
Look, we're not entirely surprised here. After all, this is a celeb who likes to have gay porn on in the background when he gives it to the ladies. And he certainly hasn't been shy about making out with a few guys here and there.
But, I digress.
While at a secluded West Hollywood hideout recently, Super slithered up to a very good looking, very obviously gay dude who was at the hotel bar hanging out with a couple pals.
Coops invited himself to join the table, he is a famous and good-looking guy after all, so the others weren't quick to shoo him away.
However, S. fixated on one gentleman in particular. After making some charming small talk, he invited the pretty boy (and him alone), up for a night cap to Super's hotel room.
Said dude politely declined.
SDC touched the good looking gay on his upper bicep and tried his best at convincing him it would be "worth his while."
The few other people sitting there in the group watched all of this go down, completely dumbfounded.
The guy still declined. Sleazy celeb hookups aren't his thing. How very refreshing, see, some proper guys do exist in this town!
Super-Duper Cooper sulked away, but we're sure he didn't do it alone. Coops apparently went out on the town to find a fix for the evening. No word on if it was male or female. Poor thing whoever it was!
But, after Super-D departed the table full of beautiful people, the group had the nerve to joust the guy for not taking one for the team and going upstairs with the hunky celeb.
What are friends for, if not to steer you straight into an STD den, huh?

And It Ain't: Tom Cruise, Channing Tatum, Matthew Morrison

Please see our label below to lead you to our discussion on the many previous SDC BVs.  Our April 2008 SDC post includes a full list of who has been eliminated.

Top suspect: John Mayer

Awful Truth's BV Archive - Super Duper Cooper

Ted's created another chapter of his archive - this one to go along with today's BV, good ole Super Duper Cooper.

Time to bring back and oldie and stinky B.V. creep monster.
Remember Super-Duper Cooper? He's a poop on ‘em and leave ‘em kind of guy. Not to mention his verbal diarrhea of the mouth only makes us wonder how the hell he is still able to bed tons of Hollywood beauties. Especially considering his post-coital behavior...
The Perp: Super-Duper Cooper
Primary Vice: Douchebag
Blind Bio: Celebrity whose manners are as disgusting in private as they are in public. This dude is a notorious womanizer, no secret there, but the way he mixes his bedroom and bathroom behavior sure might surprise some folks. And his thank-you to a select few gals? Forcing his conquests he accidentally knocks up to get abortions, including his famous, slightly cheap ex-girlfriend.

Top suspect: John Mayer.  See below for our other posts on SDC including our full list of eliminations.

Blind Vice: You May Never Want to Have Sex Again!

New from Ted today -

Blind Vice: You May Never Want to Have Sex Again!

It's a good thing Super-Duper Cooper, whose bedroom habits stink to high heaven, is pretty hot. Otherwise, what you're about to read would be virtually impossible to fathom. I mean, kinky sex is one thing, but totally debauched, gross-out nooky with an ever grosser-looking partner would be just beyond hideous, right?
Still, babes, hold off on eating your lunch ‘cause what you're fixing to read, about what Super's been up to, will probably make you want toss your cookies:
Coop, who still manages to bed all the good-looking gals he can find (despite claiming the opposite), recently stayed at his fave deluxe Vegas hotel. The place was used to catering to Cooper's starry ways: Women constantly in and out of his room, the suite always left a mess, etc. Nobody ever said anything, discretion is this celeb hang's policy!
But that was before.
After Super-Duper's most recent stay, he left behind a gift. It was a bag, actually. The housekeeper found it. She opened it up, thinking she'd get a delightful, vicarious big-celebrity thrill, getting a look at the fancy stuff before, of course, returning it to management so Super could retrieve his forgotten goodies.
Well, guess what she found? A bunch of s--t. Literally. Now, technically, they were crap-covered bed linens (which, clearly, Coop was planning on throwing out, but forgot). But listen up, the predominant ingredient in that damn bag was overwhelmingly made of human feces. With a nice chaser of dried seminal fluid, just to top things off nicely.
Now, Super, you bizarro perv, we already knew you were into sex-with-poop, but the thing we don't get—like at all—is where the hell do you find these chicks who participate in the stinky stuff, too? Are they really into it, or do they just play along (and hold their noses)?
Or are we just boring old vanilla-sex types, and is fornication with turds the new black? Are we that behind with the latest trends? Do tell, Super! Tweet us an answer, pronto, por favor!
At any rate, the Vegas joint's concierges are at a loss as to what they're going to say to Super next time he books a room. May we suggest: "So very sorry we can't accommodate you, Mr. Cooper, but unfortunately, we're as full as your bowels."
And It Ain't: Justin Timberlake, Kanye West, Colin Farrell

Top suspect: John Mayer

Links to previous SDC BVs:
Oct '07 and April '08 including a full list of who has been eliminated; and January '08.

Weekly Vintage BV: Probe Light

As requested by reader roseyf, here is one a lot of people thought was John Mayer.  I always thought this one was Adam Levine though.  See comments section for a hint from Ted.

One Vainglorious Blind Vice - Feb 13, 2006


Okay, darlings. I'm just gonna lay down the get-laid law. When you're twisting in the sheets with a lip-mashing mate, selfish behavior has got to be at the top of the don't list. Sex is all about focusing on your partner, relishing their nooks, crannies, piercings and whatnot. I mean, sure, we all get off on ourselves; it's just that usually you save that for when you're alone. And that's why Probe Light is so shocking. He's a rocker—okay, semi-rocker—a very dreamy boy from the sensitive side of the tracks. Sort of a clean-living-room thing. And so as you can predict, this saga begins backstage at one of Probe's concerts. An unknown minx makes her way into P.L.'s dressing room. One flirtatious remark leads to a lick of the lips, and before ya can say, "Top 40 music rules"...Boom, boom, boom, they go, back to his room where they do it all night. Oh. Forgot one little detail about this assignation. Ya see, Probe's own music was playing on the stereo the whole friggin' time. Such a small fornicating factoid, wonder how the hell I forgot it? Seriously, though, give us all a minute to catch our breath here. I mean, where is the romance? Who gets off on their own damn recorded music? Are you kidding me? Isn't that sort of like making love next to a sculpture of your own Johnson? Ya see, the gal was disturbed; but she didn't say anything, shy as she is. Then again, maybe Mick Jagger likes to get satisfaction while listening to one of his band's 10 zillion tunes. But he's a Rolling Stone. And Probe's, well, Probe. Hardly a legend. What's also weird about this incident is I already knew Mr. L. had some kinky quirks, which is fine. But to learn that he would get a D- in Romance 101? Shame. There is, howevah, a happy ending, at least by my standards. Probe surprised his one-night stand with a little mouth-to... Exact body location to remain undisclosed. I'll take a cue from P.L.'s sweet, preteen-appropriate lyrics. He, after all, would never be so explicit. 

And It Ain't: Ryan Cabrera, John Legend, Aaron Carter

Also eliminated: Justin Timberlake

Top suspects: John Mayer, Adam Levine 

Page Six John Mayer/Kristin Cavallari blind?

I thought we could chat about this. Apparently NY Post ran a blind last week -

Which womanizing crooner has been dating a reality TV starlet for more than two years, putting her up in hotels wherever he travels for shows.

... Dlisted has revealed it to be about John Mayer and Kristin Cavallari. Ted is denying that it is true here.

Thoughts?

Loving Truth, Lies and Ted

Brief interruption from the blind item discussion. I just want to give a shout-out for my love of Ted Casablanca's new show, Truth, Lies, and Ted. Our favorite writer of blind items has his own little show on eonline now, and I am loving it! He films from his home and today's show he was in a speedo. Love it! And you know what, Ted is HOT!
And yes, he has dropped a few hints about some of our favorite BVs. Discussing Jake and Reese's fake relationship (Toothy Tile), and hinting John Mayer "needs to clean up his romance act if he wants to land a nice girl" (Super Duper Cooper).
If anyone hasn't seen it yet, you must. Watch from the Awful Truth page on eonline. There about 5 shows on there and they are only a few minutes long each. Don't miss it!

4/29/08: Ted hints John Mayer is Super Dooper Cooper

"Dear Ted:Is Super Duper Cooper from One Special Scratch-n-Sniff Blind Vice Matthew McConaughey? Sonia Lexington, S.C.

Dear Lexy Lady:Believe it or not, our bongo-'n'-babe-playin’ pal is all sorts more gentlemanly than SDC. Think less hunky, and sillier, in bathing wear."

(John Mayer recently photographed in the green mankini)

One Special Scratch N' Sniff Blind Vice

New Blind Vice from Ted today... Super Duper Cooper is back!

Lead-Ins:

Stinks N' Finks!
It's a very smelly—some say sexy—Blind Vice in the boudoir this Friday!

Natural Selection?
Oh, dear. Unless you've got a very imaginative (and open-minded) bent for things in the bedroom, wouldn't even bother with today's Blind Vice tale about Super Duper Cooper, who's really pushing it with how he selects his mattress conquests. And check out his erect desktop, babes!

One Special Scratch N' Sniff Blind Vice

Break out your umbrellas and stay out of the splash zone, Super Duper Cooper strikes again. Our sexed-out insiders are spilling about some other naughty boudoir behavior SDC has been up to besides becoming an Olympian at preorgasmic water sports, ugh.
Supes seems to like his female fans almost as much as he likes his steamy Hollywood girlfriends, and he treats both varieties of vixens with about the same amount of respect. The well-liked lothario scoops up the gals and spits 'em back out just as quickly, especially the ones who accidentally get knocked up 'cause of his encounters. Guy’s a low-down dawg, though his puppy puss makes him seem so much more innocent. Mr. Duper Cooper even marks his territory like man’s best four-legged pal: He’s been known to have his adoring fans line up against a wall, drop trou and go to town sniffing their derrieres like they were at the Laurel Canyon pooch park. Sounds kinda hot, but kinda gross. Don’t think this was just hazing for entry into the fan club—Cooper’s famous ex-flame was also privy to this way-too-personal inspection.
A bit too absurd for your prude tastes in titillation? We’re more confused than disgusted, since SDC also likes to throw on some gay porn while bedding his beauties. In fact, our too-close-for-comfort sources swear Duper’s desktop screensaver is none other than the male member, in its full pixilated 'n' engorged glory. Is this dude bisexual, or trying to cover up all the oft-blogged-about gay rumors by romancing so many willing ladies? Either way, he needs to be put on a leash before we turn back around to liking this lush lad.

And it ain't: Pete Wentz, Chace Crawford, Tom Brady

In the past, there was a Super Duper Cooper BV, and it was rumored to be John Mayer. See below, it was about him and a gf (presumed to be Jessica Simpson), and SDC liked to pee and poop on her. (Gross!). So, I am guessing John Mayer for this. Also, the AIA's here all clearly hint towards Jessica Simpson (her sister's bf, her bf's ex's ex, and a NFL QB). I'd like to point out, about the second BV below... there was a second time he was mentioned, a short blurb and we posted it here, and I thought it was Rick Solomon. (Hinting that he demanded his ditzy ex to have an abortion). We didn't have much discussion about it though, and now in hindsight I think that John Mayer fits that one too.
Here are the other BV's about SDC:

Oct 2007:

Kay, we know last week everybody got so damn grossed out over Sha-Sha Shimmy’s accidental (due to too many laxatives) poop session at a Hell-Ay mall. Well, all we have to say is, after you read today’s latest Blind installment, you’ll be screaming to bring Shimmy and her brown-stained antics back, already!
But we’ll give ya one saving grace on this new one: It’ll be brief. It’s just too gross not to be, really.
Here goes: Now, we’re not prudes at Awful, not by any means. Can’t speak for Cristina, really, but certain elder members of the Truth team have pretty much done it all. Spanking, peeing, bondage, cellophane, groups, ho-hum, whatever. All kinda boring, in the end, as it were. Nothin’ like plain ol' nasty one-on-one, we (predictably, and romantically) say! But Super-Dooper Cooper hardly concurs, of that, we are sure.
See, not only does Super-Doop live to urinate on—and be peed on by—his sexual partners, always very pretty, not often terribly smart gals, but now, we’re hearing he likes it even dirtier than that. Yep, you guessed where we’re going here, surely.
Mr. C just thinks it’s so orgasmic-fantastic to get shat upon by whichever curvy pretty hon he’s seeing. So yuck-o! And when his sizable, legendary talent isn’t enough dangling bait to lure whatever wary baby he can find to his rank boudoir, SDC simply orders out. And hookers charge a lot for that kinda merde, trust.
This is just too sick even for us. So, we’re outta here! Good luck guessing! Remember to towel off afterward, please
And it Ain't: Kiefer Sutherland, Chris Rock, Nick Lachey


January 2008: Well, we were going to blab all about pee-happy Super-Duper
Cooper’s nasty-ass demand that his (ex) blondie ditz dame get an
abortion—most men are simply hideous, straight and gay, all there is to it—but
after last week’s pooch-offing Blind left us in a very bad mood, just had to
offer up something, uh, a tad more festive to ponder this week. Hope you don’t
mind. Promise, back to the desultory trash soon!

* Update 5/25/11 - collectively, here are all the people that Ted has excluded as Super Duper Cooper:  
Kiefer Sutherland, Chris Rock, Nick Lachey, Tommy Lee, Matthew McConaughey, Christian Bale, Derek Jeter, Ryan Gosling, R. Kelly, Pete Wentz, Chace Crawford, Tom Brady, Chris Evans, Orlando Bloom, Tony Romo, Derek Jeter, Matthew McConaughey, Justin Timberlake, Kanye West, Colin Farrell, Tom Cruise, Channing Tatum, Matthew Morrison, Jamie Foxx, Alexander Skarsgård, Charlie Sheen, Kevin Jonas, Bradley Cooper

* * * Top Suspect: John Mayer


Here is the SDC BV from Nov 2010.  See label for other SDC posts.

One Remind Us to Never Sleep Over There Blind Vice

Awful Truth - Blind Spot - 1/17/08

Well, we were going to blab all about pee-happy Super-Duper
Cooper’s nasty-ass demand that his (ex) blondie ditz dame get an
abortion—most men are simply hideous, straight and gay, all there is to it—but
after last week’s pooch-offing Blind left us in a very bad mood, just had to
offer up something, uh, a tad more festive to ponder this week. Hope you don’t
mind. Promise, back to the desultory trash soon!
So, remember Bravado Boom-Cocks, the star with the overly loud, potty-mouthed manners who chewed out a poor party host? He’s just gotten himself a fabulous new mansion. Ain’t entertainment money just devilishly over-the-top? The pad’s as huge as the boy’s rumored endowment, promise. And he was bragging about the spread’s size to an amigo recently. And
said amigo was quite aware of BBC’s fondness for masturbation.
So, he asked the award-winning celebrity if he had yet autoerotically christened
the new mansion yet.
“Are you kidding?” bellowed the outspoken pisser. “Every room.”
Jeez. He hasn't even moved in to the joint yet. That sex addict works fast.

And it ain't - Kevin Nealon, Kevin Costner, Kevin Spacey

Let' refresh our memory with the past Blind vice about Bravado Boom-Cocks from Sept 20, 2007 -

One Hell Phone Blind Vice - 9/20/07

Bravado Boom-Cocks is quite famous but not always exactly
beloved. Even though he’s a mucho gifted, award-showered, multitalented
performer, he’s not really known for his private cool. Indeed, BBC was out here
on the coast, having flown in for a project he’s doing, as well as a charity gig
he was asked to participate in—reason being, the charity’s contributing beaucoup
bucks to B’s latest pro undertaking. He was sorta forced into it,
actually. The organizer of said project had been in direct contact (no rep
go-between) with Bravado, a line of communication Mr. Boom-Cocks sometimes
chooses, as he detests pretense intensely. But Boomy-baby now regrets that
decision, big-time. See, Bravado isn’t exactly known for dressing, how shall
we say, chicly? BBC rarely wears anything even approaching couture. For this
reason, the organizer gave the charity event’s handler Boom-Cock’s private cell
number, which the handler blithely called pronto.
“Even though things are more casual out here,” the charitable worker bee blathered on, once Bravado answered, “you really shouldn’t be dressing like you’re going to somebody’s
barbecue or anything.” Bravado’s polite response? “F--k you, lady!” he
bellowed, and promptly hung up.
Then B dialed, brow slightly sweating with anger. Called up the guy who had given out his number in the first place. “How dare you? If you ever give out my number again,” BBC fumed, “I will see to it that you get me a new phone and call every one of my contacts and give them the
new number, you f--king bastard!”
BBC wasn’t done, either: “And for punishment, tonight, when I show up, I will be taking no pictures whatsoever, not with anybody, no matter how much money they’ve donated, so you can learn your lesson and never do this to me again, you f--king jerk!”
The poor man, no doubt holding his own phone far away from his eardrums, begged BBC to
reconsider. He did not. And you thought Ireland Baldwin was the only put-upon
cellie caller in town?
Think again.
And it aint: Sean Penn, Billy Bob Thornton, Denis Leary

* Super Duper Cooper - Suspected to be John Mayer (making the ditzy ex forced to get an abortion Jessica Simpson).


Here are the links to the other Super Dooper Cooper BVs:
Oct' 07 and Apr '08 including a full list of the eliminated; and the most recent from Nov 2010.




*Bravado Boom Cocks - Suspected to be Ricky Gervais or Simon Cowell