Vintage BV: Skinny McScratchy

We've been slackin' in the vintage department.  Getting back into the digging.  Here's an old one that a lot of people thought was about the late Adam Goldstein, also known as DJ AM. 

One Double Do-Me Blind Vice - August 10, 2006

Skinny McScratchy is one of those under-the-radar type of dudes. He's not gorgeous or particularly impressive of deltoid, but Skinny has made quite a name for himself over the past few years. For one, he's a très talented performer. His star has been rising on the über-hip scene lately, fer sure.
And second, S.M. breaks up and makes up with a certain gal who makes regular Blind Vice appearances herself more often than I change my hairstyle. (And that's sayin' something!)
Peeps thought the twosome was back on, as they've been snapped together recently by paps. I wonder if said chica knows about Skinny's recent randy behavior at a do outside their Hell-Ay hometown. See, S.M. (his initials suit the boy far more than most folks realize) was flirtin' with a brunette all night. No biggie there, right? But it's what he suggested, post-pah-tay, that really raised a few eyebrows.
"My assistant wants those two," said McScratch, pointing to two fetching gals nearby, as if he were picking out new shoes. M.S. then got back to himself (which, by the by, he happens to feel he's been ignoring too much as of late) and invited the brown-haired beauty back to his hotel room for late-night lust--complete with generous descriptions of kan-kee offerings to come. "Do you have any hot friends?" added Skinny. "I'll do them, too."
Whoa there, partner! (The girl politely declined, by the by.) But something tells me your high-profile lady would not be too thrilled about this naughty invite. Then again, maybe she would...only if she could join. 'Cause she has been rumored to be a Sapphic sweetie herself every now and again.
Crap, like who isn't in this town these days?
Hey, I was gay back when it meant something.

And it ain't: Cisco Adler, Luke Wilson, Simon Cowell

Top suspect was: DJ AM (on/off high profile gf Nicole Richie)

Vintage BV - Pixie Mixie

Pixie Mixie is an oildie but goodie. She was assumed to be Nicole Richie, which was basically confirmed through a series of hints from Ted. Recently, Ted has said that Pixie Mixie has made a big transformation. He’s also said the same thing about Nicole Richie. Here are FIVE old Pixie Mixie BVs from 2005-2006. There is also another one from 2007, in which she co-starred with Dorrell Sausage. Check our links on the side of the page for that one. Enjoy!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

June 23 2005 – One Randy Candy Blind Vice

Did somebody mention food? What's that? Something one puts in one's mouth? Yech! Poo! Feh!
Morgan Mayhem sure thinks so. I mean, really. If it's not some body part attached to some sorry-ass man she's currently taking hostage, M2 really has no interest in placing much else in her increasingly bizarrely painted mouth.
Morgan's new bud, Pixie Mixie, knows this too well. In fact, ol' Pix got so tired of telling her broad-unit to eat, like, sustenance, Ms. Mix decided to throw the lecturing out the window (along with her old size-six outfits) and join the too-thin brigade!
Why do they do it? No idea. How do they do it? Ah, more luck there. Read on...
Yep, M.'s up to her ol' very public antics, yet again. You see, Seduce magazine just had a big bash at one of Hell-Ay's hotter clubs. All the more successful fashion victims in town were there, including Pix 'n' Morg, who were so damned thin (despite the high-caloric booze going down their combined gullets) they thought they owned the pretentious place.
Must be why M.M. (with P.M. along for the vicarious ride) had no compunction whatsoever about going into the women's restroom and snorting enough blow to make even Courtney Love blanch. Right there. In the open. In front of other pissy patrons.
Jeez. When I did that crap, I at least closed the bathroom stall. Youths today have no class.

It aint : Nicky Hilton/Nicole Richie, Tara Reid/Nicole Richie, Paris Hilton/Nicole Richie

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

June 29 2005 – One High-Flying Blind Vice

Let's see, you want the one about the famous executive-star, Pert Member, who offers up his private jet to closeted homo stars, so they can take their boyfriends out for superprivate humping 37,000 feet up? Well, I've never been asked on board (even though my abs are in pretty damn good shape these days...I just don't get it), so let's stick with something I know of fer sure:
Pixie Mixie is at it again. But since her partner in crime, Morgan Mayhem, is ever more shocked by the quantity of nose-goodies Pix puts up her ever-disappearing nostrils, Ms. Mix is on to her latest victim, Ham Drum.
H.D., in fact, has become so fond of Mixie's bad habits, the boob-tube honey and her quasi-celebrated companion are becoming the talk of the party circuit. Well, make that parties where one can disappear in a club's bathroom stalls for a couple of centuries, and nobody notices. We're not exactly talkin' power teas at Ariana Huffington's Brentwood pad.
Take the latest fabu notoriety hangout happening, where H.D. and P.M not only showed up skeletal-thin, they wore tees proclaiming how very much they adored their bod-thinning drug of choice.
Eva Longoria, I blame this on you. Ever since you wore that shirt proclaiming your willingness to have Brad Pitt's babies, well, celebrity manners have just gone irreversibly downhill.

And it ain't Donald Trump/MaryKate Olsen, Steve Jobs/Paris Hilton, Dr. Phil/Ashley Olsen

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

August 24 2005 – One Stalled Blind Vice

Something's repeating itself (or herself, rather) in Beverly Hills.
Pixie Mixie is at it again. At a posh opening of an even more posh clothing store (Bev. H. doesn't seem to have room for that Frank Gehry-designed homeless shelter, don't know why), all the red-carpet lovelies were out, including P.M. and her supersvelte set.
Okay, let's get real. Lots of these gals ain't stayin' stick-like by avoiding flour and sugar. They're candy-nosed outta their designer-clad gourds, got it? So, next time you read about Ms. Pixie telling some insipid trend rag that she keeps thin via yoga and granola, head to the nearest stall and barf for me, 'kay?
Besides, that's precisely where you might find Pi-doll, as she was (as usual) at the gala gathering. But get this: As Pixie sniffed and sniffed louder than a bovine with influenza, a journalist for a TV network walked in the ladies' room.
"Is anybody there?" called out a paranoid and suddenly nasal-silent P.M.
"No, nobody!" yelled the crafty reporter.
Pixie then walked out of the toilet area (without flushing, how odd), not exactly knowing what to do. She wiped her nose and left. The journo took note (and how!), so watch where you snort next, Ms. Two-by-Four.

And it aint: Paris Hilton, Nicky Hilton, Kathy Hilton

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

March 23 2006 – One Slurplicious Blind Vice

Hey, you raunchy-ass readers, have you missed our nose-candy-lovin' party-doll, Pixie Mixie?
Me, too, kittens. And, apparently, there's a little something that Pixie herself has been yearning for: Sapphic tongue-tangling.
So, she indulged recently--and how. Yay for Pixie! Yay for us!
'Twas a chillin' night at a palatial pad belonging to one of Pixie's many fake friends. Just a few chicks gathered around the glass table, snorting and gossing--alas, not playing much mah-jongg, as these babes are way too young and tirelessly cool for that.
Suddenly, assorted rail-thinistas looked across the room and saw P.M. making out, "hard-core, tongues heavy," with a gal-pal, so blurted one of the babes who hasn't eaten since Cher had her real body parts. Too hot.
Perhaps our daring dahling has grown tired of boys? Heaven knows she ain't had the greatest year in the man-love department. Or maybe there was some magical potion in the blow she was vacuuming up her delicate nose?
In any case, my dilated eyewitness has run around with Pixie and her pals for a long-ass time, and she offered her interpretation: "I don't think she was just screwing around. I think she's gay and repressing it."
Oh, Pixie-doll, haven't you seen Brokeback Mountain? Don't you know what all that pretending will do to a girl's complexion/career?

And It Ain't: Ashley Olsen, Jamie Lynn Sigler, Jessica Simpson

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

April 13 2006 – One Horsing Around Blind Vice

Pixie Mixie, your life is becoming more and more like a serialized British comedy that would be far too raunchy and ribald for American audiences. We here in the land of the fruity and the free don't tend to condone racial slurs and messy heroin stains. Try Great Brit, Pix--that's where they use nefarious humor and the C-word like I do overdone adjectives!
Alas, Pixie is certainly very American. So, she should know better. Or maybe she does, and she just doesn't care; who the eff knows with this broad.
'Kay. Let's get ugly, shall we?
It was at a glitzy party in an even glitzier city that Pixie Mixie was relaxing at a table with some of her snootiest, closest friends. Thrilled to see the famous mini-goddess in person, a humble young man approached. He smiled broadly, in a winky way. "I am a star-fucker, and you are a star," he bravely--and totally cojones-equipped--blurted. "See where this is going?"
But Pixie wasn't in the mood to joke around. "Ewww!" she railed, loud enuff for everyone within several feet to hear. "Get this [racial epithet] away from me!"
So racist! So bossy! Her tablemates looked around, all horrified.
Naturally, the fawning fellow fled across the room. Feeling guilty, he sent over an olive branch (the kind Matt Lauer might send to Tom Cruise, say): a plate of French fries and a gravy boat. But Pixie didn't so much as touch the damn food. Instead, she bolted.
Later in the evening, Pix was back on the scene at a party nearby. Important denizens noticed that something was different about her. A sudden haircut? A new shade of rouge?
Nope. It was the mustache she had suddenly grown. Not the kind that can be staved off with a little electrolysis at Elizabeth Arden. Nope. Pixie's stache was made of powder. No, not Kate Moss white; this stache was yellow and brown. Yep, heroin lip.
Oh, Pixie, really? Well, there is something redeeming in all this. Maybe glamour girlfriend only gets racist when she's all smacked out.
See, I knew we'd end on a positive note!

And it ain't Brittany Murphy, Lindsay Lohan, Whitney Houston

....................................................................................................................................................

Pixie Mixie = Nicole Richie.

Morgan Mayhem = Lindsay Lohan.

Pert Member = ?

Ham Drum = ?

Dorrell Sausage - 11/1/07 Blind Vice

Ted Casablanca's column on eonline.com - The Awful Truth - is our fave. Here is his latest Blind Vice.

"Dorrell Sausage usually loves getting attention, but this time could be different. See, Dorrell’s a fairly good guy (depending on whom you ask, ‘course). He’s pleasant enough looking, in an old International Male catalog kinda way, that’s fer sure, and, supposedly, Dorrell’s well endowed. But isn’t that comparing biz usually best left to the eye of the benefactor? Regardless, what is Sausage’s claim to fame? We’re not exactly sure. But let’s see. D.S. is from semifamous lineage, does some boob-tube work now and again and he dabbles in music and design. What fun! But natch, he also loves to date the famous femmes, which is probably why we started talking about him in the first place. Except that our boy Dorrell has gone and gotten himself in a pickle, as it were—due to his very own pickle, as it further were. Seems Mr. Pee bedded some random, nonfamous babe and didn’t use protection. And he didn’t get (or give) any nasty hickies, but he did go and get the girl knocked up. And guess what? She wants to keep it! D.S. is terrorized in his tidy whities at the paternal prospect. 'Cause if she does, it’ll be the one time Dorrell'll be wishing he didn’t have headlines harkin’ all about him."
And it ain't... Shia LaBeouf, Tony Romo, John Mayer

My first thought - Dorrell Sausage has been used before in a previous BV! Who was he? Then as I read on I realize it has got to be Brody Jenner. Famous family, not really famous for anything but dating famous chicks. He's dated Nicole Ritchie, Lindsay Lohan, and Lauren Conrad to name a few.

Also, more proof - in Ted's column on 10/31, he said -

"Scary merde’s goin’ down in T-town right now! For ince, Ryan Gosling ain’t the only nooky-lovin’ lad who’s keepin’ his sex antics on the down-low these days, as Brody Jenner’s said to be quaking in his little booties lately. Wonder why? Because dad Bruce and sassin’ stepsis Kim Kardashian are kickin’ his headline-lovin’ hot bum right now for somethin’ fierce? Good question."

For Ted to mention this the day before the BV is a big hint. Ted usually mentions the subject of his BV in his column either that same day, or sometime that week. and this ins't just a mention - it's a big ol' hint! Now we pretty much have just confirmed it. So now Brody Jenner has possibly gotten some random chick pregnant. Great! Another offspring of Bruce Jenner, decathlete and plastic surgery survivor. Woop dee doo! I have to say I am not too excited about this one. Who cares about Brody Jenner anyway? Is anyone else tired of reading about the cast of The Hills?


Anyway, here is the original Dorrell Sausage Blind Vice I was talking about before - this is from 10/1/06 - One Headling Grabbing Blind Vice -

"There's no denying that Dorrell Sausage is hot 'n' hunky. His semi-famous name and chiseled mug have been increasingly featured in the rags lately, thanks to a string of high-profile romances. And this ain't by accident, damn straight. D.S. went from dating a cute, fairly well known chica to supposedly seeing Pixie Mixie, tabloid darling. See, the D-man wants to be (more) famous himself, imagine that in this me-me-me enclave! And after a halfhearted stab at the spotlight on his own not so long ago (prior to Pixie time), it seems Mr. Sausage--a somewhat cognizant realist with thin lips, thicker things elsewhere--realized it's way easier to get press when you're attached to an It creature. Indeed, Dorrell's latest cutie-coupling has gotten tab headlines, fer sure. "It's getting serious!" all the rags proclaim, alongside pics of the two honeys holding hands and swappin' spit. Howevah, just reminds me of one of those Teri Hatcher spreads--all pose, no meat to go with the paparazzi potatoes. See, Dorrell has been sober for a while, even though he "used to drink entire bottles of tequila," said one of D.S.'s ol' imbibing buds. Nevertheless, Mr. Sausage has since cleaned up his act and is now busy denouncing drugs and hard partying. More unhungover intrigue: Pixie is D.S.'s sober sponsor, which explains why they're spending so much time together. "They're really just friends," according to my chemical-free source. But this tricky twosome so knows that playing coy with the press and letting themselves be linked equals double the headlines and even more media attention. Seems good old-fashioned fame is the real drug of choice for both of them these days!"

This was obviously Brody Jenner back in 2006. Pixie Mixie we are pretty sure was Nicole Ritchie, based on multiple BV's written about her a while back. She was just outta rehab and he was sponsoring her or something. They claimed to be friends and then broke up. I will have to post the Pixie Mixie BV's and my rationale for those one day. I know she was kissing other chicks and was said to be bisexual. A few other ones, drug related I think. But for now - I'm all sausaged out. It's been fun! Join me next time...
photo courtesy of wireimage.com