Saturday, January 23, 2010

Vintage BV - Pixie Mixie

Pixie Mixie is an oildie but goodie. She was assumed to be Nicole Richie, which was basically confirmed through a series of hints from Ted. Recently, Ted has said that Pixie Mixie has made a big transformation. He’s also said the same thing about Nicole Richie. Here are FIVE old Pixie Mixie BVs from 2005-2006. There is also another one from 2007, in which she co-starred with Dorrell Sausage. Check our links on the side of the page for that one. Enjoy!
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June 23 2005 – One Randy Candy Blind Vice
Did somebody mention food? What's that? Something one puts in one's mouth? Yech! Poo! Feh!
Morgan Mayhem sure thinks so. I mean, really. If it's not some body part attached to some sorry-ass man she's currently taking hostage, M2 really has no interest in placing much else in her increasingly bizarrely painted mouth.
Morgan's new bud, Pixie Mixie, knows this too well. In fact, ol' Pix got so tired of telling her broad-unit to eat, like, sustenance, Ms. Mix decided to throw the lecturing out the window (along with her old size-six outfits) and join the too-thin brigade!
Why do they do it? No idea. How do they do it? Ah, more luck there. Read on...
Yep, M.'s up to her ol' very public antics, yet again. You see, Seduce magazine just had a big bash at one of Hell-Ay's hotter clubs. All the more successful fashion victims in town were there, including Pix 'n' Morg, who were so damned thin (despite the high-caloric booze going down their combined gullets) they thought they owned the pretentious place.
Must be why M.M. (with P.M. along for the vicarious ride) had no compunction whatsoever about going into the women's restroom and snorting enough blow to make even Courtney Love blanch. Right there. In the open. In front of other pissy patrons.
Jeez. When I did that crap, I at least closed the bathroom stall. Youths today have no class.

It aint : Nicky Hilton/Nicole Richie, Tara Reid/Nicole Richie, Paris Hilton/Nicole Richie
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June 29 2005 – One High-Flying Blind Vice
Let's see, you want the one about the famous executive-star, Pert Member, who offers up his private jet to closeted homo stars, so they can take their boyfriends out for superprivate humping 37,000 feet up? Well, I've never been asked on board (even though my abs are in pretty damn good shape these days...I just don't get it), so let's stick with something I know of fer sure:
Pixie Mixie is at it again. But since her partner in crime, Morgan Mayhem, is ever more shocked by the quantity of nose-goodies Pix puts up her ever-disappearing nostrils, Ms. Mix is on to her latest victim, Ham Drum.
H.D., in fact, has become so fond of Mixie's bad habits, the boob-tube honey and her quasi-celebrated companion are becoming the talk of the party circuit. Well, make that parties where one can disappear in a club's bathroom stalls for a couple of centuries, and nobody notices. We're not exactly talkin' power teas at Ariana Huffington's Brentwood pad.
Take the latest fabu notoriety hangout happening, where H.D. and P.M not only showed up skeletal-thin, they wore tees proclaiming how very much they adored their bod-thinning drug of choice.
Eva Longoria, I blame this on you. Ever since you wore that shirt proclaiming your willingness to have Brad Pitt's babies, well, celebrity manners have just gone irreversibly downhill.


And it ain't Donald Trump/MaryKate Olsen, Steve Jobs/Paris Hilton, Dr. Phil/Ashley Olsen

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August 24 2005 – One Stalled Blind Vice
Something's repeating itself (or herself, rather) in Beverly Hills.
Pixie Mixie is at it again. At a posh opening of an even more posh clothing store (Bev. H. doesn't seem to have room for that Frank Gehry-designed homeless shelter, don't know why), all the red-carpet lovelies were out, including P.M. and her supersvelte set.
Okay, let's get real. Lots of these gals ain't stayin' stick-like by avoiding flour and sugar. They're candy-nosed outta their designer-clad gourds, got it? So, next time you read about Ms. Pixie telling some insipid trend rag that she keeps thin via yoga and granola, head to the nearest stall and barf for me, 'kay?
Besides, that's precisely where you might find Pi-doll, as she was (as usual) at the gala gathering. But get this: As Pixie sniffed and sniffed louder than a bovine with influenza, a journalist for a TV network walked in the ladies' room.
"Is anybody there?" called out a paranoid and suddenly nasal-silent P.M.
"No, nobody!" yelled the crafty reporter.
Pixie then walked out of the toilet area (without flushing, how odd), not exactly knowing what to do. She wiped her nose and left. The journo took note (and how!), so watch where you snort next, Ms. Two-by-Four.


And it aint: Paris Hilton, Nicky Hilton, Kathy Hilton
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March 23 2006 – One Slurplicious Blind Vice
Hey, you raunchy-ass readers, have you missed our nose-candy-lovin' party-doll, Pixie Mixie?
Me, too, kittens. And, apparently, there's a little something that Pixie herself has been yearning for: Sapphic tongue-tangling.
So, she indulged recently--and how. Yay for Pixie! Yay for us!
'Twas a chillin' night at a palatial pad belonging to one of Pixie's many fake friends. Just a few chicks gathered around the glass table, snorting and gossing--alas, not playing much mah-jongg, as these babes are way too young and tirelessly cool for that.
Suddenly, assorted rail-thinistas looked across the room and saw P.M. making out, "hard-core, tongues heavy," with a gal-pal, so blurted one of the babes who hasn't eaten since Cher had her real body parts. Too hot.
Perhaps our daring dahling has grown tired of boys? Heaven knows she ain't had the greatest year in the man-love department. Or maybe there was some magical potion in the blow she was vacuuming up her delicate nose?
In any case, my dilated eyewitness has run around with Pixie and her pals for a long-ass time, and she offered her interpretation: "I don't think she was just screwing around. I think she's gay and repressing it."
Oh, Pixie-doll, haven't you seen Brokeback Mountain? Don't you know what all that pretending will do to a girl's complexion/career?

And It Ain't: Ashley Olsen, Jamie Lynn Sigler, Jessica Simpson
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April 13 2006 – One Horsing Around Blind Vice
Pixie Mixie, your life is becoming more and more like a serialized British comedy that would be far too raunchy and ribald for American audiences. We here in the land of the fruity and the free don't tend to condone racial slurs and messy heroin stains. Try Great Brit, Pix--that's where they use nefarious humor and the C-word like I do overdone adjectives!
Alas, Pixie is certainly very American. So, she should know better. Or maybe she does, and she just doesn't care; who the eff knows with this broad.
'Kay. Let's get ugly, shall we?
It was at a glitzy party in an even glitzier city that Pixie Mixie was relaxing at a table with some of her snootiest, closest friends. Thrilled to see the famous mini-goddess in person, a humble young man approached. He smiled broadly, in a winky way. "I am a star-fucker, and you are a star," he bravely--and totally cojones-equipped--blurted. "See where this is going?"
But Pixie wasn't in the mood to joke around. "Ewww!" she railed, loud enuff for everyone within several feet to hear. "Get this [racial epithet] away from me!"
So racist! So bossy! Her tablemates looked around, all horrified.
Naturally, the fawning fellow fled across the room. Feeling guilty, he sent over an olive branch (the kind Matt Lauer might send to Tom Cruise, say): a plate of French fries and a gravy boat. But Pixie didn't so much as touch the damn food. Instead, she bolted.

Later in the evening, Pix was back on the scene at a party nearby. Important denizens noticed that something was different about her. A sudden haircut? A new shade of rouge?
Nope. It was the mustache she had suddenly grown. Not the kind that can be staved off with a little electrolysis at Elizabeth Arden. Nope. Pixie's stache was made of powder. No, not Kate Moss white; this stache was yellow and brown. Yep, heroin lip.
Oh, Pixie, really? Well, there is something redeeming in all this. Maybe glamour girlfriend only gets racist when she's all smacked out.
See, I knew we'd end on a positive note!


And it ain't Brittany Murphy, Lindsay Lohan, Whitney Houston
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Pixie Mixie = Nicole Richie.
Morgan Mayhem = Lindsay Lohan.
Pert Member = ?
Ham Drum = ?

16 comments:

Chelsea said...

I'm confused. If Pixie Mixie = Nicole Richie, why do all the AIAs say not Nichole Richie... did I miss something?

Brittany said...

I think Ham Drum could be Mischa Barton. I'm not really good at remembering that time period but she seems like she could fit and no one has figured out her BV yet have they.

The Spie said...

Chelsea: The AIAs in this case were the biggest hints that Pixie was Nicole. What Ted was AIAing was that the pair of Morgan and Pixie weren't those mentioned, but implying that Nicole was involved in this. So, in effect, he was AIAing the first woman in each pair as Morgan, but heavily implying that either Pixie or Morgan was Nicole.

It was still in doubt at that point as to who Morgan was. We now know that Morgan was LiLo, and LiLo and Nicole were running buddies at the time. Ted's never come out and done a Solved on either of them (although he came close with Morgan a few months ago), but this definitely qualifies as an Exposed BV.

Chelsea said...

Gotcha! I knew I was missing something! P.M. definitely sounds like N.R.

And I totally remember the picture of the girls on the red carpet wearing the black shirts that said BLOW across the front but I cannot for the life of me remember who wore them! It's driving me crazy!

Hilde said...

I am quite sure Ham Drum was DJ. AM. The t shirt read "coke is it". Someone wrote about the event: http://www.cooljunkie.com/clubs/girl_about_town_628_location_miami_29078.html

Brittany said...

Wait I can't understand what Ted is saying.

Is Ham Drum a guy or a girl?

MOD4 said...

Could Ham Drum be Hillary Duff? Is that back when she was skinny?

Gemini850 said...

Ham Drum was DJ AM...At the time they were always together.

blurry vice said...

HAm Drum.. not clear which gender it is.

As for the Nicole Richie AIA's... he was pertaining to Morgan Mayhem.

Sophie S. said...

I think DJ AM was skinny mcscratchy, not Ham Drum.

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
What is the latest with Pixie Mixie? Anything worth noting going on in her life?
—J

Dear Mixie-ing It Up:
Not really, which is très good for the gal, to be honest. Hope she keeps it that way, but she's been doing a helluva job of cleaning up her act from her oh-so-horrible party days."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
What's up with Nicole Richie and Joel Madden? I thought we would have wedding photos by now...
—Di

Dear Not Married With Children:
Nothing Vicey—at least not anymore—to explain why these two haven't tied the knot, if that's what you're looking for, Di. The two just haven't decided to walk down the aisle, don't really think they feel the need to yet."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
I was thinking last night that I wanted to ask you about Nicole Richie and Joel Madden and then lo and behold, today there are new photos of them. I'm a big fan of Nicole. What do you think? Are they solid?
—Alex

Dear Richie Rich:
About as solid as you can expect from once-wild Richie. But now she's a cleaned-up and classy chica, and with kids in the mix. She and Joel are as solid as ever."

blurry vice said...

"vicky vamp

Dear Ted:
Please tell me Vicky Vamp-Void is not Nicole Richie. Love her and would hate to think she's back down that road again.
—Y

Dear 180:
Fabulous guess, but definitely not. Nicole is totally happy with her life; she's one of the few celebs who really did a complete turnaround. That's because

she was really ready for it. Vicky was not."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
It seems all I see lately are articles about Nicole Richie and her husband Joel Madden's suburban bliss. As much as I'd like to believe they really have the
perfect family life down pat, I can't help but wonder whether or not there are still a few Vicey skeletons in this reformed couple's closet?
—Sarah


Dear Low-Key Love:
Sorry, Sar, but Nic really is the reformed Vicer she wants you to believe she is. And aside from the occasional 'tude, they're just as boring as they look these days. Yawn."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
I just saw the bikini pix of Nicole Richie in Miami and she looks fabulous. Haven't seen pictures of her and the husband together though and I don't see

where he's on tour. Everything OK there? Could a breakup bring back any of Nic's Vicey ways, or has she outgrown them? Best to you & the girls.
—Dkimmerle

Dear Quick Judger:
I love it when an old married couple (which is practically what Nicole and Joel Madden are at this point, by Hollywood standards, at least), are rumored to

be in trouble just because they weren't seen slobbering all over each other at the latest celebrity fragrance launch, or something similar. Do you realize

they have two young kids, one who's only months old? Not everybody can be Angelina Jolie—or Tori Spelling, even—and have a billion kids and be photo-op ready

in seconds. Remember it's the norm not to, and, if you ask me, it says much healthier things about their marriage when there's less glitzy PR."

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