Chris Martin's Skinny Fashion It Girl?

While discussing Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin's "conscious uncoupling" today, Lainey gives us a hidden blind riddle...

Gwyneth isn’t JLO. Gwyneth aims high. Brad Pitt, Ben Affleck, and the leader singer of Coldplay? That’s all status right there. The side pieces she keeps hidden. Lawyers and showrunners are not out in the open. When it’s out in the open it has to be A Name. Why did I keep thinking Jake Gyllenhaal last night? Jake Gyllenhaal could certainly ease the sting from a fashion It Girl who’s skinnier than she is. She just… never expected he would fall in love. And that he wouldn’t be able to fall out of love even after he ended it.

Update: Lainey revealed on 3/28 that this is Alexa Chung.

Lainey - Two unfaithful wives

New from Lainey -

Two unfaithful wives

The First Wife is still trying to figure out if she wants to be one. She and her husband have been through a lot the last few years, on both sides. It was before the trouble though when she had an affair with a colleague -- still above the line, but with a smaller spotlight, both compared to First Wife and his own wife who's just as famous too, and should be just as acclaimed. The affair was intense, so intense that First Wife wanted to end her marriage and he was going to end his marriage but then her husband needed her in crisis. So she helped him recover, and as soon as he healed, she fell apart. By the time she got it together, her moment with her lover had passed. He happily reconnected with his own wife (though she has no idea) while First Wife is struggling with what would have been.
As for the Second Wife – everyone’s been speculating about her infidelity recently but they might be focusing on the wrong target. The right target isn’t a billionaire but he’s a pretty successful player too, albeit on a smaller screen. Their involvement led to an award for her, and a divorce for him. She was attracted to him because “he’s the hot geeky type like her husband”. Both insist that they never moved past suggestive texting and heavy flirting and never ended up consummating their attraction. Bullsh-t. There was at least one night and that’s why she’s so freaked out about the takedown that’s been coming to her. She’d be happy if they stayed on the current scene they’re on so long as she doesn’t get busted for this one.
PS. Everyone mentioned here is a major celebrity.

Top suspects:
First Wife: Catherine Zeta-Jones (with Bart Feundlich)
Second Wife: Gwyneth Paltrow  (with Brad Falchuk)

Lainey - Exes and Wives

And another Lainey riddle from yesterday - Last but not least, here's #3 out of 3 from Dec 31:

Exes and Wives

Just some personality and colour I thought you might enjoy...
Comeback Kid only dates famous girls. When he and Golden were together, he stepped out on her twice that she knows of: once with a stripper and the other with Pigtails. But even though it’s been years, and she’s well moved on, Golden still has a hard time hearing Pigtails’ music. Her trainer made the mistake of playing it once when they were working out. She demanded that it be turned off immediately and never again while she’s in studio.
While Golden can’t let go of her resentment, Comeback’s wife, the PM, can’t help it either. People assume that it’s his other, more curvier ex, who makes her crazy but homemaker to homemaker, it’s actually Golden who she can’t stand, and has been overheard disparaging, unimpressed with her skills and her ideas, rolling her eyes when her name comes up.

Top suspects: 
Comeback Kid - Ben Affleck
Golden - Gwyneth Paltrow
Pigtails -  Britney Spears
The PM - Jennifer Garner
Curvier Ex - Jennifer Lopez

Lainey - Her kids were watching

New riddle from Lainey today -

Her kids were watching

Film set. Recently. She’s shooting a sex scene. Walking around set in her bra, no shirt on, panties, standard attire, nothing unusual about it...


Except that her children were there that day. They were visiting. And it was no thing, you know? That was her costume. They saw her in his costume while they were there. And then she sat them behind the monitor so that they could see her work and they watched while mom worked with another actor - she rubbed up against him, he returned the rubbing, she made love for pretend, for the movies, to a man that was not the father of her children, in front of her children.


I’m sure over 90% of you are all huffy and tutty about this and have been since the start of the 2nd paragraph. “It’s so inappropriate, it’s so bizarre, these people are sick f-cks”, etc etc etc. Me I’m still trying to decide. Part of me understands the huffing and the tutting. And the other part, well, it’s worth huffing and tutting over in real life, for civilians, because that’s simply not part of that world.


But take Kate Winslet for example - and this is NOT about Kate Winslet - who’s already been naked on screen several times, and her kids go to school with other kids whose parents have seen their mother’s breasts, and you realise, theirs is a totally different reality. And, given that that is the reality, if you are the subject of this riddle, do you prepare your children for it by bringing them with you, by showing them that this is not real, that this is what happens in filmmaking, that this is part of the process, that this is part of what’s considered their craft or their art, or whatever fancy word they’re using for it these days, that this is not dirty, that there’s nothing shady about it, in the hopes of removing or addressing in advance any stigma/embarrassment that might arise later...


Mommy is an Actor and this is what Acting is...


A part of me doesn’t disagree with that either, you know?


Anyway, I look forward to reading your emails.

Top suspect: Gwyneth Paltrow

Lainey: Rough patch, happy ending

From Lainey yesterday:

Rough Patch, Happy Ending

He’d strayed before with a civilian but she can handle a civilian. Their most recent rough patch however was a result of his affair with a gorgeous one hit wonder. Professional and personal lines all tangled up, especially since there was already some history between the two, and it was a humiliation that pushed the marriage to the brink. They took some time away from each other and re-evaluated and while it comes as no shock that she was willing to preserve the white picket fence his decision to end it with his paramour did surprise some who thought he was done with that life. In the end, there is still a lot of love there. And they are doing what they think is best for the kids too.All’s well now. For now.3 famous people involved.

* Update Aug 3 - Lainey has eliminated: Sean Penn/Robin Wright Penn/Natalie Portman.

* Top suspects: Chris Martin/Gwyneth Paltrow/Natalie Imbruglia.

GOOP blind item

Thanks to Lainey for letting us know that Gwyneth Paltrow ran a semi-blind item in her GOOP newsletter today.

Back in the day, I had a “frenemy” who, as it turned out, was pretty hell-bent on taking me down. This person really did what they could to hurt me. I was deeply upset, I was angry, I was all of those things you feel when you find out that someone you thought you liked was venomous and dangerous. I restrained myself from fighting back. I tried to take the high road. But one day I heard that something unfortunate and humiliating had happened to this person. And my reaction was deep relief and…happiness. There went the high road. So, why does it feel so good to hear something bad about someone you don’t like? Or someone you DO like? Or someone you don’t KNOW? I once asked the editor of a tabloid newspaper why all of the stories about a famous British couple had a negative bent. He said that when the headline was positive, the paper didn’t sell. Why is that? What’s wrong with us? I asked the sages to shed a little light.

Here’s to washing our mouths out with soap...

Love,

Gwyneth

Lainey claims that this screams Winona Ryder. Here is what she says about it.

Update - Ted Casablanca gives a nickname for Gwynnie's riddle - Trinona Flyder. But he also says this might be about Madonna.

NY Post - Just Asking - Feb 18th

There are two from NY Post today...

WHICH recently divorced fashion editor is rumored to be spending more time in Los Angeles these days? Word is she's taken up with the recently jailed Kiefer Sutherland . . .
WHICH movie star recently suffered a miscarriage? The heartbroken actress is now talking about adopting.

Kiefer was so nice in person! Even though he is fresh out of jail for a DUI, I don't blame this divorced chick... he bought me a shot once so he's an OK guy in my book. I don't know who either of these are though. We need duffgrl's research.