Lainey - Big super secret hookup

New Lainey riddle today:

Big super secret hookup

There’s a reason she recently decided to flaunt her brand new relationship so publicly. Suddenly she’d found true love behind the scenes? And they were telling magazines about it? And getting papped on holiday in Europe? It was because she was sending a message.
To the major Hollywood player with whom she’d been having an affair for 6 months. Only, at the time, he had a girlfriend. They were dealing with each other undercover. She would travel to see him while he was shooting on location overseas. No one, none of us, picked up on the fact that she showed up in the same city. He was sleeping with both the official girlfriend and the side job and telling the side job that he’d break up with the official one and make her the bonafide but, really, the side job, to him, was just a good f-ck and not a proper escort at the kinds of functions he usually needs an escort for. She continued to pressure him though and when he refused her demands, she showed up with a new man, jammed it in his face – and ours – and very shortly afterwards, he formally ended it with his gf, with a generous send-off.
Now? Impasse. She’s enjoying her summer hookup. And he’s all like, ok, I’m available, you can come to me, or don’t. It’s not like he can’t find a replacement, like, right away. Any woman becomes an instant star as soon as he takes her out. Given that she’s already a star, on a smaller scale, their reveal, should they figure out their situation, would be great for gossip though it could overshadow his work. And he has a lot of it coming up.

Top suspects: George Clooney and Eva Longoria

Lainey - Doctor's orders

New from Lainey today -

Doctor's orders

He like his sex unconventional. Some would call it experimental, certainly vigorous, and definitely physical. Maybe too physical. Mixing pain into his pleasure, and cutting very, very close to a dangerous line is taking its toll on his body. He shows up with strange bruises, the next week it’s a minor fracture, his neck has been strained, sometimes there’s a knee brace, the shoulder’s been f-cked up for a while, and his back is a chronic issue too.

The excuse of course is that he’s active, that he exercises, he’s sporty, and that’s true, yes, but the injuries are not sustained while playing pickup, no, not at all. The injuries happen when he’s doing his business with his steady girl, a willing and capable participant.

His doctor is aware of what’s been ailing him, and WHY it’s ailing him. Helps when he can. But he’s been urged to take it easy because lately it’s been getting too rough. Especially with insurance and medicals and all that kind of paperwork, it’s hard to explain away the cuts and sprains, the little accidents that seem to be occurring with increasing frequency. He’s so into it, and he gets so off on it, it’s hard from him to curtail his fun. But they all agree, at least it’s been the case in the past, that when it’s time to get to work, he manages to keep his freak under control.

Top suspect: George Clooney

Lainey - Cuba and Chocolate

Yay, we haven't had a new Lainey riddle in a while...

Cuba and Chocolate

Two different megastars, two different preferences, but in the end, the act is the same.

The first is a happy father, settled down and reformed, bankable and respected at the same time… a major player. Which is why it’s so important that he keeps his Cuban male lover hidden away to be enjoyed when he’s not on location. It might seem risqué, having his secret stashed so close to home and his official partner, but he’s hot and horny, and it’s not like he’s not living in a freestyling environment, although I have to tell you, this one really, really surprised me. He plays it so well. And in the end, if it wasn’t such a fraud, it totally wouldn’t matter. He is the nicest, nicest person. Kind and considerate and generous… makes me sad he’s forced to live a lie.

The other is much less attached, but just as heterosexually pressured, perhaps even more so. While he’s best known for his female pursuits, and so many females need to believe it that way, it would seem that women are not his only pleasures. When he decides he has a yearning for the other sex however, his flavour is decidedly darker. Sweet chocolate is what they call it? Yes. Black men are his weakness. On occasion, his hankering for it can get him into trouble. He was recently captivated by a fine black man working security at an event who was, unfortunately, not a homosexual. Apparently our star doesn’t have a very sophisticated gaydar because he hit up the wrong dude who did not appreciate the attention, even coming from such a powerful and coveted celebrity. He almost had his ass kicked. His people had to intervene, placate the man, pay off the man… although if he did end up getting the beat-down, he probably would have liked it. Because word is, as time goes on, he’s leaning towards picking a side. Like playing exclusively for the boys team.

* Top guesses:
CUBA - Matt Damon
CHOCOLATE - George Clooney


** Update January 29: Lainey has eliminated:

• For BOTH: not Johnny Depp, Robert Downey Jr., Jude Law, Brad Pitt, Ewan McGregor.

• Cuba: not Christian Bale, Russell Crowe, Tiger Woods, Tom Hanks, Rob Lowe, Tim McGraw, Liam Neeson, Denzel Washington, Will Smith, Dennis Quaid, Kevin Bacon, Ben Affleck, Matthew McConaughey, Bruce Willis, Tobey Maguire, Forrest Whitaker, Hugh Jackman (debatable exclusion).
  

• Chocolate: not Keith Urban, Daniel Craig, Justin Timberlake, Josh Brolin, Hugh Grant, Josh Brolin, Jim Carrey, Keanu Reeves, Leonardo DiCaprio, Alec Baldwin.

Lainey - Why He's Single

Another new one from Lainey today...

It was an unexpected split. Many were led to believe erroneously, me included, that their end had more to do with his machinations than with hers. As it turns out however the reason behind the break up was the dreaded OverReach.

What sent him scrambling were comments like this, dropped casually into conversation:

“I forgot my pill.”

“I’m a few days late.”

And then calling his family, chatting them up, hinting at the prospect of a baby, raising their hopes that a grandchild would be in their future.

It’s the betrayal that disappointed him most. Apparently he wasted no time putting an end to her plans, pretty much standing over her while she packed up, sending her away with not even a glance back.

He’s been drowning his sorrows in cocktails ever since. Not alone, of course but it was definitely a disappointment. He’d intended to keep her around for a long time. Especially given the fact that he was still able to have his fun on the side. It’s not every day you find a girl who’s ok with extra curricular activities so long as she’s the only one who gets a set of keys.

In the end though, her greed brought an end to the sweet ride. Shelf Ass Jessica Biel could stand to learn a thing or two from this example. Overreaching prompts a steep fall.

UPDATE June 11 - Lainey has excluded Kate Hudson.

*** Our top suspect: George Clooney (AKA Cloondog)/Sarah Larson. ***