Lainey - No time to grant a wish

New riddle from Lainey yesterday July 23 -

No time to grant a wish

"She’s great at giving big smiles, pretending her personality is as sweet as her voice. It depends. If she’s talking to Ellen DeGeneres, well, of course she’s lovely and accommodating. But what if it’s a child in a wheelchair?

There was a kid who had a wish. The wish was to meet her favourite star. So they made arrangements for it to happen at an event earlier this year where the star was promoting her show. They set up the wheelchair at the end of the red carpet, everyone had been informed, and then, when it came time for the moment, as soon as they started introducing her to her young fan, she cut off the handler, said, “NO”, and then walked away…even though the family had specifically flown there for the opportunity.

She has ONE advocate. One. And that’s only because he made her. But since he’s caring less and less about that particular project, when that’s done, she won’t have any supporters left. Because no one can f-cking stand her."

Top suspect: Lea Michele

Lainey-Two Book Bitches

New from Lainey today:

Two Book Bitches

Two women at different stages of their career, both were recently promoting books, both behaved like assholes.

She was the young blush of her time, muse to an icon, dream girl to a generation. So it wasn’t a surprise when over 200 people showed up to a book signing. Here’s what *should* happen at a book signing: you stay and sign books. Many bestselling authors stay as long as they can, for hours, making sure they have a personal interaction with each and every reader, often posing for photos. Even Gwyneth Paltrow understands this. Sometimes it’s impossible. Like JK Rowling often has 3 or 4 thousand people showing up so what she’ll do is she’ll sign hundreds of boxes in advance and on the day of, she’ll commit to a couple of hours, sometimes more, to hang out with as many of her fans as possible.

But this woman? When this woman saw that 200 people were waiting for her, she scowled. Then exhaled, loudly.

“I have to sign for all of them?”

Well, um, as many as you can…?

“But I have dinner reservations.”

She signed for just 20 people. Then made her reservation while the others were left out, cold.

And what about Miss All Kinds Of Sweet and Sad? She fronts like an angel, like she could never possibly throw attitude ever, but we’ve all heard the stories from the set – how she rages around like she lives exclusively on the top tier and everyone else is her chorus.

At several signings in multiple cities, the behaviour was the same. Upon arrival, she barked orders to her staff and bookstore staff about what exactly she would tolerate: hustle people through the line, cut them off when they want to talk, push them through as quickly as possible, and “spare me from all of their f-cking sob stories”. In other words, these people are beneath me but you lowlifes are going to take the fall because even though they mean nothing, I still want them to love me and give me their money.

And so, with a fake smile on her face, giving the performance of her life, she’d greet her public kindly, while her people practically threw her fans up towards the signing table, several at a time, tossing them together like abused animals, crunching them close, a speed meet-and-greet on crack. How fast was it really?

At one stop she got through 250 people in half an hour. This, apparently was too slow for her so she gave sh-t to her handlers and at the next stop, what an accomplishment – 350 people in just over 20 minutes.

20 minutes! 350 people!

Can you imagine how that must have moved? How they would have been treated?

And then she was out. While fans were still coming in with their wristbands, bewildered that it was over already.

Who?

Updates as of 6/19/14:
#1 - Lainey has eliminated Diane Keaton.  Top suspect is currently Molly Ringwald.
#2 - Top suspect is currently Lea Michele.

Blind Vice: Two Almost-Out Hunks in Love!

New from Ted today -

Blind Vice: Two Almost-Out Hunks in Love!

Look, our Blind Vices aren't always about crack, heroin, orgies and selling your soul to the fame devil. Sometimes we have a happy little love story for ya! Today, we're celebrating—and encouraging—hot-ass stars Kirkland Dogmatic and Teddy Big-Treat and their new-found affair! "They are so into each other," say close mutual friends. "And very protective of each other."
So much so, that Teddy, who is out, is going along with Kirk's very insistent advice from his team...
"We're just good friends," is what T has been blabbing to industry folks, protecting his BF, who has one foot in the closet, and who also just happens to have one of the cutest, most seductively unusual pusses in town right now.
And so far, Kirk's going along with it, which is overwhelmingly echoed by Dogmatic's team of advisors. See, it's not just a somewhat successful boutique career Kirkland's got in front of himself right now, but a major piece of the hugely successful Invasion From Planet Octopus franchise—which Kirkland and his advisor's are cashing in on majorly.
Oh, crap, here we go again: As usual, it's money that's deciding everything.
Hmmm. What will happen next? Something slightly scandalous, we suspect, as Kirky's never been one to play the fake-beard game. In fact, he detests it more than Lea Michele hates to be unnoticed.
Oh, did we forget to tell you one half of this equation is closely associated with the delightful diva?

And It Ain't: Chris Colfer and Liam Hemsworth, Lance Bass and Matthew Morrison, Jake Gyllenhaal and T.R. Knight

Top suspects: Jonathan Groff & Zachary Quinto

Update October 18 - Ted has revealed this BV to be about Zachary and Jonathan, just as we suspected.


Kirkland Dogmatic = Zachary Quinto
Teddy Big-Treat = Jonathan Groff

Lainey- Hair issues

Hair issues

Two riddles about hair. Two different subjects.

1. When you don’t eat, when you deprive your body of essential nutrients, it reacts in ways to protect itself. One of the side effects of excessive thinnification is the fuzzy hair growth, a soft downy layer as the body tries to keep itself warm. And oftentimes on the face. Since food is not a regular part of her life, the thinnification hair on her face is naturally dark. They do a marvellous job of hiding it though – by bleaching and strategic photography and of course foundation, although it’s getting harder and harder to hide. And as a result she’s just lost a part because of it. The director loved her, he just didn’t want to go to such great lengths to camouflage her problem.

2. Young star of the moment was getting some action once and things were progressing along nicely until the boy headed down there and discovered that her situation was so unkempt, “like even more than the 70s”, he had to tap out. It was how she learned the importance of grooming. On a personal note though, let’s make this sh-t fair: maintenance goes both ways. It’s not just a female responsibility, male deforestation is a requirement too. Carry on then with your guesses now.

Update 10/13/10 - Lainey has eliminated:
For #1: NOT Leighton Meester, Kelly Osbourne, Megan Fox ,Angelina Jolie, Renee Zellweger
For #2: NOT
BOTH: NOT Natalie Portman, Vanessa Hudgens, Taylor Lautner, Taylor Swift, Emma Stone, Evan Rachel Wood, Jennifer Hudson, Joe Jonas, Kristen Stewart, Mila Kunis, Keira Knightley, Carey Mulligan

* Top suspects:
#1 - Sarah Jessica Parker
#2 - Lea Michele

Glee Blind Vice Revealed! Pat Poisonpuss is...

Wow Ted made an entire post to reveal a recent BV...

Glee Blind Vice Revealed!  Pat Poisonpuss is...

We hoped Pat Poisonpuss was just having an off day when our on-set source blabbed to us about how downright bitchy the diva was to her cast and crew in between takes.
But sad to say, looks like that's a normal day for P2. And now P.P. isn't even trying to keep her nasty 'tude a secret, so why should we?
Yep, Lea Michele seems to be having a hard time separating the onscreen diva she plays from offscreen life, and it's getting on everyone's nerves.
Last week at the Time 100 Gala in New York, Lea totally turned off her fellow honorees by swapping spit with her BF the whole night, instead of socializing with the other influential guests.
Classy, babe!
And then to top matters off, the chick snapped at a photographer who had the nerve to take her pic then ask for her name. How dare he!
Lea said she was Sarah Palin and then, Taylor Swift, when photographer Patrick McMullanasked who she was. Reportedly, Patrick then told the pretty girl to ef off.
We rang up McMullan, who's a pretty famous celebrity in his own right (he snaps them all, trust), just to make sure. Here's what he had to say:
"Everything that's in that story is true, Lea giving me the fake names, but not what I said," P.M. told us. "I didn't say 'f--k you' to her, even though I wanted to say 'F--k you!' No, what I said was, 'Forget about it.' "
"Yeah...but you know what?" McMullen laughed. "Taylor Swift and Demi and Ashton were totally cool and nice at that event. They're classy."
We get the not-so-coded message, P. And when asked what Patrick will say to Lea the next time he sees her at an event (which, of course, he will), we asked what would he utter to Lea this time?
"Hey, I owe you a f--k you!"
Love it!
So, listen, Lea—we love Glee as much as the next guy or gal. And we actually do love you, too—we think you're totally gorge and you've got talent galore. But c'mon, take a bite of that humble pie your costars are sharing (Jane Lynch anyone?) and lose the 'tude.

*Here is the link to the Pat Poisonpuss Blind Vice from 4/30/10.

Blind Vice: Who's the Not-So-Gleeful Diva?

New from Ted today -

Blind Vice: Who's the Not-So-Gleeful Diva?


Jeez, whenever we try to give people benefit of the doubt (à la Buck Me-Good), it turns out to bite us in the ass.
Remember how we told you the Glee kids were all, like, one moderately happy family—by Hollywood standards, that is?
Well, one snitty star on that totally lovable show is causing quite the dramatic ruckus, pulling a Heigl on set. And it just pains us to report this, but alas, it is our jobs. So let's get the nasty stuff over with, shall we?
Introducing Pat Poisonpuss, one of the main faces of Fox's hit show. Actually, Pat would probably smack us across the head for saying "introducing" before this sexy babe's name because, according to P.P., Pat has been in the Hollywood game forever. So much more than the minions (crew and fellow actors) Poisonpuss is "forced" to deal with everyday.
A source close to Team Awful recently visited the Glee set and reported, among other snitty deets, that Pat was totally isolated in between takes.
Pat, we're told, "really gave off the impression that [he or she?] is a huge diva," our insider dished. The set snooper insisted P.P. positively reeked of entitled-itis—think it's going to be catching soon on that show, too.
But say it ain't so! We're told diva doesn't even begin to describe how bitchy this par-tick star behaved, not mingling with anyone, choosing, instead to do eye-rolls over in a corner while other actors we're doing their bits. Talk about tacky!
But hey, maybe it's a method-acting kinda thing? You know, P.P. is just trying to stay in character in between takes? Could that be it?
We're choosing to believe that scenario, 'cause we think Pat is a total fox and supertalented.
Anyway, hopefully this seminew celeb won't get too big a tude, 'cause this behavior so screams Katherine Heigl.


And It Ain't: Dijon Talton, Heather Morris, Harry Shum Jr.

Update 5/10/10 - Ted has revealed that Pat Poisonpuss is Lea Michele.  Here is the link to the reveal.