Friday, August 26, 2011

Blind Vice: Everybody's Whispering About Nick!

New from Ted today.  An oldie returns.  This one was suspected to be about Will Smith and Jada Pinkett-Smith the first time around.  Bt there were questions surrounding that, after Ted was (as usual) contradictory about the timing of Will's BV.  Now that they are in the tabs again, they seem to fit for this again.

Blind Vice: Everybody's Whispering About Nick!

The sexy-ass life (and wife) Hard-Nipple Nick set up for himself years ago is getting so complicated lately. As if agreeing that your wife could have her lovers while you have yours could ever be an easy arrangement for very long! Hot, yeah, but, easy?
Will Smith - Personality Poster (Size: 27'' x 40'')Not anymore. Here's what's unraveling:
The trust. And we don't mean between Hard-Nipple and his missus. More like the help.
You know, all those peeps rich folks like Mr. Nick always have around? Sure, they've all signed confidentiality agreements, but, you think they all pay attention to those legal handcuffs? Actually, yes, most within the Nick household do.
Just not all. Two employees very close to Hard-Nipple are opening their traps about their employer's imaginative marital arrangement, and word's starting to get out lately—much more than it has in the past. Regarding what an active, lively and rather democratic love-life (with more attention to the boys than to the girls we must add) Hard enjoys!
So, perhaps Nick's legal eagles might want to look in the direction of those sleeping near Hard-Nipple, as opposed to those right next to (which is where they're currently focused).
AND IT AIN'T: Jensen Ackles, Matthew McConaughey, Ben Affleck

Please click on the label below for a link to our post on the previous Hard-Nipple Nick Blind Vice from 2009, including a full list of who has been eliminated.

Top suspect: Will Smith

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Blind Vice: Hildago's Bitch Has Moved On to Bigger Gays

New from Ted yesterday.  Refer to the label below for a link to the previous Hildago BV.

Blind Vice: Hildago's Bitch Has Moved On to Bigger Gays

It wasn't Hildago Van Buren who had most people intrigued a couple of weeks ago, but instead, the guy with all the young fans who kept rubbing himself up Hildago's backside! Who could it have been?
Well, I think it's time for everybody to meet Carson Ampi-Dickorous, one of Hollywood's most charming sex addicts...
Who not only uses his skills for personal enjoyment, but for work duties, as well!
Now, the last time we heard from (and saw) Carson, he was mime breeding HIildago's behind, and it wasn't that big of a deal. After all, more than a few people in town know what an aspiring slut Carson is and how he'll at least make out—if not go all the way—with practically anybody for a good time.
But what is on some Hollywood folks' minds now is just how far will Carson go for a job? In other words, would Carson actually sell his soul (and his services) out just to land a primo part?
Perhaps. Because one of the hottest guys in TV (who's largely responsible for Carson's recent re-entry into the fame game) is working on some new projects. And Mr. Ampi-Dickorous has made it very plain to his employer just how far he'd be willing to go for a chance at that new gig.
Will it work? Honestly? Probably.
You think only straight casting couches are alive and well in this town?
And It Ain't: Robert Downey Jr., Alec Baldwin, Jamie Foxx

Use the label below for a link to the previous Hildago BV.

For Hildago Van Buren -
Eliminated: Ricky Martin, Elton John, Adam Lambert, Hugh Jackman, Rob Pattinson, Zac Efron, Jesse Tyler Ferguson, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Jake Gyllenhaal, Cheyenne Jackson
Top suspect: Neil Patrick Harris

For Carson Ampi-Dickorous -
Eliminated: Taylor Lautner, Joe Jonas, Rob Pattinson, Zac Efron, Chace Crawford, Jake Gyllenhaal, Robert Downey Jr., Alec Baldwin, Jamie Foxx,
Top suspect: ?

Friday, August 19, 2011

Blind Vice! Lovey-Dovey Couple About to Call it Quits!

New from Ted today -

Blind Vice! Lovey-Dovey Couple About to Call it Quits!

Carol Anne Sausage-Snatcher is having some trouble in paradise.
But at least she'll have someone to commiserate about her romance troubles with ‘cause, in case you didn't know, she's practically besties with Carmelita Salami-Climber. And rightfully so, they're cut from the same juicy pig, if you catch my drift.
Well, while Carm thinks she's in BF heaven, Carol is in relationship hell...
‘Cause her man is fed up with her BS.
See, Carol's guy actually really loves her. Like, over the moon love. Adorable, right?
We don't see much true love in the Vice vault.
And while Carol says she totally hearts her dude right back, she can't seem to stop her very flirtatious ways. Ya know, like when she brings her guy to swanky T-town shindigs and spends the whole night letting strangers paw at her very enviable assets. All while her poor schmuck of a partner watches on.
Well enough is enough, and Carol Anne's man pulled her aside at a recent party for what he thought was a private conversation.
Unfortch, Carol got all dramatic (per usual) and made a scene. Now everyone's watching to see if the formerly so-happy couple busts up.
And we wouldn't be surprised if they split, like, tomorrow. It's getting that bad.
And It Ain't: Jessica Alba, Lindsay Lohan, Jennifer Aniston

Update as of 1/27/12 Ted has eliminated: Jessica Alba, Lindsay Lohan, Jennifer Aniston, Jada Pinkett-Smith, any couple with children, Naya Rivera, Blake Lively, Kristin Cavallari

Top suspects: Khloe Kardashian and Lamar Odom

Friday, August 12, 2011

Blind Vice: Carmelita's Real Friends Say Dump the Dude!

New BV from Ted today, a repeat offender...

Blind Vice: Carmelita's Real Friends Say Dump the Dude!

Gorgeous, charming, curvy Carmelita Salami-Climber isn't a chick you'd normally feel sorry for. Jealousy is usually what one feels when watching Carmelita on the boob tube and reading about her in one of those endless fashion articles that are churned out about the babe.
But lately, Carm's very few close pals (she has thousands of acquaintances) are telling her to run from her man before...
They end up marrying!
Kim Kardashian: Fit In Your Jeans by Friday: Ultimate Butt Body SculptSee, Ms. Salami-Climber's buds are dead certain they've got this latest BF of Carm's pegged: That he's (a) more interested in the fame that comes from dating Carmelita than actually dating Carmelita, (b) definitely interested in the money that will be generated by continuing to be glued to Carmelita's side and (c) suspicious, sexually.
Uh, that last category is more of a hunch than anything specifically observed—but Carm's close GFs are a bit shocked at how anxious her guy is to join their regular gossip sessions.
I know straight men gossip and all, but, man, usually with each other, right, not other gals?
Regardless, the point is Salami-Climber's tight bunch is doing its damndest to talk Carm out of spending the rest of her life with her man—which is what she's telling them all she wants to do.  And trust, Carmelita's well-meaning amigas are not holding back. They really don't think the dude's the one for her, and they're blasting this message to her as fiercely as they can.
But so far, Carmelita isn't having it. He is her prince, as far as she's concerned.
(Regardless if the prince might want another prince.)
And It Ain't: Selena Gomez, Mila Kunis, Cameron Diaz

Please refer to the label below for a link to the previous CSC BV, including a full list of who has been eliminated.

Top suspect: Kim Kardashian

Blind Vice! Gay Star Gets Closeted Man's Attention!

New from Ted Wednesday August 10 -

Blind Vice!  Gay Star Gets Closeted Man's Attention!

We love Hildago Van Buren, the out star of many different talents. Not only can he hold his own, singing, dancing and acting, he can also hold his latest costar's penis—and does he!
Oh my, what the hell happened? Put the kiddie fans to bed and find out:
Recently Hildago signed up for a big production. You know, one of those shows with row upon row of deluxe dressing rooms. And it was inside one of these private star residences that Hildago got propositioned.
In itself, it's not so shocking. Van Buren's a super charming, ├╝ber-talented guy. No, the shocker here is who made the approach—somebody with hundreds of thousands of teeny-bopper fans, somebody who would probably not work again (at the same level to which he's become accustomed), if word got out he was rubbing his privates up against Van Buren behind closed doors!
Did Hildago bite? No, surprisingly. But he's also no fool:
Before Hildy decided to let his surprise suitor down, telling him he wasn't interested in a quickie, he did take the time to feel up the guy's goods.
How the hell often to you have the chance to check out the family jewels of one of the world's biggest stars?
Like, never!
(Van Buren remains impressed.)
And It Ain't: Ricky Martin, Elton John, Adam Lambert

Update August 24 - Ted has written a new Hildago BV, and has given a name to the star with teeny-bopper fans: Carson Ampi-Dickorous.  Please use the label below to link to the new BV.  In that post we have included full lists of who has been eliminated for both Hildago and Carson.

Top suspect:
Hildago - Neil Patrick Harris

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Lainey- She learns for him, will not leave him

She learns for him, will not leave him

So much speculation and it's been going on for years that she will finally leave him because he won't, ever, change. But do you know the lengths she went through to get him, and keep him? Did you know she enrolled in classes at university, not because she was interested for herself, but because she wanted to be able to talk to him about...things? She wanted to be able to keep up. She wanted HIM to know/believe/think she could keep up. She worships his brain. She wanted to make sure that he was finding her brain adequately stimulating.

They say that he's been trying to get out of there. He hasn't tried. There has been no attempt. It's kinda futile. First because, even if he were to want to bail, everyone in his life would be against it, and has warned him of the consequences, but also because she has told him straight up, on several occasions, "I will never leave you". This one doesn't get enough credit for her tenacity.

Top suspect: Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck (revealed at smut soiree)

Saturday, August 6, 2011

Blind Vice: Sloppy Sluts Unite!

This BV was new from Ted on Tues Aug 2 - old characters...

Blind Vice: Sloppy Sluts Unite!

I guess Slurpa Pop-Off and Morgan Mayhem didn't get the memo. Tooling around Hollywood in outrageously expensive wheels while enjoying low-rent screws and buckets of cocaine is just so, well, 2006.
Paris Hilton (NYPD) Art Poster Print - 24x36Girls, can't you hip it up better than that?
Guess not. And it's getting worse: Morgan and Slurpa, who both used to be two of the most successful young businesswomen in Hollywood (no joke) have seen their earnings reports...well, they aren't exactly sky-rocketing lately.
Which is a shame, because both these gals were the original crafty chick—in every way. Now, they can't even get invited to a decent Hollywood party.
So, what are two former It girls supposed to do? Band together, that's what!
Lindsay Lohan Poster #01 11x17 Master PrintSlurpa and Morgs—totally high—are now crashing A-list parties together, tripping, falling, purses opening and spilling everywhere. It's pretty sad.
"They think they're so funny," lamented one horrified guest at a Hollywood Hills bash the two girls invited themselves to recently. "But it's just pathetic. People didn't even recognize them at first. And then, it's like, once you realize who they are, please."
As one of the shocked onlookers said, "Even Nicole Richie cleaned up her act, come on!"
But reform has always been a dirty word to Morgs and Slurp. Which, actually, is part of their charm. The problem being, however, is that the naughty chemicals are starting to run the show for Pop-Off and Mayhem—like they did with Charlie Sheen. And it's boring as crap.
Not to mention as dangerous as Amy Winehouse's situation.
And It Ain't: Mary-Kate Olsen and Kate Hudson, Olivia Munn and Tila Tequila, Kathy Griffin and Joan Rivers

Please refer to the labels below for links to the many previous Slurpa Pop-Off and Morgan Mayhem BVs.

Top suspects:
Slurpa Pop-Off = Paris Hilton
 Morgan Mayhem = Lindsay Lohan

Blind Vice: Cruella Drives Her Latest Man to Extremes!

New BV from Ted yesterday, August 5 -

Blind Vice: Cruella Drives Her Latest Man to Extremes!

Poor Marky Sweet-Puss. He's sweet no more.
But anybody who knows anything about Cruella St. Shackles, Marky's super-evil missus, knew that it was probably only a matter of time before Marky's aw-shucks demeanor bit the dust.
Get Closer [+Digital Booklet]I mean, how can you possibly stay genuine and good-hearted with a woman who...
Is so anal she has her dietician/cook/slave place Post-Its on Tupperware containers of precooked meals in the fridge, each yellow note with the precise number of calories in each dish. And if a meal goes even one calorie over Cruella's trainer/workout partner/slave's suggested limit, then that kitchen is not a pretty place to be...for a long time.
So, imagine what it's like for Marky, who really was just a TV-dinner kinda guy before he hooked up with Cruella, in the bedroom with this exacting broad! Suffice it to say, it hasn't been easy. Nor in any other room of the house, for that matter.
As Marky's friend's put it: "He is so controlled by [Cruella], it's a wonder she lets him take a s--t."
And the sad result of all this totally brain-screwing domestic hovering is that Marky has begun losing his temper, both in front of Cruella, and not. Some folks are wrongly wondering if Sweet-Puss (who used to have a problem with drugs) isn't using again? Seems to always be on edge, ya know?
Hardly. It's all about being treated like a little husband/servant/roach at home. Fetching this, doing that, minding whatever—all for the insatiable, power-crazy St. Shackles.
"The temper thing's getting out of control," said one Sweet-Puss confidant. "I can only imagine what he's having to put up with."
Let's just hope Marky doesn't start using again and instead decides to ditch the doomed marriage first!
It Ain't: Nicole Richie, Vanessa Minnillo, Michelle Pfeiffer

Please refer to the label below for the link to the previous Marky Sweet Puss and Cruella St. Shackles BVs.

Top suspects: still Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban