Saturday, August 6, 2011

Blind Vice: Sloppy Sluts Unite!

This BV was new from Ted on Tues Aug 2 - old characters...

Blind Vice: Sloppy Sluts Unite!

I guess Slurpa Pop-Off and Morgan Mayhem didn't get the memo. Tooling around Hollywood in outrageously expensive wheels while enjoying low-rent screws and buckets of cocaine is just so, well, 2006.
Paris Hilton (NYPD) Art Poster Print - 24x36Girls, can't you hip it up better than that?
Guess not. And it's getting worse: Morgan and Slurpa, who both used to be two of the most successful young businesswomen in Hollywood (no joke) have seen their earnings reports...well, they aren't exactly sky-rocketing lately.
Which is a shame, because both these gals were the original crafty chick—in every way. Now, they can't even get invited to a decent Hollywood party.
So, what are two former It girls supposed to do? Band together, that's what!
Lindsay Lohan Poster #01 11x17 Master PrintSlurpa and Morgs—totally high—are now crashing A-list parties together, tripping, falling, purses opening and spilling everywhere. It's pretty sad.
"They think they're so funny," lamented one horrified guest at a Hollywood Hills bash the two girls invited themselves to recently. "But it's just pathetic. People didn't even recognize them at first. And then, it's like, once you realize who they are, please."
As one of the shocked onlookers said, "Even Nicole Richie cleaned up her act, come on!"
But reform has always been a dirty word to Morgs and Slurp. Which, actually, is part of their charm. The problem being, however, is that the naughty chemicals are starting to run the show for Pop-Off and Mayhem—like they did with Charlie Sheen. And it's boring as crap.
Not to mention as dangerous as Amy Winehouse's situation.
And It Ain't: Mary-Kate Olsen and Kate Hudson, Olivia Munn and Tila Tequila, Kathy Griffin and Joan Rivers

Please refer to the labels below for links to the many previous Slurpa Pop-Off and Morgan Mayhem BVs.

Top suspects:
Slurpa Pop-Off = Paris Hilton
 Morgan Mayhem = Lindsay Lohan


Rita said...

No surprise whatsoever in this one. It's like Ted giving the girls a warning that their shenanigans are hardly veiled.

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Amy Winehouse's death, shocking? No, it was just a matter of time. Now they will martyr her because of her singing. What they should do is use her death for an anti-drug campaign.

Dear Just Say No:
I don't agree at all. Let Amy rest in peace. She's gone. Now, take a living battler of addiction like Lindsay Lohan and make an anti-drug campaign, that idea

I like! Because there's still very much a life to save, as opposed to one that's already gone."

"Dear Ted:
We know from you previously that Slurpa Pop-Off tows the bi line, and well, Morgan Mayhem is Morgan after all. So I was wondering if you felt these two were doing anything more than just partying. Are Slurpa and Morgan a couple?

Dear Vice-on-Vice Lovin':
I wouldn't put it past either of ‘em. And if they're going to swap their femme fluids with anyone, they might as well do it with each other and spare the rest of Hollyweird. But as of now, these two are strictly party pals."

blurry vice said...

I agree, Rita! BTW, your True Blood letters to Ted are hilarious.

Rita said...

Thanks Blurry. Was on a role this week.

Did you notice though how Ted had repeated that Cindy Crawford is very happily married? Almost expected him to state that her hubby looks on tenderly while she munches on cookies!

Cecilia00 said...

He couldn't have been more obvious.

Thanks for posting!

Jackie said...

Why is this even a blind item?

Rita said...

I look at it as some sort of warning to the girls that either they're obvious, or simply Ted has had enough of their shenanigans is quite bluntly outing them.

Remember, Paris let's her dogs die of hunger of suffocation, he doesn't necessarily have any goodwill towards her.

Cathy said...

I also think that Paris had kind of started to fade into the background and now that she's front and center again, partying with Lindsay, it pisses Ted off (rightfully so, with her history of animal abuse), so I think he's just reminding us what trash that girl really is.

Rita said...

Cathy - I agree, but... doesn't it feel that Paris had been without any control in the past 18 months, getting caught for cocaine, etc. and now partying with Lindsay; It's like the absolute end of Paris, for once you get on the Lindsay band wagon, the end is near.

Although Ted had posted some of my negative comments towards Paris in the past, his answers were very supportive of her. I don't think he really hates her, simply her dog-killing ways. In a weird way, he admires her for what she was able to do, and set standards for: you need to do anything to be popular in H-Town, you can simply be popular for being popular! This bv is a warning to Paris, get-off the life-wrecking train pronto.

Cathy said...

I just think that Paris had lost a lot of her relevance, with the Kardashians and Lohans stealing her spotlight. Her show bombed because people just don't care about her anymore. Hanging out with Lindsay is putting her back into the headlines.

Rita said...

Cathy - I have never watched any of Paris's shows, except of course the first one with Nicole. If I believe what the other sites are saying, her last show did not do so well, not only because she has become irrelevant, but mainly, she had lost the very few fans she had left, after tuning in and watching her nastiness and meanness towards her 'friend' who was battling addiction (and still is), Brooke Mueller.

It seems that during the show, Brooke was trying to go through rehab, and Paris kept taunting her with alcohol. I guess the few fans left had finally seen the true face of Paris.

Remember Brittney Spears, Nicole, Tara, Lindsay, and a lot more had partied with Paris right before they were sent straight to rehab. I've posted this to Ted a while ago, his answer had more to do with them seeking her spotlight. I believe the show highlighted the fact that Paris has a high-tolerance for partying (just like Sheen), and likes breaking fragile women on the brink. Some take responsibility and turn their lives around, like Nicole, some have a harder time, like Brooke.

Whichever it is, Paris makes me believe in mean-spirited beings with no redeeming qualities. Wonder where she'll be heading next.

Rita said...

Also, no pressure Sisters, am just gonna wait patiently:

but oh goshh jeeesh, a fresh new Ted blind today: a new star. And it so sounds like Neil Patrick Harris, for why else would he refuse the biggest star in the world if he wasn't faithful to his hubby!

My question would be, who is that biggest star Ted is talking about, and who quite obviously has already a moniker, or Ted would've given him one in this new bv!

I will now wait patiently for the sisters to post. It is after all, summer vacation!

Cathy said...

Me too! Not totally convinced that it's NPH though - all the AIA's are singers. If it is him, could the "big production" be the Tony Awards?

When he talks about hundreds of thousands of teeny-bopper fans, it makes me think Taylor Lautner, Justin Bieber or even the JoBros (not sure if they're still popular). IF it were NPH and IF it were at the Tony Awards, then this COULD be the youngest Jonas, since he was there...

Rita said...

Not sure the Jonas are still A-listers. B, maybe. More teeny-boppers go crazy after Justin Bieber... Who happens to have already a Moniker! the one with Me-Me Dallas.

ewwwh! someone touched the Bieb's underage peen... I need to shower.

Cathy said...

It would break my heart if it is about NPH, because in my mind, if a guy comes onto you and you touch his package, that counts as cheating.

Rita said...

Maybe in regular life. This here is Hollywood moral codes. Very-very different from regular folks'.

Sasha said...

Omg I INSTANTLY thought of NPH for this blind too! I am a HUGE HIMYM fan and would love for this to be him. From the way Ted writes, he's a big fan of this guy, and I believe Ted does like NPH a lot. He has s million projects going on right now, such as Harold and Kumar Christmas movie, his show, a musical, surfs, etc.

Anonymous said...

Oh good, you guys started the convo about today's new BV! I would much rather speculate with you guys instead of the people in the comments! Mwah!

In addition to wondering about the straight actor, I'm also curious about what event would have "with row upon row of deluxe dressing rooms". Broadway? An awards show? The teen choice awards were last weekend, maybe this happened then. The only openly gay actor I can think of that was there is Jesse Tyler Fergason. Maybe? The closeted actor is easy though...Taylor Lautner!!

Rita said...

Taylor is not really the 'A-list adored by millions and millions of teeny-bopper fans' that would be on the Bieber categaory. Or even Nevis Devine himself, Mr. Pattinson!

We know both have been confirmed for Blind Vices monikers. Not NPH. It's new moniker on the market.

The only one that would fit to a T the BV discription would be X-Men extraordianaire himself, Mr. Wolverine's Hugh Jackman.

But we all know he already is confirmed for a BV.

This BV screams TV, BROADWAY, singing, multi-tasking and flat out-of-the-closet for the whole world to see gay: NPH for the win!

Also, not many with those same described talents are formally out. So that narrows the possibilities a whole lot.

Lastly, please don't pressure the sisters to post. They deserve their break, so let's discuss the new BV here, we can copy and paste later on when BV is up.

Anonymous said...

I wouldn't be so quick to dismiss Taylor as the un-monikered closeted actor. He may not be at the ranks of Rob or Biebs, but he is definitely adored by teeny-boppers alike. Ted didn't say millions and millions of fans, he said hundreds of thousands. I guess it depends how literally we should take it. I agree though, NPH is a top guess for the newly monikered BV.

Also, I hope you weren't implying that I was putting pressure on the sisters to post. I was simply saying i was happy to see the conversation starting here because its no fun to try and have any decent conversation in the E! comment boards. No one does their research over there!

Rita said...

LMS - no implications.

As for the Taylor Lautner guess, he was confirmed to be a BV a good while ago. His moniker is Parrish Maguire. You can check the Hot Links section (right side of blog page, scroll down), click on 'Our list of Blind Vice reveals etc.'

You can always check this list if you are not sure if someone got confirmed to have a moniker or not. It also states the dates of first time Ted confirmed said person has a BV, as well as the last date where they were not confirmed to have a BV. This will clue you in on which possible monikers during those dates the blind could be connected to.

Anonymous said...

Yes, I know that Taylor already has a BV. I was guessing him for the person in the blind that wasn't named given a name (ie the teeny-bopper closeted gay). My guess is that person wasn't given a name because he already has one from another vice. We have plenty of closeted gay men loved by teeny-bops, Taylor being one example. I understand that Hildago Van Buren is a new moniker so therefore couldn't be someone with a name already.

So, Hildago Van Buren = NPH or some other openly out gay man

Unnamed Closeted Gay man who's junk he grabbed = Taylor, Zac, Franco, or any one else from our huge list of secretly gay celebs.

Rita said...

Woohoo, Ted just confirmed that the teeny-bopper star has already a moniker, what I said all along!

Whomever asked the question, the form was quite sneaky and got us an answer from Ted. congrats!

Anonymous said...

That was me who asked the question. I've been on a roll lately getting Ted to answer my questions!

Rita said...

Bravo LMS, well done! I really like your formula on getting answers.

This means that the other young man propositioning Hildago Van Buren (please notice the first name: HiLdago, not Hidalgo, must have a certain meaning), should fit the following description: One with hundreds of thousands of teeny-bopper fans, someone who would probably not work again (at the same level he has become accustomed to) if word got out he was gay'... and ends with world's biggest stars. Who also happens to have a moniker.

Justin Bieber
Taylor Lautner
The cute Jonas Brother who sinned with Me-Me Dallas
Zac Effron

Who else drives specifically teeny-boppers crazy, AND is a world super star?

I think there must be an age limit to attract teeny-bopper, as in maybe no one older then 25.

Finally, if we concentrate on Neil Patrick Harris, which production he was working on where some of these stars mentioned above were present: the Emmys, Broadway production, Kids choices, or one of those Kumar movies he's working on again. Am thinking something more along the Emmys for it have rows and rows of star trailers.

Cathy said...

If anyone who has successfully gotten Ted to answer a question could ask if the propositioning guy's previous vice had to do with ladies or the fellas, that would help A LOT.

Anonymous said...

Hmm, so according to the afternoon BB, Taylor and Joe Jones are both out for "Hildago Humper" (what Ted called the in-the-closet guy this morning). Says we are looking for someone older but still swoon-worthy. What about Orlando Bloom? Does he still appeal to the teeny-boppers?

On another note, here's a list of out-of-the-closet gay actors. Even though this one is likely NPH, seems like we should still do our due-diligence.

David Hyde Pierce
T.R. Knight
Cheyenne Jackson
Michael Feinstein
Lance Bass
Clay Aiken
Nathan Lane
Harvey Fierstein
Gus Van Sant
Jesse Tyler Fergason
Sir Ian McKellen (Ha!)

Cathy said...

How about Effron for the suitor?

Anonymous said...

Ted answered another one of my questions about Hildago. He says there's a Glee connection. I'm assuming he mean's NPH, since he guest starred in the first season. Although, so did Cheyenne Jackson and Jonathon Groff. Plus Chris Colfer is a series regular. Did I miss anyone?

Rita said...

We finally got the name of the supposed A-movie Lindsay Lohan was getting a chance at this morning. It's Like Mike, Directed by Sodderberg, written by Channing Tatum. Matthew McConnaughy has a big role in it, as well as Skarsgard, and Pettyfer is the lead...

Quite the A-list Blind Vicers if you ask me! Morgan Mayhem would've been right at home.

She didn't get the part because Sodderberg does not want to deal with all the crap that comes with Lohan. Duh. Like having Lindsay on any set is drama free!

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Enough's enough with Morgan Mayhem. Out that lame trick so she can understand that she is fooling no one. Please.

Dear Ted:
Scary thing is, she actually believes she is fooling folks. Funny, I was just thinking about how I'd love to read a Morgan Mayhem tell-all but who would
write it? If she did, it'd be chock full of lies. Which Vice star's tell all would you be into reading, E.?"

blurry vice said...

Disgusting -

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Sometimes I don't get where you are coming from. You're still rooting for Lindsay Lohan? Are you serious? Yes, the girl is a mess, but let's take a look at

something here: She isn't particularly the nicest, honest, most hard-working actor out there. She lies. She steals. She's undependable, doesn't seem to

believe she has a problem and seems to feel entitled to everything and owe nothing. I don't get where you still "love her" and all of the other crap you

write about her. Bottom line: She's not a good person. And you still go on and on about her talent! So what? If someone doesn't want to help themselves, why

are you even bothering?

Dear Hard-Working Hater:
Did we ever say she was perfect? Nope, and far from it. But we do think she's a super-talented actress, and a brand-new role might be just the thing Linds

needs to get back on track. And, of course, she's a spoiled-rotten celeb whose always blameless, but the point is to keep her away from Amy Winehouse's

destiny, not push her closer toward it with our contempt.

Dear Ted:
My question is about those Blind Vice monikers you so cleverly coin. I think there is always a hint of the real identity within the name such as Ms. Morgan

Mayhem, for example. Am I right about the B.V. monikers or do you just write down something that tickles your fancy but has no hint in it whatsoever? And do

you leave us clues elsewhere in your B.V.s like in the list of who is not the B.V.?

Dear D Is For Decoder:
When I write Blinds, including the monikers, I'm like Ashton Kutcher when he's talking about his private life: There are hints everywhere, including the

people I say it ain't. Really, I drop more clues than my adorable Charlie does poop."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Are Morgan Mayhem's boobies real?

Dear Off My Chest:
Yes. Why do you ask?"

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Which Vicers do you think will try to shake their habits in 2012 and who do you think will be Vicing harder than ever?

Dear Naughty and Nice:
Tough Q, M. I think Morgan Mayhem will continue to try to clean up her act this year (or at least make people think she has), while sometimes-bestie

Strawberry Snort 'Em will be wilder than ever. And you can quote me on that last one. As for closeted dudes, I'm not expecting any of them to come out of the

closet this year, but if I had to pick one, maybe Crotch Uh-Lastic? Ha! Probably not, but who knows.

Dear Ted:
You said Strawberry Snort 'Em will be wilder than ever this year so I have to ask: Is it because our party girl knows no other way to put the spotlight back

on herself after it's grown quite dim the past few years? Without any obvious talent—other than complete dim-wittery and self-promotion—what's a girl to do?

And how has Strawberry managed to keep a relatively closed lid on her out of control partying? Why hasn't anyone (Morgan Mayhem perhaps) called her out on

her lies in the press?
—Love, Strawberry's So Not Hot

Dear Snort Ya Later:
Strawberry has had plenty of success the past few years. Which is the main reason she keeps her naughty party habits under wraps…It would totally turn off

middle American and (maybe more importantly) some of the peeps in her life. As for Morgs? How is she supposed to narc on Straw without admitting her own

penitence for the powder, which she's still inhaling?"

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Sad that Whitney Houston died. Such a talent. However, I can't help but wonder who she was in the Blind Vice arena. Will you answer in the future?

Dear Fallen Star:
Yes, I'll answer you. And, yes, of course, Whitney had a Vice from many years ago. But, it's been a long time since I've updated that particular chapter, often because it was an unhappy one with no uplifting moments. Hell, even Morgan Mayhem finds a moment or two to laugh at her drama and self. Whitney's story was increasingly one of descent, and I never saw much that could be done. I will miss her greatly, I was a huge fan. Her talent was chillingly incomparable."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
So has Morgan Mayhem landed any big roles recently? If so, has she really changed her ways or does she just have everyone fooled...or at least thinks she


Dear Back at Work:
M2 has been trying to land a paycheck lately, I'll say that much, and she's not exactly picky about where it comes from. So she'll take any gig she gets

offered—lately, that means more of the less prestigious ones. As for her habits…they're hardly a thing of the past."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Just watched Lindsay Lohan's Saturday Night Live appearance and the best I can say is that it was very nice of Lorne Michaels to give her a shot. Lindsay was

awful, the skits were awful, and her face...can we now officially call her comeback DOA? Apparently, she did peak at Mean Girls. And what's up with her

Vices, a thing of the past or still active?

Dear Mean Girl:
Aww, c'mon. LiLo was hardly the worst host the show has ever had. And that fact that she was on time, had practically zero complaints about her work ethic

and seemed to actually be sober will definitely help her cause, whether you thought the final product was funny or not. As for the Vicing, that's hardly

retired either.

Dear Ted:
Wow. The threshold for Lindsay Lohan is now set so low that we measure her success based on whether or not she shows up and isn't wasted. Not if she's funny

or if she even knew her lines ahead of time. And how is it that no one's factoring into account the fact that her face looks completely different? How could

she possibly have a comeback?

Dear Return of The Plastics:
I know I've been (shockingly!!!) Team LiLo lately, but it's only because she has so many people rooting against her that why not give the gal props for

cleaning up her act a bit? I'm holding out hope that she'll pull off the Elizabeth Taylor flick. Geez, who would have ever thought I would be the positive

one and leave the cynical stuff up to you readers?"

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Haven't had an update for a while on Morgan Mayhem. Has she cleaned up her act, or is she as out of control as ever?

Dear Monitored Mayhem:
More in control than ever, Katie. And by that I so do not mean that her habits are of the past, just that she is finally keeping things under wraps. It only

took her a bajillion years to figure out how.

Dear Ted:
How is Morgan Mayhem's career doing lately? Is she starting to get back out there and actually using her talent? Do you think she will stay sober now and use

talent to stay in the limelight…instead of her Vicey antics?

Dear Close but no Cigar:
She has a career, which is a start. Lots of people would have considered it DOA for a while there. As for her sobriety, it's touch and go, but Morgs is

definitely focused on putting her talented foot first—at least as far as the public is concerned."