Saturday, August 6, 2011

Blind Vice: Cruella Drives Her Latest Man to Extremes!

New BV from Ted yesterday, August 5 -

Blind Vice: Cruella Drives Her Latest Man to Extremes!

Poor Marky Sweet-Puss. He's sweet no more.
But anybody who knows anything about Cruella St. Shackles, Marky's super-evil missus, knew that it was probably only a matter of time before Marky's aw-shucks demeanor bit the dust.
Get Closer [+Digital Booklet]I mean, how can you possibly stay genuine and good-hearted with a woman who...
Is so anal she has her dietician/cook/slave place Post-Its on Tupperware containers of precooked meals in the fridge, each yellow note with the precise number of calories in each dish. And if a meal goes even one calorie over Cruella's trainer/workout partner/slave's suggested limit, then that kitchen is not a pretty place to be...for a long time.
So, imagine what it's like for Marky, who really was just a TV-dinner kinda guy before he hooked up with Cruella, in the bedroom with this exacting broad! Suffice it to say, it hasn't been easy. Nor in any other room of the house, for that matter.
As Marky's friend's put it: "He is so controlled by [Cruella], it's a wonder she lets him take a s--t."
And the sad result of all this totally brain-screwing domestic hovering is that Marky has begun losing his temper, both in front of Cruella, and not. Some folks are wrongly wondering if Sweet-Puss (who used to have a problem with drugs) isn't using again? Seems to always be on edge, ya know?
Hardly. It's all about being treated like a little husband/servant/roach at home. Fetching this, doing that, minding whatever—all for the insatiable, power-crazy St. Shackles.
"The temper thing's getting out of control," said one Sweet-Puss confidant. "I can only imagine what he's having to put up with."
Let's just hope Marky doesn't start using again and instead decides to ditch the doomed marriage first!
It Ain't: Nicole Richie, Vanessa Minnillo, Michelle Pfeiffer

Please refer to the label below for the link to the previous Marky Sweet Puss and Cruella St. Shackles BVs.

Top suspects: still Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban


blurry vice said...

This has been 99.9% Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban. I think now we can say that it's NOT Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony now with the timing of this BV.

So - 100% Nicole and Keith for the win!

Rita said...

Absolutely right.

However, I must say that this a bit of witch hunting. I can't necessarily believe that Nicole is that mean and manipulative.

From my experience, a couple with 2 kids or more, at least one of them reverts to a lieutenant leading the troop through everyday life with a neurotic order.

Most of the time it's the mother. Some mothers go into absolute dirt indifference, thinking that having some order in the home is the least of their problems.

Others, like Nicole, go into crazy control mode: no corner is left unscrubbed, an absolute hunt of all things dirt, a war against bacteria. So I kind of understand Nicole for going crazy with cleaning and order.

As for the food stuff: 1-freaky how he's letting her know what exactly is in her fridge. 2- If i'm paying for a service that delivers or makes my food, you bet I'll be insisting on having EXACTLY what i'm paying for.

I believe Kidman to be a manipulative bitch, but what happens sometimes between a couple with kids, is much outside the expected norm of black-or-white understanding.

Gaylen said...

What a weak "example" of bitchy behavior. She hired a dietician to prepare meals according to calorie count. She expects them to label them with this information. She isn't demanding the dietician fix her car, mop her floors, or service her sexually. Good forbid this person, who is probably paid well into the 6-digit range for this job, actually be expected do the work they were hired for.

That Jeremy Piven blind about his exacting requirements for his gym attire earned snores all around. Harmless. Wasteful, but harmless. But Ted describes this paid employee as a slave? I'm starting to think this BV is way over hyped. Without Ted's hysterics, the situation sounds generic and common. Oh noes! A man with a temper! Why I never! Clutching my pearls!

Rita said...

Actually, if a man was throwing temper tantrums because he wants things to be done a certain way, he would be described as a hard-working perfectionist.

A man would be allowed to get his money's worth. he wouldn't be criticized for insisting on getting exactly what he is asking for. I don't get the Kidman hate. She successfully survived Tom Cruise and Scientology for heaven's sake.

Wait! Could it be possible that Scientology is responsible for all these Kidman bad rumours. Or maybe I see conspiracy theories all over.

conso said...
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KaDixonLaw said...

Trippy, man...

Anywho, the title of this blind made me think of the Billy Joel song, "I Go to Extremes," which he has said he wrote as an apology to his then-wife, Christie Brinkley, as an apology. In a similar fashion, Keith Urban has written at least one song for Nicole. This could just be one more thing pointing us towards Nicole and Keith. Not that we really needed more proof after the J.Lo/Marc Anchovy divorce. ; )

Btw, I couldn't agree more with the other posters who are confused about Nicole being painted in such a negative light for these relatively trivial complaints. Aside from her blatant lies re: cosmetic surgery, I just don't get an "evil" vibe from her at all. She may be strange, but asking to receive something for which she paid is hardly criminal or even out of line.

conso said...

Hate to rain on all you Cruella supporters parades. Four words ACADEMY AWARD WINNING ACTRESS! She is a conniving, scheming, home wrecking, manipulative publicity whore. Lest you forget her previous publicity seeking relationship was with a married superstar when he raced into her arms.
To blame Scientology for decisions made with regard to child custody or lack of parenting skills is just ignorant. I am a parent, let someone keep my children from me! If she has dirt on this cult why not use it to get them back?
Could any parent walk away and not look back? Could you.
Marky is no saint! He has demons galore and is culpable in facilitating this facade. His ambition is well documented. But the backlash has begun in Small Town USA and the verdict might make this charade backfire big time!
This cannot end well. These living children are no more than props in this made for reality relationship.
All the PDA all the tales of soul mates are folklore. Yoko Ono can't hold a candle to Cruella. Markys fans notice the change of tune. Evil doesn't even cover this ice queens demeanor. Watch it play out, it's almost like a country song. One of markys exes (well known) is prepared to talk should Marky start using again. Careful Cruella, she might actually be the muse that inspired the songs you wish you were written about you.

Rita said...

KaDixon - absolutely agree. I'm not going to jump on the woman-bashing train because of her demanding and expecting nature to get exactly what she is paying for.

However, it irks me how Ted is getting precise information: very stalker-ish. He used to love her so much. Remember when she was dating Lenny Kravitz, and Ted interviewed her and he was absolutely infatuated with everything Nicole. Then the incident with the paparazzi happened, and all of a sudden she's an absolute monster. Not the first time a paparazzi gets beaten by a security guard. Heck, if someone gets into my personal space that often, I would feel attacked and get aggressive in return; imagine if on top of that, they were shoving a camera in my face, discovered they have planted bugs in my phones, and stalked every move I made.

That being said, I will never demean myself, or women power, and call another woman a whore. One thing for sure, Nicole did not need to sell a sex tape of herself to get popular, she is a bonafide Grade A actress: The Others, The Hours, To die For, The Portrait of a Lady, my all-time favorite: The Human Stain with Sir Anthony Hopkins. She was transformed in that movie! No one can ever disclaim that she got her star from her wonderful acting.

That being said, I do believe that she had done some awful things in her life, and like all people who lie and manipulate, she got in too deep and can't get out.

Like all human beings, she is multi-dimensional. And like all Hollywood legends, she's got skeletons in her closet.

Now her biography, I'd looove to read!

conso said...
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Cathy said...

I agree that Ted is overblowing this particular incident by writing about it, but I kind of think he was looking for any excuse to write about Cruella and her HUSBAND at this exact moment. That way, anyone who thought it was JLO will realize it doesn't fit and that she has to be Strippa Rip-ya.

Rita said...

Conso - I appreciate your post, and I do understand that certain people have negative perceptions AND experiences with stars. But the way I see it, Keith Urban is a grown-ass man. And to blame Nicole if he ever falls off the wagon, is just plain ol' sexist and encourages the child-like behavior in men: it's not his fault, it's hers. He needs to do what makes him happy, not what is right and honorable, she stole him away from his wife or girlfriend. It's her fault she got pregnant. Well you see where I'm getting at. We do encourage men to take as little responsibility as possible.

But see, if we are to believe Ted, it seems that Keith has gotten EXACTLY what he wanted from his contract with Nicole: recognition. He got recognize OUTSIDE the Country Music industry. I'm not into country music, but I do know who Keith Urban is, even though, I STILL don't listen to either Country or his music.

Nicole has obviously delivered on her end of the contract, and now that they have kids and the whole stress that comes with it, he can't cope, so she is obviously to be blamed? Come on, we both know that it takes 2 to tango, and if Ted were to let go of his dislike of all things Nicole, he might dig out a not so hidden skeleton or two in Keith's closet.

Remember, up to this day, Nicole is one of the few A-Listers to have the least reputation of being a diva. We've heard a word or two of very few incidents where she acted like a diva with the help in the past 20 years. For every magazine shoot, film shoot, or any kind of professional transaction with Nicole, people had nothing but kind words to say.

In conclusion, you've opted to take Keith's side, I've opted to take Nicole's. In the end, I don't find this bv to be fair, and is very one-sided to say the least.

Cathy said...

Rita - did you read the afternoon BB yesterday where one of the readers talked about you? It was very creepy... makes me wonder what "I" has been up to lately...

Rita said...

@Cathy: nice catch! thought about it too. Thought also that 'I' creature is back under a new moniker on this blog. No matter what, 'I's ID shows clearly with her narrow perspective on women in general.

That being said, I think Ted made his point clear by posting my comment this morning, again, on True Blood. Always flattering to be on the BBs.

In the end, I was quite flattered that someone got my name out there, even if I hadn't written anything. Hope Ted posts my comment on his next BBs that would help 'Belle' get her posts out there as well.

Rita said...

Cathy - also wanted to say I agree with you: Ted is trying to front Cruella as JLO, and I think it's helping. People who are sending their guesses are very far off from Nicole! Great Catch!

Cathy said...

Honestly, there are a couple new posters here that sometimes seem like "I" re-incarnated...

conso said...
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Rita said...

@Cathy, some are too young, some come from other blogs where it's permissive/encouraged to be hateful. But they learn quickly on this site to construct actual sentences, with respect to others' opinions.

And some suffer from selective-memory syndrome: theyd on't remember typing out mean-spirited phrases ending with the word 'whore' when describing an award-winning actress.

Good thing the internet saves everything you've said!

Now I wonder if Ted will ever reveal Tom C's blind about being stuck in Scientology's dirty shenanigans. Lainey posted today that Tom did not attend an important meeting. Does that mean he has started his dissociation of that church? Wonder if Nicole will be saying anything at all.

Cathy said...

Conso - I was actually commenting on someone who wrote a letter to Ted and mentioned Rita. I personally don't buy the schtick Nicole is selling, but right now we're discussing this particular item - and yes, these particular examples are small things that Ted has blown out of proportion. I blame Nicole for many things (as you clearly do too), but the examples in this specific post are lame at best and sexist at worst. You seem to feel very strongly about this and I think some of us are just a little weirded out by your manifesto-style ramblings.

Gaylen said...

Writing a nearly 4,000 word diatribe immediately after declaring you will be keeping your opinions to yourself was pretty amusing. For not being a troll, you've sure hit on a lot of the classics.

Rita said...

Gaylen - I really shouldn't... but you made me snort-laugh a bit too hard... now I've got the hiccups.

Also, I do not appreciate anyone calling Southerners lowly. First bashing women, and now Southerners? Shame of hatemongers.

Zara said...

I believe that this is Nicole but I wish we could see more evidence of how horrendous she is. I find the idea that Nicole is driving or 'forcing' Keith to act out to be ridiculous - he's a grown man and she's not responsible for his actions.

I'm just wishing for something more substantial here. If Ted C wants us to believe that Nicole is a heinous witch, let's see some evidence other than she likes to know what's in her food.

Cathy said...

I REALLY REALLY think that the sole purpose of this particular piece on Cruella and Marky was just to show that they are still married and therefore CAN'T be J-Lo and Marc Anthony. Ted knows that most people believe J-Lo is Strippa, but there are some who think she might be Cruella. By notting her for Cruella, he is essentially confirming that she's Strippa.

Cathy said...

And Rita, I always figured if one big-name celeb were to disassociate with the church, it would be Travolta before Cruise, but I could be wrong... he just seemed to come so close after his son died.

Rita said...

Cathy - I agree. But if we were to believe Ted's last blind on Tom C. then Tom needs to get out the mess he's into pronto! He is directly related to slave-like labour for HIS stuff (motorcycle, plane, home, etc.) It's like he's drowning, and can't get out gracefully.

Cathy said...

True... I think that if Tom leaves the COS, it will be because he's forced out, trying to save face if a scandal is actually exposed. But I think that Travolta actually wants to leave, realizing that Scientology's position on medications played a role in his son's death.

Rita said...

Also agree. I remember those really pitiful paparazzi videos of him eating alone on a terrasse with absolute sadness in his eyes, taken a few weeks after his son's death. Around that same time, more and more reporting got out of his sauna visits and preference for dark-skinned men.

It's like he wanted to get caught.

A few months later his wife got pregnant, and the stories were hushed. Poor man, I wish him well. Not easy losing a child. A parent is supposed to die before his/her child.

Anonymous said...
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Anonymous said...
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blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
After reading your Blind Vice about Cruella St. Shackles driving her latest man to extremes, I instantly thought Sienna Miller and Tom Sturridge, so I was a

little disappointed when I read they were married. But can you tell me was I right in thinking this was similar to them?

Dear No Cigar:
Think bigger careers and a little bit more publicly tame. Plus, Sienna is a breeze compared to Cruella!

Dear Ted:
Thanks for the update on my fave hottie Marky Sweet-Puss. I'm worried that he seems so totally dependent on that witch Cruella St. Shackles. Will he ever get

the guts or insight to leave her?

Dear Puss 4 Life:
Probably not, doll. I wish he'd leave too, but Cruella has him so scared to do anything anymore that he's going to be part of that dreaded duo until it kills

him. Or, more likely, he snaps and lands himself in some sort of rehab center claiming exhaustion. Poor, poor Marky.

Dear Ted:
OK...Marky Sweet-Puss and Cruella St. Shackles have to be Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore, right? All the clues match up.

Dear Shackled Up:
Great guess, doll, but nope! Demi isn't nearly the über-evil bey-otch from hell that Cruella is. And as for Ash? Well, he's not suffering like Marky is. Not

even close. Just ask the crew members who hung out with the (mostly) happily married couple recently."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Just wondering if your joke about a restraining order from Jake Gyllenhaal was really a jab or a clue? Is Jakey one of the Blind Vicers? Perhaps the Blind

Vicer with Hildago Van Buren? Also, Cruella St. Shackles...Is it Fergie? I'm curious!

Dear Out of the Loop:
Where the heck have you been, T? Of course Jakey-poo is a Blind Vicer—he's in the friggin' Hall of Fame, too! But he is not Hildago or Hildy's hump-happy

friend. And Cruella is not Ferg, either, but better guess on that one. Tho, the thought of Cruella in any sort of Latex cat suit makes me want to barf.

Vita said...

Hi all. Not new to guessing about what favorite effed up celebs are doing, but I a new to this site and I have been spending the last few hours of free time looking at all the great and seemingly accurate hunches you guys come up with. Ted, whom, I love always keeps ya guessing.

Anyway, I would not be surprised if this were Nicole and Keith either. I'm sure learned a hell of of a lot from Tommy Boy.

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
I was just wondering what's up with Cruella and her better half lately? The last we heard from you regarding these two, Marky was losing his cool. Is this

marriage a "contract" that Marky is getting tired of, or does he actually love his sweet "ice queen" thing?

Dear Until Death Do Us Part:
Love? Don't make me laugh! It's a total setup. Both sides know what they're getting out of the relaysh; Marky just wasn't expecting her to be so damn

miserable to deal with. But he's not calling it quits yet—this is one fauxmance that's in for the long run."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
I think you have suggested that the relationship between Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban is a bit less than authentic, and I thought you're on track. But then a strange thing happened. I took my daughter to dance class and saw Nicole standing there among all the other parents. Every week since then either Nicole and the nanny—or Nicole and Keith and the nanny—have been there. Sometimes they leave while Sunday is in class and return when it's over; sometimes they hang
around and chat. So what's the point of doing this sort of mundane thing together if they really aren't into one another? Red carpet and publicity events I would understand, but the fact that they run Saturday morning errands together makes them seem at least a bit real.
Dear Sunday Bloody Sunday:
Just because two parents share carpooling duties hardly means the relationship is scorching hot behind closed doors. And Kidman values her public appearance,

even if it's just at a dance studio in Nashville.

Dear Ted:
If I had to choose, I'd say my favorite Vicers are Veronica Bee-Stings and Shafterella Shoshstein. Both are crafty broads who are only out for themselves.
But if you had to choose an all-time favorite Vicer, who would it be and why?

Dear How Vicetastic!:
Too funny, doll, because Veronica and good-ol' be-yotch Shafty could not hate each other more! But I've said it before and I'll say it again: Toothy will always hold a special place in my heart. On a lesser note, crackers Chiquita and chilly Cruella are always good for a laugh and a smirk, respectively."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Two questions. One, assuming zero repercussions, your birthday wish is granted and you get one sinful night with one of your favorite Blind Vice players, who

would it be? Two, again assuming zero repercussions, you get to expose a nasty Blind Vice player for who they really are as an additional birthday gift, who

would it be? Regardless, hope your special day is sinful in all the right ways!

Dear A Blind Vice Kind of Birthday:
For a sinful night? I'd go with Crotch Uh-Lastic. And to expose? Cruella St. Shackles, of course! But since neither wish is destined to come true, I'll just

take a birthday cake. Thanks, doll!"

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
I've heard it said that a Vice's moniker often reflects their real name (same number of syllables, three-named people have three-named vices). Would I be

correct in assuming that this is not true of Nicole Kidman's Vice. —Mike

Dear Yes:
Sometimes it's true and sometimes it's not. Not all monikers follow the rules—and whoever said rules exist? "

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Which Blind Vicer has received the most kudos from movie critics?
—Sweet and Sassy

Dear Tough Question...
Considering lots of the Blind Vicers are big movie stars. But Cruella St. Shackles popped into mind, though more for her old stuff. Fey Oiled-Tush always

gets some lovin' from critics too. Any par-tick Vicer's reviews you were wondering about, Sass?"

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
I may have missed it, but I haven't seen mention of the notorious Cruella St. Shackles and her shackled-up Marky Sweet-Puss for a while. Seems things are

quiet on the home front, but one thing we know from this couple is things are not always how they seem. So…anything brewing between these two?

Dear Tabloids for Two:
The twosome has kept it rather low-key lately…well, by H'wood standards at least. There were some not-so-pleasant rumors swirling for a while, so they're

trying to fool everyone into thinking they're so in love. And Marky might just be better at grinning for the paparazzi than Cruella is!"

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
So if delicious Marky Sweet-Puss is only pretending to love that witch Cruella St. Shackles, does he really love someone else?

Dear Shackled Down:
Who has the time! Not Marky, who puts so much effort into staying on Cruella's good side that he'd be lucky to even get some side action, let alone fall in

love. He is the one getting more out of this marriage, after all. He kinda needs Cru."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Fellow Big-D survivor (LakeHighlands, not Highland Park) and longtime shelter supporter here. With all these babies percolating and popping out in Celeb World, I have a question for you. Based solely on their mothering skills (either actual or anticipated), how would you rank these She-Vicers: Cruella St.
Shackles, Shafterella Shoshstein and Fake à la Ferocity? And just so you don't play coy, the order should be best to worst!

Dear Dallas Dame:
Number one, by far, would be Cruella. Not even a contest when compared with the others. Next would be more of a surprise: Shafterella (as she's so very good

at peddling that mamacita image), then a distant third would be Fake a la, who really wishes she could prevent her kids from having some of the tough knocks she's endured.

Dear Ted:
I'm so confused. Did you really say that Cruella St. Shackles is a better mom than Fake à la Ferocity and Shafterella Shoshstein? The writer asked you to
name them from best to worst and you named Cruella first. Could this be true? Please clear this up!

Dear Mother May I:
Sure, she may be a prison warden to ol' Marky Sweet-Puss, but Cruella is much more loving when it comes to her mommy duties. Plus, she has that whole tough
love thing down—that's in How to Parent 101, right? I never said any of these ladies were maternally challenged, but that's the order."

blurry vice said...


Dear Ted:
I wonder if everyone else was as surprised as I was to hear that Cruella St. Shackles is the best mom of the three (with Shaftarella Shoshstein and Fake à la

Ferocity). What a great question that was! I wonder, of the three, do any of them have any female friends, or have their antics chased everyone away (except

their significant other men, of course). Could you rank them by reputation as a person, best to worst?

Dear BFF 4 Ever:
Shafty has the most gal pals, of course—who else to do her evil bidding?—though Ms. St. Shackles and Fakey have a few too. As for your second question: I'd

say Shaftarella, Fake, Cruella (in the order you asked for)."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Can anyone be bought like reporters/bloggers, photographers/autohounds or even fans by a celeb's PR team—if they "saw" something they shouldn't have?

Dear Are You Kidding?
Yes. And it's happened with many stars, including our beloved and scandalous Cruella St. Shackles."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Keith Urban seems like a really decent guy. "Humble," "down-to-earth" and "affable" are all adjectives frequently used by the press to describe him. So how
can he tolerate—much less adore—that seeming cold-fish wife of his? I don't get it.

Dear Trout-tastic:
Haven't you ever heard that opposites attract, K? But, in all seriousness, marriage is all about the give and take. And in that regard Keith and his blushing
bride, Nicole Kidman, are just like any other married couple. Things are different behind closed doors in ways you probably wouldn't expect. Also, Nicole can
be enormously seductive and fun."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Some Vice stars seem to be rebounding in their careers in a big way. Like Fey Oiled-Tush. Others not so much. Like Cruella St. Shackles, who's doing the opposite! So should we expect a PR surprise from her in the near future?
—Love, Uma

Dear Slathered and Shut Down:
Hmm...Not exactly sure who you think these two Vice über-stars are, because Fey's career hasn't cooled off in a while. As for Cruella, she's more than making a splash with her current choice in roles. Actually, I would expect a stunt from Fey before Cruella these days. Just sayin'."

NT said...

The "making a splash" comment is a reference to all the attention Nicole has been receiving for peeing on Zac Efron in their latest movie "Paperboy."

Katie said...

"So Vita wants to know about Cruella St. Shackles, huh? Well, sweetheart, she's been pretty busy pretending she's a sweetheart herself lately. Never was, particularly to her own sister and supposed best friend (who she fake airkissed @ Oscars), won't last."
-from Ted on his Facebook in March 2013, total reveal for Nic, no?