Blind Vice: Hall of Fame Party This Weekend!

New from Ted yesterday -

Blind Vice: Hall of Fame Party This Weekend!

They'll all be there! Well, almost all: Fake à la Ferocity, Topher Hairy-Tuchus, Charlotte "Chuck" Finger-Dingle and even one of my personal oldie-faves, Trent Spent!
What fun the Academy Awards will be, after all (since we all pretty much know who's going to take home gold, right?), sniffing out all that award-winning private Hollywood Vicing:
Let's see, here are a few things to look out for while you're so busy judging (and cheering!) what everybody's wearing.
Take note:

• Fake à la Ferocity has not completely gotten off the synthetic heroin she gets prescribed to her by various fancy doctors round town, but she is indulging less than she used to. I guess that's progress, right? Absolutely! Her head's in the right place—and direction—and her family's way happy about this news, trust.

• Topher Hairy-Tuchus, after much finger-pointing and bitching from his peeps, has pretty much given up online hooking up. Just not entirely. And between you and mean and a million other folks, let's just say Fake à la, above, stands a much better chance of ultimately cleaning the Vice outta her life than does our eternally horny Topher. Poor thing (or not).

• Trent Spent sold his Vice soul to the domestic devil years ago—news that saddens us every day. After all, nobody had more naughty and mischievous sexual potential than the gorgeous, often insecure bisexual star. But then he met his match and got all cleaned up, dammit! Total waste for everybody except his Trent's lucky S-O-B S.O., ‘course.

• Chuck Finger-Dingle is in so many ways the new Fake à la Ferocity. Bitchy and bossy for days, more talent than she really knows what to do with—and a completely equal-opportunity sexual ladder climber. Only thing is, most likely Chuck's going to keep treating her conquests like the crap she so often does and we see a major, major backfiring in the babe's life sooner than later—and we don't just mean professionally.

• Oh, and guess what? Fey Oiled-Tush will also be on hand for the super-exciting Oscar Sunday, cannot wait. But the thing is, Fey, who's so busy reheating his career, has gotten overwhelmingly caught up in the A-list projects he's totally busy with that he's completely forgotten that we'd all prefer to be gossiping about his kinky-on-the-floor activities. So don't forget to have some fun with all that podium banter you've been so busy with lately, Fey!

All work and no same-sex play a boring movie star makes!
And They Ain't: Nicole Kidman, Jennifer Lawrence, George Clooney

Good stuff, Ted! Great mashup of classics from the past.

Newbies, please use the label below for a link to our posts on the previous BVs about each name, including a full discussion and lists of who has been eliminated for each.


Top suspects:
Fake-a-la Ferocity: Angelina Jolie
Trent Spent: Brad Pitt
Fey Oiled Tush: Tom Cruise 
Chuck Finger Dingle - ?
Topher Hairy Tuchus - ?

Brangelina split?

The British tabloids are saying that Brangelina have split. Not too much of a shocker for those of us that think that Angelina Jolie might be Fake-a-la Ferocity! If reports of the breakup are true, then it has been coming for some time. Ted has been hinting for a while that this would happen.

Here are the articles from the Daily Mirror, and NYDN, and London's News of the World.

One Two-Timing Blind Vice

New BV today, from Eonline's Awful Truth by Ted Casablanca, Nov 21 2008-

One Two-Timing Blind Vice

Been awhile since we heard from Fake-à-la Ferocity, I know. The babe who has used prescribed synthetic goodies to help her get off a nasty drug habit is two-timing her man, didn’t you know?
No, not that hunk she’s got at home stashed in the fully toy-equipped bedroom, but her doctor, I mean. Turns out F.F. knows how to work her fierce femme charm on the good docs (a very old story in this town, right? Just ask Liz Taylor’s 263,000 docs if you don’t believe me). So you know the last Vice tale: Ms. Ferocity needed to get off her substantial habit so she could not only save her home life and marriage but make a movie, too. Thought nobody would notice that she went right back to using not that long ago.
Yeah, right, exactly. So gotta get clean again! Yep, she’s back on the synthetic stuff, and not just with one doc but two. Two pro docs who don’t know about the other, by the by. Guess Ms. F. really likes to feel good when she’s feelin’ bad comin’ down from the hard stuff? I swear, it’s not the docs and the man at home, nor F.F.’s family, that’s gonna find out first how much crap she’s shooting into her bod, it’s gonna be the public, when she keels over dead one day. Jeez already, get help, woman!
And It Ain't: Felicity Huffman, Kate Bosworth, Ashley Olsen

From the past two Fake-a-la Ferocity Blind Vices, we believe Ted is talking about Angelina Jolie. Is this BV real or not, that was the debate last time. Here is the discussion on the other two Fake-a-la Ferocity Blind Vices, including a list of who has been eliminated.

One Privately Eased Blind Vice

Lead-ins

Sugar and Vice Makes Everything... Not So Nice
Blind Vice Friday reveals—almost—which megasuccessful star is cleaning up her habit, just so she can go right back out and shoot up again! Hideous!

She Don't Wanna Go To Rehab
Fake à la Ferocity returns, and she'll be revisiting our Blind Vice annals often, me thinks, as the movie-star gal knows how to turn off her majorly addictive desires about as well as she knows how to get as high as Amy Winehouse's hair, not to mention boink whomever she damn pleases. I mean, we have one anally retentive train wreck here, babes. Read on...

One Privately Eased Blind Vice

Fake à la Ferocity knows how to have it all. She’s got the fans, the perfect relationship, the career, the love, the adoration, the healed needle marks! What more could a chick want in life? Maybe to hold onto that existence, perhaps?

When we last spoke of Ms. F, everybody was gossing in overdrive because she was so painfully thin. And, you know, most folks thought it was starvation stuff and the honey-doll just wasn’t eating much. Not true. F2 was shooting up with the best of ‘em, and, trust, plenty of H-wood honey-pies are on heroin right now. I mean, forget closeted fagolas—that’s the real dirty secret in this town, for now, at least.

But Fake à la needed to get off the hard stuff for a variety of reasons, family and Biz included. Firstly, she’s done it before. Secondly, she’s not stoopid; Ms. Ferocity knows damn well if she keeps up the drugs like most of her addicted colleagues have, she’ll say buh-bye to everything she’s nabbed. F.F. has no intention of pulling a Belushi, I assure you. And that is why Fake à la employs some of Hell-Ay’s fanciest docs, their specialty being weaning famous folks off drugs via synthetic goodies that’ll make anybody’s bad day a tad more doable. Roughing in rehab? No, babes, that’s for the little people.

However, there does lie a small kink in this elite, indulged sitch, prob being Ferocity’s docs think their client’s intending to quit for good. Uh, yeah. She’ll do that about as soon as she stops screwing whomever she pleases. See, the cleaning up’s only for F2’s current activities, babes. Then it’s right back to anorexia rumors, count on it.

And it ain't: Heather Locklear, Whitney Houston, Ashley Judd

Below is the first BV about FALF, from June 2007:

Some people love Fake-à-la Ferocity...the rest live to hate her. This do-it-all diva, known to dabble in everything from fab sex to fabber shoes, has her hand in purty much everything these days. Endorsements. Charitable endeavors. Entertainment projects. You name it. And all the wowin' while, Fake-à-la manages to look super-duper delish in the process. Well, she used to, at least. Lately, F2's once enviable bod has changed for the worse. And her hunky man isn't the only person concerned about the once divinely gifted babe. Nope, now a very few inside Industry types are also concerned 'bout our gal Fakey. See, F.F. has enjoyed a fairly good reputation in the media and rags...until recently. She's known for being accessible, candid and honest. How very friggin' heretical here in lip-cemented T-town! Apparently, Ms. Ef's hiding one helluva secret. And I'm the bitch to fill ya in on what, exactly, it is that has those select few Hollywood movers 'n' shakers so shaking in their Prada wear, regarding Fakey. She's got what's known as...a heroin habit. Well, she's hardly the first dame in this drug-infested enclave to fall down that slippery alley, right? It's just, uh, so damn rich to find this out, knowing how utterly benevolent our do-goodin' broad happens to be as of late. Gosh, wonder how long before everyone finds out what's really behind Fake-à-la's rapidly withering figure? It'll be "Paris who?" should that happen, trust.

And It Ain't: Jessica Biel, Kelly Ripa, Kiera Knightley

* These BVs are both suspected to be: Angelina Jolie. *

Excluded as of 2/18/09: Heather Locklear, Whitney Houston, Ashley Judd, Jessica Biel, Kelly Ripa, Kiera Knightley, Madonna, Jenna Jameson, Sarah Jessica Parker, Claire Danes, Sharon Stone, Jessica Simpson, Madonna, Jessica Alba, Keira Knightley, Jenna Jameson, Victoria Beckham, Nicole Richie, Jennifer Garner, Drew Barrymore, Kate Hudson, Kate Bosworth, Charlize Theron, Mary Kate Olsen, Melanie Griffith, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Felicity Huffman, Ashley Olsen, Gwyneth Paltrow, Jennifer Connolly, Kate Bosworth, Kirsten Dunst.

Here is the link to the other (3rd) FALF BV from Nov 21 '08.