Friday, November 21, 2008

One Two-Timing Blind Vice

New BV today, from Eonline's Awful Truth by Ted Casablanca, Nov 21 2008-

One Two-Timing Blind Vice

Angelina Jolie~ Angelina Jolie Poster~ Rare Poster!!~ Approx 24" x 36"Been awhile since we heard from Fake-à-la Ferocity, I know. The babe who has used prescribed synthetic goodies to help her get off a nasty drug habit is two-timing her man, didn’t you know?
No, not that hunk she’s got at home stashed in the fully toy-equipped bedroom, but her doctor, I mean. Turns out F.F. knows how to work her fierce femme charm on the good docs (a very old story in this town, right? Just ask Liz Taylor’s 263,000 docs if you don’t believe me). So you know the last Vice tale: Ms. Ferocity needed to get off her substantial habit so she could not only save her home life and marriage but make a movie, too. Thought nobody would notice that she went right back to using not that long ago.
Yeah, right, exactly. So gotta get clean again! Yep, she’s back on the synthetic stuff, and not just with one doc but two. Two pro docs who don’t know about the other, by the by. Guess Ms. F. really likes to feel good when she’s feelin’ bad comin’ down from the hard stuff? I swear, it’s not the docs and the man at home, nor F.F.’s family, that’s gonna find out first how much crap she’s shooting into her bod, it’s gonna be the public, when she keels over dead one day. Jeez already, get help, woman!
And It Ain't: Felicity Huffman, Kate Bosworth, Ashley Olsen

From the past two Fake-a-la Ferocity Blind Vices, we believe Ted is talking about Angelina Jolie. Is this BV real or not, that was the debate last time. Here is the discussion on the other two Fake-a-la Ferocity Blind Vices, including a list of who has been eliminated.


111 comments:

Anonymous said...

It's weird that he refers to "marriage" here - in the past BV's on her it's always been "relationship". any chance it's not AJ after all?

duffgrl said...

Still think it's AJ. There was also a Page Six BI(which ran around the same time as the last Ferocity item) reading something about a "Tinseltown sex siren with a humanitarian streak who has resumed her old habit of dabbling w/ heroin"

momfixit said...

This is just really selfish and sad -- she should stop for the sake of the kids or stop adopting kids altogether if she cares about what will happen if her body can't take the crap anymore.

Anonymous said...

I'm starting to think that Angelina is too obvious - and the fact that he says marriage makes me think it isn't her anyway...

Anonymous said...

Angie and Brad are married. Their children's names are Jolie-Pitt.

Many gossip blogs have said in the past (Ted included, I think) that they are already married.

Anonymous said...

Brad could have legally adopted the children she had previous to their relationship (thus giving them the name "Jolie-Pitt") without having married Angelina, but the marriage rumor is interesting.

I'm trying to think of others who might fit the F-a-l-F blinds instead of Angelina, but everyone else I can come up with has been previously ruled out.

Anonymous said...

Jolieskank & Brad are most definitely NOT married.

moonbeem said...

Been lurking for a while....I like everyone's style!! Is it coincidence that he mentioned AJ twice after his BI today? Just a thought....I'm prob wrong, but thought I'd try! :)

sistah2 said...

Guys I still dont thinks its AJ> last time, I was one of her big defenders.
Funny how last time, everyone thought when Ted referred to the big "project" coming up, that meant AJ's pregnancy. Turns out, Ted is saying now that project was making a film. At the time, AJ was not filming and was around 7-8 mos along with the twins. Ted also now does not refer to FF's having kiddos or not.
I dont have any good guesses right now, but I just dont think its AJ. Come one people, maybe she's got nannies but she is pretty hands on for Hollywood, and she's got newborn twins and 4 others.

sistah2 said...

actually sis, we may need to fix that link, it does not include past comments...
anyway there was a guess last time that seems to make sense to me. Julia Roberts!

Anonymous said...

I do think this one really points to AJ, but I wish it wasn't true. On a side note, I also think that all the AIAs might have a heorin issue, too. I think Ted mixes it up with his AIAs, sometimes there's a link of work or connections, other times there seems to be no rhyme or reason. There was a closeted gay one that had seemingly unrelated AIAs, but they are all known closeted gays if you follow a lot of the 'gossip.' All of these girls (even in the last F-a-la-F one) are linked to drugs or being rail thin. Felicity Huffman would be hard to imagine, but she is unnaturally thin.

sistah2 said...

oh forget it. I see it now.the comments are directly below the posts. duh.

mo-mo said...

I can't see it being Julia Roberts or Angelina. I can't think of anyone else who hasn't be eliminated. It's obv that Ted wants us to think it's AJ. But as much as I hate her, I just don't think it could be true. Way too unbelievable.

sistah2 said...

MoMo I agree. Julia Roberts is a bit more believable than AJ though.

blurry vice said...

No Angelina and Brand are not married and the BI does not say that FALF is married. Ted just says her "man" and her "family". I don't think I am missing anything here... Ted never mentions FALF specifically being married or having a husband.

blurry vice said...

OK I see... she attempted to "save a marriage and home life". Ted could me saying that figuratively though.

Anonymous said...

Definitely AJ.

sistah2 said...

Stating that FF has a marriage is a pretty solid fact/statement. Ted says a lot of things figuratively, but not that. The "hints" that people read in his BV's are sometimes a stretch, but I think if you are going to read into things that are are fuzzy, that is one thing, but he says she's got a marriage, and I dont see any reason to think that he is lying about that - if so, we can throw all his BV's out since they all could be lies to begin with. So, we have to take the clues at face value , not just to fit who we want it to be.
If you believe that FF is married, it cant be AJ.

duffgrl said...

Whoever it is, you can take synthetic stuff like oxycodone and appear very functional. Lots of ex-heroin users will use a form of narcotic again.

mo-mo said...

I have a new guess for this: Nicolette Sheridan. I know the clues might not completely match up, but - I just heard she dumped Michael Bolton and was seen making out with David Spade over the weekend. She has also been looking extremely skinny lately - way skinnier than last season on DH. Plus, the Felicity Huffman clue (they are costars). I might write to Ted and ask him!

Anonymous said...

I can't help thinking Felicity Huffman is a clue too. Maybe Nicolette, and what about Eva Longoria? Can't imagine Eva though, she's too annoyingly perky.
What about Brittany Murphy?
Not sure if these guesses fit perfectly either.

duffgrl said...

Has Nicolette been in any movies lately? Also, it says she has a hunky man at home-and I think she and Michael Bolton broke up. I've been trying to think of someone else who is humanitarian and skinny. Thought of Gwyneth but can't see it being her.

Anonymous said...

I'm really leaning toward the idea that Ted had to put in the marriage clue for legal reasons. I don't think he normally puts in fake clues, but the early two blinds were not only written really obviously, his answers in Bitch-Backs were practically reveals. Maybe he went too far and had to put in something that does not lead to Ange. I also find it suspicious that a marriage or husband was never mentioned till now.

GuiltyPleasure said...

Ted dropped a little clue that this may in fact be AJ. In his Thanksgiving post: Turkey Jerky Awards, he says:

"Mr. P., saint-whipped like he is, is becoming entirely forgettable. He really needs to grow some, already. Or at least borrow his wife's."

Operative word: WIFE"S

Andrea from Richmond said...

Guilty pleasure - great pick up on "borrow his wifes". I wrote into Ted about FALF with respect to the appearance of track marks and how did she hide them. I also asked if her man knew about her habit. Ted said that he did but he had is own nasty habits as well. I'm dying to know what he means by that!

Anonymous said...

I keep thinking of Jennifer Connely when I read thos BIs... Could it be?

sistah2 said...

Jennifer connelly...a great guess. she could fit. I just read the old BV's again....it makes you realize just how many actresses this could be.

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Could Fake à la Ferocity from One Two-Timing Blind Vice be Melanie Griffith? She's sure got a hunk, as well as the bedroom toys.
—Smith

Dear Poker Face:
The only needle Mel believes in is for Botox. Oh, wait, forgot. E!'s legal department has a big Botox vial up its butt about that particular cosmetic procedure, so never mind. Suffice it to say, Mel's pretty far off; think younger, but equally successful in the man-eating department."

Anonymous said...

Hi! Lurker here. No idea about this one (don't think it's AJ bc the "facts" don't really fit her, just the history.) But I do want to chime in and say that I believe the BI about the sex siren humanitarian dabbling in herion again is Pam Anderson. Very into Peta, sex symbol, lives in Cali. That's all =)

Mary said...

Did anyone catch Ted's mailbag today? Someone asked if Jolie was Fake F and he did not respond to the question. That is very telling. Here it is:

Dear Ted:
Since you refer to Fake à la Ferocity as being married, did this eliminate Angelina Jolie, or do you know something we don't? You're right on with Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban in Truth, Lies & Ted. Nicole's mentioned she's a fan of arranged marriages when talking about Sunday Rose and Russell Crowe's son, so how long do you give her marriage, I mean business contract, with Keith?
—Nashville

Dear Battle of the Hexes:
Not as long as Tom and Kate will force it to work.

Anonymous said...

I saw that too (the non-answer) and rushed over here to see if anyone else caught it.

Anonymous said...

I'm telling you - Brad and Angie are married. Ted has alluded to it many times.

Anonymous said...

And Ted JUST the other day answered a letter pertaining to these two fake famewhores and he said (I am paraphrasing here) that they did not get married b/c the relationship would be easier to "undo" if not married. He has never alluded to them being married. EVER.

Anonymous said...

Dear Ted:
You said Fake à la Ferocity started using again not that long ago and now she needs to quit. What is the reason this time for quitting?
—Rickang

Dear Heroin Curious:
She doesn't want to lose everything.

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
I'm guessing Catherine Zeta-Jones for Fake à la Ferocity, the honey-talking heroin harlot who's double-dipping her doctors. CZJ lies about her age, why not everything else?
—Catherine in NJ

Dear Jonesing for Jones:
Ah, but Cath has always been at a manageable healthy weight. Fake à la bounces between scary skinny and scary hot."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Is Fake à la Ferocity Gwyneth Paltrow? She's definitely shrinking in size, and has been seen sans Chris Martin a lot these days.
—H

Dear Heroin Tale:
It ain't Gwynnie, either. Think moldier than thou."

Anonymous said...

Moldier than Thou...Ted has often called Angelia "holier than thou", that really struck me when I read it.

Anonymous said...

Quite a few people have stated here, and in the past, that Fake à la Ferocity is too obvious to be AJ. Well.. what about Morgan Mayhem? The MM BV's are over-the-top obvious there, so why not here?

And let's not forget this quote by Mr.P:

"If someone wants to do drugs…as long as he or she isn’t corrupting minors or driving under the influence or endangering others, shouldn’t a person have that right?" -2006

sistah2 said...

OK I will play devils advocate. As far as the MM certainty (being LL) vs. this BV, I think that there were lots of other gossip sites and even the People mags buzzing that LL was on drugs before....it became obvious after LL's 1st rehab stint that MM was probably her.
On the other hand, this story is about someone who's pretty addicted to heroin and has the tell tale tracks to prove it. There is no other gossip site reporting even a hint of AJ's being so addicted as Fake seems to be. Usually, there's be more scuttlebutt on that, its hard to hide. So, I dont think this being AJ is a slamdunk at all. as far as Brad Pitt's quote, I believe he said it before he became a dad, and that might be why..but I never thought he was the sharpest tool in the shed anyway.

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Honey, I loved Truth, Lies & Ted! First, you're great on camera as you are in your blog, nice pipes (arms), babe! Second, that kitchen of your looks far too clean to actually be used—kind of like my own! Lastly, does Fake à la Ferocity hide her heroin marks under her fingernails or toenails? Don't change a thing!
—Sara, Calgary

Dear Shot in the Dark:
Much thanks, darling. And Fake is far too smart to hide it anywhere it could be photographed. Well, not anymore, at least."

duffgrl said...

Let's go back to the Jennifer Connelly hint from 11/27: today's item in the NYDN about her skinniness could be a clue! There is a pic of her looking rail-thin. Hmmm

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
I saw pictures of Brangelina at the Benjamin Button premiere this week. She looked very high on drugs and so giddy. Oh, wise one, what is your take on her condition? Also, the pictures of Pitt's parents looked kinda forced smiling. Do they now like A.J.?
—Silver in Texas

Dear Family Matters:
Brad is a huge mama's boy, so she'll put her best smile forward if it helps her boy out. But deep down, Mrs. Pitt has a Team Aniston shirt stashed somewhere.

Dear Ted:
Let's forget Ms. (or is that Mrs.?) Fake à la Ferocity for a minute. The real hot goss: What's Mr. FALF's vice? Love your not-so-new look.
—Blaine

Dear Needling to Know:
Stepping out with whichever sex he prefers."

blurry vice said...

I just saw some pics in US weekly or OK about Jennifer Connelly's weight loss and was thinking the same thing.

Anonymous said...

Hmmm... new to guessing, but I think FALF is actually Sarah Jessica Parker. After all, isn't her hubby gay/bi? (I realize that SJP is probably the subject of another BV, but I still think FALF fits SJP better than AJ.)

sistah2 said...

WOW Ted has left quite a clue. Anyone think Brad Pitt is steppin' out with dudes..??? Didn't think so. Once again, with feeling...this is not A Jolie.....go back to the drawing board. My guesses are J. Connelly or J Roberts...the SJP guess is good too..

blurry vice said...

SJP was eliminated a long time ago - click on the link there to view the other FALF post for a complete list.

blurry vice said...

Julia Roberts... maybe. But Angelina is just a better fit. Jennifer Connelly is thin yes but I don't think she fits as well, as far as tabloids, fans, people hating her, being charitable, etc.

And yes Brad Pitt I believe it! Ted has hinted this before about him!

Anonymous said...

Really?? Brad Pitt is BI? What are the hints Ted has given? I'm dying to find out! I always thought he was straight as an arrow. And I'm with you that this is Angelina all the way. It was completely obvious to me and I'm never good at guessing this stuff! But please - do tell about what Ted has said about Brad.

Anonymous said...

Lainey's been talking a lot about AJ's waxy look lately and today's post was interesting - seemed like it was hinting that FALF could be her...

Major Tom Cruise thinnification and they say it’s brought his youth and that may be true but it’s also brought him a case of Angelina Jolie’s curious waxy face. Same texture, even the same shade. Someone told me last week that this is what happens when you use mineral based makeup. Is that the only explanation? Not convinced. You?

sistah2 said...

I thought her hinting was odd too..coming from her, who point blank denounced the drug rumors about AJ as being completely false and laughable. That said, she's been wrong a few times too.

Scarlett Pumpkin said...

I wonder about Jennifer Connelly - her weight is surprising lately. The thing is, though, FALF seems to be waay more high profile, and that FALF has made a name for herself outside of acting. I'm not sure that's Jennifer Connelly.

blurry vice said...

Here's what Ted said about Jennifer Connelly:

"Dear Ted:
Did you see Jennifer Connelly on David Letterman the other day? She makes Mary-Kate Olsen look like a porker. What's her story? I refuse to believe it is her "natural" metabolism.
—TS

Dear Duh:
No chance that's natural. Quite sad, 'cause she's a talented gal. Hope someone gets her help ASAP."

sistah2 said...

Wow, seems Ted is saying something here.
Jennifer connelly is the best guess so far. I still say Julia R too.

blurry vice said...

JC eliminated:

"Dear Ted:
Is Fake à la Ferocity Jennifer Connolly?
—Cherry

Dear Funny Fake:
Not even close. Jenny's biggest problem is she's not in enough movies. Not heroin. Think less superficially tragic. "

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
I'm a huge fan (or should I say addict) of your column. Thanks for always providing the best inside gossip! I have a question about Fake à la Ferocity. Is it possible that her multiple methadone prescriptions aren't really for her, but maybe for friends?
—Elizabeth

Dear Ryan O'Neal:
That one sounds about as likely as the fact that you were keeping your son's drugs for him."

Anonymous said...

I know rich people (a la Brad and Angie)can move mountains, but how can she keep supplied with heroin when she is all over the world?
Also, don't think it is Catherine Zeta-Jones, but she has lost a lot of weight in the past year. Probably just more cigarettes.

Anonymous said...

It kind of makes you wonder whether her father saw this and tried to help her, hence them not speaking for years. She's up to something, even Lainey isn't covering for her anymore...

Anonymous said...

Blurry vice, can you elaborate? I'm dying to know what Ted has said about Brad being bi...I read his column but never came across that.

"And yes Brad Pitt I believe it! Ted has hinted this before about him!"

Anonymous said...

Pitt has refered to Jolie as his wife in Rolling Stone and other interviews.

Anonymous said...

Last year when she was pregnant with the twins I was told (and didn't believe at the time) that the reason she was in hospital for so long and why we didn't see the twins for such a long time is because they were being weaned off heroin. As much as I'd hope it not to be true, a lot of facts add up - particularly having the children in random locations and being so thin throughout her pregnancy.

fan of the blind said...

Interesting proof that fake a la blah blah could be AJ.
Ted is always implying that fake will be leaving her beau/ hubby. In bitch back this week, when asked about why AJ and BP have lasted so long, Ted said: "I wouldn't exactly call it longevity...yet. Especially considering she will eventually leave his ass."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Is it just me or did Angelina look very, very stoned at the G.G.s?
—L

Dear Flyin' High:
Something like that."


"Dear Ted:
I've been a fan for years and years, though I've never written in. Love your style—always honest and unique. I do wonder what will happen when Pitt and Jolie split. I completely agree that it's destined to happen soon, but the only thing I wonder about is their kids.
—Alicia

Dear Tots for Time:
I don't doubt her love for the kids. In fact, I think that's what's saving her right now."

Anonymous said...

Dear Ted:
Is Fake à la Ferocity's husband/boyfriend bisexual? Is he famous, too?
—Tea

Dear Bonafied Bi:
Yes and yes.

doesn't ted swear up and down that Brad Pitt is straight? That means this isn't AJ.

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Is Fake à la Ferocity's husband/boyfriend bisexual? Is he famous, too?
—Tea

Dear Bonafied Bi:
Yes and yes."

To the above poster... I've never seen Ted swear up and down that he is straight. Don't ever recall that. Can't find anything the opposite though... escept for when is rumored to be in a blind vice.... see other posts about brad.

The Bee said...

I absolutely think this is Jennifer Connolly.

blurry vice said...

JC was eliminated a while back

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
We know Fake à La Ferocity was at the Golden Globes with her man and that he's bi according to you. But is that recent-years bi or early career bi? Thing is it's so shocking for some of us fans.
—Shirley

Dear in the Past?
Like his preferences, a little of both."

blurry vice said...

This letter was righ beneath the FALF letter (above). Do you think FALF could be Fergie?

"Dear Ted:
You thought Josh Duhamel and Fergie wouldn't get married, but you were wrong. You're so jaded.
—Sweet Determination

Dear Can't Win ‘Em All:
Can ya blame me in this town?"

Anonymous said...

I would say Victoria Beckham but then I realized she's not into humanitarian activities and just not her. Could be AJ, but it is so much more Madonna -- unless Ted ruled her out.
My sense that it is Madonna comes from the fact that she does own a house in Beverly Hills, she does a well-known husband, she's been known to be a user of drugs, but mostly because of the comment above by Ted: "Is she Holier than Thou?" Answer: Try Moldier than Thou. Madonna - first initial is "M" and the rest of the word, "...oldier' = older. But the "holy" reference still remains under it all which correlates with the holy image of a "madonna."

Joy said...

Well I guess now we can rule AJ out. Her former bodyguard is now writing a "tell-all" and so far none of the leaks suggested any type of drug use. The were all sexual. Ted C. is such a liar and a disgrace for even insinuating that a mother is guilty of such. Even worse he states these things as fact but refuses to use any moral courage and report to the proper authorities but he wants everyone to support the cause of Gays.

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
It's been awhile since you gave us an update on Fake à la Ferocity's "condition." Has she finally kicked the drugs? Has her handsome partner been of any help to her in getting clean?
—What's New Chicky

Dear Faking the Fight:
No."

The Artifact Junkie said...

Was reading Awful Truth today and was wondering... what are the odds that its Jennifer Lopez? (or is she known by another name?)

My reasoning? the "slimming" effects of heroin may not be as obvious on her as it is on others, because of her body type.

But there's also been a lot of coverage of bitchy, self absorbed behaviour ascribed to her lately. Behavious which although can be ascribed to natural tendencies, also seem to have that touch of irrationality that could also be from drug use.

KitG

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Since you informed us that most Hollywood men are either gay or bisexual, I was curious to know whether a list could be made of Hollywood men who are strictly heterosexual. My guesses: Russell Crowe, Denzel Washington, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Clint Eastwood, Paul Newman, Mel Gibson, and Brad Pitt. Your thoughts?
—Amy Chicago

Dear Straight Shooter:
One of those might be questionable."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Is Casey Affleck the infamous Toothy Tile? Is Catherine Zeta-Jones the scandalous Fake à la Ferocity?
—Kate

Dear Twice the Vice:
No to both. FALF is dwindling Lohan style; Jones seems quite healthy."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
I love your column. I've been reading it for years, and I feel like you're an "old friend." My question pertains to the whole Brangelina trainwreck-in-waiting. I know you think Angie's bound to get bored eventually (as do I). When this happens, do you think poor duped Brad will run back to Jen? Would she even take him back if he did?
—Haley, Hollidaysburg, Pa.

Dear Daters Remorse:
I don't see Brad running back into Jen's arms. George's, maybe."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
"All Blind monikers are exclusive to their smutty selves. No repeats." Really? So for the record, Vamperella Vein-Pop is NOT Fake à la Ferocity? Lurve ya!
—T

Dear Double Checker:
Yep, diff dames altogether. Lurve ya right back! "


"Dear Ted:
I'm new to your blog, and I'm loving it! I especially like the Blind Vices. Can you tell me if Angelina Jolie has ever been the subject of one of them? I'd love to think she's not as "saintly" as everyone believes.
—LB

Dear Sweet Doofus:
Uh, does Lindsay not eat enough? "

blurry vice said...

Huge reveal from May 12 -

"Dear Ted:
The idea of an Angelina Jolie tell-all book is intriguing. Even if it never sees the light of day, some of the rumors are quite scandalous. Maybe some of them are fake, but I believe the dirt on Angie would be quite ferocious if it ever came out. Do you agree?
—LB

Dear Clever:
Do I detect a not-so-subtle guess for a Blind Vice there?"

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
What is Fake à la Ferocity up to these days? Is she still using ways other than dieting to stay skinny?
—B Sell

Dear Quick Fix:
Does Suri Cruise have a best-seller in her?"

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Do you think Fake à la Ferocity has learned anything from Michael Jackson's death, even if it's just to slow down a little?
—Brendalove

Dear Lesson Unlearned:
Unfortunately, much like Michael, F2 doesn't think her problem is that bad."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Does Fake à la Ferocity drive or fly around with her kids? Isn't this dangerous, and shouldn't someone do something about it before a huge tragedy occurs?
—Sue

Dear Welcome to the Golden Age:
What's she supposed to go by, wagon? What mom doesn't drive around with her tots in tow?"

insert_name_here86 said...

Fake a la Ferocity is definitely Angelina Jolie. I've just read toooo many stories of her being a heroin addict, not just in the past, but in the present as well. Even while she has kids. Pretty sad...

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
What about Jennifer Aniston saying she's fine with it if people call her "lonely girl"? Lonely girl? How long is she going to work this Debbie Reynolds thing? I'm beginning to think she's more media canny than either Shafterella Shoshstein or Fake à la Ferocity. It seems like Jen, Reese Witherspoon and Angelina Jolie are all competing for the title of America's sweetheart (well, not Angelina—she'd get the Liz Taylor role in this drama), but all of them are just far too manipulative to be that wholesome. If Sandra Bullock put herself out there more, I'd go with her for the win!
—Imqaatdbru

Dear Too Much Red Bull:
Holy crap, woman, that leader is loaded. First of all, if Jen were that media savvy, she would have skated over the "lonely girl" title from day one, instead of getting crucified for it. Reese she is not."

drama2mama said...

Dear Ted:
Gossip makes my world go round, and I absolutely adore your blog...but I'm curious: Ee live in such a litigious society, why don't celebs take more action against trashy tabloids that make up stuff? I know "all publicity is good publicity," but don't people in general want to maintain a decent reputation?
—M

Dear Legal Eagle:
Sure, celebs would love to be seen as saints (à la Angelina) and control their media attention as much as possible, but at the same time, if a star goes after a story with too much conviction, most people are just going to say there must be truth to it. The celebs who get pooh-poohed on by the tabloids and such just hope if they ignore it, it will go away.


Holier than Thou ("Saintly") A LA ANGELINA...is that a semi-reveal? please tell me it is!!!

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
You have done such a good job at disguising some of your Blind Vices so they are not so obvious to figure out. Brad Pitt, Oprah and Sandra Bullock are some examples. Is there any way you can give us a hint on any of the above three, preferably Brad Pitt? And when are you coming out with an update on Fake à la Ferocity, or has she rid herself of all her Vices?
—CC

Dear Hint, Hint:
Please, F à la F isn't kicking her nasty habits (far from it!), no matter how different she's appeared in public lately. As for those other folks, Brad likes boys and Oprah likes girls. Kidding!"

erika said...

People are beginning to notice that all of the bio Jolie-Pitt kids have a very strange look to them.
Very fetal alcohol syndrome-y.
I am not sure what happens if you are chasing the dragon while prego, but I the results can't be good.

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
I have only recently came across your column/section, and believe me, I feel like I have missed out a lot all these times. So, could you help me catch up with what I've been missing by answering this: Does Angelina Jolie have any girlfriends or any friends at all for that matter? She is always pictured with either Brad or the kids, which makes me wonder if she gets along with other people besides her family. I haven't had the opportunity to adopt a pet because my apartment doesn't allow them, but I'm moving out soon and am hoping to get a dog from the shelter, hope that counts.
—Clarissa

Dear Not So Popular:
Angelina is more of a boy's girl, you know, the girl in high school who all the girls hated but all the guys loved? She's got that outcast thing going for her, and most of her inside circle are members of the male sex."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
There is talk on one gossip blog that Brad Pitt runs his relationship with Angelina Jolie—that he is a tough-minded, controlling, domineering, complicated man. But I always believed that Angelina Jolie was the controlling one in that relationship. Who do you think is the stronger one here?
—Curious

Dear In Control:
Angie, clearly. Don't believe anything else."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
What's up with Fake à la Ferocity these days? Are she and her partner faithful to one another?
—Mel

Dear Oldie but Goodie:
Fake's really the ultimate designing dame in this town—have to admit I'll always have a soft spot for her conniving, it's very brilliant. Just wish she wasn't hurting herself and those she loves—and those who love her—still, by wrecking her body so."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
I have long wondered why sometimes you refer to Brad Pitt as Angelina's "hubby" and infer that they are married, and other times as her "partner." Is this me just being picky about semantics, the semantics being interchangeable to you, or are you trying to tell us something?
—Word Choice

Dear Not Married Word Choice:
With how much I talk about those two, it's a mouthful to keep saying "devoted domestic partner and coparent." Sometimes hubby is just the easy way of saying whipped."

Miriam said...

If this blind is really true, then it is Katie Holmes, for sure.

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Been a while since you've talked about dear old Fake a la Ferocity—Oh please don't let her know I called her old, she will scratch my eyes out. What has she been up to lately? It seems to me, that she is back to her old Vices and abusing away! Still don't understand how her entourage doesn't do anything about this, she used to be kick-ass hot, but lately, she has become a scary shade of her past loveliness. Wonder how hubby is dealing with all this?
—R

Dear Ho Ho Snowed:
Well someone is feeling mighty confident over there, isn't she? However, can't say your portrayal of La Ferocity is at all wrong. She's looking worse for wear these days. We're almost feeling sorry for the tired broad, and it's certainly stressing out her husband too. As for whether she's back on the hard stuff, the news is not good."

Rita, Montreal said...

That was me! I AM afraid of her veiney clutches!

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
You've mentioned Fake à la Ferocity's partner. What is his B.V. moniker, if he has one?
—S

Dear Fake 'n' Bake:
Then I might as well friggin' tell you who it is!"

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Who do you like even a little bit: Shafterella, Fake à la Ferocity or Cruella St. Shackles? Who's slicker and who has fooled us the most in public?
—kagiso

Dear Some Single, Some Mingle:
Fake à la Ferocity, by far, even though, ultimately, she and Cruella are pretty much in the same sinking boat of bitchery. But Shafterella still has a chance

(barely). She's working through her rough situation and getting on with her life—as I like to see all my Vicey celebs do well, eventually!"

"Dear Ted:
What's going on with Fake à la Ferocity? I keep thinking that she and her man-bitch are going to break up, but then they never do. Are they happy now, or are

they together because they make more money that way than they do as a couple of singles? They're extremely annoying, either way.
—L

Dear Mean Person:
Leave Fake à la alone! Our heroin-addicted, man-crushing girlfriend is going to need all the support she can get when the movie offers stop coming, which

will be very soon (the way she's ravaging her body). Unless it's playing Miley Cyrus' grandmother."

blurry vice said...

Dear Ted:
You've confused me again! In your recent piece about Johnny Depp's press junket for Rango, you made the comment that Angelina Jolie is a "mirror image of

himself." What on earth are you suggesting? The way I see it, Jolie is an icy, calculating, self-obsessed media manipulator, whereas Johnny has always come

off as gracious, self-deprecating and friendly in his interviews. He's done a fantastic job of staying out of the tabloids as he's gotten older. And he has

turned his back on all of that H'wood nonsense by living quietly in Europe, away from the glare. I fail to see any similarities between these two, aside from

their mega stardom. Won't you enlighten us?
—Jenny W

Dear Team Aniston:
That may be your view on Angelina, but it's not how she is. Super private, with a few secrets from the past is more what I'm talking about. And the way they

both handle their celebrity—off the cuff, coolly.



Dear Ted:
Rumor has it that Angelina Jolie may have suffered a breakdown. What's the word around your neck of the woods?
—L

Dear Crazy for Crazies:
Angelina is in a new rumor every week. I can't keep track anymore. Let's just say, if she were going through a hard time, you wouldn't be hearing about it.

Make sense?

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Well, a number of months ago I contacted E! Online (US), and I told you I was not dating Brad Pitt. I would just like to clarify; I wish I was dating him.

Thank you!
—Angelina Jolie

Dear Don't Buy It:
Sorry sweetie, but impersonating Angelina Jolie may take a bit more than an email. And you're far too chipper. Go shoot up some heroin, starve yourself,

steal somebody's husband, win an Oscar and get back to us."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Is it just me, or does Angelina Jolie look like a ghostly stick figure in the latest photo of her and Brad at the opening of God of Carnage? Her next role

could be the crypt-keeper....just sayin'.
—Iowa City Jen

Dear Midwest Stumped:
And your point is? Been screamin' that for ages!"

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
I am stuck here in Canada evacuated from my town due to massive flooding and the stress is driving me crazy. I want to take my mind off my house and when I

can go back and ask about Cass Stimulatia; is she most known for work on the small screen big screen or music? Also how is Fake a la lately? Still using or

has her man laid down the law? Love from a canoe in Canada!
—B

Dear Bad Girls Club:
Small, well, yes, no. Love from Hollywood!"

blurry vice said...

check out the title of this bb

http://www.eonline.com/uberblog/the_awful_truth
/b244789_morning_bitch-back_
brad_fakey_angie.html

then-

"Dear Ted:
Oh you sneaky, sneaky man....loving the title to this morning's Bitch-Back, Ted!
—Jennifer (Via Facebook)

Dear Facebook Friend:
You mean when we asked if Brad could be as "Fakey" as Angelina? I know, it's such a stupid question, almost didn't ask it.


Dear Ted:
You haven't written anything on Fake a la Ferocity in a while, and I'm absolutely dying to know what's going on with her these days. Any chance you could

fill us in? Thanks!
—A

Dear Uh...
She's not exactly busy living clean, I'll say that much, but, that has more to do with chemicals than sex, must say.

Dear Ted:
What on earth do you mean by Brad Pitt seeing "Angelina Jolie's milkshake" and wanting to leave Jennifer Aniston? Angie doesn't have any milk to shake. If

you would have said something clever like, "That was before Brad saw Angie's bunions," or "Before he saw her razor elbows that appealed to his taste in

modern architecture" then I'd believe you. No straight dude (no offense to you, sugar!) wants to shack with a woman who has more corners than curves. I still

believe in your other theories—that the kids are keeping them together.
—H

Dear Lactose Intolerant:
Valid points, but unfortunately I'm talking about a different kind of milkshake. A grosser one."

blurry vice said...

Dear Ted:
Just wondering if Fake à la Ferocity has been able to beat any old "habits"?
—Lieu

Dear Fake It Till You Make It:
F à la F has been keeping herself très busy lately. And while that doesn't leave a ton of time for her nasty extra-curricular activities (thankfully), she's

far from living clean and sober. Shame, but Fake is going to do what Fake is going to do, damn anyone who says otherwise.

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
You're the only one I trust for all things gossip. However, your Brangelina prophecy hasn't panned out. A few years ago, you said that Angelina Jolie would

dump Brad Pitt soon, but that hasn't happened. What gives? Keep up the great work!
—E.J.

Dear Brangelina Breakup:
You mean, why hasn't she dumped the only dude who can keep up with her brood and who obeys her every word? Oh wait, I think I just answered your question.

Seriously, the guy adores her, still. She adores how he adores their brood. It's still a match made in breeder heaven! Still think it won't last forever,

sadly enough. But thanks for the love, doll!"

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Does Brad Pitt's "adoration" of Jolie have anything to do with his Vice? He doesn't throw her too many adorable looks, if you know what I mean. I guess I've

just been assuming that they're holding it together because they're afraid the other one will out their bitchy behavior or tarnish their image. And it would

be hard to find someone willing to be a default mother/father for 3,569 children overnight, too. They're not so hot anymore.
—J

Dear Bitch-ay:
Darling, you are highly misinformed regarding the beautiful couple who, by the by, some think are secretly married (I say no). Look, Brad adores Angelina,

much more than he did Jennifer Aniston; think closer to how he originally felt about Gywneth Paltrow, another toughie. Brad does not care about Angelina's

Vices, period. He cares about their family, end of story. I can also assure you Jolie feels even moreso about Pitt's Vices—it's a nonissue. And I'll even go

one further: In the end, I say Brangie's Vicey ways actually help keep them together, not the other way around."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
What is the latest with Fake à la Ferocity? Is her "better living through chemistry" lifestyle wearing on her and does her partner fully share that lifestyle

choice?
—G

Dear Fake It Till You Make It:
Fake à la is doing just fine, publicly at least. Personally, she's better than she has been in a long time...shocking as that may be to hear."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Back in a November you said that Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt's Vices (plural for both) actually keep them together. Since Angelina now has a wonderful

relationship with Brad's parents, are the parents aware of those Vices and OK with them? They seem so conservative and I would think they would be shocked at

one of their shared Vices and I'm not talking about the sex angle.
—Curious

Dear Hush Hush:
True, Brad's parents are very fond of Angelina, but it's hardly because of her Vicey behavior. Despite Jolie's skeletons, girl is the mother of Brad's

children, and that's why Mr. and Mrs. Pitt love her. And no, they are definitely not aware of all Angie's Vices. Some things are better left a secret.

Dear Ted:
Angelina Jolie still looks way too thin. Mystery diet, or run ragged?
—A

Dear Spread Too Thin:
No mystery diet here, besides Angie's crazy sched of directing a truly impressive flick (In the Land of Blood and Honey), raising six kids and keeping one of

the world's most handsome men happy. We'll admit the gal could stand to gain a few, but don't blame her figure on any type of starvation routine—we think

it's simply stress-related."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
What happened? Angelina Jolie threaten you somehow? Did the Pitt-Jolie band of lawyers begin to stalk your movements? It was obvious for years you did not

buy into the sainthood of Angelina but now you've begun to mellow out. Does this mean F la F has turned into a good girl and we should forgive her

trespasses?
—Rhonda1024

Dear Coded:
"F la F"? Who's that? Do you mean Fake à la Ferocity? You're so busy being (wrongly) clever, I'm not really sure. I have not heard from either Brad Pitt or

Angelina Jolie's lawyers, nor am I trembling waiting for such. I simply said Angelina directed a great movie, end of story. Did you even see In the Land of

Milk and Honey? I doubt it. Otherwise, you'd be giving the first-time director some kudos, too, I would think. This, of course, has nothing to do with Brad

and Angie's love life, which I still have a hunch will ended sadly when Angelina goes her own way."

starrgazing said...

Is it possible that Ted's saying that she had been "(wrongly) clever" was misleading in that she was not wrong about the identity of the Blind Vice, but wrong in writing "F la F" as opposed to "F a la F" or something tricky like that?? Perhaps he was just correcting her on her spelling/word choice, and not on her Angelina assumption...

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
You haven't done a Blind Vice update on Fake à la Ferocity in ages, so am I to assume that she has totally cleaned herself up, is no longer on a "special

diet" and has forsaken all drugs? If yes, did she do it through rehab or is she just that amazing she could stop cold turkey?
—Curious

Dear Feeling Brassy:
Gal's definitely cleaned up her act, but I wouldn't say she's totally fixed up. As for her method of ditching her naughty habits, Fake may come off to the

public as a no pain, no gain type of babe, but she had a little help.

Dear Ted:
Angelina Jolie looked quite beautiful and healthy at the Golden Globes. Has she turned a new leaf and put her Vice behind her? She seems to suffer from so

much bad publicity against her, yet I think she is a fantastic mother.
—S

Dear Mommy Dearest:
I'll level with you, S, Ang is fabulous mother and she and Brad really love their brood. But, I do wish she'd put on a few pounds. As for her Vice? Gal's

laying low for now—six kids, a new film, and traveling the world hardly leaves much time for Vicey behavior."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Before the Oscars, you posted a sort of a follow-up on our fave BV stars. So how about grading their Oscar performances for us long-time followers: Did Fake a la Ferocity look ferocious or high-flying sex kitten? Did Fey Oiled-Tush behave behind the scenes, or did he feel as misplaced as last year's Louboutins? And my favorite that you don't talk much about: Trent Spent. How is old Trent doing these days with his significant other? Is he tiring of her shenanigans
and ready to jump ship? Hope he doesn't play yet again the victim though, I am tired of his hurting sad eyes when things don't go his way. Much love to you and your four-legged fam!
—Rita

Dear Oscar BV Update:
Here's the lowdown for ya R: Fake looked divine but was lacking a certain something in her Oscar appearance. Fey Oiled-Tush was surprisingly well-behaved behind the scenes as he let others steal the spotlight (like Fake). As for Trent? He may be tired of his gal's shenanigans, but after last night, it's obvious who wears the pants in this duo. In other words, don't expect Trent to dip out anytime soon. But the real Vice star of the night? Most definitely

Chuck Finger-Dingle, who also looked spectacular and very out of character. Satisfied?

Dear Ted:
Since you already told us that she would be in attendance, can you tell us if Fake a la Ferocity was also a presenter at the 2012 Academy Awards? Love ya!
—MM

Dear Fake Takes the Stage:
Look M, Fake presented a lot of things last night, and one may have been a little gold statue. But that's all I'm sayin'."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
I need to know your take. What on earth was going on with Angelina Jolie on Oscar night? You haven't really addressed it, but we all saw it: Desperation. Why? She had everything. Fab hair, makeup looking perfect, another black dress (yawn) but still looked gorgeous in it and Oscar nominated man candy on her arm. What was with all the silly and desperate posing? I used to really like her when she seemed so real and was making her own way in the world. All the
posing, smug faces, and weird golf claps. It all seems so rehearsed. What was she out to prove? That she's the queen of the world? We already know that! What gives Ted?
—Michelle

Dear Leg-endary Moment:
Okay, so the actress was a little posey on the red carpet, but I’m sure she was just trying show off her gams, err, I mean dress…But I will say she seemed a lot more smiley than usual. Maybe she was just having a really good day, and was determined not to let anything rain on her parade. Positivity. I’m all for it. She deserves it, been through a lot and delivered a damn good movie (In the Land of Bloody and Honey) in the process.

Dear Ted:
Are people blind? How can we possibly think Angelina Jolie looked so wonderful? She looks like a bag of bones. And to think the camera adds ten pounds?
—B

Dear Skinny Bone Jones:
We all know the girl is a skinny-minny these days, but she still looked great on the red carpet. And that dress? Loved it! Though I agree, she could definitely use a little meat on her bones.

Dear Ted:
You recently said that Fake à la Ferocity was doing better than she had in a long time. If it's who I think it is, she seems more delusional than ever as well as unaware that she is becoming a laughingstock. I guess what goes around comes around. So what gives? Is she back to her old ways?
—Jr

Dear Fake It Till Ya Make It:
Guess she's not who you think she is then, babe. 'Cause not only is Fakey doing better in terms of her nasty little drug habit (happy to say much better) but she looks hotter than she's looked in a long, long time and is feeling absolutely fab about herself.

Dear Ted:
Love your column. Also love Angelina Jolie (sorry, haters). But my entire family gasped when she took the stage at the Oscars. What gives? She is painfully thin, and her once-beautiful figure is scary. Is she sick? Not eating? Makes me sad...Also, I have asked you this before, but any dirt on Gwyneth Paltrow? She bugs!
—Genuinely Worried

Dear Hungry for Answers
We agree, Ang may have been a bit too skinny on the carpet, but gal still looked phenomenal in that black velvet gown. As for the issue at hand? We're still blaming her stick-thin frame on six kids and a globe-trotting ‘tude, but the gal could definitely stand to eat a cheeseburger (or five). As for Gwyneth? Let's just say her record isn't as squeaky clean as the gorgeous white dress she wore to the Oscars last weekend."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Out of curiosity, has Fake à la Ferocity ever overdosed on her nasty little habit? Just curious, as it is a drug that is easy to O.D. If she did, was she

with her current partner or was she much younger? Love ya!
—Mel

Dear Getting Real:
Fake has certainly run into her fair share of troubles because of the habits she keeps, but she hasn't had any life or death scares with her current beau.

She cleaned up her act, but you're right: It's a hell of a drug."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Fellow Big-D survivor (LakeHighlands, not Highland Park) and longtime shelter supporter here. With all these babies percolating and popping out in Celeb

World, I have a question for you. Based solely on their mothering skills (either actual or anticipated), how would you rank these She-Vicers: Cruella St.

Shackles, Shafterella Shoshstein and Fake à la Ferocity? And just so you don't play coy, the order should be best to worst!
—Justbrowsing

Dear Dallas Dame:
Number one, by far, would be Cruella. Not even a contest when compared with the others. Next would be more of a surprise: Shafterella (as she's so very good

at peddling that mamacita image), then a distant third would be Fake a la, who really wishes she could prevent her kids from having some of the tough knocks

she's endured."

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