Friday, June 27, 2008

One Privately Eased Blind Vice


Sugar and Vice Makes Everything... Not So Nice
Blind Vice Friday reveals—almost—which megasuccessful star is cleaning up her habit, just so she can go right back out and shoot up again! Hideous!

She Don't Wanna Go To Rehab
Fake à la Ferocity returns, and she'll be revisiting our Blind Vice annals often, me thinks, as the movie-star gal knows how to turn off her majorly addictive desires about as well as she knows how to get as high as Amy Winehouse's hair, not to mention boink whomever she damn pleases. I mean, we have one anally retentive train wreck here, babes. Read on...

One Privately Eased Blind Vice

Fake à la Ferocity knows how to have it all. She’s got the fans, the perfect relationship, the career, the love, the adoration, the healed needle marks! What more could a chick want in life? Maybe to hold onto that existence, perhaps?

When we last spoke of Ms. F, everybody was gossing in overdrive because she was so painfully thin. And, you know, most folks thought it was starvation stuff and the honey-doll just wasn’t eating much. Not true. F2 was shooting up with the best of ‘em, and, trust, plenty of H-wood honey-pies are on heroin right now. I mean, forget closeted fagolas—that’s the real dirty secret in this town, for now, at least.

But Fake à la needed to get off the hard stuff for a variety of reasons, family and Biz included. Firstly, she’s done it before. Secondly, she’s not stoopid; Ms. Ferocity knows damn well if she keeps up the drugs like most of her addicted colleagues have, she’ll say buh-bye to everything she’s nabbed. F.F. has no intention of pulling a Belushi, I assure you. And that is why Fake à la employs some of Hell-Ay’s fanciest docs, their specialty being weaning famous folks off drugs via synthetic goodies that’ll make anybody’s bad day a tad more doable. Roughing in rehab? No, babes, that’s for the little people.

However, there does lie a small kink in this elite, indulged sitch, prob being Ferocity’s docs think their client’s intending to quit for good. Uh, yeah. She’ll do that about as soon as she stops screwing whomever she pleases. See, the cleaning up’s only for F2’s current activities, babes. Then it’s right back to anorexia rumors, count on it.

And it ain't: Heather Locklear, Whitney Houston, Ashley Judd

Below is the first BV about FALF, from June 2007:

Some people love Fake-à-la Ferocity...the rest live to hate her. This do-it-all diva, known to dabble in everything from fab sex to fabber shoes, has her hand in purty much everything these days. Endorsements. Charitable endeavors. Entertainment projects. You name it. And all the wowin' while, Fake-à-la manages to look super-duper delish in the process. Well, she used to, at least. Lately, F2's once enviable bod has changed for the worse. And her hunky man isn't the only person concerned about the once divinely gifted babe. Nope, now a very few inside Industry types are also concerned 'bout our gal Fakey. See, F.F. has enjoyed a fairly good reputation in the media and rags...until recently. She's known for being accessible, candid and honest. How very friggin' heretical here in lip-cemented T-town! Apparently, Ms. Ef's hiding one helluva secret. And I'm the bitch to fill ya in on what, exactly, it is that has those select few Hollywood movers 'n' shakers so shaking in their Prada wear, regarding Fakey. She's got what's known as...a heroin habit. Well, she's hardly the first dame in this drug-infested enclave to fall down that slippery alley, right? It's just, uh, so damn rich to find this out, knowing how utterly benevolent our do-goodin' broad happens to be as of late. Gosh, wonder how long before everyone finds out what's really behind Fake-à-la's rapidly withering figure? It'll be "Paris who?" should that happen, trust.

And It Ain't: Jessica Biel, Kelly Ripa, Kiera Knightley

* These BVs are both suspected to be: Angelina Jolie. *

Excluded as of 2/18/09: Heather Locklear, Whitney Houston, Ashley Judd, Jessica Biel, Kelly Ripa, Kiera Knightley, Madonna, Jenna Jameson, Sarah Jessica Parker, Claire Danes, Sharon Stone, Jessica Simpson, Madonna, Jessica Alba, Keira Knightley, Jenna Jameson, Victoria Beckham, Nicole Richie, Jennifer Garner, Drew Barrymore, Kate Hudson, Kate Bosworth, Charlize Theron, Mary Kate Olsen, Melanie Griffith, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Felicity Huffman, Ashley Olsen, Gwyneth Paltrow, Jennifer Connolly, Kate Bosworth, Kirsten Dunst.

Here is the link to the other (3rd) FALF BV from Nov 21 '08.


blurry vice said...

The AIA's are all people who have been in a mental hospital/treatment facility. Anyway - Looks like this one is Angelina Jolie. At least she is off heroin for the pregnancy. Those poor kids.

Here's what I found, that Dr. Drew just said in an interview with Playboy, July issue:
“I’m concerned with what’s really going on with Angelina Jolie,” he said in July’s issue of Playboy. “I’ve never seen someone remit heroin completely. You’re either still on heroin, Oxycontin or something else. Unless you’re dead. Is she still using something? Is she in recovery. If she’s in recovery, I don’t see any evidence of it, because people in recovery invest themselves in simple, selfless acts of service, not global self-serving acts.”

blurry vice said...

Her current activities = pregnancy. Whomever she chooses to be screwing = Brad Pitt. Ted has always insisted that Angie will dump Brad one of these days... that she will have no use for him anymore and move on to someone else.

blurry vice said...

Husband thinks it is Nicole Ritchie though.

kellysirkus said...

I'm not saying I think Angelina is Saintly
or even completely "cured" of her demons

but I think she at least deserves due respect
She has proven herself not only to be a devoted mother
but one of the great humanitarians of our time

I can't judge AJ or Bill Gates or Warren Buffett professionally or personally as I am not their personal friend, nor am I a techie, actress or wall st. wiz
any Wealthy person who puts their money where their mouth is gets a round of applause from me

we live in the Age of Greed - and these people set a much needed example!

Anonymous said...

From the AIA clues:

Ashley Judd's initials = AJ = Angelina Jolie

Whitney Houston performed at the Oscars the same year Angelina won for Girl Interrupted. Both have also been known (or rumoured) to be with other women.

I think Heather Locklear is the mental hospital link (again, a reference to Girl Interrupted?)


Anonymous said...

Sorry, got one more - Ferocity could be a reference to the Kung Fu Panda movie featuring the Ferocious Five - one of which was the Tiger, voiced by Angelina Jolie.

Okay. Done now. :)


sistah2 said...

Hold on a minute. I reallllly dont think this is A. Jolie. guys, she's got 4 kids and is preggers with twins. Look elsewhere for this one. all the descriptions in both BV's are pretty non- specific - could be any other Hollywood hussy. and there's plenty of 'em.

me said...

Angelina Jolie is staying at the Chateau Miraval in France. John Belushi died at the Chateau Marmont.

Anonymous said...

Anyone see the Blues Brothers? Remember what Belushi's character's name was? JOLIEt Jake Blues!


blurry vice said...

I don't think Brangelina are entirely non-greedy. At Live 8, Brad asked regular people to open their checkbooks and donate what they can, while they spend millions of dollars on unnecessary homes, jets, fashion, etc. Yes she does a lot for Africa, but so do other people who aren't famous. She just gets extra attention for it because she's in movies.

BTW sistah2, the BV says she is off heroin with the help of doctors for her "current activities" which could mean her pregnancy... she's not on drugs right now but has been in the past and will be again, Ted says.

Another link - "a la" - AJ's mom was French.

sistah2 said...

blurry - current activities could mean ANYTHING - her latest film, show, etc. sure, you could use any obscure clue to make it fit AJ because that's what you believe it is. This lady seems to be heavily into heroin - do you really think anyone could shoot movies as often as AJ does, run around with those kids, travel etc. and not one website or rag has picked up a huge drug prob on her? come on! Amy Winehouse can barely stand up -that is someone on drugs ladies - sorry but this is not AJ. reread this with anyone else in your mind - you'll see that about 30 people could fit this, easily. I dont think its right to put her pic. there either.

sistah2 said...

also - do you think Brad Pitt would put up with that crap? let the kids be exposed to that? dont think so.

sistah2 said...

not to be obsessed, but a major clue at the end is "when she stops screwing whomever she pleases". even you guys who think this fits AJ have to admit that she is not likely cheating on Brad (come on!) it does not fit AJ.

Anonymous said...

Okay, some more support for AJ:

From the first blind item AIAs...

- Kelly Ripa did a skit on Saturday Night Live where she played Angelina Jolie

- Jessica Biel and AJ are both supporters of the Afghanistan Relief Organization. They were both on Esquire's list of Sexiest Woman Alive in 2007.

- Kiera Knightley was one of the Golden Globe best actress nominees in 2007, competing against... you know.

- The quote, "Paris who?" - a reference to the fact that she has a home in Paris


duffgrl said...

Some other people like Mk Olson or Nicole Richie wouldn't fit the "divinely talented" category. Don't know- but wouldn't rule out AJ. She has definitely used heroin in the past and has looked sickly-skinny. Her arms still look pretty gross.

sistah2 said...

some other points:
skinny actresses are a dime a dozen, dont know any overweight ones (except K. Alley)
no where does Ted say she has children, also nothing is mentioned about being an actress (only an entertainment project)these would be easy hints for Ted,if he really wanted to narrow it. He has said these hints in the past for other gals.
very vague...I'd be interested to see when Ted answers some mail on this one, pls post that sis!

sistah2 said...

sorry - just realized that he did say movie-star... now that I have been reading this over, I think its Kate Hudson. current activites= dating Lance, health nut. she's stopped the heroin for that, also the film she is doing.....also, been know to "screw around with whoever she pleases"..Ted mentions this twice. it fits KH more than AJ.

Anastacia C. said...

Long time reader, first time commenter. I'm sorry that this is going to be sort of long.

I think AJ is way, way too obvious. First, she hasn't really had an enviable bod - I *know* she is lean and men salivate over her, but everything is always printed about how thin she is and such. But this point is debatable and not the one on which I base my guess.

I think it is Gwen Stefani.

She has a ton of things going on (a number of projects, commercials, her clothing line, you get the idea). She has recently (obviously not whilst pregnant), within the past few years, become *too* thin. And her bod was enviable. Everyone wanted those abs! Her body was awesome (early 2000s?), and then she suddenly became really, really thin. Ted has hinted at anorexia rumors re Gwen for a while.

Lip cemented: she was wearing the hell out of that red lipstick for a really long time.

His constant mentioning of money and wealth (i.e., "elite, indulged", "little people", etc.) just seems waaay over the top to me. Blind Items are always about celebrities. Celebrities are always rich. The sky is blue. I don't see him going out of the way to turn these phrases if it were just anyone in Hollywood (or AJ). Also, he writes, "It's just, uh, so damn rich..." which jumped out to me, as I believe she had some horrible song about being rich and having Harajuku girls. The "uh" could be a clue to a clue, the clue being "rich". Wuh? The "Harajuku" reference could point either to her girls that would follow her around but were instructed not to speak, or it could be another "rich girl" reference.

*gasp, pant*

I don't know her sexual proclivities, but I do know that it has long been rumored that her husband is a closeted homosexual (or, in his words, fagolas), or at least enjoys the company of male-to-female transvestites/pre-op transexuals.

By "colleagues" he could be referencing the likes of Amy Winehouse and Lily Allen, et al.

Maybe I'm wrong and it's not Gwen, but I don't think for a second that AJ would risk using. She's done it before, yes, but her kids seem far too important to her than anything, her career included. And I don't think she would risk not being able to adopt twelve to twenty more children.

Gwen is also pregnant, like AJ, so the idea that her stopping for the family/pregnancy applies to her as well.

Finally, TC hates AJ for some reason and I could see him giggling like a schoolgirl over everyone guessing AJ for this when it's really someone else.

Again, I am so sorry to hijack your thread. I love your site - am a big fan.


blurry vice said...

Thank you for the insight Anastacia! It's great to see a fan of ours come out of hiding and post! :)

I do think FALF could be Gwen Stefani. There are a bunch of women that could fit this BV, as sistah2 says. I also have been wondering about Nicole Ritchie. Also, Kate Bosworth, Kirstin Dunst. Other gossip sites are adamant that this is Angelina, but we aren't sure yet. We need more clues from Ted! Hopefully next Tuesday's mailbag will give us some clues.

Here's what Ted said as today's Endblab. Now we know that a lot of people are guessing Angelina Jolie for this. ----

""She's too damn thin."
—Angelina Jolie hanger-on, regarding the über-preggers babe's appearance in Wanted. Bitch, bitch, bitch. Will no one ever be happy with this gal's figure, whether it's up or down? Rhetorical job there, everybody, please don't send replies, my mailbox is Brangelina-ed out as it is"

blurry vice said...

Here are Ted's previous replies to the letters after the June 2007 FALF BV:

"Can Fake-à-la Ferocity from One Needling Blind Vice be my incredibly shrinking (yet still very talented) Jenna Jameson?
Dear King of Porn:
Sorry, F.F. ain't J.J., but I bet you had fun doin' the research on that one.
One Needling Blind Vice...Sarah Jessica Parker?
Dear Sleuth in the City:
Not a terrible guess, girlfriend, but incorrect nonetheless. Think, uh, more mainstream—slightly
It seems like Fake-à-la Ferocity is Sharon Stone. She seems a little nutty and has been known to support several charities. Any truth here?
Dear Wrong Instinct:
S2 may be missing a few marbles, but she's not our smack-addicted sister.
Okay, Fake-à-la Ferocity has to be Jessica Simpson. She used to be so great—what happened?
Dear Right to Be Wrong:
Sorry sweets, but Jess-doll doesn't fit the profile. She's single these days, remember?
Is Fake-à-la Ferocity our beloved Madge? I absolutely love her, others live to hate her, and she's got her hand in music, books, a clothing line, endorsement deals, real estate, charities, etc. Always assumed she's far too driven and too much of a control freak to do drugs, but then again, did you ever see her video for "Secret," a thinly veiled paean to heroin?
Dear Hung Up:
Excellent try, but, uh, no. Madonna does do everything these days, but not far as we know, at least
I definitely hate to say this, but Fake-à-la Ferocity is Claire Danes. Did you see her on The Daily Show? Yikes!
Dear Not So Great Dane:
Wrong type altogether, darlin’. Think a tad more mattress-worthy.
Fake-à-la Ferocity of One Needling Blind Vice makes me think of Heather Locklear. Could it be true? She has always had a good reputation in the media.
Dear Spinnin' the Wrong Way:
Not a terrible guess, but wrong, nonetheless. Fakey ain’t a blond babe...least, not right now.
I'm pretty sure I've got this one: Fake-à-la Ferocity is Jessica Alba. She's gotten bony and is spending lots of time in public restrooms. I'm right, aren't I?
Dear Wrong Bony Babe:
I don’t know what Alba’s doin’ in the loo, but she’s not our smack-happy honey."

Colts#1Filly said...

Ok, warning, I'm going to be a bit long too. :-)
Its interesting b/c the way I read it is that there could be very few people that fit Ted's description:
***"megasuccessful star" (this has to be someone A List)
***narrowed down to "movie-star gal" (which eliminates singers, ie. Gwen, or another other choice I thought of, Celine)
***"This do-it-all diva.......has her hand in purty much everything these days. Endorsements. Charitable endeavors. Entertainment projects." (again, A list)
The only A List list I could find was from 2007.
They were:
1. Reese Witherspoon
2. Angelina Jolie
3. Cameron Diaz
4. Nicole Kidman
5. Renee Zellweger
6. Sandra Bullock
7. Julia Roberts
8. Drew Barrymore
9. Jodie Foster
10. Halle Berry
A description of A list from CDAN:
A List Stars--- Shine brightly, consistently, and even folks that live in the middle of nowhere have heard of them. They can carry a film on their name and earn maga-bucks.My ideas would be Reese Witherspoon, Julia Roberts, and George Clooney. You probably won't see these stars getting trashed at the local nightclub in your tabloids.
I tried to plug other people in there but given all this, I think I'm going to have to go with the majority on this one and assume it's Angelina Jolie. It just seems so odd that he'd be so blatant.

blurry vice said...

Right... and this person does a lot of do-gooding etc. Ted has been obvious before (Teri Hatcher) so don't rule out the obvious when it comes to him.

Lainey Blinds said...

Is Cameron Diaz a possibility? Could dropping it for family reasons be due to the sudden death of her father? The shoe reference would make more sense since she is known more for accessorizing and fashion sense than Angelina. Also, CD has been screwing around a lot in the past year but some were speculating a few weeks ago that she's engaged to that model, Paul Sculfor or something, right?

bc said...

Cameron Diaz was also in that movie "In Her Shoes." But do people really live to hate her?

I stil like AJ for this one, but what was up with Ted's comments about Amanda Peet today? She also just had a baby. I don't see this one as her really, but surely that was a hint at something. . .

Anastacia said...

Thank you for the warm welcome! I was nervous about posting.

Anyway, not to belabor the Gwen idea or anything, but after I posted my guess I caught the "movie star" reference and thought that all that time thinking about it was all for naught. However, and this may be a reach, she did play Jean Harlow in The Aviator, who was definitely a "movie star" in her own right. I don't know how to define "movie star," but Gwen did have a pretty significant (I think? Didn't see it.) role in the movie, which did really, really well.

So...maybe we can't rule her out? yet. (Unless I have missed another of Ted's post-blind clues.)

Thanks again for the friendly welcome. :)

Anastacia said...

P.S. With the whole movie star thing I meant to include in my response that this reference could be Ted's wordplay. That way, "mega successful" or whatever he wrote could still be true (that would be true of Gwen with music), but it might not have anything to do with being a "movie star."

Boyfriend is giving me sidelong looks for giving this too much thought.

Anonymous said...

For me (and Anastacia, I loved your Gwen Stefani guess because is such a fresh, unexpected and great guess - but I'm ready to drop it now since this is in my opinion clearly about an actress) what truly seals the deal is the fact that this Blind Vice was posted on the very same day (or night before) Wanted hit the theaters. Could Ted's timing be a coincidence? I think not, and this is most likely AJ - which I find pretty devastating whether I like her or not.


sistah2 said...

ok, I'm really into this too..The most interesting hint that Ted gave in the mailbag response above was that this is not a blonde. wow, that emil's C Diaz and Gwen S. both good guesses, also that elim's Kate H. I still dont think its AJ> remember, you really cannot adopt , even in a foreign country, without a vigorous, lengthy screening process. A major heroin problem is very hard to hide when you are photographed daily, and even harder when adoption officials are visiting your home. also, I dont think this is a "top ten" alist person. Ted said - when he elim'd SJP - "think more mainstream -slightly. " I agree with a poster who reminded us that when Ted hates someone, he could be giggling about a good nasty rumour he's started, although he would not be responsible for starting it, since its a blind item that he wont answer about. I often think that about Toothy tile.

Lainey Blinds said...

Sistah2, I concur with you on AJ being a red herring. AJ is waaay more mainstream than SJP. She also is a former "Sexiest Woman Alive," which I think would make her more than a "tad" more mattress worthy than Claire Danes.

Colts#1Filly said...

This site is the greatest. It's always fun to see everyone's guesses/perspectives!

So there were a few more clues from Ted's mailbag today:

Dear Ted:
Anorexia rumors? Can Fake à la Ferocity from One Privately Eased Blind Vice possibly be Victoria Beckam? That is one star who seems to be "on" to something.

Dear Vicky B. Not Worried:
We so know the lollipoplike Posh is sneaking some nutrition into her bod when the cameras aren't rolling. Ain't her. Think truly talented.

Dear Ted:
What does Fake à la Ferocity's man think of her needle habit? For those of us out in the sticks, how exactly does a needle mark completely heal so that the paps don't pick it up in a photo? Please don't tell me she shoots up in her gums or toes.

Dear Sally Syringe:
He's got his own nasty habits, I assure you. And F.F.'s not shooting up now, babes, just in the past—and plans to do so soon. Can't speak for the paps as to your cover-up query, but I do know many an edit-bay bill has gone toward erasing Fake à la's needle marks in her movies.

He also elim'd Jennifer Garner and Nicole Ritchie.

If we're still leaning towards AJ - the responses above continue to fit her...including Brad's own alleged "nasty habits" of pot smoking. I started to consider Drew given Lainey's hints that she's into the "happy" again but she doesn't fit Ted's "family" clue.

sistah2 said...

I have to admit more now that Ted's hints do point to AJ - but this thing still bugs me because I dont think its her, but he WANTs us to think it is. I also dont get that he is soooo sure she is going to start "shooting up ...(again) soon." How the hell does he know that? Is he a psychic gossip now? I can see it now - AJ gives birth to twins, then starts shooting up right away... please. even someone with 20 nannies would have to be a monster to do that.. I dont really care for AJ, and she does not pay me to defend her about this dumb thing - but come on, it doesn't make sense. while I am ranting, just want to add that while I like TEd, he is entertaining, I dont think he would be the only one to know this kind of thing, he does not seem to break big celeb news, he just reports who was seen at what restaurant, etc.... so if he has some inside track and knows this AJ huge scandal story - where is Perez etc. on this? no other sites have even breathed a hint of this...that I know of.

Lainey Blinds said...

^I also wonder if her (AJ) tattoos would hide her healed needle marks. They do seem strategically placed...

blurry vice said...

sistah2 - I know what you mean. It is clear that the BV is about Angelina. But whether or not we should take Ted's words as gospel is debatable. We all know Toothy Tile is Jake G too, but how do we know that he just doesn't make it all up? I guess that is why these are blind items. We'll never have confirmation and the columnists can't get sued.

sistah2 said...

the latest on this: there's been speculation , probably fueled by Ted's blind item above, that Angie gave birth 4-5 weeks ago, (reported by ET back then) and that this is part of the heroin coverup, that she was being detoxed the whole time. That rumor has now been proven to be false. We know she just had the kids a few days ago. ET tonite had rec'd a supposedly legit report from AJ's personal asst. using a legit email. Looks like alot of outlets maybe recieving these "legit" tips all along - I wonder if Ted was also getting these stories and thought it true enough to post - albeit as a "blind". again, I just dont think it true.

Anonymous said...

jennifer anniston

Anonymous said...

megan fox

Lainey Blinds said...

I think it's hard to believe it's Angelina, but I've come to the conclusion that it is AJ. I don't think Ted would post a blind for sheer malice even though it's easy to say so. I think he knows even more than most people think he does. He said in the mailbag that there has been effects work in Fakey's films to erase her needle marks. And AJ usually isn't papped unless she wants to be papped.

I think the events (getting off H) that he describes in "One Privately Eased" happened last year. The significance is that she plans to get back on it at some point in the future.

LemonadeLover said...

OHhhh! I've been a blinditemsexposed addict for about a year...this is my first post - be gentle!!
My conclusions for Ted's BI's are ultimately driven by the AIA's. We all know Toothy...and Ted has NEVER eliminated Jake G. when you KNOW everybody and their mother has sent an email to him. He has not eliminated AJ and there are so many people asking him. DUH...

I LOVE this website. I've been stealth for so long..but, per perez, I AM OUT!! hee hee

looking forward to interacting with all of you ;O)

thank you SISTERS!! you are AWESOME!

sistah2 said...

Welcome new poster!
anyway, I guess the leftover prob. I still have is Ted's claim she's gonna start up again soon. How would he know this? Its a stretch to report gossip before it happens.

blurry vice said...

Ted says Kate Hudson is close, but think more steely

Anonymous said...

Paris Hilton. All clues fit. Last sentence "Paris who?" can be read in two ways.... thoughts?????

blurry vice said...

absolutely not PH. You need to re-read.

blurry vice said...

Less blatantly blond than Kate Bosworth and Charlize Theron. More guy-mag-worthy than SJP.

blurry vice said...

When asked if FF has an Academy Award, Ted says, "F2 certainly has an accolades-rich (at the highest levels) rep in T-town, if that’s what you mean."

Anonymous said...

love this blog!
i have to disagree with the angelina jolie guess because i just don't think the clues fit her. she's not known for "fabber shoes." she's not the only person who has done heroin and it seems like anytime someone talks about heroin AJ is the first and only name to pop up.

blurry vice said...

Today in Ted's mailbag, someone asked if Fake has a really weird brother, and Ted didn't answer directly but said "Fake does have siblings".

sistah2 said...

So, Fake has sibling(s)... this is plural which means 2 or more sibs..does AJ have more than one sib? I dont think so.

Anonymous said...

its Nicole Kidman!

blurry vice said...

Could be Nicole Kidman I guess. Were there reasons why we weren't focusing on her before? Maybe she didn't fit with one of the clues? If not then she should be considered.

Anonymous said...

Not Nicole Kidman. Never known for fab body, never gets to wear really fab shoes (always taller than her SO), not known for charitable endeavors.

Definitely AJ. "Divinely gifted"? Divine = ANGELina.


Anonymous said...

I think Fake a la Ferocity is Holly Hunter. A few years back she was believable as George Clooney's hot wife in "O Brother Where Art Thou" but I saw her on Craig Ferguson a couple of weeks ago + she looked like death warmed over ... emaciated arms, crow's feet. She won Best Actress Oscar for "The Piano", is one of seven children, and gave birth to twins in January '06.

Anonymous said...

I'm all for Angelina. I can't remember which gossip site said it but, after Shiloh was born they said Angie hooked up with her old friend Marilyn Manson and got blasted with heroin again.

rexcrayola58 said...

Remember, TC said that she wasn't a blonde babe (at least not now)

Anonymous said...

Check out Ted's column today! He pretty much reveals Angelina as FALF!


Anonymous said...

Someone earlier mentioned FALF has sibling(s). Angelina Jolie has a half sister.

blurry vice said...

Yep see below. Also this was right next to a huge photo of Brangelina.

Dear Ted:
Do you ever get depressed when reporting some of the sleazier and sadder bits of Hollywood gossip? Like when you discover that a previously admired actress turns out to be, say, Fake à la Ferocity? Seems like your job could be emotionally draining. Does it ever get to you, and if so, how do you deal?

Dear Concerned:
No. Never. But if I do find myself even approaching feeling something remotely close to self-pity, I just ask myself, ‘What would Angie do?’ ‘Screw Brad!’ I answer back, and then suddenly, for some reason, I feel all better.

Dear Ted:
I can't believe you called Jennifer Aniston "Maniston" in your latest Truth, Lies & Ted. That's so low. I think she's lovely and hot. Much hotter than Angelina, who has huge man hands and veiny arms and feet. Why don't you call her "Mangelina," huh?

Dear Mannish Much:
I think Jen’s hot too, calm down. Obviously, Angelina has huger everything in that family, but I fear Brad loves it that way.

blurry vice said...

Dear Ted:
Is Mary-Kate Olsen Fake-à-la-Ferocity? She once won an Emmy, and she does have siblings. I can't remember if you have already dismissed her as a suspect (for this Blind Vice, not for H. Ledger's death).

Dear Twin Peek:
M.K. hasn’t been around long enough to learn the real tricks of the H'wood trade that F2 has down perfectly.

sistah2 said...

so, Ted's first letter hints to Angelina - what about the 2nd? what does he mean about Angelina has bigger anything? just being snarky - am i missing something?

LemonadeLover said...

I am a little confused as well. On a Friday post Ted TOTALLY hits at Angie "...highly doubt it"

but today when a poster hits at "their doomed future" he seems as if he thinks they are fine. I wonder if he is just talking about Brad prob never going back to Jen and being happy with his kids...maybe just not what Angie is doing??!

Anonymous said...

So how do we know it's not Julia Roberts?

Anonymous said...

Anastacia, I do think Gwen was a good guess, even though she's now been eliminated for not being blonde. But I don't think it's right to eliminate AJ on the 'enviable bod' point. Did you follow stuff about her earlier in her career? It's only in more recent years she's been way too thin, and talked about as such. Before that she was considered a 'voluptuous' bombshell. Always on the thin side yes, but not thin enough (for Hollywood) to be talked about as worrying at that point. Having big boobs and an ass she was considered an antidote to the waifs by the media and her image was sold as this ultra-sexy curvy babe. At the time I personally knew women and men who thought she was the ultimate, I even remember being in line to see a movie and some random guys going on about how she was soooo hot.
I can imagine Gwen's abs inspiring envy as you said, but I personally have never been in a circle where that was brought up, and the media never really went with that angle on her. I hate to say it but she's also flat-chested and though I think that does not detract from sexiness in any way, the media tends to rarely sell anyone without mega-cleavage as enviable, and I've rarely seen it inspire that same sort of envy. I'm not saying it doesn't, I'm just saying I don't think it was anywhere near as common as AJ body envy. So my point is if you think of GS as inspiring envy, then AJ was even more so. Boobs-and-ass to scary, veiny rail thin tends to be a more noticeable, comment-worthy difference too than athletic to slightly too thin.

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
I can't help but notice Angelina Jolie's stock has risen considerably since she hooked up with Brad Pitt. His has been flat. Before him, she was a famous celeb, but more so on the fringe. Now it's all Angie all the time, and Brad's been relegated to being her sidekick. Is he not bothered by this?

Dear Plummeting Pitt:
Please, Brad's so whipped he doesn't know which way is up or down. Unless it's on Angie. Is great sex really worth all that? I guess we have our answer.

Dear Ted:
What's Fake à la Ferocity from One Needling Blind Vice up to these days?
—Just Asking

Dear Ferocious Fake:
Same stuff, different day. Trying to suppress her real self, for the moment. "

blurry vice said...

Dear Ted:
Jake-Reese seems obvious that it's a marketing/PR thing and not real. Why do entertainment shows, including E!, still make it sound like something? (I've probably answered my own question...moolah). The only two females I can come up with from your blind vice H-addict is Kate B. or Kirsten D. Is it either one of these?

Dear On the Money:
As for the second question, Fake à la Ferocity's name doesn't start with a K.

fan of the blind said...

Interesting proof that fake a la blah blah could be AJ.
Ted is always implying that fake will be leaving her beau/ hubby. In bitch back this week, when asked about why AJ and BP have lasted so long, Ted said: "I wouldn't exactly call it longevity...yet. Especially considering she will eventually leave his ass."

Anonymous said...

From Ted's Bitch Back Jan 15th:

Dear Ted:
Is Fake à la Ferocity's husband/boyfriend bisexual? Is he famous, too?

Dear Bonafied Bi:
Yes and yes.

What? If FALF is Angelina, then Brad is bi? *swoon*

The Bee said...

I absolutely think this is Jennifer Connolly.

blurry vice said...

Bee - Jennifer Connoly was eliminated a while ago

Anonymous said...

Oh...that's just so unfair. Why do all the hot guys end up playing for the opposite team???

All my gay guy friends tell me that when a woman is bi...she's really prefers men, but is just experimenting and will even sometimes have a full on relationship with a woman...but always goes back to men in the end.

They told me when a man is bi...he usually ends up choosing men in the end and becoming.

This is indeed a sad day if Brad is Bi.

blurry vice said...


"Dear Ted:
The idea of an Angelina Jolie tell-all book is intriguing. Even if it never sees the light of day, some of the rumors are quite scandalous. Maybe some of them are fake, but I believe the dirt on Angie would be quite ferocious if it ever came out. Do you agree?

Dear Clever:
Do I detect a not-so-subtle guess for a Blind Vice there?"

nellyb said...

Another hint-
ear Ted:

On an intelligence scale from 1 to 10, with 1 being genius, how would you rate Brad Pitt?


Dear Brains or Beauty:

If 1 is genius, then dim-bulb Brad goes to 11 for hooking up with that chilly, fake Angelina.

blurry vice said...

Angelina in Blind Vice Superstar Gallery -

"Angelina Jolie

Angie's seemingly over her naughty phase now that she's morphed into an Globally Incorporated Earth Goddess Mother Figure. But this vixen's still metaphorically wearing a blood vial around her neck, goodwill ambassador status be damned."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
I was never a big fan of Angelina Jolie and after the whole Brad Pitt-Jennifer Aniston thing, I dislike her even more. She's been looking a little skeletal lately, and something tells me it's not from diet and exercise. Please tell me she's not as good and wholesome as she wants us all to believe. Also are her and Brad really happy, or are they together because of all the kids?

Dear New Reader:
Is Angie wholesome? Hell no! She and Brad may be happy, for now, but they do have their problems. Big ones."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Can you give us a little more detail on Angelina Jolie's issues? And why does Brad stay, true love?

Dear Legally, no:
You'll have to refer to the Blind Vices for that."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Any hints you can give on Brad Pitt's B.V.? Do he and Angie share one or are they separate? Kisses!

Dear Bad Brange:
Do you mean in life or in our Vices? They have separate B.V.s, if that's what you mean. But they share just about everything else."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Of all the Blind Vice stars, who is your favorite to write about (excluding Toothy)?

Dear Closet Case:
That's a tough one! Maybe Fake à la Ferocity?"

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
There are rumors out that Angelina Jolie is participating with the author(s) of books coming out about her. What do you think are the odds that it may be true?

Dear Jolie Takin' Over:
Usually I would say yes...She pretty much takes control in every other aspect of her life, why not a book? But the skeletons in Angie's closet are deep. She doesn't want those out there."

Anonymous said...

I think I have figured it out. It's Fergie.

First BV. Shoe reference, 'dabble[s] in everything from fab sex to fabber shoes', Fergie has a line of shoes. Sorry, Angelina doesn't, and mostly dresses as an afterthought. (

His reference in the 1st BV to ‘do-it-all diva’, diva always means a singer.

Again in the 1st BV he refers to endorsement deals, I think he means this,

He often refers to her as F2, which I think is sub-text for Fergie Ferge, a nickname she uses for herself (

In the 2nd BV he references weight loss. Well she has raised eyebrows about that as well,

How about 'stops screwing whomever she pleases', well there is supposedly a lesbian sex tape, and she does admit to being bi-sexual,

He says she has quit before, well so has Fergie, Ted doesn’t say it is heroin she quit before.

Ted also says in his responses to questions about the ‘hunky man’ at her side that he has his own vices. Could those be boffing strippers or other women on location?

Finally, Ted says in the 3rd BV she had to get off drugs to ‘not only [save] her home life and marriage but make a movie, too’, this through me off at first, but Fergie was filming Nine when this was published, I think when he says marriage here, is he talking about an engagement, a marriage expected to happen.

It has also long been rumoured that Fergie is a party animal and that pisses Josh off.

If I am right, the Josh cheats story currently in circulation could have a whole new twist.

Anonymous said...

Fergie has already been ruled out, love. It's pretty much a given that Fakey is Angelina Jolie.

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Do you think Angelina Jolie has an eating disorder? Nobody can be so skinny after having three babies. Love Ya!

Dear Bones 'n' All:
She's on what we call a mystery diet. Think about it."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Was Angie on the mystery diet when she and Brad got together? If so, why would a man want to have a huge family with a less than "healthy" woman? How accurate is the new bio on these two?

Dear Bust Up Brange:
Yes, Brad very well knew what he was getting into when he ran over to be Jolie's pet."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Regarding your recent comment about Angelina Jolie's "mystery diet" (which can't mean anything good!), does Brad Pitt know about it? One would assume he does, since they live together, but how can he possibly be ok with sketchy habits taking place around their six kids? Or is he on this "mystery diet" too?

Dear (Not) Eating for One:
Of course Brad knows what's going on. He's just so in lurve he can't help it. B.P. doesn't support it, of course, but he sticks it out with Angie through the thick and thin."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
You know, I think Brad Pitt likes his women skinny. Gwyneth Paltrow got even thinner when they were together and so did Jennifer Aniston. I bet Angie lives on celery and lettuce out of fear that if she puts on the pounds, Brad will leave her for a younger, sexier and thinner starlet.

Dear Nice Catch:
You know, thinking back on it, they all did skinny up while with him. But they don't all share the same eating habits, trust."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:

How does Brad Pitt keep telling himself it's OK for the mother of their kids to be on...uh...the mystery diet? Does he not care what example that's setting for these children that he supposedly treasures and adores?

Dear Mommy Meal:
The kids are still too young to figure out hey, mommy's lookin' real thin lately. But I'm hoping Brad's stepping in and making sure the kids are doing well. And even though Angie might be going through some stuff, she still takes care of her little ones."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Spill it! What exactly is Angie's "mystery diet"? Heroin? Coke? Or just skipping sustenance all together?

Dear Emo:
Do you want me to get fired?"

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
What is Fake à la Ferocity's drug of choice? Heroin or crystal meth? Both are horrible, I was just curious.
—Sara, Calgary, Alberta, Canada

Dear Fake 'n' Bake:

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Are Angelina and Amy Winehouse on the same mystery diet?

Dear Trainwrecks:
Winehouse's diet is hardly a mystery."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Brad Pitt is not stupid (is he?). I don't understand how he could get so deeply involved with Angelina when he knew her primary recreational habit was so very dangerous. And I'm not talking about a predilection for wrapping her chompers around his gargantuan. If something happens to her, won't he be responsible for all those kidlets?
—Bob NYC

Dear Good Question:
Love is blind, sweetheart."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Call me naive, but how can Fake à la Ferocity travel around the world and not get caught with heroin? Surely she can't risk withdrawal on her jaunts. Is this why she has a pilot's license?
—Nan in Wisconsin

Dear Drugged Traveler:
Fake's on the synthetic stuff now, that's not illegal."

Anonymous said...

Dear Ted:
Is Fake à la Ferocity "on the synthetic stuff" because she's trying to get away from it again, or because she can't travel with the version?

Dear Valid Question:
We'll give her the benefit of the doubt right now and go with your first theory.

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Is Fake à la Ferocity "on the synthetic stuff" because she's trying to get away from it again, or because she can't travel with the version?

Dear Valid Question:
We'll give her the benefit of the doubt right now and go with your first theory."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Just managed to give in my Italian politics paper; I need some gossip. How do you think Jennifer Aniston coped at Golden Globes? What was her preparty poison?

Dear Concerned:
Different poison than Angelina, that's for sure."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Socialite Seeker:
As much as Nicole's former lifestyle is quite alluring at times, N.R. has had one of the biggest transformations ever. Now she's all about the family-schtick routine. Jeez, she and Angie Jolie would get along fantastically. For a lotta reasons, actually."

Probbaly bc Nicole was Pixie Mixie and also had a heroin problem in the past.

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Jeez, what a horrible picture of the Brange in your last B-Back! You couldn't pick a better one? This one makes Angie look so pale you'd think she'd been shooting heroin! Love ya bunches!

Dear Photowrecktic:
Hey, we can't all have good days every day."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
I think you said that Toothy's now-ex "GF" had been in a bearding situation before. Does that refer to her most famous ex? Also, have you noticed how horrible Brangelina look? They were both so good-looking a few years ago, but now they look like homeless drug addicts!

Dear Heavy Bearden:
You know what I like to say: once a beard, always a beard. And speaking of beards, with Brad's scraggly ass facial hair gone awry (and Angelina's withered sour pout to match), it's hard to miss the once dynamic duo's...radical change."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
My family and I had the misfortune of running into Brad and Angie two years ago in New Orleans. It was a few days before Christmas and they were alone having drinks at the same place as us. We were the only people there and did not fuss over them, but Angie kept giving us death stares and when Brad was talking, she completely ignored him. She looked like she was on heroin or something—so gaunt and skinny—and Brad looked sort of chubby and old. They gave me the creeps. My husband, who has seen a lot in the military, said that it was the most uncomfortable situation he's ever been in! Angie seemed so cold, and at that point I lost all respect for her.

Dear Brangie-Buster:
Angie has always come off as an ice queen so I'm not surprised the December weather wasn't the only thing that was...chilly. And if the once ripe couple was already starting to sour years ago, it would explain why they look so totally miserable now."

"Dear Ted:
With respect to careers, powerful contacts, and Hollywood community support, who would come out on top in the event of a break up: Fake à la Ferocity or her partner?

Dear Great Question:
The one who's already on top: Fake à la."

Piper said...

Is there any remote chance F2 could please pretty please be someone like Katie Holmes or J Lo? I did not see their names eliminated did I?

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Now that Brangelina is imploding, what will happen with Angie's "mystery diet"?

Dear Jenny Craig:
I've called Angie many things—a manipulator and a man-stealer come to mind—but she's not a bad mom, let's remember that right up front. Which, hopefully, includes not teaching her cubs all those wild-berry diets she's on, which aren't going anywhere, trust."

blurry vice said...

Piper - JLo was never really that thin... read the BV, it says that FALF was anorexic looking. Katie Holmes? Possibly but all hints point towards Angelina.

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
A good mom? A good mom? You have got to be freaking kidding me! There is no way Angie is a "good mom" like you called her, while she is still on her "mystery diet." Please!
—Ted Lover

Dear Nobody's Perfect:
Angie puts her kids first—think they're about the only thing that keep her from going overboard with that diet. And maybe a reason why Brad is fed up?"

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
I keep wondering, who has more to hide, based on their Blind Vices, Jake G. or Angie? Angie seems more sneaky. Sending hugs to your furry friends.

Dear Vice is a Vice:
They're both sneaky. But I would say Saint Jolie has more to lose. Much."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
In your most recent Bitch-Back, you wrote in reference to Brad Pitt, "He's not going anywhere until Angie says so." My question to you would then be is Brad aware that he might get the boot, and if he does, why does he stay with Angie? Is it because he loves her and wants to keep his family together or something else?
—M Smith

Dear Vagina Whipped:
Darling, Brad is head-over-heels entranced in Angie's spell. Not sure what she's cookin' up over there, but mystery diet or not, A.J. is the one in Brad's eyes. And of course, family is numero uno. Just think that Jolie will get sick of the mommy and hubby rut eventually."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
I'd like to know if Angelina was on this "mystery diet" while pregnant with Shiloh and the twin messiahs. She managed to stay awfully thin during both pregnancies, so it makes one wonder. Also, has Brad ever "supported" this "mystery diet" by actively participating, as well?
—Jenny W

Dear Thin Woman:
Brad knows when to keep his schedule free and mouth shut."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
You recently posted that Brad is head-over-heels with Angie. He is under her spell and she is the one. I find this really hard to believe. If Brad is with the woman he wants to be with, then, why does he look like hell? I mean the man looks like he's aged 20 years since he's been with her. As a matter of fact Angie looks like crap, too. If this is what love looks like then I say thanks but no thanks. I'd rather be single and gorgeous like Jennifer!

Dear Looks:
Brad's let himself go because he already has everything he wants—no need to groom when he's snagged his dream gal. And as for Angie, she's got that whole mystery diet going on for her..."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Everyone is always trying to get to the bottom of this "mystery diet" you keep talking about. I know what these superskinny Hollywood stars are eating to keep so slim: nothing. There, mystery solved.

Dear Hungry for More:
It's slightly more involved than that, doll! Some stuff is going into these stars, how else would they function?"

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Does this "mystery diet" have to do with popping something like the college kids do before taking exams do, or is it on the other hand similar to tossing your cookies?

Dear Weigh- Loss Wonders:
Let's just say those college kids wouldn't be getting A's if they were on this "diet.""

anniekey said...

First-time poster here :)

Perhaps this has been said before (?), but another clue pointing to Angie is the "a la" in Fake's name. French...just like "Jolie"...and Angelina's part-French-Canadian heritage.


blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
I've been checking the photos of the Salt premiere and Angelina Jolie looks really skinny? It actually reminded me of Amy Winehouse, bodywise (don't get me wrong, her face is still gorgeous). What do you think?

Dear Eat Something:
Funny, because I actually thought she was actually looking better than usual. Sure, I'd love to see A.J. get some of her sexy curves back, but even comparing her red carpet bod to her bare bones figure in the actual flick, Angelina looked, dare I say, good."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Was Brad Pitt's god-awful beard, whose origin launched a thousand tabloid stories guessing why the Sexiest Man Alive would grow it, real purpose to cover up some recent work?
—Mo Maryland

Dear Quick Fix:
Wrong half of that couple, at least as far as body issues go."

blurry vice said...

""Dear Ted:
If you were to reveal every B.V., which one would have people most surprised? Which one would be the most devastating for their career? And which one would have people shrugging their shoulders in indifference?

Dear Grand Viceroy:
Way to put me on the spot there, champ. Your first two questions garner one answer: the closets! Whether it's Crescent Kumquat, Jackie Bouffant, Nevis Divine or even age-old Toothy Tile, it's always the closet cases that shock. But gosh, I wish they would realize their careers wouldn't be devastated, only different—and maybe for the better. It's a new age. Fake à la Ferocity would, without a doubt, suffer the most career damage if her personal activities were known, and if Morgan Mayhem‘s identity were revealed, I think people might actually yawn."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Fake à la Ferocity. Tell me, do you think it's likely something like what happened with Heath Ledger will happen to her? And I'm finding it incredibly unfair that she has a great reputation and loyal fans when people like Lindsay Lohan get raked over the coals, and I don't even like Lohan. So F à la F is beautiful, so what? That doesn't make her a good person.

Dear Gone Too Soon:
Honestly, no, Jenn. Fakey and Heath Ledger were in completely different positions, mentally speaking and what not. Plus, Fake seems to be doing a lot better these days—at least publicly (which is also the reason she doesn't get the Lohan treatment)."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Just wondering what your take is on the "revelation" from Andrew Morton that Angelina was once hooked on heroin?

Dear Mortonography:
Shhh!!! I haven't read it yet! Don't ruin the ending!"

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
I just saw Salt and though the acting was terrific. Angie's size was such a distraction! She looked weak and like a lollipop head who might snap in half just running! I don't understand how she does all of her own stunts with her "mystery diet." I found her as Evelyn Salt totally unbelievable and thought a stronger, fitter actress would have been better for the part. Is it just me?
—Not an Angie Fan

Dear Salty Balls:
I def thought she was going to break during a few of those stunts, despite wardrobe's attempt to hide her frail arms. All in all, I still thought she was well-cast; although, her badass ways are starting to get a little repetitive, doncha think?"

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
When are we going to see Fake à La Ferocity and her equally evil partner get their karmic justice?

Dear Karma Catastrophe:
Sure, karma's a bitch, and Fake à la can be one too, but she's not that evil, per se. I feel bad for the babe and her nasty drug habit that she just can't kick (whether she wants to or not is up for debate). Give her a break, huh? And her poor partner is hardly demonic."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Do you seriously think we will ever see the "real" Angelina Jolie? PR can only cover so much, dontcha think?

Dear As Real as It Gets:
Absolutely not. There's almost nobody better at the game than Jolie."

blurry vice said...

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
I asked you once if Fake à la Ferocity's partner tried to help her get off her "special diet," and you responded in an old Bitch-Back with "no." Is that still a no, and if it's still no, is it because he has his own problems? You would think he would do everything he could to convince her to seek help not only for herself, but as a mother, for the sake of their children.

Dear Speaking in Code:
The answer, like the denial, remains the same."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Did you happen to catch the photos of Angelina Jolie leaving the Cannes afterparty? Huge, dilated pupils, empty facial expression, mussed hair. What's your take?

Dear Poor Pitt:
That this is what Brad Pitt sees far more than do we."

Insane Traveler said...

I think Ted just said AJ is the wrong guess for FF:
(1/12/12 column)
"F la F"? Who's that? Do you mean Fake à la Ferocity? You're so busy being (wrongly) clever, I'm not really sure. I

Read more:

Zara said...

I read that as an exclusion too. So if not Angelina, then who? I'm stumped.

Unknown said...

That is NOT a denial, you didn't publish the whole comment. Basically gossips can change their emotional responses to stars relative to whether the star impresses them or annoys them.

Two things are going on. One is that recently Ted is in a honeymoon phase with AJ due to her recent career endeavors.

Two is that he's fed-up with the flippy AJ detractors who want him to be an indefinite ally to their obsessive hateful cause. This one didn't even get the moniker right, calling her F la F instead of Fake à la Ferocity (F à la F).