New from Ted...
Wipe your noses fast, honeys, 'cause Blind Vice Friday has Fart-Coif Cretin doing blow in public and ruining what's barely left of his career—just another day in debauched T-town, I'm tellin' ya!
Oh dear, as if Fart-Coif Cretin hasn't already alienated enough factions in this town (not to mention the world), the pitiful pooftah seems now hell-bent on snorting, sealing and delivering himself right into oblivion, so sad. But, not really. He's hilariously hideous!
One Stalled-in-Every Way Blind Vice
He’s in the bathroom doing coke, and he will not come out!” screamed exhausted old colleagues of Fart-Coif Cretin, who used to be a mucho famous member of a celebrated Hell-Ay comedy house. And just to torture his former fellow actors, Fart-Coif recently decided to revisit the theater where he hasn't exactly been encouraged to perform onstage. Didn’t stop him from pulling a real Morgan Mayhem in the men's room, now did it!
Similar to our darling Morg, who’s known for not only doing the blow but the ladies, too, when she visits the loo, Fart-Coif leans toward same-sex nookie. But these days, F.C. is so damn effed up, getting it up is about the last thing he’d be interested in accomplishing. So there he is, finally deciding to come out of the john, high as a Kurt Cobain kite. Decides to sit down for the show. Doesn’t listen much. In fact, F.C. ends up disrupting the performances so imppressively he’s kicked out and, now, wholly unwelcome to revisit the comedy theater.
The fact that F.C. raided the fridge, insulted his former TV costars, smoked pot, stole drinks and insulted everyone he came in contact with while there prolly didn’t help, either.
Does Dr. Drew do comics who were never funny in the first place? Have to find out about that one.
And it ain't: David Spade, Chris Rock, Bill Murray
Have an idea for this one. see comments-
*** 7/22 - Ted has revealed what we suspected: Fart Coif Cretin is Andy Dick ***