Bonus Blind! Diagnosed as a Closeted Lesbian? Is There a Pill for That?

Catching up.  This was new from Ted yesterday...

Bonus Blind!  Diagnosed as a Closeted Lesbian?  Is There a Pill for That?

So while our fabulously vexed, killer closeted lesbian Butter Pussy has shown she has what it takes to defend herself, now it's her turn to be defended. Though you'll never guess who's sticking up for the megatalented star (who just happens to prefer girls, not boys, in bed).

Remember the same docs who tattled on Fake à la Ferocity's synthetic heroine use? These are fancy, licensed medical folk who are used to catering to (a lot) Hollywood's elite. And this is what some of them are now saying about Butter's infamous battle with denying her true sexuality...

"It's a disorder," piped one of the docs who actually treats people with mental disorders. "She actually believes what she's telling you when she says she's not gay. She has totally convinced herself this is the truth."

Added another Ph.D. type: "Don't forget. Deep down inside, something about her feels it's wrong."

Wow. That's really sad. A super-gifted performer could have the world at her feet (some say she already does), even if she told them she actually liked to get it on with chicks—which she so does, trust us on this one. We have even spoken to a few of her femme notches.

But listen, this is also really twisted crap. Look what this town does to people? Turns them into even bigger, self-delusional egos than they already are!

Man up, Butter, and tell your fans—and yourself—who you really are.

And It Ain't: Nicole Kidman, Katy Perry, Whitney Houston

See the label below for links to our discussions on the previous two Butter Pussy BVs, including a full list of who has been eliminated.

Top suspect: Oprah Winfrey

Blind Vice: Butter's Threat: "I Will Cut You, Bitch!"

New from Ted yesterday -

Blind Vice: Butter's Threat: "I Will Cut You, Bitch!"

Before you start feeling too sorry for poor, mixed-up, closeted celeb Butter Pussy and how the babe's scared coming out will affect her and her loved ones' incomes, listen up. Butter's hardly a saint.
Far from it.
Sometime ago, Ms. Pussy, who's really fabulous at her very celebrated career, came home from a hard day's work and her man happened to be home. But he wasn't alone:
Butter found the partner she genuinely cared for—but whom she also conveniently used (a lot) to help sell her fake heterosexuality to the gullible public—in bed. With company. And it wasn't another chick, either!
Butter's man was in bed with...one of Ms. Pussy's employee's. How awful! How humiliating! How déclassé!
So, Butter-babe did what any megastar worth her very butch reputation would do: She got a knife and threatened to "cut" the philandering partner. And guess what?
She did! Badly. So much so, the sliced-up dude had to be taken to the hospital—and his recovery took some time.
Now, to make up for things, the cheating dude who got knifed by the always well-coiffed and formidable Butter Pussy gets regular paychecks, per their postknifing financial arrangement.
And some folks think the guy's sticking around (and getting to enjoy the fancy life), just to help Butter parlay that straight-chick image.
Well, maybe a little—and maybe a little because both players here do still care for each other. But trust, those aren't the emotional ties than bind them.
It's blood. Literally.
AND IT AIN'T: Jada Pinkett-Smith, Dolly Parton, Diane Lane

See our label below for our post on the previous Butter Pussy BV from December 2009 including a full list of who has been eliminated, and the most recent also.

Top suspect: Oprah Winfrey

Blind Vice: Is America Ready for Butter's Supershocker?

Ted's BV today -

Blind Vice: Is America Ready for Butter's Supershocker?

Interesting past couple of weeks: Adam Lambert pushes the sexuality envelope by tonguing a guy on national TV, and the world cries yuck. But chicks such as Britney Spears, Madonna, and Tila Tequila do the same and everyone thinks it's just so dangerously sexy. Double standard, anybody? Yeah, what else is new in antigay America?
In this very same sexually and politically charged media firestorm, megaceleb Butter Pussy is charting her next career choice privately.
It's no secret folks have wondered, in varying degrees, whether Butter rides the gay or straight bus (some insist she's a regular passenger on both), and she's certainly had her own battle with goss headlines in the past regarding her sexuality.
But now Butter's decided to...
Go against what all of her friends and professional advisors have been hammering at her for years not to do:
She's decided to come out as a gay woman!
Butter is terribly encouraged by Ellen DeGeneres' success with celebrating her love for Portia de Rossi while still maintaining (hell, even increasing!) her celebrity relevance. And this is very dear to Butter's heart, even though many think the multitalent's really only been in the Biz all these years just for the bucks.
What's far trickier for Ms. P. is just what to do about the man and large extended family in her life. She's far more concerned how this announcement will affect them, not her. After all, money isn't necessarily that big of an issue anymore, but Pussy's exceedingly aware her future financial coffers might be adversely affected by this scandalous planned press conference. And that's giving her tremendous pause at the moment.
Will all the ol' reliably closeted machinery of Hollywood win out in the end—and Butter will continue to maintain her (fairly) discreet preference for the chicks?
It's a fascinating dilemma. Particularly if Butter continues her super-risky habit of feeling up well-heeled babes under the table at all those fancy dinner parties she goes to.
And it ain't: Hillary Clinton, Fergie, Hilary Swank

Update 5/18/11 - Ted has eliminated Hillary Clinton, Fergie, Hilary Swank, Whoopi Goldberg, Jada Pinkett-Smith, Dolly Parton, Diane Lane, Jessica Biel, Martha Stewart, Chelsea Handler, Nicole Kidman, Katy Perry, Whitney Houston, Kirstie Alley.

See our label below for our posts on the more recent Butter Pussy BVs.


Top suspects: Oprah Winfrey