Friday, December 4, 2009

Blind Vice: Is America Ready for Butter's Supershocker?

Ted's BV today -


Blind Vice: Is America Ready for Butter's Supershocker?
O, The Oprah Magazine (1-year auto-renewal)
Interesting past couple of weeks: Adam Lambert pushes the sexuality envelope by tonguing a guy on national TV, and the world cries yuck. But chicks such as Britney Spears, Madonna, and Tila Tequila do the same and everyone thinks it's just so dangerously sexy. Double standard, anybody? Yeah, what else is new in antigay America?

In this very same sexually and politically charged media firestorm, megaceleb Butter Pussy is charting her next career choice privately.
It's no secret folks have wondered, in varying degrees, whether Butter rides the gay or straight bus (some insist she's a regular passenger on both), and she's certainly had her own battle with goss headlines in the past regarding her sexuality.
But now Butter's decided to...
Go against what all of her friends and professional advisors have been hammering at her for years not to do:
She's decided to come out as a gay woman!
Butter is terribly encouraged by Ellen DeGeneres' success with celebrating her love for Portia de Rossi while still maintaining (hell, even increasing!) her celebrity relevance. And this is very dear to Butter's heart, even though many think the multitalent's really only been in the Biz all these years just for the bucks.
What's far trickier for Ms. P. is just what to do about the man and large extended family in her life. She's far more concerned how this announcement will affect them, not her. After all, money isn't necessarily that big of an issue anymore, but Pussy's exceedingly aware her future financial coffers might be adversely affected by this scandalous planned press conference. And that's giving her tremendous pause at the moment.
Will all the ol' reliably closeted machinery of Hollywood win out in the end—and Butter will continue to maintain her (fairly) discreet preference for the chicks?
It's a fascinating dilemma. Particularly if Butter continues her super-risky habit of feeling up well-heeled babes under the table at all those fancy dinner parties she goes to.
And it ain't: Hillary Clinton, Fergie, Hilary Swank
Update 5/18/11 - Ted has eliminated Hillary Clinton, Fergie, Hilary Swank, Whoopi Goldberg, Jada Pinkett-Smith, Dolly Parton, Diane Lane, Jessica Biel, Martha Stewart, Chelsea Handler, Nicole Kidman, Katy Perry, Whitney Houston, Kirstie Alley.

See our label below for our posts on the more recent Butter Pussy BVs.


Top suspects: Oprah Winfrey

73 comments:

blurry vice said...

I was thinking Megan Fox? Or Angelina Jolie but she is Fake a la Ferocity.

A lot of people in the comments section under the BV are guessing Oprah Winfrey and Queen Latifah.

blurry vice said...

In today's column, Ted has a "11 single ladies" gallery - did anyone see this comment next to Oprah? It's either a hint or a tease... Ted wants us to think this...

"
Oprah, 55

Finally, she had the balls to quit. About time. We mean, how much friggin' money does one talk-show host/lifestyle legend need, anyway? Suddenly, O just got interesting to us again. And will she have a really big announcement to follow up the last one?"

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

blurry vice said...

Remember the BV about the woman feeling the other woman's thigh at a fashion show or something? Oprah was a top guess, as well as Sally Field, and Queen Latifah.

blurry vice said...

I just found it - it was Vadge Fly-Trap, from May 2008. I added a label for that one, so it should be easy to find in the list along the right side of the screen.

duffgrl said...

I like the Oprah guess...especially because she has a man and an extended family.
Isn't it widely known that Queen Latifah is gay??? I for one would not find it to be a "supershocker" at all if QL finally outs herself. She is often photographed w/ her gf and I really don't think she has a "man' in her life.

Anonymous said...

If Oprah is Vadge Fly-Trap, wouldn't that mean she can't be Butter Pussy? I like Sally Fields for VFT and Oprah for BP.

Anonymous said...

is this not Queen Latifah? it really fits

sistah2 said...

I dont think its Oprah OR Queen L. it does not fit either one. This person seems to be concerned about future income, and attends alot of fancy dinner parties. Oprah cannot seriously be concerned about a Hollywood career at this point, she has no $$ concerns, and does NOT have a large extended family. QL has already been out for a long time, and has no man in her life. This is a tough one - another other guesses?

Anonymous said...

Martha Stewart "butter"

PDQ said...

I think it's Oprah. The large and extended family would probably be her employees who might not have a job if things went south for her magazine, her television network and any future TV shows. When Rosie O came out and when Martha Stewart went to jail it adversely affected their empires and affected a lot of people.

sistah2 said...

believe it or not, some people are guessing Kate Gosselin, but I dont think Ted would call her a 'multi talent'.
Barbara Walters?
Martha Stewart could be!

Whitney said...

This literally SCREAMS Oprah to me, and i've been hearing several rumors on gossip websites that she is hardcore thinking about coming out. I also saw the episode of her show where she had Ellen on and she did seem truly touched by her and Portias love. Only time will tell I guess.

Anonymous said...

Multitalent suggests something than on2 trade. Barbara Walters is pertty much a one trick pony along with Martha Stewart, unless we start counting different pies as different talents. Oprah has acted and done her talk show among other things. I'm still with the Oprah guess. The man is Steadman and what do we really know about her family?
And I don't think that money is an issue "After all, money isn't necessarily that big of an issue anymore." Makes it sound like money isn't a problem, though shes aware she won't make much more if she comes out as gay.

Anonymous said...

All three AIAs have been guests on Oprah's show (although at this point, who hasn't?). I think Oprah is the only guess so far who would make sense as a "supershocker." Oprah certainly doesn't need to worry about money, but she does have post-Oprah show projects lined up, like a new network, and she'd probably be worried about her fanbase. Her empire employs so many people that she would have to worry how the news would affect them.

daffodill said...

I totally agree that this is Oprah. I also think the extended family would include not only employees and actual family, but also Dr. Oz, Dr. Phil, and Rachael Ray. Her coming out would have to affect them as well. They wouldn't have shows without the Oprah seal of approval.

Jennifer said...

I just can't believe this to be Oprah, because she has said so many times that if she were gay, she would not be ashamed about it, and that she would "tell us."

What about Tyra? The well-heeled reference could refer to rich and also model-esq well dressed women. I dunno.

Or, a man in one's life can be son. Jodie Foster has a son, but she doesn't really fit....

Of course "charting" one's course fits Queen Latifa (music charts). And another blind somewhere that I think was referring to this same person mentioned that the star was encouraged by how a rival in a similar occupation soared. Everyone was guessing Oprah, with Ellen being the rival. But I just remembered that Ellen is also in makeup adds (Cover Girl?) and Queen also is a Cover Girl.

That's it for me: Queen Latifa is my quess.

Jennifer said...

Oh, and Queen is both a singer and of course an actress, and even a model.

Anonymous said...

Janet Jackson - she has a large family, just broke up with her man and had that song "Black Cat" (pussy) years ago. Also, butter could be a reference to her fluctuating weight throughout the years.

Anonymous said...

Janet J is a good guess, but also Kate Gosselin, see: "goss headlines"..?

Anonymous said...

Paula Deen talks about Butter all of the time. I would laugh my fat ass off it was Paula Deen...

Anonymous said...

How about Sandra Bullock? Just thinking the bus reference ("rides the straight bus") fits, the comment about a man and and doesn't she have a bunch of step kids with Jesse James ("man and large extended family...") fit. And wasn't there a bunch of speculation a few years back about her and other women?

Miss X said...

Totally Oprah ... I hope if it is her she comes out loud and proud. I'm not gay, but I feel truly sorry for people who choose to live a lie, or in some cases suffer from self-loathing. Be yourself, always.

Anonymous said...

I think this is Angelina Jolie. Everything fits. I haven't followed Fake A La Ferocity, so I don't know if that rules her out.

Oprah was featured on a hilariuos South Park episode titled, "A Million Little Fibers". The plot of the episode was about Oprah's va-jay-jay and her a-hole deciding they'd had it with Oprah Neglecting them and wanted a vacation, so they rob a bank to fund a trip to Paris. There is a character called Butters on South Park.

~*~Leanne~*~ said...

Didn't Oprah pull out a wagon full of butter back in the day when she lost all that weight and the butter represented all the weight she'd lost? That could totally be a tie-in!

Anonymous said...

Anyway this could be Penelope Cruz or Selma Hayak?

Cal said...

Sorry guys, I still can't quite jump on the Oprah Bandwagon. Does Ted tend to purposefully mislead people with his clues?

There is NO WAY that anyone could describe Oprah as someone who is even remotely concerned about money, future income or otherwise.

Oprah has stated many times that she has more money than she can spend. She is a Billionaire, so the fact that 'future financial coffers might be adversely affected' would NOT give her "tremendous pause" before coming out!!!

Angelina Jolie does strike me as someone who regularly rides both the gay and straight bus. However, she has admitted to a lesbian affair, so I'm not sure this would be a shocker.

Anonymous said...

Ted posted a photo gallery of Hollywood/famous bachelorettes, and showed Oprah. he suggested she might have a 'big reveal' now that she's announced her show cancelling.

duffgrl said...

I still think Oprah- Janet Jackson would be a good guess, but this is so Oprah.

Anonymous said...

Barbra Streisand

angie said...

im also guessing Oprah. The part about her having another announcement makes me think that it is indeed the big O since she just announced that her show is finito. It gotta be Oprah. My runner up would have to be Queen Latifah since the Fergie AIA seemes to be about some kind of royalty tie in. But maybe it could mean that since Fergie is in an all black band that could tie in to Oprah since the majority of Oprah's following is white people. I don't know, im just throwing that in there.

M said...

Why hasn't there been any clues about Butter yet? I haven't read anything about her in the BB since Ted posted this blind

Anonymous said...

Maybe Oprah. The extended family would also include Gale and her kids...

Anonymous said...

This is obviously barbra streisand. Hillary Hilary... two different spellings of names... she has the odd spelling barbra... also fergie.. nickname... she has one "babs" just my opinion but.... also who didnt know she was a man lol

Anonymous said...

Martha Stewart? BUTTER fits her better...since she's a cook. Plus there have been rumours about her. And she has had several 'careers'....model, caterer, cookbook author, 'mogul', magazine publisher, tv host.

SHe does have an extended family (daughter, grandchild I think, mother, brothers).

Plus she's very social, which would fit the playing footsie w/other women at events part.

She has had some financial concerns, including her stint in prison, plus her publishing/tv empire has suffered along with a lot of other publishing ventures in the downturn.

The only area I'm not sure about is whether she has a man in her life now.

Anonymous said...

SNL.."it's like butter"...the skit about Barbra Streisand.

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
My bet is that Butter Pussy is Whoopie Goldberg. She's been in every form of entertainment: Broadway, TV, movies, game-show host. Large extended family and always has a man in her life. Oh please tell me I got this one!
—Ellen

Dear Oh So Close:
But oh so wrong!"

Anonymous said...

Funny...Whoopie is "O" so close, but "O" so wrong!

Anonymous said...

Dolly Parton--rumors have been floating about her sexuality for years. She is married, no children, has a very close girlfriend she is always with. "Queen of Country"

Anonymous said...

He said Butter is not "WASP-Y", so not Martha Stewart.

Donna said...

I bet it's Barbara Walters...she's very close to Whoopie. 3 chairs down in fact. And...have you seen all the girl on girl kisses she's been giving lately?

angie said...

You guys i wrote Ted an email and he answered:))).

Dear Ted:
I finally have enough guts to write you an email. Now I'm fully aware that the whole point in these Blind Vices is to make the readers use their brain and figure it out on their own with little clues here and there from you (which is really frustrating, by the way!), but this Butter Pussy has got me stumped. Since this B.V. is probably going to get dragged on for an eternity, could you help me narrow it down a little? Is she black or white?
—Angie

Dear Determined:
She's hardly a WASP, let's put it that way.

Now i have no idea what WASP means??!!

Confused said...

WASP = White Anglo-Saxon Protestant

Gemini850 said...

Vadge Fly Trap-IS MADONNA! On the Crazy days and nights blog. the blog writer refers to Madonna as Vadge and Lola somtimes. He/She says that is her nickname in Hollywood.

Get it- VADGE...MADGE!

Gemini850 said...

Also this isn't Queen Latifah because she has never been linked to a men.

Heather said...

The WASP thing was a good clue, but doesn't exactly rule out Barbra Streisand, because isn't she Jewish?

Despite that, I think this comes down to Queen Latifah and Oprah, as they are closer to Whoopi than other guesses. I'm leaning toward Oprah.

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
I finally have enough guts to write you an email. Now I'm fully aware that the whole point in these Blind Vices is to make the readers use their brain and figure it out on their own with little clues here and there from you (which is really frustrating, by the way!), but this Butter Pussy has got me stumped. Since this B.V. is probably going to get dragged on for an eternity, could you help me narrow it down a little? Is she black or white?
—Angie

Dear Determined:
She's hardly a WASP, let's put it that way."

Ginny said...

I thought Oprah and Steadman broke up?

Anonymous said...

Jada Pinkett

Doodle Whore said...

Martha has no grandchildren and her mama is dead. I say it's OOOOOOprah WIIIIIINfrey!

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
I'm in a B.V. quandary. I'm guessing the same person for Butter Pussy and Vadge Fly-Trap (a B.V. from a while back). Help, please?
—Agusta

Dear Good Detective:
Actually, Butter and Vadge have so much in common, sometimes they seem like the same person! But they're not."

Anonymous said...

I have always thought Sandra Bullock was gay, and I have amazing gaydar, haha! What do yall think??

Anonymous said...

I know people who are friends with Sandra Bullock (never met her myself). Not gay.

Hello it's me... said...

Say it outloud:

Oprah Winfrey

Butter Pussy

Anonymous said...

could the butter reference be that famous spot when Oprah rolled out 21 lbs of butter in a wagon when she lost all that weight? just a thought.

sistah2 said...

Actually, Oprah wheeled out a wagon full of fat, not butter. It was gross. anyway...
I just dont see this as Oprah. Barbra S. good guess, but I really believe she loves her hubby and I dont really see her coming out as gay.
Jada Pinkett and Dolly P. are great guesses!

Rinse_and_Repeat said...

Barbara Streisand is my guess...she was in The Owl and the Pussycat....and "it's like buttah" was the key phrase in the CoffeeTalk sketch on SNL based on Barbara. Also, she played a women pretending to be a boy in Yentl as did Hilary Swank. As for Fergie??? Singer also in movies? Hilary Clinton? Barbara's great friends with the Clintons. I don't think it's Oprah as much as people want it to be her.

Gemini850 said...

To the poster above: I don't think its Babs because he said she wasn't white. I think its Tyra. Have y'all seen the National equirer. They have who is gay in hollywood and in the middle is a picture of Tyra kissing a girl.

Anonymous said...

since they seem alike, any chance of the olsen twins??

Anonymous said...

It would also make sense that this is about Oprah and Gale, because Ellen is really the only person who is really one of Oprah's contemporaries. They're on in the same time slot around most of the US, as well. I know that Oprah has another BV, but if it's a confirmed BV then she can have another pseudonym now, right? --Emmabear

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Any updates on Butter Pussy? Is she any closer to coming out?
—Cheering Her On

Dear Extra Buttery:
A coming-out question that isn't about Toothy? Color me shocked! Miss Pussy isn't coming out at the moment, but that doesn't mean she's completely ruled the idea out."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
What's up with Butter Pussy these days? Does she have a beard?
—Mel

Dear Spread 'Em:
Crafty Butter's all about reinventing herself these days, and yes, that includes, quite possibly, her love life."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
You've been in the entertainment business a long time and there's probably little a celebrity can do to surprise you these days. Regardless, have you ever been shocked or disillusioned to learn something about a celebrity? More interestingly, are there any celebrities you genuinely admire, and if so, why? BTW, thanks for your support of animal adoption. I think you have a big heart. Smooch!
—MD

Dear Questionairre:
Shocked? Never. Disillusioned? Who I heart? Bullock, for doing it all right. Baldwin, for coming back from his destruction. Glee, no explanation. Sex and the City's creators and cast, for making sex a sexier word. Britney, for hanging in there. Madonna, for flirting with me. Robsten, for rebelling. Miley, for all her loveable crap. Streep, period. Oprah, for not always telling the whole story."

April 30

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Has Oprah ever been a BV?
—Steph

Dear Almighty O:
But of course!"

April 15, 2010

blurry vice said...

Naomi Campbell?

http://www.eonline.com/uberblog/the_awful_truth/b187298_caught_naomi_doesnrsquot_
keep_hands.html

butterscotch03 said...

Dear Ted:
Your words were very eloquent regarding the tragedies happening with gay teens. It's heartbreaking. It has me wondering what Butter Pussy has been up to. Still considering coming out of the closet? It seems like an appropriate time for a megacelebrity to make such an announcement.
—Lisa Marie

Dear Buttered Up:
Wish she would, but the courage B.P. had back in the day has wavered since then. Isn't that always the case? Huge shame.


Read more: http://www.eonline.com/uberblog/the_awful_truth/b204049_bitch-back_three_cheers_daniel_radcliffe.html#ixzz11b6bcCDy

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Your words were very eloquent regarding the tragedies happening with gay teens. It's heartbreaking. It has me wondering what Butter Pussy has been up to. Still considering coming out of the closet? It seems like an appropriate time for a megacelebrity to make such an announcement.
—Lisa Marie

Dear Buttered Up:
Wish she would, but the courage B.P. had back in the day has wavered since then. Isn't that always the case? Huge shame."

blurry vice said...

butterscotch03 - no need to post that here. we who run the site will post it.

blurry vice said...

http://www.eonline.com/uberblog/the_awful_truth/b209007_which_blind_vice_star_should_come_out.html

Ted says no one would be shocked if BP came out.

Jodie Foster then?

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Is Peter Metered around the same age as Moisty Mohr? And do you think Butter Pussy might come out of the closet when her career inevitably slows down? Or do you think it would have to come to a crashing halt for her to get the guts?
—Hannah

Dear Oldie but Goodies:
Yes, Moisty and Peter are around the same age. I think Butter Pussy could come out, easily, but it wouldn't be for a while. By her choice. She's utterly terrified."

freckles said...

agree with anon above: this is for sure barbara striesand. extended family = meaning diane lane and josh brolin. politically charged, mega celeb...this is babs.

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
The only fabulous, perfectly coiffed female media mogul my two rescue dogs can think of in conjunction with the words "butch" and "butter" is Martha Stewart. I think they might be on to something because who else would always have a knife handy for cutting some "bitch"? Hugs from me and big, sloppy kisses from the dogs.
—It's Parkay

Dear Prison Butter:
While Marth may have the street cred from her time behind bars to shank a be-yotch, the Vice is much more delish because Butter seems like the oh-so-innocent type. Until you hop in bed with her fauxmance fellow, that is."

"Dear Ted:
We've been together (in my head) since E! was lowercased! Totally miss your TV show from back in the day. I know gossip is the horse your rode in on, but thank you for the socially conscientious commentary as well. I've never guess any of your Vices and have long since stopped trying. But I do have one question: Which of the more notorious Blind Vicers (beside their vice) do you believe are otherwise wonderful, well-adjusted human beings? Someone with whom you'd want to share family dinners? Or is that an oxymoron? Happy Holidays to you to you and the good folks at E!
—Mal

Dear Nice Try:
Tempted to say Oprah, but that's really just so laughable. Nobody, sadly, save possibly Jake?"

blurry vice said...

"butter pussy

Dear Ted:
OK, here are my guesses on your leso-trio: Cookie Muncher=Brooklyn Decker, Sheila Horn E.=Chelsea Handler, Butter Pussy=Fergie. Am I close on any of these?
—pearl.mae

Dear Sexy Threesome :
Wow, if those guesses were correct, what a lesbian troika that would be, huh? Alas, excellent as each of your hunches may be, they're ultimately wrong.

Particularly the latter two (much as Chelsea is flattered by your guess, I'm sure). Think more movies, not TV, for the former, and TV, not music, for the

latter."

blurry vice said...

Was just checking if Whitney was eliminated for this, and she was. Just checking, thought she fit for a few minutes there!

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