Blind Vice! One Doozy of an Extramarital Affair
Enough with the skanky, closeted "straight" movie stars out getting photographed with their pretend girlfriends while doing guys on the side.
This week we're goin' back to those sneaky heterosexuals who originally wrote the book on cheating on their partners, not to mention the public!
Quidget and Bridget Barks-a-Little are a Hollywood dream couple, as in they both do it all with darling personalities and multitalented careers. And oh, aren't they gorgeous to look at, too, what with their sweet smiles and even sweeter kiddies?
Then there's the much darker celeb duo known as Harry and La-Feelya Fun-Tanked, an amazingly hard-partying twosome who are much better known for their combative social and cohabitation skills than they are for any picture of domestic bliss.
I mean, most folks don't even know Harry and La-Feelya have kids, that's how much their domestic side is never played in the press—or any place else, for that matter. White-picket-fence types they're so not.
So isn't it so interesting that La-Feelya, who's still awesome-looking with her curves and cat-like attraction, and who has pretty much decided she's had it with too-far-gone Harry, just recently set her sights on a bacon-earner with a little more, how shall we say, predictability (i.e., steady paycheck and richly rewarded career)? Yep.
So much so that...
La-Feelya just went whole horny hog on the poor Quidget (who's marginally handsome) and seduced the crap outta him—almost literally! Quidget almost forgot sex could be this hot again! Which explains, of course, why he and La-Feelya have decided to leave their respective families and hook up together, permanently. So glad to know it's not only the gays who make dumbass decisions after a few really hot nights in bed!
Only one little prob: Quidget and La-Feelya haven't told their spouses yet. Ouch.
Wonder if this heartbreak will actually come to pass? Something tells me that once Bridget Barks-a-Lot finds out what her ordinarily soft-spoken hubby's been up to, she's gonna call up every soccer mom she can for a little sympathy. Then she's going to see to it that every cent of her family's money will never be touched by slinky La-Feelya's slim and very gorgeous fingers.
In fact, I guarantee it.
So, here's what I predict: Once Quidget tells Bridget of his departure intentions (which I hear he's planning on doing momentarily), he will be knocked so far back on his slightly soft ass he'll just as quickly beg Bridget to forget it—he just can't go through with it all, breaking up his family like that.
But it will be too late. Bridget ain't the type of gal to go for that weakass apologetic crap. She'll want out for good. It's a certainty.
Oh, and what's Harry doing through all of this turmoil, you ask?
Just getting high. He doesn't care either way, really.
And it ain't: Tom Cruise & Katie Holmes, Sting & Trudie Styler, Jerry O'Connell & Rebecca Romijn
* Update 1/5/10: None of the couples are Susan Sarandon/Tim Robbins, Kate Winslet/Sam Mendes.
La-Feelya is not Heidi Fleiss, Drea DeMateo, Kyra Sedgwick.
Harry is not Shooter Jennings, Kevin Bacon.
Bridget is not Felicity Huffman.
Quidget is not William H. Macy.