Friday, November 6, 2009

Ted's new "People who are not Toothy" Gallery

JAKE GYLLENHAAL 24X36 COLOUR POSTER PRINTTed has created a "People Who Are Not Toothy" gallery today. All of the 12 people featured are repeat eliminations. We here at Blind Items Exposed have been keeping track all along... you can find out post here. Anyway, here is what Ted said:

Who Is Toothy Tile? Here are 12 People He's Not!

The hunt's been on for as long as Angelina Jolie's been working men—and women. Closeted quasi-hunky movie star Toothy Tile has legions of folks wondering who he is, and he's become our biggest Blind Vice superstar.
While Toothy's busy—chatting up fellow not-out gay stars or apparently trying to go straight—we're gonna help the guessing game along. In more of a, uh, back-door kinda way.
See, we're going to tell you fab detectives who Toothy isn't!
Behold our People Who Are Not Toothy Tile gallery! We'll start updating this more often so you sexy sniffers can see the fellas who most definitely are not the erstwhile closeted T.T. And keep the guesses coming!

Included in the Gallery, including the captions with each photo:

Zac Efron: Zac's still up and coming—although we must say, his career is looking better than Toothy's right now.
Will Smith: Will certainly flashes those pearly whites, so we see why he would be an obvious guess. But come on—W.S. loves to blab about his and Jada's sexcapades. Toothy doesn't do that about his beard, and certainly not about dear old Grey Goose.
Brad Pitt: Pitt's in a whole other status level than T.T.—fame- and kids-wise.
Gerard Butler: G.B. has only been getting a lot of press lately because of the various women he's supposedly bedded. Toothy's never been that guy. At least not in any kind of repeat fashion.
Matthew McConaughey: Sorry, Toothy's M.O. is hardly to play the bongos nude. It's to have secret guy-on-guy rendezvous in parking lots…duh. Well, used to, at least, before he went all publicist on us.
Ben Affleck: Sorry, Ben's got his own issues to deal with, and they aren't Toothy Tile's. But of all the dudes on this list, Ben comes closest to T.T., acting oeuvre-wise.
Kevin Spacey: It's obvious why Spacey would be an obvious choice here. Except T.T. is younger and is still working his way up the H'wood ladder. Kevin is too vintage. Too a lotta things.
Shia LeBeouf: Too young—and Shia's problems are way too public. Toothy likes to keep his stuff ├╝ber-secret, you all should know that by now. Also Toothy controls his substances far better.
Jamie Foxx: Probably the least likely Tooth candidate of this list. T.T. isn't that dark and handsome. At least not to some folks. Also, J.F. hardly hides his naughtiness, unlike Tooth, who's all about it these days.
Ryan Gosling: Thank goodness it's not a stud fave of Team Awful's like Gosling. Toothy's beard has most definitely not been Rachel McAdams. Think less studly, slightly.
Robert Pattinson: Fear not, Team Edward—R.Pattz hasn't been relevant long enough to be a contender in the Toothy guessing game. But he's sure got the right blush.
Bradley Cooper: Cooper has his secrets, sure, but he's not quite Toothy status yet. Although B.C. is a fab guess.

As we said, none of these elims are surprises to those of us who have been keeping track of past eliminations. So this gallery gives us no new information, except little hints in the captions.
Toothy of course is Jake Gyllenhaal for anyone who is new to our site or Ted's column.

Here is our ongoing full list of those who have been eliminated as Toothy Tile.
Here is our ongoing list of who has been eliminated as Grey Goose (Toothy's boyfriend).


Anonymous said...

I'm actually getting kind of bored with the Toothy Tile material. Everyone and their grandparents knows it's Jake. I wish it would end already.

So with Bradley Cooper being a "fab guess" is Ted implying that even though Cooper isn't Toothy that he's gay also? Sorry if this has been brought up already, I'm not up-to-date on the Bradley Cooper rumors.

Unknown said...

What about Stuart Townsend, Charlize Theron’s boyfriend? The thing about the right blush as RPatz(both played vampire) and Zac Efron's career being better...Jake G has Prince of Persia coming out

pomme said...

every one know who is Toothy Tile! but this article wants to say Ted C knows trash things on the guys named!

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Who's going to be People magazine's Sexiest Man Alive this year? Toothy Tile? Has he ever held that title?

Dear Sexy Toothy:
No, Toothy hasn't won that coveted title, but he could be a contender."

Anonymous said...

On TT compared with Ryan Gosling it says: "Think less studly, slightly." Who would ever say that Gyllenhaal is "less studly" than Gosling? That makes no sense. Either Gyllenhaal is not the man or the statement is lame. If you can't trust every word, then I say all bets are off.

Anonymous said...

Previously Ted has said that Toothy was born in Texas, but Jake Gyllenhaal was born in LA - so, how do we reconcile that if we're convinced Toothy is Jake?!

FrenchGirl said...

do that want to say Ted C has gossips on the guys who aren't Toothy?

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Your column always brightens my day. Keep up the excellent work! I have a question for you: have Toothy Tile and Prius Crotch-Catch made a movie together? Recently? Thanks!

Dear Hmmm:
Define recently—don't you love those responses? But promise I will answer you."

sistah2 said...

ANon 753 - that is a misconception. Ted actually said that Toothy was born South of where he lives now. The way he phrased it was confusing & led people to think TExas. I think that Ted letter is reprinted here - check the labels for Toothy. anyway, Jake was born in Orange County or somewhere that is south of LA, where he now lives.

Anonymous said...

I know why he's just slightly less studly than Ryan Gosling - because they are both runner-ups for Sexiest Man Alive but Ryan Gosling is listed before Jake. And Jake is a "contender" for SMA.

Anonymous said...

Oops, I guess it was Ryan Reynolds.
I think Ryan Gosling is hotter than Jake by a longshot, but whatever.
There goes my tidy explanation.
Here's a fun site with People's list.

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Does Toothy Tile's sister know that he is Toothy?

Dear Sly One:
It's been so long I can't remember—did I say Toothy had a sister?"

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Is Toothy Tile in the same league as People's top 15 sexiest men alive?

Dear Depends:
I say no, but others would disagree."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
You have mentioned that Toothy Tile is bisexual, so is his beard really a beard, or is he actually in love with his girlfriend?
—Sam in Palm Springs

Dear Not in Love:
Or lust, with his girlfriend."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
My best friend, who spent much of his 20s in the closet, claims that no closeted gay man would portray a gay man on film or stage because he'd fear people guessing his real orientation. I say that's nonsense and that some of your juiciest BVs have done just that. Who's right?
—Straight Girl

Dear Swap Roles:
But if closeted gay men portrayed a gay man on film, it would make you think that he isn't gay, right? It's sort of a reverse psychology, if you will. And many several gay stars have opted for the tricky-dicky route."

Anonymous said...

Matt Damon

Gabby said...

Matt Damon has been the Sexiest Man Alive before and he's in the same status level as Brad Pitt. It's not him. I would guess Ryan Reynolds or as a long shot...John Krasinski.

blurry vice said...

anonymous -
No ted did not say toothy was born in texas. He said he is from north of texas. see our other toothy posts for a discussion of that topic more specifically including exactly what ted said.

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Has Toothy Tile ever been associated with Glenn Close?

Dear Det. By Numbers:
Darling, everybody’s been associated with Glenn Close, at some point—that bitch works so much, she's the Kevin Bacon degree of separation around town. Toothy has, too, of course. Not gonna say in what capacity, though!"

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
When I saw the beautiful picture of Ewan McGregor and Jim Carrey kissing in Paris, my first thought was how great it could be if they were a couple in real life. Is there any chance they are Toothy Tile and Grey Goose?

Dear Nope:
You're off the mark a bit, babe. Just curious—which one is which? Grey Goose wishes he was Ewan McGregor, though."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
I have a question about Toothy Tile: did he start out his career being funny or as a serious actor? Thanks!

Dear 20 Gay Questions:
Depends on how you mean—stage, screen, otherwise? But, let’s say this much: Toothy certainly became best known for being uber serious."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
A little while ago you told some of things that Toothy Tile and Judas have in common. So how about some of the things Dashed and Grey Goose have in common?

Dear Closeted Connection:
They're both pseudo-normal dudes who have to put up with crazy closet case stars who have a greater amount of H'wood clout. Sounds like DDD and Mr. Goose could be good friends—they definitely have a lot in common."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Supposedly Rachel McAdams and Jake Gyllenhaal really hit it off at the Oscars. Now there seems to be relationship rumors, of course. Do you think they will get into a relationship?

Dear Awards:
Doubt that these two will make it past this weekend. Unless, of course, one of them has a movie coming out. Oh wait..."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
What are the most hilariously inaccurate BV guesses you've gotten?

Dear No Stupid Questions:
Hillary Clinton as Toothy Tile?"