Who Is Toothy Tile? Here are 12 People He's Not!
The hunt's been on for as long as Angelina Jolie's been working men—and women. Closeted quasi-hunky movie star Toothy Tile has legions of folks wondering who he is, and he's become our biggest Blind Vice superstar.
While Toothy's busy—chatting up fellow not-out gay stars or apparently trying to go straight—we're gonna help the guessing game along. In more of a, uh, back-door kinda way.
See, we're going to tell you fab detectives who Toothy isn't!
Behold our People Who Are Not Toothy Tile gallery! We'll start updating this more often so you sexy sniffers can see the fellas who most definitely are not the erstwhile closeted T.T. And keep the guesses coming!
Included in the Gallery, including the captions with each photo:
Zac Efron: Zac's still up and coming—although we must say, his career is looking better than Toothy's right now.
Will Smith: Will certainly flashes those pearly whites, so we see why he would be an obvious guess. But come on—W.S. loves to blab about his and Jada's sexcapades. Toothy doesn't do that about his beard, and certainly not about dear old Grey Goose.
Brad Pitt: Pitt's in a whole other status level than T.T.—fame- and kids-wise.
Gerard Butler: G.B. has only been getting a lot of press lately because of the various women he's supposedly bedded. Toothy's never been that guy. At least not in any kind of repeat fashion.
Matthew McConaughey: Sorry, Toothy's M.O. is hardly to play the bongos nude. It's to have secret guy-on-guy rendezvous in parking lots…duh. Well, used to, at least, before he went all publicist on us.
Ben Affleck: Sorry, Ben's got his own issues to deal with, and they aren't Toothy Tile's. But of all the dudes on this list, Ben comes closest to T.T., acting oeuvre-wise.
Kevin Spacey: It's obvious why Spacey would be an obvious choice here. Except T.T. is younger and is still working his way up the H'wood ladder. Kevin is too vintage. Too a lotta things.
Shia LeBeouf: Too young—and Shia's problems are way too public. Toothy likes to keep his stuff über-secret, you all should know that by now. Also Toothy controls his substances far better.
Jamie Foxx: Probably the least likely Tooth candidate of this list. T.T. isn't that dark and handsome. At least not to some folks. Also, J.F. hardly hides his naughtiness, unlike Tooth, who's all about it these days.
Ryan Gosling: Thank goodness it's not a stud fave of Team Awful's like Gosling. Toothy's beard has most definitely not been Rachel McAdams. Think less studly, slightly.
Robert Pattinson: Fear not, Team Edward—R.Pattz hasn't been relevant long enough to be a contender in the Toothy guessing game. But he's sure got the right blush.
Bradley Cooper: Cooper has his secrets, sure, but he's not quite Toothy status yet. Although B.C. is a fab guess.
As we said, none of these elims are surprises to those of us who have been keeping track of past eliminations. So this gallery gives us no new information, except little hints in the captions.
Toothy of course is Jake Gyllenhaal for anyone who is new to our site or Ted's column.
Here is our ongoing full list of those who have been eliminated as Toothy Tile.
Here is our ongoing list of who has been eliminated as Grey Goose (Toothy's boyfriend).