Thursday, November 26, 2009

Blind Vice! One Doozy of an Extramarital Affair

Happy Thanksgiving! This one was from Ted yesterday 11/25 -

Blind Vice! One Doozy of an Extramarital Affair

Enough with the skanky, closeted "straight" movie stars out getting photographed with their pretend girlfriends while doing guys on the side.

This week we're goin' back to those sneaky heterosexuals who originally wrote the book on cheating on their partners, not to mention the public!

Quidget and Bridget Barks-a-Little are a Hollywood dream couple, as in they both do it all with darling personalities and multitalented careers. And oh, aren't they gorgeous to look at, too, what with their sweet smiles and even sweeter kiddies?

Then there's the much darker celeb duo known as Harry and La-Feelya Fun-Tanked, an amazingly hard-partying twosome who are much better known for their combative social and cohabitation skills than they are for any picture of domestic bliss.

I mean, most folks don't even know Harry and La-Feelya have kids, that's how much their domestic side is never played in the press—or any place else, for that matter. White-picket-fence types they're so not.

So isn't it so interesting that La-Feelya, who's still awesome-looking with her curves and cat-like attraction, and who has pretty much decided she's had it with too-far-gone Harry, just recently set her sights on a bacon-earner with a little more, how shall we say, predictability (i.e., steady paycheck and richly rewarded career)? Yep.

So much so that...

La-Feelya just went whole horny hog on the poor Quidget (who's marginally handsome) and seduced the crap outta him—almost literally! Quidget almost forgot sex could be this hot again! Which explains, of course, why he and La-Feelya have decided to leave their respective families and hook up together, permanently. So glad to know it's not only the gays who make dumbass decisions after a few really hot nights in bed!

Only one little prob: Quidget and La-Feelya haven't told their spouses yet. Ouch.

Wonder if this heartbreak will actually come to pass? Something tells me that once Bridget Barks-a-Lot finds out what her ordinarily soft-spoken hubby's been up to, she's gonna call up every soccer mom she can for a little sympathy. Then she's going to see to it that every cent of her family's money will never be touched by slinky La-Feelya's slim and very gorgeous fingers.

In fact, I guarantee it.

So, here's what I predict: Once Quidget tells Bridget of his departure intentions (which I hear he's planning on doing momentarily), he will be knocked so far back on his slightly soft ass he'll just as quickly beg Bridget to forget it—he just can't go through with it all, breaking up his family like that.

But it will be too late. Bridget ain't the type of gal to go for that weakass apologetic crap. She'll want out for good. It's a certainty.

Oh, and what's Harry doing through all of this turmoil, you ask?

Just getting high. He doesn't care either way, really.

And it ain't: Tom Cruise & Katie Holmes, Sting & Trudie Styler, Jerry O'Connell & Rebecca Romijn

* Update 1/5/10: None of the couples are Susan Sarandon/Tim Robbins, Kate Winslet/Sam Mendes.

La-Feelya is not Heidi Fleiss, Drea DeMateo, Kyra Sedgwick.

Harry is not Shooter Jennings, Kevin Bacon.

Bridget is not Felicity Huffman.

Quidget is not William H. Macy.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Twilight's Rocky Trailer Makes a Daring Move!

From Ted yesterday - Bonus Blind! Twilight's Rocky Trailer Makes a Daring Move!
Everyone wants a status update on Rocky Trailer - one of the many bisexual stars caught up in the Twilight mega franchise.
Clearly none of the New Mooners blabbed about their tendencies to swing both ways. Ya know, getting turned on by guys and girls.
This doesn't come as that big of a surprise to us. Like we said, we'd believe it when we heard it. It's always easier for an actor to think they'll break boundaries by coming clean about their sexuality, but so few ever do.
Our own Taryn Ryder encountered Rocky very recently and actually and had quite the run-in...
Rocky was totally hitting on her! That's right, couldn't get enough of the—let's face it—not exactly nun-like look she had going on.
R.T. knew T.R. was a reporter, yes, but didn't seem too shy about wanting to get to know her further...
Must say, our dear Taryn was taken aback! Being a member of Team Awful she, of course, knew all about Rocky's fluid sexuality. Maybe Rocky was just playing with us? Doubtful.
So has Rocky chosen a side? Not exactly, but we'll be more than eager to see if Trailer chats about his or her ways during next year's Eclipse press—as we've been informed will most certainly be happening.
Funny thing is, Summit's just about as shocked nothing came out (pun intended) as we are, regarding Rocky's bisexuality. Don't know if they're happy or disappointed. We're, uh, intrigued.
And it ain't: Christian Serratos, Michael Sheen, Ashley Greene

Link to other Rocky Trailer BV from Oct 23 here including a full list of who has been eliminated.

Saturday, November 21, 2009

Lainey: They All Fall Down - 11/20/09

Very promising, very young, very well connected star was completely smashed at an afterparty recently, stumbling, mumbling, a total embarrassment, and not quite legal. She doesn’t eat, she’s drinking heavily, she’s experimenting with some other substances, she’s practically living with her boyfriend, and there is rarely an adult around to supervise. Many thought she had passed the danger stage and she’s so promising, especially with her pedigree, that they’ll lie and hide and camouflage when she f-cks up, hoping that the phase will pass. But drama runs in the family, they should watch this one closely before she goes the way of the Lohan. Because people are talking and these people are accustomed to seeing young girls get f-cked up all the time. She’s going so hardcore though that she’s getting their attention.

Update Nov 26 - Lainey has eliminated Miley Cyrus, Taylor Momsen, Dakota Fanning, Rumer Willis

Our top guess: Emma Roberts

Friday, November 20, 2009

Crotch Returns in Slinky, Undercover Blind Vice!

New Ted BV today -

Crotch Returns in Slinky, Undercover Blind Vice!

Darlings, we were going to give you a New Moon Vice update, but for all of you who are so sick of vampires you could cry blood, we'll reward you by bringing back an oldie but yummy goodie.
JAMES FRANCO 24X36 COLOUR POSTER PRINTRemember Crotch Uh-Lastic, the hunky, rising male star who would hire men to come back to his Hills pad, dress up in some swim trunks and get the naughty party started?
We can't believe it's almost been two years, but Crotch has officially risen, like a hunky hero out of burning celeb-saturated waters! Mr. Uh-Lastic has solidified himself as a respected Hollywood actor, which means it's time to be even more discreet 'bout his homolicious ways...
See, Crotch would love to go out, hit up the gay scene and bring himself back a cutie. But as the fagola Hollywood story goes, he so cannot out himself.
Not because he cares about being famous. No, Toothy Tile Crotch is not. Instead, CUL is more concerned how his sexuality would hinder the roles he gets, 'cause he's now being taken oh so seriously. He loves acting—not the ritzy lifestyle that comes with it. He doesn't even care that much about hurting his beard (if Toothy outted himself, it would be very damning to the both of them, in many, many ways).
So what's a horny, dude-loving guy to do?
Sic his assistant on the unknowing gay population of Los Angles, natch. Only problem is the de-lish men in West Hollywood are totally starting to catch on—and they're blabbin' about it, too! Halle-homo-lujah!
Mr. Lastic's assistant frequents the standard WeHo gay bars, successfully luring back men for his famous master. Too funny: It's also the exact same dude-fishing MO Furrowed Frank uses when he has his trainer lure future conquests for him at the gym!
Only problem is, if said man isn't interested in hooking up with Crotch on the down-low, the guy has no reason not to spread it around to his gossip-lovin' friends. Seems pretty strange to us, as Mr. U.-L. is as hunky doable as they come.
And as sneaky as Crotch would like to be, more and more people 'round town are starting to hear about what goes down, literally, up in his Hollywood home. And it's not just poolside, folks.
Think any of these guys will out dear old Crotchy soon? Doubtful. With his adorable dimples, more men will jump at the chance to jump CUH and then shut up about it after than won't. But remember, it only takes one.

And it ain't: Alexander Skarsgard, Matthew Fox, Ryan Phillippe

Top guess: Still James Franco.

Links to the two previous Crotch Uh-Lastic blind vices are here: Aug 8, '08 including a full list of those eliminated, and the first from Aug 1, '08.
And here is the most recent - Oct 8, '10.

Sunday, November 15, 2009

One Daringly Domesticated Blind Vice

From Ted on Friday....

One Daringly Domesticated Blind Vice

Poor Judas Jack-Off. He now has it as bad as permanently closeted movie star Toothy Tile. Only, I fear Judas is not even pretending to be happy, quite unlike Toothy.
Remember, our very handsome and very unkind Judas is still trying to get the ditched BF to have sex, all the while out prancing to the gullible world with his gorgeous girlfriend—whenever there's an available photo op, that is.
But whereas Toothy actually likes hanging with the beard at home and out with the kids, Judas doesn't, at least not as much.
Maybe that's the reason Judas has suggested to the GF, whom he glumly now lives with, that they should both take up...
...flying. As in, in a plane. As in 37,000 feet in the air. These two beauties are supposed to take their lives in their own hands, all 2012-like, and fly over Los Angeles like it's a damn movie set, or something?
Now, either this is a true effort on Judas' part to make their prearranged living arrangement genuinely more exciting (i.e., bearable), or Mr. J.J. is planning on using one of those parachutes that go up with these schooling planes and jumping off with his after the dimpled girlfriend's chute suddenly disappears, or better, yet, malfunctions?
It's all just too weird, too much. The sudden interest in having a hobby together (and a life-threatening one, at that), after getting shacked up in a living sitch Judas has never wanted to be in the first place. What's up, Judey?
But then, some guys are just p--sies when their managers and their agents tell them to stay put and figure out how to make it look real. Know what I mean, Toothy?
Don't go up in that plane with Judas whatever you do, girlfriend!
And it ain't: Jake Gyllenhaal, Lance Armstrong, Matthew McConaughey

Use the labels below for links to our previous posts on the JJO/DDD BVs, including a full list of who has been eliminated.

Top suspects: Hayden Christensen  and ?

Friday, November 6, 2009

Ted's new "People who are not Toothy" Gallery

JAKE GYLLENHAAL 24X36 COLOUR POSTER PRINTTed has created a "People Who Are Not Toothy" gallery today. All of the 12 people featured are repeat eliminations. We here at Blind Items Exposed have been keeping track all along... you can find out post here. Anyway, here is what Ted said:

Who Is Toothy Tile? Here are 12 People He's Not!

The hunt's been on for as long as Angelina Jolie's been working men—and women. Closeted quasi-hunky movie star Toothy Tile has legions of folks wondering who he is, and he's become our biggest Blind Vice superstar.
While Toothy's busy—chatting up fellow not-out gay stars or apparently trying to go straight—we're gonna help the guessing game along. In more of a, uh, back-door kinda way.
See, we're going to tell you fab detectives who Toothy isn't!
Behold our People Who Are Not Toothy Tile gallery! We'll start updating this more often so you sexy sniffers can see the fellas who most definitely are not the erstwhile closeted T.T. And keep the guesses coming!

Included in the Gallery, including the captions with each photo:

Zac Efron: Zac's still up and coming—although we must say, his career is looking better than Toothy's right now.
Will Smith: Will certainly flashes those pearly whites, so we see why he would be an obvious guess. But come on—W.S. loves to blab about his and Jada's sexcapades. Toothy doesn't do that about his beard, and certainly not about dear old Grey Goose.
Brad Pitt: Pitt's in a whole other status level than T.T.—fame- and kids-wise.
Gerard Butler: G.B. has only been getting a lot of press lately because of the various women he's supposedly bedded. Toothy's never been that guy. At least not in any kind of repeat fashion.
Matthew McConaughey: Sorry, Toothy's M.O. is hardly to play the bongos nude. It's to have secret guy-on-guy rendezvous in parking lots…duh. Well, used to, at least, before he went all publicist on us.
Ben Affleck: Sorry, Ben's got his own issues to deal with, and they aren't Toothy Tile's. But of all the dudes on this list, Ben comes closest to T.T., acting oeuvre-wise.
Kevin Spacey: It's obvious why Spacey would be an obvious choice here. Except T.T. is younger and is still working his way up the H'wood ladder. Kevin is too vintage. Too a lotta things.
Shia LeBeouf: Too young—and Shia's problems are way too public. Toothy likes to keep his stuff über-secret, you all should know that by now. Also Toothy controls his substances far better.
Jamie Foxx: Probably the least likely Tooth candidate of this list. T.T. isn't that dark and handsome. At least not to some folks. Also, J.F. hardly hides his naughtiness, unlike Tooth, who's all about it these days.
Ryan Gosling: Thank goodness it's not a stud fave of Team Awful's like Gosling. Toothy's beard has most definitely not been Rachel McAdams. Think less studly, slightly.
Robert Pattinson: Fear not, Team Edward—R.Pattz hasn't been relevant long enough to be a contender in the Toothy guessing game. But he's sure got the right blush.
Bradley Cooper: Cooper has his secrets, sure, but he's not quite Toothy status yet. Although B.C. is a fab guess.

As we said, none of these elims are surprises to those of us who have been keeping track of past eliminations. So this gallery gives us no new information, except little hints in the captions.
Toothy of course is Jake Gyllenhaal for anyone who is new to our site or Ted's column.

Here is our ongoing full list of those who have been eliminated as Toothy Tile.
Here is our ongoing list of who has been eliminated as Grey Goose (Toothy's boyfriend).

Blind Vice: Back From the Dead and Bisexual, Too!

New BV from Ted today -

Blind Vice: Back From the Dead and Bisexual, Too!

There's a humpy dude who's still gorgeous and who used to be on a hit TV show that was often centered around lots of sand, and lots of boobs.

Let's call him Sandy Boob then, shall we?

Sure is pretty, that Sandy! He's also notoriously horny, and has been for many, many years, which, for the record, is about as much time it's been since Sandy's been a relevant player in the biz. Hmm. Could that be why Sandy's suddenly getting less and less discreet about the fact that he likes to do what Crotch Uh-Lastic does, i.e, seduce guys to watery locales?

Yeah, probably, but guess what? Now that Sandy's career is on hiatus (and has been for some time), Sandy's friends tell us Mr. Boob decided for that very reason to start...

...not only acting out more sexually (hey, a release is a release, right?), but to also intentionally do it in a more cavalier fashion. Secretly hoping to get caught, just so he can deny it. After all, Sandy likes girls, has procreated, and always looks butch when he's caught checking himself out in the mirror. You know the look, right? They sort of grimace when they're checking their perfectly disheveled hair—like it's so paining them to do so.

Well, that just about sums up Sandy's acting talents, come to think of it. But that's beside the point—or not? After all, the only reason Mr. Boob's strutting it out there so much lately is because he's dying for some heat on his career again. If not on his thighs.

And it ain't: Brian Austin Green, Jason Priestley, Peter Gallagher

Update Nov 20 - Ted has also eliminated David Hasselhoff, Matt LeBlanc

Could it be Luke Perry or David Charvet?

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

A Sex-Addict Blind Vicer Returns!

From Ted last Friday...

A Sex-Addict Blind Vicer Returns!

It seems like Lloyd Boy-Toyed is just one example of an über-famous celeb playing the I-dare-you-to-out-me gay dance.
We're bringin' back an oldie, ladies and gentlemen: Remember Seymour Plow-Me-More? The multitalented, married dude who had a guy service him in a public steam room?
Well, it seems Seymour is back and finding himself in crazier situations than he's used to...
Like the possibility of love. Oh, jeez, can it get any more horrifying than that?
See, this A-list actor was once daringly handsome but has suddenly let age start to get the best of him. Although with the ups and downs in Seymour's life, we can imagine how some of his secrets have taken a toll on his dark features.
Well, it turns out Seymour's getting guy-on-guy frisky again...with a reporter, no less! (Guess Lloyd really started something last time he went hornin' all over a journalist, huh?)
Seymour's companion works for a mediocre outlet, but thanks to his famous partner, said journo just so happens to swoop all the exclusive stuff Seymour and his family have to offer.
Yes, S's wife knows what's going on. In fact, the whole Business knows what's going on. Even the movie studios that employ Plow-Me know about—and approve of—the boy baggage Seymour insists on carrying with him.
S has tried various methods to ungay himself, but the fact remains: He can't keep himself away from this par-tick tabloid type...and no one in this town seems to give a damn. Really?
And it ain't: Kevin Costner, Nicolas Cage, Will Smith

Here is the link to the Nov 2007 SPMM BV; here is the link to the Jan 2010 SPMM BV; and here is the link to the April 2010 SPMM BV.  And here is the Sept 2010 SPMM BV.

As of 6/16/12, Ted has eliminated: Kevin Costner, Nicolas Cage, Will Smith, Chris Rock, David Spade, Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson, Antonio Banderas, Tom Cruise, Brendan Fraser, David Beckham, Barack Obama, Alec Baldwin, Tom Hanks, Robin Williams, Billy Crystal, David Beckham, Leonardo DiCaprio, Philip Seymour Hoffman.

Our top suspect: John Travolta

Monday, November 2, 2009

Lainey- Sex and Drink

Party In The U.S.A.Sex & drink

When do the drugs kick in? Not that you need me to tell you that she’s not so innocent but this is the sh-t that goes on behind the glossy glitter, the packaging, and a billion dollar brand that must, at all costs, be protected. There was a pregnancy scare a few weeks ago. She was actually bragging about it, because of course she desperately wants people to know that she’s having sex. There was a serious sit-down, a discussion about the ramifications of her actions, and a promise from her handlers that she’d be controlled with an agreement that control also comes with a “get rid of the problem” policy that the Lord probably wouldn’t approve of. Turns out she wasn’t pregnant. But she is drinking. And boastful about it too. Once again, it’s the yapping that keeps getting her in trouble. At a shoot recently, she didn’t realise her mic was on. They all get caught with their mic on, don’t they? What came out of her mouth? Oh, only a lot of talk about her experience with “getting f-cked”, like proudly, and more boasting about her flavour for “dirty martinis”, apparently her drink of choice. Great lessons from mommy and daddy.

Update Nov 4 - Lainey has eliminated Taylor Swift, Ali Lohan.

Top suspect/Lainey has semi-revealed to be: Miley Cyrus

Sunday, November 1, 2009

Janet Charlton- Hollywood Whodunit

This singer has been losing weight for an important TV role but she’s doing it the dangerous way- with cocaine – and now she’s addicted. Friends can’t help but notice. During a two hour dinner at La Loggia in Studio City, she went to the bathroom nine times and barely ate a thing. A few weeks later she and her husband ate at Nobu, but she barely touched her food and drank instead. After six trips to the bathroom she practically had to be carried out the door by her husband. She’s convinced she’ll gain weight if she stops using, and her family is frantic.


* Our top suspect: Ashlee Simpson