Blind Vice Friday! Closeted Stars are Dummies!
This is just great. Not only is Crotch Uh-Lastic, whom you all met last week—-and whom I could have sworn it would be at least a few weeks before we all said hullo to again—really does have his brains stuffed deep inside his paramours’ overly tight swimsuits. See, the big-screen idol, whose pics make all kinds of bucks because their themes are all so brilliantly multiplatform, is doing things just like Toothy Tile. Now that word’s just beginning to get out that Crotch loves to lure "straight" men back to his Hollywood pad and have them don all sorts of skimpy swimwear (just so CUL can slowly take it right off), Crotchy-poo’s pullin’ an emergency Toothy!
Suddenly, Crotch's rarely seen (female) significant other is out at events more. Suddenly, the S.O.'s mentioned in media interviews. Suddenly, the S.O., who’s more East Coast based, is in Hell-Ay! None of this happened until more than just days prior to last week's baddy Blind, believe me. Oh, and then—quite the opposite—gone missing are Mr. U.L.’s previously very homo-friendly statements to the press. It’s all so Rock Hudson, really. Or Toothy Tile, as I said before. Now, a word to the surreptitious swim fan: T2, even though a surprisingly large amount of folks are buying this ersatz domesticity you're pulling off so well in the tabloids and such, it ain’t gonna work with you, bro. At least, not while you’re having nooky delivered to your house in limos. At least Tooth keeps it somewhat discreet with the BF!
And it ain't: The Rock, Matthew Broderick, P Diddy
Oh, now this combined with last week (see below), this is soooo James Franco.
Here is the link to the other Crotch-Uh-Lastic Blind Vice from Aug 1, '08
And here is the one from Nov 20 '09. And Oct 8 '10.
* Update 6/17/11: Ted has eliminated The Rock, Matthew Broderick, P Diddy, Tobey Maguire, Topher Grace, Matthew McConaughey, Robert Downey Jr., Ryan Gosling, Josh Harnett, Ryan Phillipe, Kevin Spacey, Adam Brody, Chris Kattan, Brody Jenner, John Mayer, Derek Hough, Alexander Skarsgard, Matthew Fox, Ryan Phillippe, Zac Efron, Leonardo DiCaprio, Tom Cruise, Jake Gyllenhaal, Justin Timberlake, Alexander Skarsgård, Garrett Hedlund, Stephen Moyer, Chris Colfer.