Monday, August 25, 2008

Vintage BV: Crisp Lisp

We haven't yet posted the old BV about Crisp Lisp, from Awful Truth a few years ago. We will post it here and who was eliminated ASAP. In the meantime, Ted has eliminated Ludacris, who was a top guess. I always thought CL was Joaquin Phoenix. But Ted's response today throws me off.


Dear Ted:
Hope married life is treating you well...My hubby is being a royal pain in the ass the past couple of days. Anyhow, the old B.V. with Crisp Lisp is Ludacris! Am I close? Could we get an update on Crisp, or is he just chilling and laying low? Thanks for the guilty pleasure!
—Kristen, Houston

Dear Southern Hospitality:
We're all pains in the asses at some point, right? And sometimes in a de-lish, way, eh? As to Crisp, love, please, think less doable, by far.
???

Here it is - from March 8 2006 -

I'm Still Here One Fellah-Flirting-in-Public Blind Vice

It had to happen.

Toothy Tile, you're toast. You've been so damn taken with the breathless watching of whether or not you'd maybe, just maybe, decide to come outta the closet you thought you'd keep your fans (not to mention my readers) on the edge of their slippery seats forever. Think again.

'Cause, girlfriend, there's a new gay in town--meet Crisp Lisp. And he's way cooler. Actually new isn't quite the right word to describe C.L., but more on him in a sec.

Let's face it. T2 was going to be dethroned as King of the Closet one of these days. Everyone is bored, already. I mean, come out or stay in, it's your call. But the way Toothy prances about (lately), never really making any statements that give us something to chomp on, is just plain aggravating.

Yes, I am much more impressed by Crisp Lisp. On Oscar night, he attended one of the hottest-ticket bashes in this damn town. And he didn't go alone. He was with his date--a very nice, if shy, dude. The two made no secret that they were on a romantic outing. And by this fetching factoid, I don't mean to imply they were sucking face and groping each other. I mean, Tara Reid C.L. is not and never will be.

Rather, Crisp and his paramour just kinda chilled. Held hands. Whispered low. Gazed longingly into each other's bedroom eyes, blah-pre-poke-behavior
-blah. Sure, everyone knew what was going on and that this is pretty much C.L.'s first foray into serious gay-relationship territory.

I wanna wish C.L. luck. And even though Crisp has a detractor, or three, in this town (who friggin' doesn't?), well, who can hold a grudge against new love?

Oh, and if you think you've seen C.-hon at a lot of high-profile parties lately, you're right. You totally have.

And It Ain't: Jonathan Rhys Myers, Terence Howard, Matt Dillon
* The people Ted eliminated are: Jonathan Rhys Myers, Terence Howard, Matt Dillon, Lance Bass, Philip Seymour Hoffman, Brandon Routh, Nick Lachey, Ludacris.

Top suspect: Joaquin Phoenix

21 comments:

Jillian S. said...

Mike Tyson?

Boss Bunny said...

Any chance we can see the original post? I'm still new to the game, so anything older than June throws me off.

Anonymous said...

George Clooney attended the Oscars with his male publicist that year.

Boss Bunny said...

What about Jamie Foxx?

Boss Bunny said...

http://www.caaspeakers.com/speaker.aspx?speaker=201

George could do better than that!

Anonymous said...

Clooney is NOT "less doable, by far" than Ludacris.

Anonymous said...

kevin spacey; john travolta...

Boss Bunny said...

For some reason, Forest Whitaker comes to mind. He fits the description, and I have had friends who've worked with him who report his same-sex inclinations. Another Travolta buddy, BTW.

Anonymous said...

Could it be....Mark Wahlberg. "..new isn't quite the right word to describe C.L.". His brother is in New Kids on the Block.

sistah2 said...

wow! the Forest Whitaker guess is right on! This fits exactly. Mar of 06 is when he won the oscar - makes sense he'd be noticed around then at a big party. And if poster above heard he's gay - this could be it.

Traci Anne said...

Forest Whitaker is married (to a woman) and there's been no news of separation, so unless he's very openly cheating on her...

Traci Anne said...

Might be a little obvious from the name, but what about Crispin Glover? I don't see anything about him being married, and he was in Beowulf in 2007 - might've made sense that he was at an Oscar party. He's been in tons of movies, so he's "not exactly new"....

Boss Bunny said...

Oh, traci. traci, traci, traci. John Travolta is married, too.

Boss Bunny said...

Oh, and one more thing. I would consider the Wahlbergs and Crispin Glover QUITE do-able. Therefore, not qualified to be CL.

Anonymous said...

What about Kevin Spacey

Traci Anne said...

Hmmm, BB - touche about Travolta. Though Forest is quite attractive, certainly moreso than Ludacris!

Anonymous said...

Unfortunately, to my dismay, I think Phoenix still qualifies as CL because those pictures from last fall are lookin' ROUGH. Definitely not as do-able. WAAAAAAAH

Boss Bunny said...

Traci, you're not the first woman I've heard say that. I don't get it, but, then again, I don't get Leonardo DiCaprio, either!

Anonymous said...

Has Tobey Maguire been ruled out? I think there was talk of Jake G taking over the Spiderman role. TM is married, but I haven't checked to see if any of the other clues fit.

guttersnype said...

after checking some 2006 Oscar party photos, my guesses are:

philip seymour hoffman.
stephen spielberg.
jamie foxx.
clive owen?

cassandra said...

maybe this is william hurt, he was in 2 heavily nominated oscar films that year and hes pretty old so arguably less attractive than ludacris.

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