Saturday, August 30, 2008

One Matronly Messing Around Blind Vice

NEW BV

Blind Vice: Who's Wife is a Surfer-Slurpin' Slut?


Call it One Matronly Messing Around Blind Vice. Shirley Surly's a very famous half to a highly visible couple these days. Both spouses are good looking. Both married types act like they're friggin' single, and they've done this for years.
Not saying they've had orgies after the PTA meetings every other Tuesday, just that these two ain't exactly a Tom-and-Rita-type duo, not at all. And even though Shirley and her man are currently doing their damnedest to patch things up, we're told it's just because they want to look more together in their fancy neighborhood (what a friggin' lame reason, obviously this latest effort at a unified domestic front is so not going to work).
Shirley's bitchy friends—who just adore the Awful Truth, thank get-even heavens—are most def not buying this nascent happy-couple act. And their fave reason for citing why they insist S2's attempt is not going to last? "Her affair with the surfing instructor," bellowed one of these big-haired broads. "They're just never going to get past it, I don't think."
Love! It's all like some movie Aaron Spelling would have written before he croaked, starring Donna Mills or Lori Loughlin, or somebody. Maybe he did? Anyway, things don't look too sweet for sour Shirl's and her hubby—a happy 'n' squeaky ending does not appear forthcoming, promise. 'Cause the hunky dude with the board ain't the only cat in this pussy's bag.
And It Ain't: Kate Capshaw, Anette Bening, Hillary Clinton

Comments...
*** Our top suspect: Cindy McCain
*** Update Nov. 13 - Ted has hinted that this is indeed Cindy McCain!

53 comments:

Anonymous said...

Madonna?

Anonymous said...

Kathy Hilton?

Anonymous said...

Goldie Hawn.

lala said...

definitely Victoria "Posh Spice" Beckham

Anonymous said...

definitely goldie hawn

Anonymous said...

Can't be Goldie Hawn. The BV refers to spouses. Goldie and Kurt Russell have never been married.

Anonymous said...

Cindy McCain. In Truth, Lies and Ted, Ted hints that he has some good gossip on her

Anonymous said...

Tea Leoni & David Duchovny: It's all over a website that is dedicated solely to those two. She has been seeing Billy Bob Thornton. She's the less promiscuous of the two but David really loves her.??

Anonymous said...

Can't be McCain. Good looking COUPLE. Can't be Posh. MATRONLY = older.

Anonymous said...

Actually, it could be Goldie and Kurt. He refers to them as "spouses" (which is appropriate in a common-law situation), then refers to them as "married types", meaning not actually married, but might as well be.

I don't think it's Tea and David because it would no longer be blind (the whole world knows their biz now).

Could it be Pam and Tommy? It's hard to figure out if they are together or not.

I actually don't think it's Goldie and Kurt because of the reference to "patch[ing] things up". There haven't been any rumours lately of Goldie and Kurt being in marital difficulty.

Anonymous said...

lisa rinna. she was caught in a hotel room balcony making out with some younger guy....

Anonymous said...

I'm not at all good at these things, but my first thought was Madonna. "Very famous half to a highly visible couple these days"--are Goldie and Kurt or Tea and David highly visible these days? I took the "very famous half" remark to mean that she is more famous than the husband, which would fit Madonna and Guy.

sistah2 said...

Goldie and Kurt DID have lotsa problems in recent years - strong rumors a few yrs ago of a complete break - also she was seen making out with someone in London about 6 mos. ago. It could be them.

Anonymous said...

"Spouse" means husband/wife. Goldie and Kurt have never been married, so it's not them. Ted wouldn't use "spouse" to describe non-married people. Madonna and Guy were my first guess.

Anonymous said...

Where would Madonna be taking surfing lessons? It seems like she's been in NYC lately.

Anonymous said...

A common-law partner is also very correctly referred to as a spouse. So the couple might not be married, and he refers to them as "married types", which indicates to me they are not officially married but domestic partners.

Anonymous said...

Even the TITLE of this blind vice is "Whose wife is a surfer-slurpin' slut?" I don't know where Anonymous 9:42 etc. is getting info, but there is no such thing as "common-law" marriage in California, or most any other state. Wife and spouse are terms for married people. The end of that issue. This is about a married couple.

Anonymous said...

What about Kelly Ripa? She's the more famous half - and a couple of years ago, surfer Kelly Slater gave her surfing lessons when he appeared on a Regis & Kelly special that was filmed partly in Hawaii. Also, the Donna Mills/Aaron Spelling/Lori Laughlin references could tie in with Kelly's soap background. The "not" clues feature blond women... the only thing that's throwing me is that those women are all about 20 years older...

--dragongirl

Anonymous said...

Catherine Zeta-Jones, absolutely

Anonymous said...

No way, its Susan Sarandon

Anonymous said...

its Barbra Streisand...known surferphile

Colts#1Filly said...

I'm reading "a very famous half to a highly visible couple" as in a very famous COUPLE and she is one-half of that couple....not that she's more famous than her other half. What about John Travolta and Kelly Preston? Married, famous couple, Beard rumors for years, same age range/social set as the Tom-Rita and AIA's. She's from Hawaii and a well-known beach lover. Hmmmm....

Anonymous said...

with respect, I don't think Ms. Preston is very famous half....

Anonymous said...

Kelly Preston has had a live in lover at her & Fagolta's house for years. She's also a drunk.

I say Tea & David because they are (1) highly visible (2) both are good looking marrieds and (3) despite the news lie to the contrary, David has cheated on Tea for years with multiple partners.

That is even a little difficult as she has been cheating too and is GAY. She has a serious relationship with one woman.

Anonymous said...

...but with friends that are "big-haired broads" this has to be an older woman...that's why I'm thinking Babs

Anonymous said...

I think the Barbra Streisand guesses are correct. Note at the end Ted says the surfer isn't the only dude in this "pussy's bag". Pussy could be a reference to her appearance in the movie The Owl and the Pussycat.

Anonymous said...

...except I'm not sure that Babs could still be described as "good looking." Although 30 years ago she was very sexy in O&thePcat.

Anonymous said...

and Michael Douglas is recovering sex addict...CZJ had a $5mil "straying fee" put in prenup, given his addiction...could be them

the shadow said...

michelle pfeiffer, 98% confidence. "this pussy's bag" being a catwoman reference, "big-haired broads" being Married to the Mob reference, david e. kelly not being too bad looking, her being the Orange County kid that goes for the surfer types (e.g., Peter Horton)...Aaron Spelling would have written/David E. Kelley a writer, michelle known for bitchy roles (and so sour) in I Am Sam, Velma in Hairspray....bwah, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha....

the shadow said...

"Pfeiffer often described herself as being “out of control” in her youth...skipping classes...to hang out with surfers at Huntington Beach..."

people just don't change

i know, bwah, ha, ha, ha.....

the shadow said...

...and Michelle Pfeiffer was in an '80's TV series called B.A.D. Cats produced by...Aaron Spelling

and her character's initials were ... SS (Samantha Sunshine)

Anonymous said...

Are David Kelley and Michelle Pfeiffer a "highly visible couple'?

Colts#1Filly said...

I like the Michelle Pheiffer guess! She certainly fits!

Anonymous said...

i'm thinking, SS = susan sarandon. both her and tim robbins are very visible these days with the US elections going on, and she's definitely the more "famous of the half".

"big haired broads", i think, means long island or jersey chicks. i don't know susan's filmography well enough to get that reference.

Anonymous said...

"Matronly" would describe Barbra Streisand better than Michelle Pfeiffer though....Hmmmmm

Except for the part about the surfer, I was thinking Laura Bush. Ted has been writing about those two for a while now. Does pussy=bush????? HaHa

Anonymous said...

Somehow I missed the Slurp reference and when I saw it I thought KATHY HILTON - she's Slurpa Pop Off's (did I spell that right?)mother! Ted never mentions actor/actress - just that they are highly visible and that they live in a fancy neighborhood. How neveau riche to want to impress your neighborhood. I can't make heads or tales of the AIAs to justify my Kathy Hilton. Ted does talk to her. Thoughts?

Anonymous said...

I think its Kathy Hilton since titled it surfer-slurpin'. Hasn't he referred to Paris as Slurpa Pop-Off (or something like that) in the past?

Anonymous said...

In response to the Kathy Hilton guesses, I doubt it only for this reason: If Ted writes about family members he seems to use the same last name. Slurpa Pop-Off and Pork Me Pop-Off for example. I could be wrong, of course, but that's my best guess.

Boss Bunny said...

Except that Kathy and Rick do seem to do things together. Hell, they even dragged Paris and Nicky along with them to clubs.

Kelly Ripa and Mark Consuelos are rumored to be swingers with an awful lot of traffic through their bedroom. They go back and forth with the couple act and only single appearances. I'm voting for them.

Colts#1Filly said...

He needs to give some more hints - once again in true Ted fashion, there are too many options.

Anonymous said...

Kelly Ripa would hardly be considered matronly.

duffgrl said...

Kelly Ripa and her husband are not swingers either.
I know she's not "matronly" but I like the Tea Leoni guess. They have been making a lot of how they are going to stay together while they have both been having flings.
Dhe defintely had one w/ Billy Bob.

sistah2 said...

so duff how do you KNOW Kelly Ripa is not a swinger?

blurry vice said...

Dear Ted:
In the Shirley Surly Blind Vice, you said Shirley and her husband won't have a happy ending because the dude with the board ain't the only cat in this pussy's bag. Could that mean a baby on board that possibly is not her husband's and that's why they won't get past it?
—Rick

Dear Det. Domestic:
It's a baby, so to speak, she had sex with, darling, not gave birth to.

Baited Breath said...

Michael Douglas and Catherin Zeta Jones

Anonymous said...

He pretty much admitted it's Cindy McCain today.
*******************
In some sort of screwed up way, I bet Cindy McCain is hoping she and her grumpy-butt hubby, John, aren't elected to go reside at 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. This is just a small hunch.

Because here's the deal: I've spoken to members of Obama's campaign who told me not only were they already well aware of some marital dirt I'd been told about John and Cindy (not exactly being faithful to working things out, let's say), they filled me in on some nastyass juice I'd never heard!

Yum-yum for this gossip's tum!

But the O campaign declined to spill, in the end, as they felt it wasn't appropriate to put the stuff out there. Damn.

Also, did you all know Ms. M, I hear from sources other than just Camp O, lives to flirt, big-time, with the beach dudes when they've stayed at their Coronado, Calif., pad? So, let's fast-forward this one, hypothetically, of course: say the McCains are elected. How long before that scandalous interview with some gorgeous beach bum runs in the tabs, complete with sexy confessions of piercing eyes and verbal exchanges between them and the first lady?

Seconds, I promise you. Makes me wish Obama hadn't been so high-minded and all. But then, that's exactly why I'm voting for him. Because he's so not like me.

blurry vice said...

Agreed... Cindy McCain is the top suspect for this BV. Why hasn't Ted done eliminations for this?

Theresa said...

Good looking couple rules out John McCain, but the Obama's vacay in Hawaii all the time. She also chose to stay in Chicago while he was in D.C. after he entered the Senate. Since they always bring up how the family being seperate is so hard on them...hmmm
There was another BV somewhere too, about the brand new, big time candidate who would bed starlettes when he came to H-wood for fundraising events...last I checked, McCain never went there, but Obama did.

Anonymous said...

Is this a confirmation??! He says he can't lie but it's kind of like "I cannot confirm nor deny the guess". However, the presidential reference (I cannot tell a lie) and we know he's not so keen on McCain (Mr Surly) so I guess it's as good as we're gonna get. The only part I don't get? The line in the BV that says "both spouses are good looking." On what planet are Cindy OR John considered good-looking??!

Dear Ted:
Though it was hard at first, I stuck with you through the E! Online revamp, and I'm glad I did—you're the best, darling! My question is: Now that the election is over, would you please confirm that Shirley Surly from One Matronly Messing Around Blind Vice is Cindy McCain?
—Claire, R.I.

Dear Pushy:
I cannot tell a lie, quite unlike Mr. Surly.

Anonymous said...

I feel like he eliminated Cindy McCain here. The person asks him to confirm that it is her, and he says he cannot lie - which means to confirm her would be a lie. What husband is famous for a lie?

blurry vice said...

I think it was a way of saying, yes it is her, and he can't lie and say it's not.

Also, here is what Ted said about her on 11/12:

"More Cindy McCain Mess!

"You have no idea," piped a member of the McCain family, regarding the less than stellar activities first lady wannabe Cindy McCain has been up to, pre- and postelection, "nothing People would ever report, that's for sure."

The McCain relative was referring, of course, to the total kissass coverage the Time Inc. rag splashed all over the McCains when John was running for prez. But what People didn't include was the fact that Cindy very well may not have been stellar in the good-wife department, something the National Enquirer is now hot onto.

Gosh, check it out, fer sure! They have a pretty damning pic of a dude not by the name of John McCain gettin' all snuggly with a woman the Enquirer claims to be Mrs. McCain. And before you go squawking that the N.E. doesn't know diddly-butt, just keep in mind it was the only other publication also to complain about Dubya's off-the-wagon ways—other than the Awful Truth, of course.

"Much more will come out, now," added the McCain blood relative, "now that the campaign's over—because she is not a nice woman, and her own family hates her."

Gosh, strong stuff. Sounds like we've got the right first lady heading to Washington. But just think of the delish dirt we'd be witnessing at 1600 Penn! It'd make Monica Lewinsky look like a simple little indiscretion!"

blurry vice said...

Big hint: "I can not tell a lie, unlike Mr Surly". John McCain famously lied when being held as a POW.

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Wow. Cindy McCain joins the NOH8 campaign? I didn't see that one coming. Your thoughts, Ted?
—Rich

Dear Shocked and Awed:
Meghan McCain has always been a big-time gay rights advocate, so I guess some of her positive thinking has finally rubbed off on her mom. Unfortunately, it rubbed off way late...where was Cindy's anti-Prop 8 support when her husband was running for president on a platform banning gay marriage?"

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