Blind Vice! Spineless Hubby Gets Too Kinky In Bed

New from Ted today -

Blind Vice!  Spineless Hubby Gets Too Kinky In Bed

Remember the overly timid (but good-looking) hubby, Pussy Gabor?
Poor thing never really found the nerve to stand up to his bossy wife, and most folks never thought he would.
Well, that was before Pussy discovered the magical benefits of a marital ménage à trois:
Both Pussy, as well as his wife, Shar-Shar Max, agreed that throwing another girl into the mix was perhaps a good idea at spicing up their ho-hum marriage.
Of course, Shar-Shar and Pussy never stopped to really analyze themselves. If they had, they would have discovered that's where problem lied: They're simply nice, boring people!
But, we digress.
The more these three-ways became a habit, the further and further Pussy and Shar-Shar fell away from a happy union. In fact, the swinging sex scene the attractive couple adopted just happened to be the beginning of the end of their relationship.
Three things: Why do couples (gay and straight) always expect screwing other parties not to effect their marriages? Almost always does—and not in a good way. Remember, somebody always gets kissed a little less in those uneven situations!
Secondly, maybe if they'd had both gals and guys, things would have turned out differently? Eh, probably not.
Lastly, a few of these third parties had recording equipment: huge problem.
And It Ain't: Diane Lane & Josh Brolin, Will Smith & Jada Pinkett Smith, Michael C. Hall & Jennifer Carpenter

Top suspects: Ashton Kutcher & Demi Moore

Please use the label below to read our previous post on the previous Pussy Gabor BV.

Vintage: One Spouse-Whipped Blind Vice

Someone asked for the old BV that was suspected to be about Ashton and Demi. Here it is from October of '06.

One Spouse-Whipped Blind Vice

‘Kay, it’s the first one outta the redesign bag, so for that celebratory reason, I’ll give ya a fairly easy one--like I’ve haven’t done that with you folks already, as of late. But whatev.


Pussy Gabor is known for his cut-rate artistic talents, as well as his hefty, more Gawd-gifted talents below. He’s also a good dad--of that, I must profess.


But yo, doesn’t a good hubby also stand up and make himself heard, instead of doing every damn thing his wife-unit tells him to do? Well, I guess being an equally vibrant marriage partner is an idea that belongs to a diff century than the one Mr. G. has his supple tush ‘n’ hairdo buried in. At least it appears that way.


‘Cause guess who P.G. is asking permission from to attend all (and I mean all) his pro gigs? Uh-huh, the old lady from hell, I mean, heaven!

Pussy wanted to attend a movie premiere recently (in which he was friggin’ involved!), for ince, but Missus Pussy said no way, religious services come first.

End of discussion.

Didn’t matter, as P.’s press has never been overly kind to him, anyway. Just woulda fried the dude on the carpet, anyway.

(An unfortunate factoid to which Missus P. is no doubt hip.)

And it's not: Al Reynolds, Tom Hanks, James Brolin
Also eliminated: Ryan Phillipe, John Travolta, Guy Ritchie, Will Smith, Michael C. Hall

Here is the letter in which he basically reveals it is them:

Dear Ted:
You are the first thing I read every morning, and I miss you on the weekend. Now, for my guess—I think Ashton Kutcher is Pussy Gabor in One Spouse-Whipped Blind Vice. Am I right?
Nicole
Belmar, New Jersey

Dear N-Femme:
Closer than I care to admit, can I say that much?

Top suspect: Ashton Kutcher

One Not Knocked Up Blind Vice

New BV today Dec 26. From eonline's The Awful Truth by Ted Casablanca. Happy Holidays from Blind Items Exposed!

One Not Knocked Up Blind Vice

Hot couples earnestly trying to procreate in Hollywood usually get such great, fawning press, just as Marcia Cross and her man, or Josh Holloway and his gal, if you don't believe. But, what about when it all goes...wrong?
That's the certainly less celebrated coverage you hear about, and for good reason: Smokey Shooter and Mimi Kitten are one smokin' celeb couple—literally. And even though the multitalented lovebirds have a bunch of differences between them (namely, their ages), there's one thing they can settle on: They want a kid. Badly.
But there are two problemos in this offspring sitch:
First up, Mimi's had some issues with her ovaries—they ain't working. So M.K. and Smokey hightailed over to their friendly neighborhood fertility clinic to work it all out with a bit of help from their doc.
A baby would be a better possibility if it wasn't for the second dilemma—Smokey's dabbling in drugs has gone from a weekend hobby to a nearly full-time day gig, and it's messing with the dude's sperm. Too bad, 'cause a baby between these two could give Suri and Shiloh a run for their parents' money.
Get clean, you dopehead! Your woman's got enough probs as it is!
And It Ain't: Calista Flockhart & Harrison Ford, Jennifer Aniston & John Mayer, Katie Lee Joel & Billy Joel

Eliminated as of 12/2/11: Calista Flockhart & Harrison Ford, Jennifer Aniston & John Mayer, Katie Lee Joel & Billy Joel, Eva Longoria Parker & Tony Parker, Mariah Carey & Nick Cannon, Josh Brolin & Diane Lane, Ryan Reynolds, Hugh Hefner, Leonardo DiCaprio

** Top suspects: Demi Moore & Ashton Kutcher (? - they are top suspects for another BV, see labels)