Friday, June 25, 2010

Blind Vice: Closeted Movie Star Gets Cockier, Literally!

New from Ted-

Blind Vice: Closeted Movie Star Gets Cockier, Literally!

Taylor Lautner: An Unauthorized Biography (Get the Scoop)We first met Parrish Maguire when he was just a young movie-starrin' gay. Then we checked in on him and found out that the dimpled diva was starting to get his serious gay public places. How very Toothy Tile of him! You go, boy!
So what's the stud, whose fame is on the rise every friggin' day, doin' now that's catching our radar? Or gaydar. Duh...
The darling, adorable, dimpled Parrish has been getting even more comfortable with the gay community, frequenting a famous Hollywood social player's pad more and more lately. The party host has been known to have notoriously gay bashes, inviting only the hottest of the hot (and they just keep getting younger, don't they?).
And since most everyone at these hotass bashes is out and proud—or at least that's what you'd think—little is done not in the open. Indeed, these are the same shindigs some of our other sexually swingin' Blind-Vice alums have been going to for ages!
How terribly boy-on-boy chic.
So, Parrish is one of the host's new favorite boys. And from the way Parrish has been acting at these gatherings, you'd think the guy was ready to come out in a freakin' People article tomorrow. But trust, he's not doing that any time soon—let's give it at least two more years.
What the heck is Pare-Pare thinking? How would his devoted fan base react to the news that this little hunk is getting it on with other little hunks in increasingly public places? And why have none of the other partygoers ratted him out?
We think it's 'cause no one wants to be kicked out of these sex-filled get-togethers, to be perfectly honest. Once you're in, you're in, and that circle of celebs is far too elite to risk getting booted by blabbing to the rags.
Then again, you're reading about it, aren't you?
And It Ain't: Emile Hirsch, Justin Bieber, Henry Cavill

Here is the link to the first Parrish Maguire BV from Jan 2010 including a full list of who has been eliminated.  Here is a link to the 2nd Parrish Maguire BV from March 2010.  And here is the 4th PM BV from August 2010.  And, here is the 5th PM BV from Sept 2010.

Top guess - Taylor Lautner.

* Proven by timeline of Ted's dates he was and wasn't a BV: Taylor Lautner 

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Lainey- CheapAssNess Blind Riddle

New from Lainey today:

Killers Katherine Heigl Original Movie PosterTori Spelling says that everybody hates her from 90210. No doubt. But more people probably hate this other bitch who has virtually alienated all of her former costars and is widely known to be a pain in the ass but for some reason enjoys a popularity and a paycheque usually reserved for much more accomplished actors. So she’s rich now, yes, but that doesn’t mean she’s generous. And she’ll gouge you while she can, so aggressively that she was reprimanded by executives recently for trying to wrangle cash money out of the budget to pay for her hotel suites. Not an expense account, but straight up CASH. Apparently she was so belligerent about getting a free ride, and using her free ride cash money in other shady ways, so relentless with the demands, the people on the receiving end were emotional wrecks by the end of her tantrum. This was abuse. But there’s a history here: she’s already been rejected by her former bosses for insisting that they contribute to the furnishing of her personal residence and for inexplicably requesting that they cover the cost of her mother’s car. Every time they said no, she would call it an injustice, adding to a long list of perceived injustices that she claims affected her performance. People have been trying and trying to excuse her f-ckery. There is no excuse. She is not kind, she is not gracious, and she is cheap as sh-t.

Top guess - Katherine Heigl

Friday, June 18, 2010

Blind Vice: Tobey's Back, And He's Not Alone!

New from Ted today -

Blind Vice: Tobey's Back, And He's Not Alone!

Me-Me Dallas starred in her own Blind Vice a few weeks ago, so it's only right we dish on Tobey Yum-Yum's deliciously scandalous escapades too, dontcha think?
Remember, M and T had a spicy romance there for a while, but like all Hollywood power couples, they parted ways and decided it was time to bed other good lookers in the Biz (in Me-Me's case, that meant smooching on some ladies).
Who I AmBut don't think Tobey's trailer has been quiet since Me-Me fled the scene...
Sources who happen to travel around with Yum-Yum on his various filming locations say that after Ms. Dallas moved on, he was quick to seduce another famous, "innocent" babe. Let's call her Darla Jones, a gal who's known for her virginity as much as her impressive smile and perky hair.
See, it didn't take long for Tobey to convince Darla, a gal who appears to be even sweeter than Me-Me, to hop in the sack with him. So sad, this circle of friends. They literally all screw each other and then screw each other over. Where do they learn this scheming so young?
"[Tobey] sleeps with everyone...then breaks their heart," is how our witness to the behind-the-scenes romping puts it.
Kind of the case with poor Darla, who was only on Tobey's radar so briefly, the press barely caught wind of their seemingly virginal romance. Despite how hurt D.J. was, she could never bash Yum-Yum for pulling one over on her because that little bitchfest would blow her cover as the purest of ‘em all.
You know what, Tobey? You're cute, young and talented, we get it. At your age, people who aren't even in the business are doing much worse things, trust.
Just watch your back, babe, ‘cause one of these times you're gonna mess around with the wrong lady, and she'll have no problem telling the media exactly what your cute ass is all about.
And it ain't:  Robert Pattinson, Mark Salling, Ian Somerhalder
For Tobey Yum-Yum:
The link to the previous Tobey Yum Yum Blind Vice is here including a full list of who has been eliminated.
Top suspect: Nick Jonas.

For Darla Jones:
Top suspect: Selena Gomez

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Bonus Blind Vice: Money Talks or Polly Walks

New from Ted today -

Bonus Blind Vice: Money Talks or Polly Walks

AMANDA SEYFRIED 24X36 COLOUR POSTER PRINTSeems like there's a diva on every movie set these days, huh? And we're not just talking big-budget flicks like Twilight, because some of these bossy babies are wreaking havoc on indie sets, too.
Meet Polly Luscious-Locks, one of H'woods hottest leading ladies and a real pain in the ass to deal with—in a number of capacities. Especially when it comes to matters of money, because P3 wants more, more, more. Like, now:
Polly is getting ready to shoot her newest film and the cute-as-a-button star is absolutely perfect for the role—which is why she knows she can get the studio to pony up a bigger paycheck to keep her happy.
But here's the prob:
Unlike Polly's other recent flicks—which have done fairly well at the box office and have definitely boosted her star name—there just isn't enough money in the budget to meet her greedy needs.
But sources super close to Luscious-Locks say she's bragging about how bitchy she's being and that she won't take no for an answer. So...Poll won't take no for an answer, so the studio is doing everything it can to scrounge up the cash—like ditching a Hollywood heavyweight that was supposed to appear in the movie for an actor they know will work for a much cheaper paycheck. And we do me much.
Ouch, not even our very own Pat Poisonpuss would pull this kind of stunt.
But it's not that kicked-aside dude we feel bad for—it's the film's director.
They've had to put up with their fair share of divas in the past and probably thought they were finally free of the drama. Uh, hardly!
Maybe it's a good thing the studio is keeping their lips zipped about Polly's part in this mess—so far.
Which totally works for Polly, because she's got an uppity image to protect. Not as adorable as you thought, not at all.
And It Ain't: Miley Cyrus, Dakota Fanning, Selena Gomez

Update 7/15/10 - Ted has also eliminated Emma Roberts, Anna Kendrick, Scarlett Johansson.

Current top suspect: Amanda Seyfried

Proven by timeline of dates Ted has said she was not a BV and later confirmed as a BV: Amanda Seyfried.

Friday, June 11, 2010

Blind Vice: Shafterella Shoshstein Strikes Again!

New form Ted today...

Legally BlondeBlind Vice: Shafterella Shoshstein Strikes Again!

Be careful of a sweet young thing who looks supercute in a matching hair band:
As if ditching her poor PR boyfriend and leaving him out to dry wasn't conniving enough, it turns out sexually adventurous Blind Vice superstar Shafterella Shoshstein was selling out that cute romance partner of hers all along.
Shafterella had arranged to be her ex's publicity-only girlfriend (they were friends and both stars' agents thought it would be a good idea for their A-list careers), but planned all along to dump him. This would leave the world to wonder why the poor dude couldn't make a relationship with a woman work—and fuel gossip that he's gay.
Which, of course, he is, but that's beside the point.
How do we know S.S. had such an evil plan?
"She was with the boyfriend she's with now all along," says a source deep within the managerial machinations that put the two very beautiful stars in a relationship. "People think it just started after she broke up, but it didn't, the other guy was there all along—and they were very serious."
The dumped boyfriend, by the by, is furious with Shafterella for leaving him in a lurch. He knew people were suspecting his romance with Shoshstein was suspect to begin with, but when she reneged on their PR agreement to be romantically involved (for show), not only did she do it behind his back—and without warning—the dumpee had actually gone to great lengths to curb his own real-life love life, and to make the ersatz affair look as believable as possible.
Granted, this was one of the man's worst performances of his career, but let's put it this way: He's ultimately a nice guy and was doing his best to abide by the commitment he'd made to Shafterella, who was diddling somebody else off to the side the whole time, laughing and scheming all along.
Wonder when karma's gonna twist her little sweater set around her neck, already?
And what I want to know is why aren't there awards in this town for Best Fake Relationship?
Oh, forgot, there are: People magazine gives them out weekly.
And It Ain't: Miley Cyrus, Jessica Szohr, Michelle Williams

Top suspect: Still Reese Witherspoon.  And the ex-bf in question = Jake Gyllenhaal.  See our posts for Toothy Tile for more on that fake relaysh.  Her current bf = Jim Toth.

Links to the previous two Shafterella Shoshstein BV's are here - Oct 2008 including a full list of who has been eliminated, and July 2009.

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Buzzfoto Blind Item #338

On a recent trip to a popular family theme park, we hear this celeb was kicked out of the park for trying to snort cocaine on a ride. The sad thing was her kids ended up leaving with her and were upset to end their fun early. As far as we know, the authorities were left out of the situation, but there is allegedly security footage of the incident which could come back and haunt her.
Not Britney Spears.

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Lainey - mini blind

This was from last week and was missed, sorry.  From Lainey's shout out section.  Not a real Lainey riddle but we can discuss this anyway.   From Friday May 28 -
"To Alicia – Happy 29th Birthday! Don’t have a juicy blind but I do have a rather pedestrian one about a girl whose mom has no idea she likes inviting strange men into her hotel rooms to f-ck and snort. Is that ok?"
Update - on May 31 Lainey eliminated Miley Cyrus.

Monday, June 7, 2010

Vintage BV: Deartha Death

This will be the last vintage blind we pull up today.  Hope someone is enjoying them!

One Crinkled Comeback Blind Vice - March 22, 2007

[Intro to that day's column: 
Darlings, before we get to which decrepit Hollywood plaything is staging yet another ree-dick comeback, let’s check in on possibly preggers Ali Landry and the certainly crusty Russ Crowe. Hang on, it’s gonna be a bumpy Awful Friday!]

Deartha Death has always been one of my fave H-town fixtures. She's so nasty. She's so raunchy. She's so...watchable!
And she knows it, too.
That's why D2 has staged yet another "comeback," of sorts. Thing is, I've never really understood quite what it is D.D. went away from. Her talent has always been so, uh, hard to define. I mean, really, her best achievement, as far as I'm concerned, has been Deartha-dear's ability to keep us wondering just what the eff she's gonna pull next.
Which is what this item is about. As she's done so many times before, D.D.'s gone to great lengths to set up a series of publicity interviews and photo sessions round her latest dubious creative endeavor. And, per usual, sundry journalistic entities bit.
Including Totally Inside publication, which had set up an expensive shoot around said project. But, quelle surprise, Ms. D. called up and canceled, saying she had a tummy ache or some lame excuse, all last minute, 'course. Death was simply expecting the mag to call back and reskedge, as Deartha's forced upon many an outlet before (and will no doubt do again).
However, Totally's editor had heard through the proverbial e-grapevine that Deartha was, once again, too high to function—the real reason why she had called off the shoot. So, the media honcho called up Death directly.
"Look," the editor fumed across the receiver, "I'm not a 12-stepper. I have no problem with you getting high. But you better get something straight," the exec type practically blazed before she went in for the chicly suited kill:
"You cancel on me again like that, we're pulling this shoot so fast, you won't know what hit you—faster than those stupid animals of yours pee everywhere."
Oh, did I forget to tell you D.D. is a big four-footed fan?
And Deartha is now cooperating with all press requests. Fully (if not a tad wobbly).
And It Ain't: Tara Reid, Jennifer Holiday, Janice Dickinson 

Also eliminated: (no one)

Top guesses were: Pamela Anderson, Sharon Stone, Jenna Jameson, Courtney Love

Vintage BV: Potty-Puss Priscilla

On a roll with the vintage blinds...

One Hand-Biting Blind Vice - Jan 25, 2007

Aren't the Oscar noms fun? Not to mention friggin' and secretly sex-ay, huh? Closeted fruits. Discreet lesbians. Outta the total number of about 177 artists nominated three days ago, gay power unites within those selected for potential Academy Awards, isn't it too exciting?
Only problem is—for now—these par-tick gay men and women are mostly, like, totally lying and dating members of the opposite sex to extend their careers, selfish mother-effers! So, don't expect any thanks to homo partners up at the Kodak podium, should these gays win. Whatev.
Therefore, it lies with Potty-Puss Priscilla to enliven today's blinded bad-ass report. It involves duplicity and damning words, two of my favorite things to report on in Hollywood, besides errant erections and heaving bosoms behind bathroom stalls. See, Ms. P.P.P. is—on the very public one hand—telling folks how mucho honored she is to be acknowledged by the Academy.
Then, on the other—not so private—digit set, P3 is busy blasting the “unseemly” rat race of it all. She considers the whole Oscar showdown a “sham,” as if we're all “greyhounds chasing a rabbit,” she's said to amigas, privately.
Now, isn't it sweet, too divine, really, that Ms. P.'s all but certainly going to be up on that stage, come Oscar night, giving the best artistic showing of her career—as in pretending she's actually humbled by all this Academy Award nonsense.
Oh, I should tell you something: In case you sense any bitterness on Priss-babe's part, that's because she is. Snarky and snide, that is. Thinks she should have gotten these brass-sucker jobs more often.
Oh, dear.
Shouldn't somebody tell Priscilla darling that expectations will not only put lines on her deceivingly sweet face but that I hear this kinda soul-stealing, stinky emotion makes your cleavage droopy 'n' wrinkly, too. Or so I'm told.

And it ain't: Patricia Field, Abigail Breslin, Melissa Etheridge 

Also eliminated: (no one)

Top guesses were: Meryl Streep, Helen Mirren, Penelope Cruz, Kate Winslet, Judi Dench

Vintage BV: Sassy Go-Forth & Fernwood Could

Here's another old one featuring a couple...

One Most Surprising, Stockinged Blind Vice - Dec 14, 2006

With all the highly publicized breakups between our fave A-list duos, it was only a matter of time till haughty legal reps dished on a not-so tell-all couple un-ending. Does that even make any sense, what I wrote? Oh, who cares? Read on:
As we all wiped away our tears over the demise of Jen 'n' Brad, or that southern belle Reese 'n' toughie-dude Ryan, in-the-know peeps had already been questioning the supposed bliss in the marital lives of Sassy Go-Forth and Fernwood Could, one of H-town's few remaining stalwart duos. Wonder why?
See, this once reliable, dynamic twosome has utterly gone under the paparazzi radar, and I, oh, once again, have the exclusive dish for ya to feast on this holiday season. Don't worry—it's carb free. So, bite in!
Ferny 'n' Sass, in actuality (read: when they're not working) hold down camp in the colder climates. Think of places like Chicago and InWhySee, where basements are readily available to sprawling mansions. In fact, it is in this very sublevel arena where the male half of this union's marital vows went awry. See, unsuspecting wife-unit would wake up to discover her man outta bed and nowhere to be found in their plush quarters.
This began to happen so often, said spouse thought her hubby just might be leavin' the manse to engage in extramarital affairs; howevah, 'twas not the case. Sassy's guy, was found (by her, eventually) dressin' in drag in the basement—where their offspring efforts hold down playtime with other celeb li'l ones. Quelle horreur!
And was Ferny-babe getting himself off while wearing a particularly alluring fishnet number? No way: F.C. was caught red-(nail-polished)-handed, surfin' the friggin' Internet for home apparel and sundry women's wear. While dressed in such, natch.
Prior to this startling discovery, S.G.-F. had hired a private investigator to see where her hubby was heading at night. Good thing she played investigator herself, 'cause she saved those dollars for a high-powered attorney—who has brought her the ultimate bucks and a handy settlement deal.
But no one knows.
'Cept us.

And It Ain't: Will Smith, Will Ferrell, Rev. Run

Also eliminated: Annette Bening/Warren Beatty, Eddie Murphy, Russell/Kimora Lee Simmons, Mike Myers

Top guesses were: Chris Rock & wife, Sarah Jessica Parker/Matthew Broderick, Faith Hill/Tim McGraw

Vintage BV: Stanley Manly

Here's one that was suspected to be about Hugh Hefner -

One Nearly Hairless Blind Vice - July 13, 2005

Mr Playboy: Hugh Hefner and the American DreamOh, not really, I guess, as I've heard this same-sex scuttlebutt about Stanley Manly for years. Just never believed. Until now. But, per usual, I'm getting ahead of myself.
Historically, Stan is one of Hollywood's premier cocksmen, digits down. Right and left, S.M. always seems to be out and about, givin' the ol' boudoir eyes to his myriad booby-dolls. He's photographed at H-town's hipper enclaves, always with at least one or two (female) pretties by his svelte side.
At home, it's not necessarily a different story. Through the years, S.M. has bedded probably as many women as Joan Rivers has offended. And then some.
But, that was then. Nowadays, Mr. M. trots on back to his fancy-ass digs and promptly ditches the dames. He then puts on something more casual to wear, maybe a little mood music. Goes on up to his massive bedroom, which is equipped with every sexual aid one could imagine. But, all Stan needs is his trusty ol' hand. For himself.
Because, these days, Stan prefers to watch. Young boys. And don't go getting any Michael Jackson ideas here, sweetheart, these girly-looking guys are of age, to be sure.
(Oh, and Stan the Man's name is not mentioned in this week's column. I see to it that he rarely is. Always thought there was something pretty fake about this weirdo.)

And it ain't: Matthew McConaughey, Verne Troyer, Owen Wilson

Also eliminated: Bruce Willis, Matthew Perry, Luke Wilson, Jack Nicholson

Top suspect: Hugh Hefner

Vintage BV: Ream Helene

Another old one...

One Comes Around Blind Vice - May 4, 2005

Ream Helene is a back-stabbing, finagling, eat-her-mother-for-opportunity bitch, no two (gossipy) words about it. And not just with the colleagues but with the exes. She wasn't exactly nice to the former men in her life--many of whom she discarded unceremoniously.
So, ain't it sweet now that Ream-babe (who's rather rewarded when it comes to Tinseltown scoreboards) is being gifted--right as we cyber-gossip--with a cheating spouse. Mattress-karma's a helluva payback.
Oh, and I should tell you (as I don't care about such provincial morals), Helene's miles and miles of enemies are getting such enjoyment that Ms. H.'s present hubby is cheating on her with a paid paramour.
Yeah, one of those babes who's always enabling actresses to get Oscars when they play their steamy, sordid lives: a hooker.
Hey, does is actually count as an affair when you're paying for it? (Such a lame-ass guy thing to say, sorry.)

And it aint: Kate Winslet, Julia Roberts, Kate Beckinsale 

Also eliminated: Madonna, Jennifer Lopez, Claire Danes

Top guesses were: Gwyneth Paltrow, Melanie Griffith, Sharon Stone

Vintage BV: Reverential Ricardo, Manfred He-Man

Now I am on a roll with looking up old ones... here is another:  (Edited to add first one that day, could not locate it at first, my apologies.  The two are unrelated but I am putting them together since they were written on the same day.)

Both are from Jan 4, 2007 -
Part 1...

One Heaping Blind Vice With a Man on the Side
Reverential Ricardo is such a lucious emeritus hottie (no Clay Aiken he, promise), almost as much as Manfred He-Man (see next Vice), but first, we're zeroing in on R2's once so taut bum—and what he's been doin' with it. 
See, I'm putting Revey before Manny in this too sex-ay Vice 'cause, well, ya see, Mr. R's been putting us (discreetly, mostly) homo types at the top 'o his list for aeons! So sweet of him to do so!  Not really.  Because, as it is, when Ricardo sees fit to discuss homosexuals, he ain't exactly kind about it.  Sort of the same way sanctimonious servants o' God spat as they declare diddling outside of marriage to be a sin, all the while they've often got a mistress or masseur on the side.  Know what I mean, my money-siphoning jellybeans?
Oh, hell, I'm getting off track, per usual. Sorry.  So, ain't it ironic—and such the man-to-man coinky-dink—that Reverential, so say some of his relatives, directly to moi, has a certain buddy living in his abode, expressly for the purpose of late-night nooky? 
Translation: When the fam's in bed, R.R. rendezvouses with his good-looking (but aging less gracefully than Revey, I might add) lad—kept on salary, by the by, just so R.R. can have discreet homo sex whenever he wants.  Oh, and what's written on those pay stubs for the stud-service type, you ask? Anything but Best Boy, bien sûr! What the hell else did you expect in this town? 
Gosh, did Reverential get that idea from certain other male/male megastars, I wonder?  Not that I'm implying anything, mind you... 
And it Aint:  Eddie Murphy, Paul Newman, Denzel Washington 

For Reverential Ricardo:
Eliminated: Eddie Murphy, Paul Newman, Denzel Washington, Marc Anthony, Kirk Cameron
Top guesses were: Mel Gibson, Tom Cruise

Part 2...
One Gay-Acting Playacting Blind Vice
Now, superfamous Manfred He-Man, I must tell you, is far more hopeful and genuine (for whatever that's worth) in his private homo life. Got a good man beside him, just like our fave closeted hunk, Toothy Tile. And even though Manfred does, just like Tooth, dream from time to time about the very real possibility of coming out and keeping his day job in homo-hating 'Merica—as Dubya says, so adoringly—he's trying to convince producers of one of his upcoming flicks to let him sorta do it...slowly.
In other words, via one of the characters Manfred's soon playing, who's even studlier than the reportedly wholly hetero He-Man.
"He wants this character to have a scene where he tries gay sex," poops a source close to M.H.-M.'s production goings-on. "He thinks that might help pave the way for him, privately, later on."
Whatever works for ya, boyfriend!
Gosh, I wonder if Toothy, the grande dame of on-the-verge fruits, has thought of such a calculating celluloid plan himself?
Yeah, I think so. Think he quashed it, in the end.

And it Aint: Matt Damon, Matthew McConaughey, Matt Dillon 

For Manfred He-Man:
Eliminated: Matt Damon, Matthew McConaughey, Matt Dillon, Wentworth Miller, Mark Wahlberg
Top guesses were: Daniel Craig, Hugh Jackman, Harrison Ford, George Clooney, Sean Connery

Vintage BV: Preen Pumper & Dare E. Airre

OK y'all know we've been hunting for some particular stars' blind vices for a while... here is one I just dug up that could be Sandra Bullock and Jesse James?  Maybe?  Regardless, it's kinda gross and hence, interesting.  :)

One Behind-the-Behind Blind Vice: March 1, 2007

Okay, if you're sick o' the pooftah stuff (and if you are, can't imagine why you're reading this missive right now), click off. 'Cause here comes the fairy mother Blind Vice of all fairy-esque naughty happenings in H-town…
Preen Pumper has a fairly superclean rep, despite being pretty much of a dawg before he hooked up with his longtime love, Dare E. Airre. But then, longtime amour never lasts in this heathen-filled 'ville, right? Right.
Therefore, P2 has been making his way through various buxom hookups, post-Dare split. And P.P.'s current lady love seems to be—perhaps—in for the long haul. We'll see, won't we?
I'm just, uh, wondering if we should send out some kind of warning to P.P.'s current babe-friend, a nice enough gal who seems to be a bit o' a farm-fed femme, seemingly pure and all that (unbelievable) nonsense.
See, Preen has his sexual peccadilloes, don't we all? And Preen's, it turns out, is alternate-entry sex, which, when I've polled most of my (male and female) straight buds, I have found out is not so unusual on the het scene: I mean, if you're a guy, you just basically want to put it anywhere you can, n'est-ce pas?
Well, we'll touch on that pokin' theory another time. Right now, we gotta get back to Preen, who always prefers his outback ways to involve a guy, turns out. What a surprise! Closeted homosexual behavior in Tinseltown! I'm shocked!
It's just that Preen's demands in this arena are downright creepy, as Mr. Pumper always insists that his guy partners never:
—Kiss him.
—Look at him.
—Have an orgasm anywhere in P.P.'s vicinity.
Additionally (I'm surprised Preen doesn't have his partners sign confidentiality contracts, but, ah, isn't Tinseltown just made for stupid-ola freakazoids?), Pumper insists on remaining squeaky-clean himself, but he is willing to go a second round, should all these cumbersome rules not get in the way of any spontaneity. Gosh, how could they possibly not?
Sounds like having sex with Martha Stewart on steroids or something! (This is a joke, E! Legal Eagles, please be advised.)
Oh, and by the by, should tell you all that Ms. Airre had no idea her man was going out the door for the behind-door stuff. Until now, that is.

And It Ain't: Macaulay Culkin, Brody Jenner, Tyrese

Also eliminated: Eddie Murphy, Jason Lewis

Top guesses were: Nick Lachey & Jessica Simpson

Friday, June 4, 2010

Blind Vice: Drunk Movie Star Runs Around Naked!

New from Ted today...

Blind Vice: Drunk Movie Star Runs Around Naked!

We're takin' a slight breather from the hardcore debauched Blind Vice annals of closeted sexuality, illegal drugs and married swingers.
Today's secret celeb tale is all about how pitiful a famous drunk's life can be. And no, we're not just talkin' Lindsay Lohan and her new SCRAM existence. Nope, enter mega-rich, mega-talented (and still working, too!) Buddy Rib-Toast, a dude who knows his way around blockbusters as well as he does babes.
And Buddy's movie pals are getting super concerned about the good-looking dude:
As the Budster has a bad habit of getting smashed out of his gourd and bolting through hotel rooms, sets, trailers and myriad on-location places in his birthday suit! (Or, if Bud's not quite as intoxicated as he usually gets, just in his underwear.) And even though most of the ladies—at least, the ones who aren't sleeping with him—don't seem to mind this up-close display of Buddy's privates on parade, a lotta Buddy's guy pals are getting seriously worried.
"He has a major drinking problem," said one of Buddy's close colleagues, a friend who's working with Buddy on his latest film, Return to Nation Ruination (which is a sequel to the monster hit, Nation Ruination, the flick that really put BRT on the map). "And it's constantly getting covered up by his publicists who keep threatening to pull him from future shows if any of the TV outlets mention it."
Jeez, never heard of that one. A publicist threatening banishment unless a news organization agrees to hush up a star's seedy behavior? Shocking!
"But what's really weird," adds the Rib-Toast pal, "is not only that he's always naked, but that nobody's come out with this yet. It's gotta be just a matter of time."
Actually, it's already happened: Rib-Toast got into a little nasty snafu, thanks to his inebriated head, when he and a friend's girlfriend he was schtupping got caught in the act. But no worries! Miss Publicist made it all go away!
Also, if the naked stuff come out, Buddy knows full well his stellar abs will make more news than the fact that he's constantly loaded on his projects.

It Ain't: Jake Gyllenhaal, Kellan Lutz, Jason Lewis

Update 7/7/11 - Ted has eliminated Jake Gyllenhaal, Kellan Lutz, Jason Lewis, Gerard Butler, Alexander Skarsgard, Chris Pine, Harrison Ford, Viggo Mortensen, Daniel Radcliffe

Top guess:  Jason Statham (?)

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Blind Vice: Stripper Past, Sleazy Present

New from Ted today -

Blind Vice: Stripper Past, Sleazy Present

MATTHEW FOX 24X36 COLOUR POSTER PRINTIt's absolutely no secret Dougy Dry-Hump loves the ladies. Although just how much of a womanizer he is may come as a his wife.
See, Doug is no stranger to scandal, per se, but he has a way of making it disappear. A few photo shockers here and there, cheating allegations, the usual messes straight celebs find themselves in.
But thanks to Doug's red-hot career, few outlets choose to run with the dirty info, 'cause in the end, an interview with Dry-Hump is a bigger get than a "supposed" story with a five-minute skanklet. Everything's a tradeoff in this town, right?
Sure, if Doug had a wife the star caliber of Sandra Bullock, all of his indiscretions would totally be out by now. But fortunately for Dougy's wife-unit, she isn't famous, so the story doesn't have as much oomph to it.
Which is why DD-H, who's classically handsome and pretty nicely built, doesn't give an ef anymore when he steps out on his significant other.
Sure, strip clubs are his first stop on a night when he's in the mood to get it on. Doug's been known to frequent the nakey joints all across the country, stuffing babes with more than just dollar bills, if you catch our drift. Totally into the "weird," dirty stuff.
Which is why we were surprised to hear of his presence at a Hollywood afterparty in the Hills very recently.
There Doug was, pouring booze for the barely legal girls at the mansion, chatting up any babe who would give his ego a good stroke. The kicker to the story is the host of the party is a huge H'wood sleaze bag, who actually has been a Blind Vice himself. The thought of these two crossing paths, or girls, shows just how small this evil enclave really is.
Anyways, Dry-Hump didn't partake in the drug stuff going on around him—no, he was much more into the bevy of babes and stiff drinks. So clearly the party didn't stop there...He took some girls back to his hotel room in wee hours of the morning (we're talking when the sun was rising) where we can only assume Dougy and little Dougy did what they do best.

And it Ain't: Robert Downey Jr., Charlie Sheen, Jon Hamm

Update 9/3/11 - Ted has eliminated Robert Downey Jr., Charlie Sheen, Jon Hamm, Matt Damon, Christian Bale, Matthew McConaughey, Simon Baker, Hugh Laurie, Channing Tatum, Denzel Washington, David Boreanaz.