Monday, June 7, 2010

Vintage BV: Stanley Manly

Here's one that was suspected to be about Hugh Hefner -

One Nearly Hairless Blind Vice - July 13, 2005

Mr Playboy: Hugh Hefner and the American DreamOh, not really, I guess, as I've heard this same-sex scuttlebutt about Stanley Manly for years. Just never believed. Until now. But, per usual, I'm getting ahead of myself.
Historically, Stan is one of Hollywood's premier cocksmen, digits down. Right and left, S.M. always seems to be out and about, givin' the ol' boudoir eyes to his myriad booby-dolls. He's photographed at H-town's hipper enclaves, always with at least one or two (female) pretties by his svelte side.
At home, it's not necessarily a different story. Through the years, S.M. has bedded probably as many women as Joan Rivers has offended. And then some.
But, that was then. Nowadays, Mr. M. trots on back to his fancy-ass digs and promptly ditches the dames. He then puts on something more casual to wear, maybe a little mood music. Goes on up to his massive bedroom, which is equipped with every sexual aid one could imagine. But, all Stan needs is his trusty ol' hand. For himself.
Because, these days, Stan prefers to watch. Young boys. And don't go getting any Michael Jackson ideas here, sweetheart, these girly-looking guys are of age, to be sure.
(Oh, and Stan the Man's name is not mentioned in this week's column. I see to it that he rarely is. Always thought there was something pretty fake about this weirdo.)

And it ain't: Matthew McConaughey, Verne Troyer, Owen Wilson

Also eliminated: Bruce Willis, Matthew Perry, Luke Wilson, Jack Nicholson

Top suspect: Hugh Hefner


blurry vice said...

"I think Stanley Manley from One Nearly Hairless Blind Vice could be Bruce Willis. Has he an eye for the boys? He sure warmed up to Ashton Kutcher quite easily.

Dear Sexually Transmitted Bunk:
Yep, maybe he did, but the guy who currently lives to watch young men go at it is not Demi's second hubby. Certainly not as far as I know, at least. Think a different profession. And a bit older, to boot.

I think One Nearly Hairless Blind Vice is Matthew Perry. Am I right? He always seems to have a girl on his arm.

Way too young, my sweetie-sleuth. And not quite good-looking or rich enough.

So, for the Nearly Hairless Blind Vice, I'm gonna say Luke Wilson. You showed his brother Owen as one of the "And It Ain't" guys, and in the story itself, you said Stanley Manly "trots." Who better to trot than the brother of the Butterscotch Stallion!

Don't unwrap those candy covers just yet. Luke is not--oh, by a few decades or so--the correct same-sex vicarious vamper. Physically, though, right on the mattress money.

Is Stanley Manly Jack Nicholson?

Got it! (The age group, at least). Almost got the right old-time carouser. Very close, my sweet. Just subtract even more hair and about three Oscars or so, and you'll be correct-a-rooney in no time."

blurry vice said...

I need to add here, that we also suspect Hugh Hefner to be Petered Metered. Check the labels for that one.

blurry vice said...

So, he is either Petered Metered or Stanley Manly... we know he can't be both, only one.

Anonymous said...

I think this is Hugh, don't know about Petered Metered though.

The Spie said...

I'm thinking that Stanley isn't Hef, and that Petered is. Here's my thoughts about Stanley:

He's not an actor. Ted's made that clear.

It sounds like he's in the film and/or TV industry due to Ted's mention of Oscars in his Nicholson AIA. Why use that analogy unless it's pertinent?

He's close to Nicholson's age, and Nicholson is a close guess.

He's balder than Nicholson, yet he's photographed on the arms of good-looking women.

My first thought was Nicholson' old buddy Robert Towne. He fits pretty well except for two things: he's happily married, and he has an Oscar, which Ted implied that Stanley does not. Can't rule him out, though, due to the Nicholson connection and the "or so" on the Oscars comment.

How about this one: Norman Lear? He's married, yes, but he gets photographed with Hollywood starlets at his political shindigs (and this blind was published during the run-up to the 2008 election season). He's rumored to have been the cocksman during his younger days. He's definitely the right age group and balder than Nicholson. He doesn't have an Oscar but has received one nomination. I'm just not sold on Stanley being someone best known for TV, though.

blurry vice said...

Good thoughts!

Kidsis said...

Has anyone guessed Mickey Rooney?

Right age. Legendary cocksman. Short, making sense of the Verne Troyer clue. And Rooney is more bald than Nicholson.

"Almost got the right old-time carouser. Very close, my sweet. Just subtract even more hair and about three Oscars or so, and you'll be correct-a-rooney in no time."

Unknown said...

Sean Connery?

The Spie said...

Since Bruce Willis is an actor, and Stanley is of a "different profession", that tends to eliminate all actors from this one, doesn't it?