Friday, June 11, 2010

Blind Vice: Shafterella Shoshstein Strikes Again!

New form Ted today...

Legally BlondeBlind Vice: Shafterella Shoshstein Strikes Again!

Be careful of a sweet young thing who looks supercute in a matching hair band:
As if ditching her poor PR boyfriend and leaving him out to dry wasn't conniving enough, it turns out sexually adventurous Blind Vice superstar Shafterella Shoshstein was selling out that cute romance partner of hers all along.
Shafterella had arranged to be her ex's publicity-only girlfriend (they were friends and both stars' agents thought it would be a good idea for their A-list careers), but planned all along to dump him. This would leave the world to wonder why the poor dude couldn't make a relationship with a woman work—and fuel gossip that he's gay.
Which, of course, he is, but that's beside the point.
How do we know S.S. had such an evil plan?
"She was with the boyfriend she's with now all along," says a source deep within the managerial machinations that put the two very beautiful stars in a relationship. "People think it just started after she broke up, but it didn't, the other guy was there all along—and they were very serious."
The dumped boyfriend, by the by, is furious with Shafterella for leaving him in a lurch. He knew people were suspecting his romance with Shoshstein was suspect to begin with, but when she reneged on their PR agreement to be romantically involved (for show), not only did she do it behind his back—and without warning—the dumpee had actually gone to great lengths to curb his own real-life love life, and to make the ersatz affair look as believable as possible.
Granted, this was one of the man's worst performances of his career, but let's put it this way: He's ultimately a nice guy and was doing his best to abide by the commitment he'd made to Shafterella, who was diddling somebody else off to the side the whole time, laughing and scheming all along.
Wonder when karma's gonna twist her little sweater set around her neck, already?
And what I want to know is why aren't there awards in this town for Best Fake Relationship?
Oh, forgot, there are: People magazine gives them out weekly.
And It Ain't: Miley Cyrus, Jessica Szohr, Michelle Williams

Top suspect: Still Reese Witherspoon.  And the ex-bf in question = Jake Gyllenhaal.  See our posts for Toothy Tile for more on that fake relaysh.  Her current bf = Jim Toth.

Links to the previous two Shafterella Shoshstein BV's are here - Oct 2008 including a full list of who has been eliminated, and July 2009.


blurry vice said...

Well, he gave us a hint/clue that Shafterlla is a "blind vice superstar". That narrows it down and encourages our Reese guess.

blurry vice said...

Poor Toothy! I suspected she was dating that guy all along.

duffgrl said...

Notice how Ted doesn't give the "ex-bf" a moniker...since it's Toothy and it would so give this away!

Anonymous said...

LOL, I suspect Reesy-Toth is fake too. Look at the photo oops and you'll see.

french martini said...

"This would leave the world to wonder why the poor dude couldn't make a relationship with a woman work"
Dear Teddy Bear,
The real question is would he like to have a relationship with a lady?

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
I found Scarlett Johansson absolutely sexy and stunning in Iron Man 2, and that kiss she pulled off with Sandra Bullock at the MTV Movie Awards was perfect. I'm also a fan of Robert Pattinson. I think he's amazing and I was wondering, what do you think about ScarJo and Rob doing a movie together? Now that is movie I'd definitely watch.

Dear Come To Hollywood:
Sure, I'd see it. Maybe a caveman romance so we can get Rob in a loin cloth? Just a suggestion. But could you imagine the tabloid headlines? "Scarlet Johansson Leaving Hubby For R.Pattz!" No thanks, Reese rumors are stupid enough for me."

Caz1310 said...

Hi as others have noted this one's crystal clear. Ivory love Reesy-Toth (LOL). The benefits of a fake relationship are obvious to Teethy Jakey but what would Reese be getting out of it? If Reesy Toth is also fake, what's her story?

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Were Reese and Jake friends before they began dating? I wouldn't think they'd run in the same circles. Also, how long has she known her current boyfriend? Forgive me for being greedy but do you know if Reese and Rob are getting along on the set?

Dear Interrogation:
Yes, they were pals. H'wood is a small town; you'd be surprised who's friends with who. Can't give you an exact time line on Reese and her new beau, but things heated up fairly quickly 'cause he's absolutely perfect for her. And yes, no problems on set. Whew, that was a lot of work."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
How long has Shafterella been bearding for closeted gay actors? I mean, she has better things to do, doesn't she?

Dear Um:
Not really."

blurry vice said...

Caz 1310-
Bears get press from fake relationships. They get their photo in People magazine etc more often for a while. As for Jim Toth, I don't believe that relaysh is a fake one. This BV kinda says that she was dating the new BF while the beard relaysh was going on.

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Is it safe to say that Shafterella Shoshstein and Toothy Tile are no longer friends?

Dear Civil War:
One, why are you pairing them together? Très intriguing. Two, it's not quite that black and white. Embrace the gray, darling."

Caz1310 said...

Does anyone else get the feeling Ted's BV's of late have been rather lame? Fancy going back to Jake & Reese... I think he's losing his touch. Blurry thanks for enlightening me on beards. Golly so much effort into something so fake.I suppose there's not much to do between long breaks between movies.

Caz1310 said...

Just realised Ted's referred to Gray (in Blurry's post above) as in Gray Goose (Austin Nicholls), Toothy's real squeeze. Still stumped why Ted's gone back to these three - old BV news by now.

Anonymous said...

I was at a Carrie Underwood concert about 15 months ago and Reese was right in front of me with one of her daughters. Carrie asked the audience to raise their hands if they were a single lady. Her Daughter grabbed her hand and put it up for her and she put it down and yelled at her with laughter. This was when she first started dating JAKE. I knew about him being gay. So once i saw that it confirmed that they werent a couple. It was all PR.

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
I was wondering about Shafterella Shoshstein. I understand ditching her faux romance the way she did was pretty rude, but is it uncommon for beards to have a serious side relationship? As long as no one finds out and continues to believe the tabloid-friendly relationship, what's wrong with everyone having a little love? If the closeted celeb can have fun on the side why not the beard? My pup Teddy adores you!

Dear Play by the Rules:
Sure, S2 was definitely allowed to have a bit of loving on the side, so long as it didn't ruin the setup the two stars had, and that's what totally happened. Shafty ditched the poor gay dude without so much as a warning. Give Teddy a supersloppy kiss from me, ‘K?"

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Is Reese Witherspoon a closeted Scientologist or about to become one? I would have never guessed that she and Will Smith would even share the same air let alone have a "working relationship." And isn't she costaring with Tom Cruise in a new film? Tom and Will are both poster boys for the "religion."

Dear Faith Flopping:
Sure, we're tough on Reesey—with good reason—but the babe better watch her back, considering she's in talks for a new movie based on Scientology. Those folks will not like getting mocked on the big screen."

blurry vice said...

blurry vice said...

blurry vice said...

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Reading through the Blind Vices, I was wondering if you could talk more about the beards. So in the instance that one of the persons involved is straight, and they are caught in this sex scandal, how can they continue to keep the secret hidden? I mean I don't blame them for wanting a real love life, but it's hurting their public image, when the public finds out that person A is cheating, then person B gets all the sympathy. It just depresses me that gays cannot be accepted in our society, and that they must do so much to keep their careers.

Dear Cheater Cheater:
Clearly you haven't heard of Shafterella Shoshstein, D. That crafty bitch was way involved with an über-fake relaysh but was boinking her secret, side BF (ya know, the real one) the whole time. Never caught once. Again, I say: crafty bitch, huh?"

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
You mentioned at one point that Shafterella was entertaining the ladies, but then more recently, in a Shafty update, you said that the person she is with now was who she was with all along—even when the initial bearding began. So was that tidbit true? Or was that part written (or given out) to lead us astray?
—Gets the Shaft

Dear Shave Off Shafty:
Let me clarify: She wasn't with her current fellow the entire time she was in her PR setup. Shafterella met this guy while she was smiling for photos with her closeted "BF"; then kicked her arranged guy out on his ass without thinking of what her actions would do for his public image. As for the ladies, well, she's never been shy in that arena, just not her main drive."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Do Jake Gyllenhaal and Kirsten Dunst still talk? Are they on good terms?

Dear Done With Dunst:
They're friendly, D, but they don't go out of their way to chat. Definitely good terms, though. Unlike, say, Jake and Reese."

Katie said...

Dear Ted:
I've been a loyal reader for years, have tuned numerous friends onto your genius, and have two wonderful rescue dogs that also adore you. You've got to tell me, because I'm dying to know: What is Shafterella up to these days? You've updated us on Toothy, so how about a little news on his former beard.

Dear Given The Shaft:
I'm still totally pissed at Shafty for how she treated Toothy, so screw her and the new dude that she has. Of course she thinks she's totally in love with him, though, if that's what you're curious about.

Read more:

Finally admits Shafterella's conection to Toothy.

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
I've been a loyal reader for years, have tuned numerous friends onto your genius, and have two wonderful rescue dogs that also adore you. You've got to tell me, because I'm dying to know: What is Shafterella up to these days? You've updated us on Toothy, so how about a little news on his former beard.

Dear Given The Shaft:
I'm still totally pissed at Shafty for how she treated Toothy, so screw her and the new dude that she has. Of course she thinks she's totally in love with him, though, if that's what you're curious about."

WOW! For the first time Ted admits that Shafty was Toothy's beard. HUGE.

Read more:

blurry vice said...

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
You quoted Us Weekly (wait, really?) saying that Reese Witherspoon's BF had "a very private proposal planned." Very private indeed—details on the cover! Please tell me that's what she wants, rather than having their romantic moment all to herself. Also, the writers at Us are mocking their readers, right? Or do they think irony means "sort of like iron"?

Dear Witherspoon Fed:
Reese's rep only deigned to tell People the couple is not currently engaged. Obviously, Camp Witherspoon knows that Reese is going to officially become engaged: Us knows it, People knows it—we all know it. The point is, Us wants to get their Reese wedding stuff on sooner than later, People's going to wait until it's fed to them intravenously by a publicist in a Prada lab coat and we here at the A.T.—well, quite frankly—wake us when it's all over. The way that woman treated Jake Gyllenhaal leaves us not exactly anxious for info on the next dude stupid enough to hook up with her. Is that iron-y, Agusta?"

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
I am confused. What's wrong with Reese Witherspoon? I thought she was just a nice girl with a couple of kids?

Dear Spoon Fed:
How dare you underestimate R.W. like that! Tho, to be fair, that's exactly what she wants."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
It sounds like Shafterella Shoshstein and Secretia Ohio both use PR to satisfy their bitchy desires! So, do they have any differences? Who has more of a diva

—Hannah :)

Dear Bitch, Please:
Secretia, by a long shot!"

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
How dare she! I am seething mad at Reese Witherspoon dissing her ex again in order to make herself and her movie relevant: Dating a non-actor is better? Well

duh, a non-star only sees stars, no matter how vicious and self-involved they are, and will sacrifice his needs for his movie star girlfriend. Am I wrong in

this, or did the headline make you gag as well? Hasn't she done enough to Jakey? And why is he being such a gentleman—he never uttered one bad word about

Reese when she surprisingly and quite cavalierly dumped him for her agent. Even if he has more, and may I say better, movies to promote.

Dear Spoon-Fed:
You know I love the chance to point out how downright dastardly Reese can be, and—while a bit gag-worthy—this is one of her less malicious media maneuvers. I

agree with her too: She is better off dating a dude out of the limelight. It leaves all the attention for her, right? As for Jake, well, he knows there's no

perks in pissing off his ex."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Happy New Year! My puppy and I missed your daily Bitch-Backs over the holiday, but we came up with a bunch of questions for you during that time. First, has

Priscilla Desert ever met Shafterella Shoshstein? Second, does LeAnn Rimes have a Blind Vice? And third, is Wilby Whiskers old enough to legally vote?

Dear Wham-Bam:
Let's not get greedy, I'll answer two. Yes, Priscilla and Shafterella have met (that doesn't say much, for what it's worth), and LeAnn Rimes does all her
Vicey stuff out in the open."

"Dear Ted:
I feel kind of sorry for Jake Gyllenhaal. It seems that no matter what he does from here on in it will somehow always be tied to his relationship with Reese

Witherspoon. That is one very shrewd woman...whom I wouldn't want to meet in a dark alley. Do you think he has learned his lesson and will start dating less

famous women, or would that defeat the whole purpose of being in a relationship to being with him?
—Amanda F., NYC

Dear Clean Break:
Jake knew what he was getting into with Reese, just not how it was going to end. I greatly think that will dictate how he goes from here. I would hope he

would follow his heart, not what people are telling him (whether that's a famous significant other or not)."

"Dear Ted:
It's been a while since you have mentioned Shafterella Shoshstein. I was wondering if she is still seeing the ladies, and if so, does her significant other

know or care?
—Eve, N

Dear Bye-Bye Bi:
No, she's not. She's doing the straight thing right now, but yes, he so knows all about Shafty's time with the chicks. He's pathetically titillated by it,

just like Brad."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
While reading the blind about Sheila Yabos, I couldn't help but notice similarities between her and Shafterella Shoshstein. I got to wondering what Shafterella has been up to? Is she still up to her old tricks, or has she settled down? Do she and Sheila run in the same circle?

Dear Sneaky Sexies:
Nope, Sheila and Shafterella run in different crowds. Let's just say you have a lot more to worry about with Ms. Yabos. The babe is on the verge of spiraling out of control. Not at all the case with Shafterella."

Rachel said...

Did anyone read today's BV about King Schlong yet? It mentions Super Duper Cooper being a "boy bitch" of SS. Currently SS is thought to be Reese Witherspoon and SDC is thought to be John Mayer. BUt I don't think the 2 of them have ever been linked have they?

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Why didn't Shafterella Shoshstein's ex-spouse (the husband before Toothy Tile) out her as a cheater, since she helped the press out him as a cheater? Was he

cheating with men too and thought it would hurt his career? If it's who I think it is, it's kind of strange because he played a lot of bi and gay characters,

and his career did quite well. Did Shafterella actually have sex with Tile, and who birthed Tile's kid?
—Brent St. Monica

Dear Wait, What?
You lost us at Toothy Tile. You've got your Blind Vices in a big, fat knot. Good luck with that!

Dear Ted:
I guess I should narrow and fix my question from before. Why didn't Shafterella Shoshstein's ex-spouse tell the press that she cheated on him before they

divorced? Since she let the press believe the divorce was entirely his fault, it would seem he should have planted info in the press about her "penis

parties" and "femme friends" mentioned in your Blind Vices about Shafterella. What stopped him?

Dear Nice Guys Finish Last:
Because he messed up, too. Look, they have kids together, so, why drag it out in the press à la Denise Richards and Charlie Sheen back in the day? We think

it's pretty commendable what Shafterella's ex did by staying quiet. He doesn't entirely deserve the sleazy rep he gets around this town."

blurry vice said...

Dear Ted:
Who do you like even a little bit: Shafterella, Fake à la Ferocity or Cruella St. Shackles? Who's slicker and who has fooled us the most in public?

Dear Some Single, Some Mingle:
Fake à la Ferocity, by far, even though, ultimately, she and Cruella are pretty much in the same sinking boat of bitchery. But Shafterella still has a chance

(barely). She's working through her rough situation and getting on with her life—as I like to see all my Vicey celebs do well, eventually!"

blurry vice said...

Dear Ted:
So Reese Witherspoon is getting married again—imminently, apparently. Now, it seems to me that when she and Jake Gyllenhaal split there was a lot of talk about how he wanted to get married but she wasn't ready to settle down. So she's been dating Jim Toth "for about a year," as the tabloids are now saying, with a mention of this seeming contradiction. Your take?

Dear Altar Rusher:
Coincidences never exist in Hollywood, come on. Reese's relationship with Jake was nothing like what's going on with her agent-turned-fiancé. There's more than just an image. These two are totally in love, and good for them. The woman needs to move on, as Jake did with all his rebound ladies. A year is a perfectly decent amount of time to date someone when getting married at this point. Plus, she can't let ex Ryan Phillippe out-score her in the postdivorce romance department. Wonder if Ry and Jake got invites to the quickie nuptials, and who their dates would be?"

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Is Reese Witherspoon as sweet as she wants us to believe? I get mixed emotions about her from you sometimes, and if she and Jennifer Garner are as close as I

have read about, I can't imagine she would be. After all, I remember what a jerk Jennifer was to Taryn, and if my BFF were that deplorable, I doubt they

would be a BFF for long.

Dear Charmers:
No celebrity is as sweet as we want to believe, Reese included. And while Reese does well spreading her Southern charm, gal doesn't do so without an agenda.

Same goes for Jen. This friendship is anything but a coincidence. "

blurry vice said...

Dear Ted:
You're being an ass about the Reese thing. She's right, young girls need to know there are other ways. Let's face it, the mainstream thing to do seems to be pose in your undies, date a sports figure, drop a sex tape, etc. I have no problem with women doing any of this, but when that's all young girls are seeing, we have a problem. Maybe if you were a woman or had a daughter you'd understand. We need options that don't involve sexuality first.

Dear Wither Spoonin' It Out:
I've said it before and I'll say it again: I don't dislike Reese. I actually like her for all the reasons that some commenters are bitchin' that I hate on her: because she's a strong lady who knows how to get what she wants. I just wish she'd own up to that instead of hiding behind the cookie-cutter image. She's not nearly as saccharine as she seems, and there's nothing wrong with that.

Dear Ted:
At the MTV Movie Awards, Reese Witherspoon claimed she is "trying to make it cool to be a good girl." If people knew her Blind Vice, would her self-titled

"good girl" appearance be considered unwarranted?

Dear Kiss Hiss:
Oh come on, isn't Rob kissing Taylor Lautner worth the fun? And then afterward, Rob got his real smooch stuff on, trust us! Best of both worlds that way, and

everybody had fun doing it, in case you were wondering. As far as Reese goes, don't believe anything that comes out of that woman's mouth. I think the world

is beginning to see her for the two-face she can often be. Funny, still dig her, though—just wish she'd 'fess up about who she really is, that's all.