Monday, June 7, 2010

Vintage BV: Potty-Puss Priscilla

On a roll with the vintage blinds...

One Hand-Biting Blind Vice - Jan 25, 2007

Aren't the Oscar noms fun? Not to mention friggin' and secretly sex-ay, huh? Closeted fruits. Discreet lesbians. Outta the total number of about 177 artists nominated three days ago, gay power unites within those selected for potential Academy Awards, isn't it too exciting?
Only problem is—for now—these par-tick gay men and women are mostly, like, totally lying and dating members of the opposite sex to extend their careers, selfish mother-effers! So, don't expect any thanks to homo partners up at the Kodak podium, should these gays win. Whatev.
Therefore, it lies with Potty-Puss Priscilla to enliven today's blinded bad-ass report. It involves duplicity and damning words, two of my favorite things to report on in Hollywood, besides errant erections and heaving bosoms behind bathroom stalls. See, Ms. P.P.P. is—on the very public one hand—telling folks how mucho honored she is to be acknowledged by the Academy.
Then, on the other—not so private—digit set, P3 is busy blasting the “unseemly” rat race of it all. She considers the whole Oscar showdown a “sham,” as if we're all “greyhounds chasing a rabbit,” she's said to amigas, privately.
Now, isn't it sweet, too divine, really, that Ms. P.'s all but certainly going to be up on that stage, come Oscar night, giving the best artistic showing of her career—as in pretending she's actually humbled by all this Academy Award nonsense.
Oh, I should tell you something: In case you sense any bitterness on Priss-babe's part, that's because she is. Snarky and snide, that is. Thinks she should have gotten these brass-sucker jobs more often.
Oh, dear.
Shouldn't somebody tell Priscilla darling that expectations will not only put lines on her deceivingly sweet face but that I hear this kinda soul-stealing, stinky emotion makes your cleavage droopy 'n' wrinkly, too. Or so I'm told.

And it ain't: Patricia Field, Abigail Breslin, Melissa Etheridge 

Also eliminated: (no one)

Top guesses were: Meryl Streep, Helen Mirren, Penelope Cruz, Kate Winslet, Judi Dench


blurry vice said...

Here are the female nominees from 2007:

Penélope Cruz, "Volver"
Judi Dench, "Notes on a Scandal"
Helen Mirren, "The Queen"
Meryl Streep, "The Devil Wears Prada"
Kate Winslet, "Little Children"

Adriana Barraza, "Babel"
Cate Blanchett, "Notes on a Scandal"
Abigail Breslin, "Little Miss Sunshine"
Jennifer Hudson, "Dreamgirls"
Rinko Kikuchi, "Babel"

The Spie said...

Honestly, I'd be shocked if this wasn't Helen Mirren. She's one of those old-school Brits who are the type to disdain any awards while always craving them. Plus, Ted said that she was definitely going to be up there on awards night making a speech; there was almost no mystery about the 2007 women's categories, since Mirren and Hudson had won everything leading up to the Oscars. It's gotta be Dame Helen.

Mikayla Marie said...

Kate Winslet popped into my mind. She'd been nominated so many times but never won and the gossip flew around that for years. She did a guest spot on Extra's as parody of herself playing a nun in a Nazi movie just to get an Oscar finally - and this sounds like a few of her lines from the ep. Also the lines about drooping boobs and wrinkles made me feel like the person was younger, as if that hadn't happened to her - yet. I also got the notion the person was a repeat nominee but never a winner from the brass-sucker jobs line.

My issue w/ Kate would be that this feels too obvious if anything - a good mislead from Ted.

Tara said...

I know I have heard not to hold much hope in the AIAs but Patricia Field is a costume designer, and she styled for Devil Wears Prada, which hints at Meryl Streep. Which would go with the serious repeat noms with no wins like Mikayla mentioned.

Unknown said...

I was thinking Salma Hayek until I saw the posting of the award nominees of 2007. The word "amigas" makes me suspect Penelope Cruz.

crila16 said...

I think Kate Winslet, Judi Dench or Helen Mirren. Def not Meryl Streep...she's won more oscars than anyone in hollywood. There's no bitterness and she's deserved every single one of them. Judi had already won an oscar for Shakespeare in no bitterness. Kate Winslet should have won for Titanic (or even Kate Blanchet for Elizabeth) yet Gwyneth won it for Shakespeare in Love that year. It made no sense. The other candidates blew Gwyn out of the water.

crila16 said...

Kate was actually nominated quite a few times for brilliant work in films and never won until recently. The academy is full of @&*$!!

Kidsis said...

Wait, so how do Abigail Breslin and Melissa Etheridge tie in to the guesses? Those are some big clues being ignored...I think we don't have it yet!

Unknown said...

Crila16, Streep has only won two Oscars, her last win was in 1983 for Sophie's Choice. So she's been without a win for over 25 years.

But the fact that Ted mentions the BI star should fear facial lines and droopy breasts from her high expectations makes me think that it's someone younger. I'd imagine at Meryl's age she's already suffering from both those.

Kate or Penelope make more sense for this one because they're younger. But.. Ted said, "Thinks she should have gotten these brass-sucker jobs more often", which I interpret as the actress thinks she should have been getting more Oscar-worthy roles? If that's the case, it would have to be Penelope, because Kate's had her pick of Oscar-bait roles since Titanic.