Monday, June 7, 2010

Vintage BV: Reverential Ricardo, Manfred He-Man

Now I am on a roll with looking up old ones... here is another:  (Edited to add first one that day, could not locate it at first, my apologies.  The two are unrelated but I am putting them together since they were written on the same day.)

Both are from Jan 4, 2007 -
Part 1...

One Heaping Blind Vice With a Man on the Side
Reverential Ricardo is such a lucious emeritus hottie (no Clay Aiken he, promise), almost as much as Manfred He-Man (see next Vice), but first, we're zeroing in on R2's once so taut bum—and what he's been doin' with it. 
See, I'm putting Revey before Manny in this too sex-ay Vice 'cause, well, ya see, Mr. R's been putting us (discreetly, mostly) homo types at the top 'o his list for aeons! So sweet of him to do so!  Not really.  Because, as it is, when Ricardo sees fit to discuss homosexuals, he ain't exactly kind about it.  Sort of the same way sanctimonious servants o' God spat as they declare diddling outside of marriage to be a sin, all the while they've often got a mistress or masseur on the side.  Know what I mean, my money-siphoning jellybeans?
Oh, hell, I'm getting off track, per usual. Sorry.  So, ain't it ironic—and such the man-to-man coinky-dink—that Reverential, so say some of his relatives, directly to moi, has a certain buddy living in his abode, expressly for the purpose of late-night nooky? 
Translation: When the fam's in bed, R.R. rendezvouses with his good-looking (but aging less gracefully than Revey, I might add) lad—kept on salary, by the by, just so R.R. can have discreet homo sex whenever he wants.  Oh, and what's written on those pay stubs for the stud-service type, you ask? Anything but Best Boy, bien sûr! What the hell else did you expect in this town? 
Gosh, did Reverential get that idea from certain other male/male megastars, I wonder?  Not that I'm implying anything, mind you... 
And it Aint:  Eddie Murphy, Paul Newman, Denzel Washington 

For Reverential Ricardo:
Eliminated: Eddie Murphy, Paul Newman, Denzel Washington, Marc Anthony, Kirk Cameron
Top guesses were: Mel Gibson, Tom Cruise

Part 2...
One Gay-Acting Playacting Blind Vice
Now, superfamous Manfred He-Man, I must tell you, is far more hopeful and genuine (for whatever that's worth) in his private homo life. Got a good man beside him, just like our fave closeted hunk, Toothy Tile. And even though Manfred does, just like Tooth, dream from time to time about the very real possibility of coming out and keeping his day job in homo-hating 'Merica—as Dubya says, so adoringly—he's trying to convince producers of one of his upcoming flicks to let him sorta do it...slowly.
In other words, via one of the characters Manfred's soon playing, who's even studlier than the reportedly wholly hetero He-Man.
"He wants this character to have a scene where he tries gay sex," poops a source close to M.H.-M.'s production goings-on. "He thinks that might help pave the way for him, privately, later on."
Whatever works for ya, boyfriend!
Gosh, I wonder if Toothy, the grande dame of on-the-verge fruits, has thought of such a calculating celluloid plan himself?
Yeah, I think so. Think he quashed it, in the end.

And it Aint: Matt Damon, Matthew McConaughey, Matt Dillon 

For Manfred He-Man:
Eliminated: Matt Damon, Matthew McConaughey, Matt Dillon, Wentworth Miller, Mark Wahlberg
Top guesses were: Daniel Craig, Hugh Jackman, Harrison Ford, George Clooney, Sean Connery


blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Is Manfred He-Man from One Gay-Acting Playacting Blind Vice Wentworth Miller? Please do tell.
Dear Det. Windy City:
He-man? Wentworth? Are you nuts? Miller's as butch as my last frost job, babycakes—think far more studly, considerably less coiffed.

Dear Ted:
I'm thinking one Playacting Blind Vice is Mark Wahlberg. After seeing him in Boogie Nights, I had a feeling he swings both ways. Say it isn't so! Also, Ted, why are you so protective of homos but squeal like a pig over heteros? Unfair, little girl, unfair!
Beth G.
Dear That's Big Girl to You:
Mr. Playacting ain't Mark W.—I wish! Think older, much older. And darling, I've squealed later on about both gay (Lance Bass) and straight (Sigourney Weaver) Blind Vice subjects, but nice try "

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Why are there so many closeted fellahs out there in H'wood? Isn't L.A. supposed to be more enlightened toward that end? Even down south here, we seem way more accepting than the H'wood Industry. Reverential Ricardo from One Heaping Blind Vice with a Man on the Side actually pays someone to stay and be his gay lover? Pffft. Lame.
Charleston, South Carolina
Dear Pffftootah:
Yep, can ya believe it? First, R2's afraid of losing his income—just ask Billie Jean King, George Michael or Boy George, if you have any questions about that one (and they weren't even in the damn movie biz!). More accurately, R2 hates himself for what he is, quite unlike our darling Toothy Tile.

Dear Ted:
Reverential Ricardo is totally Marc Anthony, right?
Huntsville, Alabama

Dear Loco Lass:
Hardly, darling! Think infinitely more hot, aged, connected and less spouse-whipped, my dear

Dear Ted:
Has Kirk Cameron ever been the subject of a Blind Vice? I know that behind his holier-than-thou facade there must be some shocking secrets. Is Kirk Reverential Ricardo?

Dear Dope:
No! And he never will be!"

Unknown said...

i think manfred he-man is matthew goode? the movie could be brideshead revisited in which his character befriends a homosexual man or maybe watchmen bc i know that started filming in 2007?

Anonymous said...

Reverential Ricardo: Cruise (before T. Casablanca assigned him another BV)

Manfred He-Man: Hugh Jackman

Eric said...

This is so obviously Daniel Craig.

It was in the news at the time as well, and the story's plastered all over the net.