Blind Vice: Gay Star's Clueless Beard Walks In On a Shocker!

New BV from Ted today -

Blind Vice: Gay Star's Clueless Beard Walks In On a Shocker!


People have a right to live their lives, let's be clear about that. And that's why we do not out gay stars at AT, never have, never will.
But when matinee idols like Toothy Tile and Fey Oil-Tush choose to involve other, non-gay folks in their clandestine lives, it changes the rules.
For instance, Crescent Kumquat's latest beard was beginning to wonder why the heck the handsome star never laid a finger on her in private. Well, she just found out the reason the hard way:

When the gorgeous, tall stunner Crescent had been parading around to parties just happened to hop over to her man's place to surprise him (and she found that he was not only home, but, the place was pretty open). Only it was she who got the shock when she walked in on Crescent having sex with a dude!
And not just a little petting or oral action, either, babes, Crescent was right in the middle of getting done to him what the gorgeous, real-blonde chica had wished he would do to her!
Now, we gotta say we're starting to wonder just how much dope Crescent's doing these days, because not even outlandish sex Vice Super-stars like Toothy and Crotch Uh-Lastic take this many chances—you know, like leaving the house wide open while getting it on with a guy inside.
But then who'd have thunk the gf would come over for a surprise? Well, all the more reason to actually give these beards a little lovin' once in awhile, boys. Ya know, so they're not so damn horny!
But the discarded chica does get the last laugh, we must note. Won't be getting that nasty social disease Mr. Kumquat's known to have, whew!
Wonder if that latest blondie CC's been out with will be as lucky?
AND IT AIN'T: Tom Sturridge, Charlie Sheen, Robert Pattinson

Please refer to the label below for a link to our posts on the many previous Crescent Kumquat BVs, including a full list of who has been eliminated.

Top suspect - still Chace Crawford

Blind Vice: Be Careful Who You Sleep With!

From Ted yesterday...

Blind Vice: Be Careful Who You Sleep With!

Oh, Crescent Kumquat, what a tangled romantic life you lead:
First you start kissing boys, then you graduate to secretly hooking up with them online, and now you've decided you gotta sleep with a big-mouthed (female) publicist, just to make sure word gets around that you're into girls.
Hmm. What a sneaky boy you are.
Yeah, but that craftiness between the sheets sure does come with a big ol' problem, doesn't?
Yeah, like a nasty STD you picked up from the blabbering PR rep!
Yes, yes, yes, of course, the chick you boned talked about the fact that you slept with her, just like you wanted. But, she also gave you another little bonus present: herpes. And guess how the babe you scored with found out she got the unfortunate disease in the first place?
Another bisexual star (who's famous for hanging with a gay-loving chick, just for the publicity, as well) also slept with this same rep—and she bitched him out when she found out. And now Crescent's super peeved she passed it onto him without so much as a, "you might want to throw a rubber on that not exactly long but nicely wide equipment of yours."
Jeez, what a friggin' six-degrees of penicillin this baby is.
Pretty high price to pay just to get talked about in the rags as a red-blooded, honey-bedding stud, huh? I'll say.
Oh, and for the record, Crescent, since I hear you're back online hunting for boys again, tell me something: do you also advertise that you're one-night encounters come fully equipped with the gift that keeps on giving?
Just curious.

Aint it Ain't: Ryan Kwanten, Kiefer Sutherland, John Mayer

This is the 6th Crescent Kumquat Blind Vice.  Our top suspect is Chace Crawford.

Here are the links to the many other CK BVs: Jan 9 2009 including a full list of who has been eliminated; May 1 2009; Jan 15 2010; Apr 23 2010; Apr 27 2010.

Bonus Blind - More Details from Kumquat's Kinky Crypt

New from Ted today... a continuation from Friday's Blind Vice

Bonus Blind - More Details from Kumquat's Kinky Crypt

Everyone was apparently so into Crescent Kumquat's homo-lution in last Friday's Blind Vice that we've decided to share more deets with you from that fateful night of online lust.
One thing that everyone forgets is how these closeted stars affect those they get up close and personal with in secret.
Crescent, we know you're new at this (or supposedly a virgin never having "gone all the way" with a guy), so let us introduce you to rule No. 1: Don't leave your nookie partner burned after you use him for anonymous sex...
When talking to our source, who was lucky enough to fool around with studalicious Kumquat, we felt totally bad for the dude, who was not expecting to get ditched postcoital.
Says Crescent's conquest:
"I am a bit sour of the fact he fake-numbered me and disappeared off the site. Call me naïve, but before he came over, the chat we shared was actually good."
Apparently Kumquat's talk and action vary just a smidge.
As we told you Friday, Crescent totally liked it rough (hair pulling, dirty talk and being very loud "while getting pleased"), but from what we hear leading up to the inevitable hookup, C.K. was more the mushy and lovey-dovey type.
How, exactly, do we mean?
Well, lots of hand-holding (pre-, during and postsexing), Robert Pattinson-type mooning and total eye contact with the fellow studmuffin he was hooking up with. Kumquat even supposedly tucked in his conquest and kissed the guy goodbye—only to never be heard from again.
Remember, Cres' profile was deleted and the number he gave was a fake, which doesn't shock us but totally did the guy.
As the unsuspecting fella puts it:
"We talked about our hobbies and interests. I had told him that I was new to the area and he had made some remarks about showing me around town one night. He really sounded like a guy that I could be cool with."
Is this sad or what?
Crescent, you must be careful with how you treat your special friends. Especially considering the fact you don't even make them sign confidentiality agreements (though we assume now that you're speeding up your gay tendencies at a rapid pace these agreements may not be far behind).
Be glad your onetime cyberbuddy doesn't wanna sell you down the river here. With your audience, In Touch would be jumping at the chance to run this tell-all exclusive.
Just sayin', babe, you won't get away with this kinda behavior for too much longer. Your good hair and charming smile only get you (and anonymity) so far!
And it ain't: Matt Lanter, Michael C. Hall, Matthew Bomer

Links to the previous CK BV's:
January 9, 2009 (including a full list of those eliminated), May 1, 2009, January 15, 2010, April 23, 2010

May 14, 2010

Our top guess: Chace Crawford

Blind Vice: Ballsy Crescent Kumquat Surfs for Sex!

New from Ted today...

Blind Vice: Ballsy Crescent Kumquat Surfs for Sex!

From cuddling to kissing to...well, hold your horny horses for a second.
You remember, Crescent Kumquat, we're sure. You know, that adorable B.V. star who can't quite seem to figure out his sexuality, but is having plenty of fun in the process.
Well, C.K. has taken another, more serious (as we predicted) step in his nighttime adventures with the fellows—isn't it just touching to watch him grow up? And by touching, we so mean in the crotch-grabbin' way that Cres loves.
So what's the down-low dude up to now?
We told you that Cres had taken a page from Topher Hairy-Tuchas' book and is using the Internet to pick out unknowing cyber-studs for some one-on-one fun. And Crescent has found the method quite rewarding.
Recently, C.K. chatted up a guy on a men-only website—according to the chattee—for an hour before the two finally decided to meet at the unsuspecting stranger's place. To say Crescent's potential conquest was surprised to see our hottie heartthrob is an understatement, but the online lover knew the code and pretended he didn't recognize Cres's so-famous face.
So what gets Cressy all hot 'n' bothered and ready to get down to action? Bourbon (tho our unprepared hookup had to substitute good old fashion H2O for the brown liquor) and a few puffs on a joint. Then it's time to hit the bedroom.
The action started innocently enough, with C.K.'s signature makeout session—which, at this point, he has down to a work of art—but things quickly picked up. Cres admitted to still being a virgin when it comes to going all the guy-on-guy way (which, we're so not surprised by) but there was still plenty more the two good-lookin' dudes could do to pass the time until C.K. skipped out in the wee hours of the morning.
And with all that spooning and cute-as-hell necking we're accustomed to, Cres has to be quite the gentle lover, no? More like, hell no—the dude is definitely into the rough stuff—hair pulling and member-slapping, included free of charge.
And then Crescent was gone. His e-profile was deleted and the number he left after his late-night rendezvous turned out to be a faker—as if he would leave his actual digits. Why not his publicist's cell, too, while he was at it, right?
What did titillate us is that C.K. told his hunky hookup that he was bisexual and the two had to be discreet because Cres has a GF (which is so not true). Looks like Crescent still has plenty of exploring left to do—tho we're sure it will be with more fellas than ladies, as we've seen C.K. in full-on party mode and he never seems to have any intention of heading home with a chica.
Hey, as long as we keep getting the dirty details, explore away—so much more exciting than Lewis and Clarke, don't you think?

And It Ain't: Nick Jonas, James Van Der Beek, Alexander Skarsgard

Top suspect: Still Chace Crawford.

Links to the previous three Crescent Kumquat BVs: January 2009 including a full list of who has been eliminated, May 2009, and January 2010.
Also, here is the link to the bonus blind/continuation of this one from 4/27/10.
And the most recent CK BV from May 2010.


* Update 6/11/10 - Ted hints that Chace Crawford's pot bust has to do with his BV. 

"As for your Q, let's just say that the marijuana was just a very minor guest star in his much skankier B.V. Is that enough to whet your appetite?"

We believe the excerpt from this blind vice above hints to Chace Crawford being Crescent Kumquat:

"So what gets Cressy all hot 'n' bothered and ready to get down to action? Bourbon (tho our unprepared hookup had to substitute good old fashion H2O for the brown liquor) and a few puffs on a joint. Then it's time to hit the bedroom."

.

Blind Vice: Reckless Teenthrob Dares to be Outted!

New from Ted today... Crescent Kumquat returns.

Blind Vice: Reckless Teenthrob Dares to be Outted!

We're clearly not in the match-making business, but if we were, these two closeted stars could totally be a good thing together: Remember Crescent Kumquat and Topher-Hairy Tuchas? Both equally gorgeous studs who have equally big...secrets?
If it weren't for their large-ish age gap, we would totally predict these two guys to be swapping gorgeous hair secrets and then some behind closed doors.
Why, you ask? Because Crescent has been pulling a card straight from Hairy Tuchas's cruising-for-sex ways by using...
...Craigslist to shack up with dudes! No way!
Remember, we've seen the emergence of Crescent's flaming personality over the last year or so. First with a few boy-on-boy cuddles, then with some innocent necking, and now, full-on getting it on with guys. And he's not exactly being stealth about it, either.
What is it with dudes like Kumquat and Topher who have easily recognizable faces, yet who use Craigslist to get their gay sex on? Hello, that is so asking to get caught. Come on, this is beyond, say, Toothy Tile doing it in a car in a West Hollywood parking lot, people. This is practically an engraved invitation to be outted, for heaven's sake!
Maybe, ultimately, that's what these guys want? To be finally known as who they are, but do they want someone else to do the dirty work for 'em? Remember, Toothy just loves to get it on in super public places with Grey Goose, but even they have toned it down, as of late.
Seriously, I'd put my money on Toothy coming out before Crescent. C.K. and Topher really have to rely on their large female fan bases to keep their careers going. If the girls go, so do the jobs. Particularly Crescent's. His face is totally plastered all over the Teen Beat girlie-sphere. If that demo only knew the truth!
And it ain't: Jackson Rathbone, Paul Wesley, Justin Beiber

This is the third Crescent Kumquat blind vice. Here are the links to the other three CK BVs - Jan 2009 including a full list of who has been eliminated, May 2009, and April 2010.  and April 27, 2010. Also May 14, 2010.  We believe he is Chace Crawford.

(Also, use the link below to read the other Topher Hairy-Tuchus blind vices.)

One Deep Throat Blind Vice

New from Ted today:

One Deep Throat Blind Vice
Judas Jack-Off may not be Toothy Tile's only homo closeted contender for barely concealed, borderline same-sex man activity here in H-town. And I don't mean Crotch Uh-Lastic (who's getting a bit bored with all that water-sport play-acting, I hear).
Nope, I'm talkin' somebody else, somebody younger, somebody who's now a fabulous repeat Blind Vice offender! Do you remember...
Crescent Kumquat, the absolutely beautiful dude whose sexuality seems to be as up in the air as is his career?
See, last time we met C.K., the mainstream hottie had a dirty little habit of waking up after nights out in his male "friends' " beds, instead of with the girls he would occasionally bring home. But we never heard of much more than just some heavy petting going on—cuddling, spooning, real Taylor Lautner kinda stuff—which you can usually blame on the alc.
Well, Kumquat has taken it to the next level. Good bad boy!
Very PG folks, but telling nonetheless. C.K. has been caught getting hot and heavy, jamming his tongue down—way, way down—myriad willing dude's throat around when he parties privately. And I don't mean the bedroom, either. Out in the open, in the friggin' living, dining and family rooms of these get-togethers!
That said, C.K.'s no John Mayer and out in the open bout it (relatively speaking). Cres-babe's still in the "experimental phase," I'm told, and he's attempting to keep it all at least somewhat private, but we know where this kinda secret-party fooling around usually leads. To this very blolumn for more installments!
Also, an important thing to note is that C.K. isn't publicly playing the bearded card (like most of this closeted celeb group does). We hardly ever see this amazingly pretty guy with girls. Like ever. And it's superweird, too, 'cause Kum could have loads of babes with his heartthrob status rising—or leveled out, at least.
If Crescent's mediocre talent and hot looks keep getting him better gigs, we bet a fauxmance will follow, no question.
And it ain't: John Mayer, Corbin Bleu, Taylor Kitsch

* Here is a link to the previous Crescent Kumquat blind vice from Jan '09, including a full list of everyone eliminated. And here is the link to the third CK BV from January 2010.  And here is the fourth, and here's the fifth, CK BV from April 2010.  Also here is the sixth, most recent CK BV from May 2010.


* Chace Crawford is still our top guess!

One Spoonful of Spice Blind Vice

Here is the latest Blind Vice from Ted Casablanca, eonline's Awful Truth...

One Spoonful of Spice Blind Vice

Crescent Kumquat sure has many swooning ladies—and drooling gents—wondering which way this young hunk swings. His precious looks seem far too well-groomed to be that of a sports-watchin', belch-providin', crotch-grabbin' hetero fella (well, his crotch, at least).
We've heard many stories of Cres' femme conquests, raunchy, watery and fairly athletic hookups to be exact. But even Toothy Tile's been known to dabble in dames from time to time, if that says anything about Cres-Cres' not-so-straight ways. And if Mr. Kumquat's more frequent nightly habits are at all telling, we've got bad news for the horny-for-Crescent gals out there:
See, Cres loves to go out and party. Yeah, so what, who doesn't at his age? A few drinks turn into a lot more, and before ya know it, dude's libido leads him every which way—par-tick to the bedroom, or whatever comfy surface he can park his luscious, long...limbs on.
Often with a bunch of like-minded (and beautifully skinned) boys 'n' girls. But guess what? Despite C.K.'s female kiss capades with other gals of his status, Kumquat's often found after these debauched nights out waking up in the arms of his "very close" guy friends. Spooning. Friggin' entwined, folks. In front of the gals he was supposedly getting all debauched with the night before.
This certainly is as telling and de-lish a plot development as Crescent's day job churns out, I'll tell ya that much.
And It Ain't: Adrien Grenier, Penn Bladgley, Kellan Lutz

* Complete list of those eliminated as of 11/18/11: Adrien Grenier, Penn Badgley, Kellan Lutz, Robert Pattinson, Cam Gigandet, Jackson Rathbone, Zac Efron, Adam Levine, John Mayer, Corbin Bleu, Taylor Kitsch, Jensen Ackles, Paul Wesley, Justin Beiber, Nick Jonas, James Van Der Beek, Alexander Skarsgard, Matt Lanter, Michael C. Hall, Matthew Bomer, Ryan Kwanten, Kiefer Sutherland, 50 Cent, Alexander Skarsgard, John Goodman, Colton Haynes, Kellan Lutz, Tom Sturridge, Charlie Sheen


*** Our top guess: Chace Crawford.

* Here is a link to the second Crescent Kumquat blind vice from May '09. And here is the third CK BV from January '10. And here and here are the CK BVs from April 2010.  Here is the newest CK BV from May 2010.