Saturday, May 15, 2010

Blind Vice: Be Careful Who You Sleep With!

From Ted yesterday...

Crawford, Chace - Signed 8x10Blind Vice: Be Careful Who You Sleep With!

Oh, Crescent Kumquat, what a tangled romantic life you lead:
First you start kissing boys, then you graduate to secretly hooking up with them online, and now you've decided you gotta sleep with a big-mouthed (female) publicist, just to make sure word gets around that you're into girls.
Hmm. What a sneaky boy you are.
Yeah, but that craftiness between the sheets sure does come with a big ol' problem, doesn't?
Yeah, like a nasty STD you picked up from the blabbering PR rep!
Yes, yes, yes, of course, the chick you boned talked about the fact that you slept with her, just like you wanted. But, she also gave you another little bonus present: herpes. And guess how the babe you scored with found out she got the unfortunate disease in the first place?
Another bisexual star (who's famous for hanging with a gay-loving chick, just for the publicity, as well) also slept with this same rep—and she bitched him out when she found out. And now Crescent's super peeved she passed it onto him without so much as a, "you might want to throw a rubber on that not exactly long but nicely wide equipment of yours."
Jeez, what a friggin' six-degrees of penicillin this baby is.
Pretty high price to pay just to get talked about in the rags as a red-blooded, honey-bedding stud, huh? I'll say.
Oh, and for the record, Crescent, since I hear you're back online hunting for boys again, tell me something: do you also advertise that you're one-night encounters come fully equipped with the gift that keeps on giving?
Just curious.
Aint it Ain't: Ryan Kwanten, Kiefer Sutherland, John Mayer


blurry vice said...

ewwww chace

Anonymous said...

Gross! Chace is one to avoid everyone! LOL! I wonder how many other people have herpes in Hollwood? They all sure do seem to get around a lot.

Anyways, I'm dying to know who the other two are, but I don't really know about PR people and too many girls in Hollywood love the gays, so, hard to guess who the guy is if we don't know who the friend is.

knowsit said...

Guesses: original transmitter probably had a "hangover" when it happened and his gay loving gal pal is from "Chicago"
As for Cresent, no need to guess that one.

The Spie said...

Supposedly, GossipBoy said on his Twitter feed that the story's true, that it's old news, and that it post-dates BV's "relationship" with Crescent. It was probably tweeted from the line at the pharmacy while GB was waiting for his Valtrex prescription to get renewed.

BROOKE said...

How I did not want this to be Chace Crawford, yet he is such a pretty boy and those are the ones that usually end up being gay. I can't help but wonder if Carrie Underwood knew Chace was gay the whole time they dated, were they actually dating or was that just a PR stunt? Or maybe she found out and that's why they ended it! I remember that all these rumors started coming out about him being gay and having a thing with another young star (can't remember who it was) and then Carrie and him split. Neither of them talked much about it and I find that very strange considering they both dated for awhile. If my BF was using me as his beard and I had no clue and then found out I'd imagine I'd be pretty angry. Even if things weren't said right after the break up, you'd think just like with Justin/Britney, that later on those hard feelings would start to come out. I could be wrong but I don't see Carrie dating someone and agreeing to be their beard, she doesn't seem like that type. Then again, neither did Reese and we've all heard those rumors. I guess it's the American Sweethearts that you have to watch out for lol...What is up with all the upcoming young H-wood stars all being gay, bi, ect. or at least being rumored to be, such as Zac Efron, Chace, possibly Rob Patt, and Kstew (possibly bi), Taylor L, heck most of the Twi cast, I even heard something about Taylor Swift possibly having some girl/girl action in highschool. What is going on? Is this the new cool thing, to say your gay or bi? Not that there is anything wrong with it, but don't lie just for publicity either. It's like ever since Angelina said she was bi, that is has become a fad. I'm talking to you Lilo.

J said...

"It was probably tweeted from the line at the pharmacy while GB was waiting for his Valtrex prescription to get renewed."

Ha! Thanks "The Spie," I needed a good laugh today.

Assuming it's Chace Crawford, how incredibly stupid of him. They're not about to cure herpes anytime soon, so I guess that's the price you pay for being so shallow.

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
We have spent the last two decades fighting the stigma of HIV/AIDS. Yet, you totally play up the "eww" and "ick" factor of herpes. Why the double-standard? You are probably offending a large percentage of your readers (as herpes is common). People come here for entertainment; nobody wants to be made to feel like a social leper.

Dear Solid Point:
Never thought of it like that babe, and since, what, one in four people have the herp. I certainly don't want some readers to feel alienated. But what is a tad gross is how interconnected everyone in friggin' Hollywood is. Everybody's slept with everybody!"

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
In your latest Blind Vice about the gorgeous Crescent Kumquat, you mentioned that the guy who originally gave the publicist herpes was another closeted bisexual star. Am I wrong in my suspicions that this stained stud might be our own dear Nelly Fang? How about it, Ted, hot or cold? Kisses.
—Curiosity Killed The...

Dear Not Nelly:
Smooches back, and no. Though you're right in thinking this other dude has been a B.V. of the best variety. Just not of the sexy vamp variety."

Anonymous said...

Sounds like Knowsit might be on the right track...

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
So sad that Crescent Kumquat would be so stupid as to have sex without a condom! I wonder if he thought you don't get stuff from powerful females, only gay guys. Are any other Blind Vices now worried they might have picked up something from him recently? Any chance C.K. and Toothy hooked up recently? Or is Toothy being faithful to Grey Goose?

Dear Safe Sex:
Totally agree. I think Cres was more worried about getting his hetero on than protecting his business. A C.K.-T2 matchup, while superhot (well, if you ignore the herp), hasn't gone down. Don't expect it to, either. Totally different conniving animals."

Caz1310 said...

If this is Chace Crawford then he is a doofus for being so silly when he has such a high profile.

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
I love six degrees of Awful Truth! I really wish you'd play this game more often. How 'bout if I start? Chet Chick Muncher and Strawberry Snort'Em—do they know each other very well? Carnally well? And Crotch Uh-Lastic and Crescent Kumquat—do you think Crescent would be scared of Crotch? I imagine CUL has a heck of a 'come-hither' smile. Fey Oiled Tush and Hard Nipple Nick—do you think Nick would lend Fey his pilot?

Dear Q&A:
No. Yes. Maybe"

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Crescent Kumquat has become quite popular these days—almost as popular as Toothy Tile! I wonder if his costars know what's been going on with him lately? Also, how is he doing since we last heard of his herpes situation?

Dear Popularity Contest:
I don't think Cres will challenge T2's B.V. throne anytime soon (Toothy has his own friggin' website after all), but C.K. is definitely loving his time in the limelight—and trust, he's been having plenty of fun lately. Some of his costars are aware of his skanky habits; others remain in the dark."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Chace Crawford got arrested? Anything to do with his Vice?

Dear Where There's Smoke:

blurry vice said...

Heather said...

Don't forget the reference to "stoner online sex" in the last question of today's Bitch Back. HUGE, HUGE hint at this being Chace.

"Dear Ted:

About your response to the reader who asked why tabs are allowed to print ridiculous stories but you have to cover up your goodies. You said it was because your items are true, but in a suit for libel, truth is an absolute defense! Maybe I read your column on breaks while I'm studying for the bar exam. Anyway, I have a feeling that your secrecy has more to do with not wanting to burn bridges than it does with avoiding lawsuits.

Dear I Object:

I've never been afraid of burning a bridge—and I have the enemies to prove it. It's much more a case of morals, future counselor (and I know this is a dynamic your set rarely studies). If a dude or gal wants to shout they're gay, book some stoner online sex or even shoot up some fresh-cooked crack, I really believe that stuff's up to them to reveal, for the most part, at least."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
As I sit her nursing a sprained ankle three weeks before my wedding, I have become obsessed with the Blind Vices. Instead of wanting to know who Crescent Kumquat is, I just want the details. The dirty ones! Is the Kumquat's tree big? Shrubby or well-manicured? Any details? Any early wedding present perhaps?

Dear Bachelorette Party:
Hope you're healed up in time for your big day, babe—you should be getting in the mood for your man's tree trunk, not Crescent's. As for C.K., we've got more details than you'd ever want to know about what he's working with."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
How closeted are our favorite closeted stars? More specifically, do their families know? Like Toothy and Crescent. Are their parents and siblings in on it? Or are they as blind to their Vices as the general public is? My family—namely my two adopted dogs—know all of my vices. They are the very best secret-keepers.

Dear Open House:
Depends on the DL fellow, really. Some, who are more in the "experimenting" phase (Crescent Kumquat), keep it secret even from good old mom and pops. But those guys in more knowing times of their sexuality (Toothy Tile)? Usually the fam is in the know and, more often than not, happy for ‘em."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
As a fellow cat lover, I was just wondering; as Crescent Kumquat is just getting into the closet, is he taking any pointers on how to behave from the more experienced inhabitants, for example good old Toothy?

Dear Role Model:
Not so much Toothy. More Topher Hairy-Tuchas with his Internet hook ups and whatnot."

blurry vice said...

Also - for those out of the loop, see the 4/23/10 CK BV post for a big hint from Ted that Chace Crawford is CK.

Unknown said...

This has to be Chace Crawford, see awful truth comment from today

Dear Ted:
If a star comes out of the closet and they were a Vice, would you reveal it?

Dear Blind Justice:
Wholly depends on how much blow they were doing in that parking lot.

Read more:

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Chace Crawford was recently on vacation with his sister and Tony Romo. This being his second vacation of the year being the third wheel, I think it's time his agents set him up with a nice girlfriend. He obviously can't find one on his own. What is the hold-up?

Dear Flying Solo:
Uh, not sure where you've been but Chace has bigger problems to worry about than finding a new gal-pal to fool around with. Didn't you see La Lohan's court date? Judges are cracking down on celebs, and that was in T-town. Texas is so much tougher."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Does any of the gossip you hear ever get boring even though it might be fascinating to your readers? Out of these B.V. subjects, who do you find the most and least interesting to write about? Toothy Tile, Crescent Kumquat, Judas Jack-Off, Grey Goose and Nevis Divine.

Dear T-town Twist:
To answer your first question, I stick with those celebs who are relevant currently and making goss worth gabbing about, that way it doesn't get boring for me or you. As for the Vices, I'd say I'm mucho intrigued by Cres and Nev and the ways they're exploring their sexuality. None really bore me, but T2 hasn't exactly been causing any trouble lately. Care to fix that, Tooth?"

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
I think Blake Lively and Penn Badgley make a cute couple and at one point I was all Team "Darena," but now I think Serena is much better with Nate. Would Blake also be better with Chace? I would totally love to see them together. What's your opinion?

What little spark those two blond stars have is left on the Upper East Side, Nik, While they might be perfect to pal around together, Blake and Chace won't happen, like ever. She's far more suited for Penn, and even that's a stretch. Isn't this all just too sad for one of the most fun debauched shows on TV?"

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Crescent Kumquat for some reason has been on my mind lately. What's he been up to? And has he gone "all the way" yet? Or is that TMI to ask!
—Susie Q

Dear Kum and Go:
Ick, Cres needs to sort out some of his previous affairs (ya know, like the publicist that gave him herpes) before he continues with his late-night, marijuana-fuelled liaisons. Of course, I'll keep you updated on his bedroom behavior though, count on that."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Do you talk about the following B.V. subjects much under their real names: Crescent Kumquat, Judas Jack-Off, Dashed Dingle-Dream, Crotch Uh-Lastic and Grey Goose?

Dear Recent Appearances:
Hmmm...Crescent's been mentioned on and off lately. Not much from Judas or Dashed. Crotchy's recently been featured, but then again, he's always been here and there, lurking around. And I think that's all I'll tell you for now."

blurry vice said...

""Dear Ted:
What are your thoughts on the supposed relationship between Chace Crawford and Kelly Osbourne? I don't think she's good enough for him, although I know he's no saint. But I just don't think they'll work out, because they're so different. Just look at their outsides: He's so damn hot and she's so...not.

Dear Kelly Green With Envy:
I'm sure these two could totally hang as friends, but I don't see it going anywhere romantic. Both are mellow (kinda) but are looking for totally different things in a relaysh—and no, that's not saying anything about either of their looks. I think Kelly looks quite fab most days, you?"

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
I insist you dish on three yummy boys who share a lot in common looks-wise. Zac Efron, Chace Crawford and Ian Somerhalder! These boys need to play brothers stat, no? All three are known B.V.ers, so I was wondering if their dirty deeds have any similarities, or are they each in their own respective classes of naughty? Much love to ya, even if you won't spill!

Dear Pretty in Vices:
Sure, they share a lot more in common than just their oh-so-delish looks. Two of ‘em more than the third though. Can you guess which guy is the odd Vice out?"

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Do Crescent Kumquat and Twyla Babe-Sucker know each other...intimately?

Dear Cres Fallen:
I'm not sure you could have found a more random match, babe. Come to think of it, I'm not sure if they know each other at all."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
I am an avid reader of your blog. Love your take on the celebrity world. I was wondering if two of my favorite Vicers, Veronica Bee-Stings and Crescent

Kumquat, happen to be friends?

Dear Degree of Separation:
They know each other, sure, but that's not saying much. Most people their age do. I wouldn't say they are good friends. Veronica and Crescent run in

different circles, socially."

blurry vice said...

Dear Ted:
What ever happen to Chace Crawford and his career? I actually thought he was going to be the next It boy in Hollywood and wasn't gonna need Gossip Girl

anymore. But his other costars (especially Leighton Meester, Blake Lively and Taylor Momsen) are all making a name for themselves in movies and music. I know

looks can only take you so far (like Megan Fox), but I thought he was gonna be bigger star. Is he happier he has a paying gig and doesn't really care about

being an A-list star?

Dear Chacing Fame:
While Chace definitely has the hair for Hollywood (and the Vices too, trust!), he just hasn't hit it big like his costars. Chalk it up to lack of motivation?

Maybe this dude spent too much time pot-smoking in Plano instead of schmoozing up to Gwyneth Paltrow.

blurry vice said...

Dear Ted:
We talk so much about Hollywood's closeted stars, but we hear next to nothing about their other halves. So I'm wondering who sports the best facial hair and

who is most in need of a shave out of Fey Oiled-Tush, Judas Jack-Off, Dashed Dingle-Dream and Crescent Kumquat?

Dear Grab the Razor:
Judas probably plays the beard game the best (while Cres plays it the worst), and it's definitely time for Fey to ditch his other lady half. Was anyone

buying it anyway?

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Did Crescent Kumquat Vice before he got well known?

Dear Kum Hither:
Of course! Sure, it got about a billion times bigger—and more exciting—once he made a name for himself and his gorge puss was plastered everywhere, but all Vicers start out small, Cres no exception."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
We haven't had a Jackie Bouffant or Crescent Cumquat Vice in awhile. Is it safe to assume then that they're being good little Vicers?

Dear Down Low:
Good in the sense that they're keeping their naughty little secrets to themselves, yes. But they're definitely still up to no good, that's for sure.

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Does Jackie Bouffant have an STD? If not do you think he is likely to get one?

Dear Crotch Critters:
Not unless he hops in bed with Crescent Kumquat, which isn't exactly the craziest idea ever. But as off now, as far as I'm concerned, Jack has a clean bill

of health when it comes to his sex life. Not that he's getting much these days anyway."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Have Lorin Snifflepuss and Crescent Kumquat ever hooked up?

Dear Would Be Hot:
Nope, but that's an interesting pairing. Think we can make it happen?"

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Which of the Gossip Girl guys do you think has the most scandalous Vices? Penn Badgley seems like a D-bag in his interviews (bitter over his breakup with

Blake Lively, perhaps?). Chace Crawford just seems like a goofy, good boy. Ed Westwick seems to have the most mystery though, which is why I'm inclined to

think he must be the Viciest. Do you agree?

Dear Gossip Cop:
Sounds like you're describing their characters rather than their offscreen personalities, babe. Or maybe that's exactly what those Gossip guys would like you

to think. As for the Viciest, I think Mr. Crawford has you fooled with his pretty-boy looks. Actually, I know it."

.. said...

Did Ted just out Chace in today's BV? He wrotw at the end CC, not CK!

chibbs said...

GOOD CALL @HM!!! Ted totally wrote "CC" instead of CK! (re: "wonder if that latest blondie CC's been out with will be as lucky"?) I totally didn't notice that at first! Looks like an accidental 'out' to me! Yikes!