Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Bonus Blind Vice! Sex Tapes are So the Rage!

New from Ted today...

LORD OF THE RINGS ~ Viggo Mortensen ~ MOVIE POSTER(Size 24"x36")Bonus Blind Vice!  Sex Tapes are So the Rage!


What have you guys done to deserve so many Blind Vice's in the past week and a half? Or better yet, why have so many dudes been extra skanky, as of late?
Meet Chet Chick-Muncher. You'd think this star would have been a Vicer already since his ridiculous antics have been going on for decades, but his dirty laundry is usually so publicly aired there's never been a need before.
Until now, thanks to a certain electronic misstep...
Chet has definitely had his share of substance-abuse problems, and it seems one of his effed-up escapades is coming back to haunt him—big-time.
Obviously, we mean a sex tape. Who the hell doesn't have one lying around these days?
Only problem is, not only is Chick-Muncher attached and most definitely straight-ish, this tape isn't with his honey—or a girl.
Seems CC-M, who enjoys his female skank-up a lot, has been caught on-camera, not with a hooker, but totally blowing some random dude. Yes, that's how obscenely obliterated the Munch was when this went down—pun intended.
And one of the parties from this par-tick sexfest is shopping this bad-boy tape around, and Chet is convinced it's about to come out.
Hence, Chick-Muncher's attempt to fade back into the background. He's actually trying to become less of a public figure these days, professionally speaking, even though it may not look that way at all. That way, if the footage does come out in the near future, it won't sell for as much or have as much of an impact on his reputation (which is not exactly great right now).
And yes, Chet's lady is aware of what's going on. Wonder if she'll be the one to let the haunting tape spill to the press? It certainly would give her ammo for what's sure to be a massively uncomfortable split.
And it ain't… Tiger Woods, John Edwards, Jesse James

Update 6/8/10 - Ted has also eliminated John Mayer, Mickey Rourke, Leonardo DiCaprio, Michael Douglas, Kiefer Sutherland, Rob Lowe, Mark Wahlberg, Tom Sizemore.


54 comments:

blurry vice said...

This could be anyone! We need more hints. I was thinking Mel Gibson but he doesn't have a "honey" right now. Maybe Charlie Sheen...

anony-2 said...

on 3/4/2010 Ted said Charlie was a Blind Vice "regular".

I'm thinking Eric Dane?

anony-2 said...

Who else has been skanking it up for "decades"? David Duchovny? He's a revealed vice, so Ted could give him another name, but this reads like it's someone new to the BV annals.

Charlene said...

Is Don Johnson in a relationship?

(I would have suggested Warren Beatty, but he's famously known for being almost monkishly abstemious in everything but sex. Joan Collins credited his stamina on the fact that the only pills he took were vitamins.)

cassandra said...

David Duchovny is a great guess! my first thought was Kobe Bryant because the BV doesn't exactly sound like its describing an actor. But, I also noticed there are some striking clues: words like obliterated, haunting, ammo..maybe its someone that does action/scary movies?

anony-2 said...

Michael Douglas, maybe? His reputation isn't that great, he cheated on his first wife like crazy and that was totally played out in the media. He's not been seen with CZ-J very much lately, to the point that it's been noticed.

Emilee said...

this just reeks of charlie sheen, with the hookers & drug refrences.
i dont recall which BV he would have already been?

blurry vice said...

Yeah... we don't know which, but I forgot Charlie was already a BV.

I still feel like Mel Gibson or Sean Penn...

mo-mo said...

Robert Downey Jr.??

mo-mo said...

Oops, R.Downey Jr is on the list as already been a BV. Darn, he seemed to fit for this one.

I think David Duchovny is a good guess. Mel Gibson and Sean Penn both aren't "attached" anymore.

Erin said...

Marilyn Manson, maybe?

anony-2 said...

Ted said today that this person is very do-able. To me that eliminates Jack Nicholson, whom I've seen as a suggestions on some boards. Does it also eliminate Michael Douglas?

It could point to David Duchovny, but has he ever been implicated with drugs and/or booze? I thought he was just a slut?

Erin said...

Kiefer?

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Hey there, boyfriend! John Mayer's lady-killing ways are old news by now, but I'm wondering if all the sound and fury of "sexual napalm" could have more of a whiff of distraction. I saw him live (a friend won tickets plus meet & greet!) ages ago when his career was just heating up. At that time, he was a no-name. My friend and I both thought he and his bass player (guy) had a very tight rapport, if you get my drift. Was I completely wrong? Chet Chick-Muncher jogged my memory and made me think of Mayer. I know he's got another Blind Vice, but, just thought I would take a stab at it.
—Erin Kate

Dear Not Hungry:
There have been rumors for years about J.May's sexuality—especially after a certain boy blogger said they'd shared a kiss. As for recently, this brooding musician has been sticking to what he loves best—beautiful women."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
My first thought for Chet Chick-Muncher was Mickey Rourke, since he is known for his heavy partying drink/drugs. You said "his ridiculous antics have been going on for decades" which makes me think that some of the more popular guesses RDJ, Colin Farrell are too recent (even though they've been around for a while). Also, because you said "Hence, Chick-Muncher's attempt to fade back into the background. He's actually trying to become less of a public figure these days, professionally speaking, even though it may not look that way at all." Mickey has had more recognition lately since The Wrestler and has had some other movies that are slated to come out too. Am I right? Or even close...Love ya!
—Jax

Dear Close:
Close guess, but Mickey ain't our boy this time. Think much more doable, whether you're gay, straight or bi. Practically anybody wouldn't mind a roll in the potential STD hay with Chet!"

Katie said...

I'm thinking David Boreanas. Especially with everything coming out lately.

Jules said...

Has George Clooney ever been a BV? I thought of him immediately when I read this, especially when Ted says he wonders if his girlfriend will be the one to leak it to the press. Isn't she some sort of Italian journalist?

cassandra said...

what about mccauley calkin?!? he had some ridiculous antics with his family when he was younger which would be a few decades ago. and has had substance abuse problems/was arrested for drugs in 2006. definetely less of a public figure, professionally speaking than he used to be. and hes dating mila kunis.

Brittany said...

I'm going to second the guess for Kiefer Sutherland. He's definitely the best guess I've heard for this one so far. He really fits a lot of these clues and is known for his past DUI's and random crazy ass behavior.

Denise said...

Oh yeah, sounds like Keifer more than anyone else!

Denise said...

This has Charlie Sheen's name written all over it.

BROOKE said...

IDK about Keifer or Charlie bc Ted said practically anyone wouldn't mind a roll in the hay with this BV and I'm sorry but I wouldn't want to roll in the hay with either one of them. I'm thinking someone who's been around for awhile like them though. Someone comparable to Mickey R, but more good looking. Sean Penn and Mel Gibson are nice guesses, yet like someone said they aren't attached to anyone anymore. I'm just not sure, who else would be around their age range? Sly?

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
As I was reading your Blind Vice about Chet Chick-Muncher, I immediately thought about Leo DiCaprio. But it seems like I'm the only one who thinks this. Is it Leo, or am I close at least?
—MD

Dear First Thought:
Think again, babe. Leo is definitely not this deviant dude. He's far more outrageous than Leo could ever hope to be. "

Megan said...

Russell Brand?

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Could Chet Chick-Muncher be Michael Douglas? Am I close? And why is his moniker Chick-Muncher when in the Blind, he's certainly not munching chicks!
—Carola

Dear Different Levels of Gay:
No to Mikey. It gets confusing to keep up with what "straight" means by Hollywood standards. Chet isn't gay. He just gets so messed up that he'll pretty much do anything when he's that blacked out from alcohol and drugs."

blurry vice said...

This was right below the Michael Douglas elimination above:

"Dear Ted:
I just love who the studly Robert Downey Jr. seems to be. We all know he's had his public problems, but does he have a Blind Vice?
—Meghan

Dear Iron Man:
But of course! Heart him, too."

Brittany said...

For a second there I thought that was a hint for RDJ but then I realized he's already been a BV for a long time.

Guess I'm back at Kiefer. Only one that fits who hasn't been eliminated yet I believe.

anony-2 said...

Ted eliminated Keifer today, saying the person is hotter.

anony-2 said...

oops, my bad. Not hotter, but more "A List".

Dear Ted:
I am stumped on Chet Chick-Muncher. Kiefer Sutherland, perhaps? P.S. Yes, I have a dog.
—Kel in the ATL

Dear So Close:
Fab guess dear. Really, bravo. Which is why it's hard for me to crush your dreams and say no. Think tad more A-list.

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
I am stumped on Chet Chick-Muncher. Kiefer Sutherland, perhaps? P.S. Yes, I have a dog.
—Kel in the ATL

Dear So Close:
Fab guess dear. Really, bravo. Which is why it's hard for me to crush your dreams and say no. Think tad more A-list."

Heather said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
sistah2 said...

Rob Lowe? The AIAs are guys who have already had sex tapes. rob Lowe also already had one, in 1988 I think. He matches this BV to a T.

Brittany said...

It could be him. He was one of my first guesses but him being sober for 20 years made me eliminate him. The way Ted wrote this BV I thought this tape was made recently, although after reading it again he may have made it during his not-so-good days. It doesn't really specify which decade the tape was made.

Actually after really reading it through Rob Lowe is a great guess. Current TV actor and former 80's star like Kiefer so it'll makes sense why Ted said that it was 'so close.'

Brittany said...

Dammit. Spoke too soon.

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Is Chet Chick-Muncher Rob Lowe?
—Anne

Dear Lowe and Behold:
Nope, can't say the one-time bad boy is the bad boy currently blowing it—if you will—in his very own Blind Vice. Good guess, though, but think far less polished."

Blind said...

Just to clarify... I got an email from a reader who thinks CCM sounds like Charlie Sheen, and that she remembers reading that Ted said he was not a BV. Although I agree, I have to point out that Ted said he has already been a BV. Ted was confusing, because he answered no to this question 3/1/10 and then said on 3/4/10 that he was a BV regular. Here are the letters:


"Dear Ted:
Greetings from snowy NYC. We were just wondering, now that all this info has leaked about their drug issues, will you reveal if Charlie Sheen and Brooke Mueller were ever a Blind Vice? Thanks!
—Marge

Dear Rehab Check In:
There's nothing Blind about those two's Vices. They air their dirty laundry for everyone to see."


FROM 3/4 - CONTRADICTS WHAT HE SAID 3/1 ABOUT CHARLIE SHEEN

"Dear Ted:
I just read that Charlie Sheen and Brooke Mueller are/were swingers! Sadly, that doesn't surprise me. But I have to know: Were they Blind Vices whose dirty secrets have been revealed?"
—Tell me

Dear Dirty:
Nothing these two do surprises me, but I think both put-upon, dragged-threw-the-tabloid-mud 'rents have higher priorities than amping up their sex lives right now: mainly, their children, which everybody seems to be forgetting. As for Charlie and Brooke's kinkiness, specifically, Charlie's, yes, I can account for, as he has been a Vice regular. Brooke? Don't really care, to be honest with you."

--- So we have to go with Ted saying that he has already been a BV.

blurry vice said...

FYI, that post above is from me, I was logged in as our "blind items exposed" email address.

Caz1310 said...

I'm with some of you in thinking this is Charlie Sheen however have just had a thought - Ewan McGregor? Knowing he had blind vice history does anyone know which he's been?

The Spie said...

Caz: We have an entire thread about which BV McGregor is. Click on the "Ewan McGregor" link on the right-hand side of the main page, and it should be the first entry. This one isn't McGregor based on Ted's Rule, but we've thrown out some good candidates in that thread.

J said...

I think the reason Ted said no to the original question of Charlie Sheen as a BV is because the person asked if Charlie AND Brooke were a BV and it's only Charlie who is... which is why in the next entry he said Charlie's a regular to clarify from the previous post... it just doesn't have Brooke in it.

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Is Chet Chick-Muncher Mel Gibson? I know you thought him a snooze, and I don't find him doable, but otherwise, Mel seems very Chet-like. Am I right?
—Joanne

Dear Mel the Muncher:
No, babe, but pretty good guess. Think a bit less movie star and a far less crappy 'tude."

Caz1310 said...

this is an extremely left of centre guess...bear with me...John Taylor of Duran Duran. Has Ted said he's an actor? Has a very long history of substance abuse (it's a wonder he's still alive), the band have made a successful comeback and he is so still totally gorgeous - have you seen him lately (stop sniggering). I hope it's not him, knowing he's married to one of the Juicy Couture chicks and hope he's really cleaned himself up.

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
I love six degrees of Awful Truth! I really wish you'd play this game more often. How 'bout if I start? Chet Chick Muncher and Strawberry Snort'Em—do they know each other very well? Carnally well? And Crotch Uh-Lastic and Crescent Kumquat—do you think Crescent would be scared of Crotch? I imagine CUL has a heck of a 'come-hither' smile. Fey Oiled Tush and Hard Nipple Nick—do you think Nick would lend Fey his pilot?
—Michael

Dear Q&A:
No. Yes. Maybe"

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
It has been a while since I've written in and I am getting behind on my BVs. You could speed up my catching up and tell me if Mark Wahlberg is Chet Chick-Muncher. Love and miss you!
—Curious

Dear Swing and a Miss:
No, Marky's a (mostly) reformed bad-boy, darling. Think less pretty, too."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
My shelter-adopted pooch, Bomma, is so totally convinced Chet Chick-Muncher is Tom Sizemore. Does she get an extra treat for being right?
—Irish

Dear Keep Begging:
Sorry, Irish, but you do get supersloppy licks from Charlie, Margo and Cleo! Think far more good-looking (and relevant) for the dude who likes to dabble, as it were."

blurry vice said...

Ted revealed today that Sting has been a blind vice. I am wondering if he could be Chet Chick Muncher.

blurry vice said...

from wiki

In October 2009, Sting played a concert in Tashkent, Uzbekistan, for an arts and cultural festival. He faced some criticism in the press for performing there. [14]

On June 2, 2010 Sting began his "Symphonicity tour" of North America and Europe. The tour features many of Sting's songs performed with the Royal Philharmonic Concert Orchestra.[15]

Caz1310 said...

I haven't revisited this one until now....whoa....Sting? Far out. Have always thought he & Trudy were kinda dodgy. There were reports a while back that all their stories about them engaging in "tantric" activities weren't actually true. He's fairly hypocritical too, promoting himself as being concerned about saving the planet yet clocking up mega air miles. Still gotta say I'm surprised.

blurry vice said...

Caz - LOL well Sting was my guess and no one has come up with anything better so I stuck him there as top guess. If anyone can come up with anyone who fits better by all means post them here. Ted didn't eliminate many people nor give us many clues fo rthis.

The Spie said...

We have a new candidate for this one thanks to a little work I did in the second Harland Fuss thread. If Ted was telling the truth on September 19th, 2009 about Viggo Mortensen not being a BV and that Mortensen was a BV on August 31st 2010, by far the best BV that fits him is Chet Chick-Muncher. So I'm throwing Mortensen's name in here as a candidate.

blurry vice said...

Updating this post to include Viggo Mortensen as a top suspect. Thanks Spie!

Brittany said...

Clues that fit Viggo:

"...attempt to fade back into the background. He's actually trying to become less of a public figure these days, professionally speaking, even though it may not look that way at all."

According to his Wikipedia, Viggo said in an interview that "he had, at least temporarily, retired from film acting as the schedule required for promoting a film is too stressful." It would also explain why 2010 has been devoid of any film credits for him.

Also Ted said that the Kiefer Sutherland guess was close. They were both in Young Guns II together.

blurry vice said...

Thank you Brittany. CCM has been "timeline" proven to be Viggo. However, under dispute bc many think that Ted may have forgotten that he was a bv already before that (suspected in the past to be Grimy Gus).
Basically, we have to trust Ted told us the truth... so CCM is Viggo.
I am keepin Sting's name in the loop though cause he was personally my top pick as the bv for sting.

Aquanette said...

Hi. The comment "You'd think this star would have been a Vicer already since his ridiculous antics have been going on for decades, but his dirty laundry is usually so publicly aired there's never been a need before." makes me doubt it is Viggo. I don't recall his participating in any ridiculous actions, unless kissing his male co-stars counts as dirty laundry. He also hides his personal life/relationships with women/men really well. Only recently has his relationship with Ariadna Gil surfaced and they are rumored to be long-term. (Aside to that, I noticed that once his relationships are outed it is either already over or soon to be over. I am dying to see how long he sticks with her now that the paps are trailing him.) That trait of dodging tabloid attention has been career long not a recent trend.
Anyway, I would think he has had his hands full the last three years with the scandal of being involved with Gil while she was still married (with two young kids.)

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