Friday, October 31, 2008

One Sneaky Dame Blind Vice

New Blind Vice from Ted Casablanca in the Awful Truth Oct 31 -

One Sneaky Dame Blind Vice
Okay, babes, we're back to you skanky hets this week! I swear, straight folks are getting as kinky as us gays, are we teaching you that well? Apparently so.
Sweet Home AlabamaShafterella Shoshstein sure seems to be taking lessons successfully, and has been for some time, who the hell knew? When she busted up with her man not that long ago, everybody was sympathizing with poor S2. How could such a sweet, darling little babe have deserved such treatment from her male-slut partner for all those years? She's too talented, too charming, too damn dazzling to have to have endured such wretchedness, America cried!
Turns out we were all weeping for the wrong partner, perhaps. S.S.'s ex is just now starting to put the truth out there, via a few tanked encounters with his fave bartender. Damn, sure hope this good-lookin' lad doesn't have to become full-blown alcoholic before we find out the full truth of the matter, but jeez, keep on drinkin' there, buddy-boy!
Oh, and Shafty, shame on you, girlfriend. Cannot believe you penis-partied galore all that time, while letting your less-designing other half take the tabloid fall. Actually, I can. They don't pay ya the big bucks for nothin'.
And it ain't: Whitney Houston, Halle Berry, Britney Spears

* Update 6/23/11: Ted has eliminated Whitney Houston, Halle Berry, Britney Spears, Shoshanna Lonstein, Jennifer Garner, Uma Thurman, Oprah Winfrey, Alanis Morissette, Jennifer Aniston, Jessica Simpson, Hilary Swank, Sarah Michelle Gellar, Venus Williams, Demi Moore, Jessica Simpson, Anne Hathaway Mary-Louise Parker, Sophia Bush, Miley Cyrus, Jessica Szohr, Michelle Williams, Demi Lovato, Blake Lively, Amanda Seyfried, Kristen Stewart, Nicole Kidman, Cindy Crawford, Christina Aguilera.

* Please see our label below for links to the other Shafterella BVs.

* Top guess: Reese Witherspoon. (Runners up: Tea Leoni, Christie Brinkley)

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Ted babbles about fake Jake/Reese

Today in the Awful Truth, Ted babbles on and on about how Jake and Reese's relationship is fake. We know this is major hinting towards Toothy Tile.

Morning Piss: Gyllenspoon-Fed Merde

Reese and Jake. Those sweethearts are two of the most talented, adorable and luscious babes to hit T-town in some time.

Don't agree?

Think Reese is just a pixie-ish little waif with pale sex appeal? Think again. And if you consider Jake all boyish 'n' bashful brooding, no real outward he-man stuff goin' down, think again on that score, as well. R 'n' J are both terrifically not of what you see in real life.

And this whole aw-shucks romance they've got going down is so not how both types really are—why in the world the public is lapping it up, hook, line and photo-op, is beyond me.

Just look at their pics together, everybody! They act like bro 'n' sis (and not even particularly close ones, at that). These babes have movies and careers and agendas to sell, oldest story in the world. Jen and Vince, anyone?

Ms. W is the craftiest broad alive; she's teaching J.G. spectacularly well. Just ask Ryan Phillippe if you don't believe this to be a high probability. But on the other hand, if this sorta white-bread, milquetoast romance is what you need to get your fantasy on every morning, then, dears, go right ahead, be my limp guest.

I just prefer my Awful readers to be fully informed consumers, that's all.

Don't worry Ted, we get it...

Sunday, October 26, 2008

Lainey Gossip - Besties in Bed

New Lainey Riddle from Friday October 24...

Besties in Bed

A bonus blind riddle for this week. Short and smutty.

They’re best friends and they say best friends only…

But they sleep in the same bed when they’re on holiday.

Duana and I have been sharing a king bed during our European travels but that’s because we’re poor. If we could afford it?


We’d both be in junior suites yelling at each other from across our balconies.

These two however don’t have to rough it. And when they do rough it, it’s because the cameras are rolling.

A junior suite for them is like a homeless shelter. So when they can book out an entire floor, why would they choose instead to share one bed?

Update 10/29 - Lainey has eliminated Adrian Brody/Mark Ruffalo, Chace Crawford/Ed Westwick, Salma Hayek/Penelope Cruz.

Please comment!

* Top suspects: Oprah Winfrey and Gayle,

Friday, October 24, 2008

One Fine-Print Prick Blind Vice

Football Soccer Professional David Beckham PosterNew BV from Awful Truth today...

Friday Fun! One Fine-Print Prick Blind Vice

Chalk another one up for the hets! When Stud-Bucket LeBeouf (no relation to the errant driving one) gets a woody for somebody other than his wife, he gets it in writing—always. But let's back up; wouldn't want to shoot our Blind Vice wad too soon, ya know!
Oh, and also: Look, for those of you out there who so (naively) think these jokers in H'town don't hook up with their attorneys looking over their erections at the same time, hey, you got another think comin', babes.
So, back to Stud:
Guess not everyone in H'wood is gay, but many in this town are pretty damn slimy. Mr. LeBeouf, for example. He's a megastar, by all standards, no doubt about that. S-B is mediocre-talented at his nonthespian career, but there's nothing mediocre about his looks—I mean, if I weren't married, I'd drool over him with the rest of the starry-eyed lot, fer sure; the dude's totally doable. He's got the bod, the hair, the style and the equipment down below, to boot (something I swear every one of my chick friends tells me they care more about than do gay men, and sisters, that is so saying a lot).
S-B.L.'s equally famous wife is just the topping to his sweet-ass life. He's pretty much the dude every guy wants to be and every gal wants to nail. Howev, lucky enough for the femmes, this is damn feasible. S2 has no problem stepping out on his honey and fam. He's just careful as hell when he does it: "He makes you sign one gnarly confidentiality contract beforehand," dished a recent and fresh Stud screw. "He uses them as customary procedure whenever he cheats," oozed the female, and this is quite often, trust.
Want details? Which kind? The inky ones first: Yes, we're literally talking a typed-up and ready-to-go piece of paper Stud-Bucket carries around with him, ya know, just in case. Like a condom! What, is this the newer safer sex? And there are no exceptions. Ever. Every lady Mr. L. has is required to sign on the dotted line before she's allowed between the sheets, which brings us directly to the second set of details. "Nothing kinky," blabbed our first-genital source, "but very nice ride"; most excellent tools, she added. Jeez, we're pretty surprised S-B.L. hasn't gotten caught by his wife-unit more often; we hear she's dumb in more ways than one.
And it ain't: Kobe Bryant, Gavin Rossdale, Seal

* Update 10/19/10-
Ted has eliminated Kobe Bryant, Gavin Rossdale, Seal, Tony Parker, Ben Affleck, Ashton Kutcher, Antonio Banderas, Keith Urban, Ryan Seacrest, Nigel Barker, Javier Bardem, Gael Garcia Bernal, Marc Anthony, anyone of Hispanic heritage, Jesse James, David Boreanaz, David Arquette, Matt Damon.
Men eliminated by way of NOT being Roxy Couture's spouse - Tom Cruise, Brad Pitt, William H. Macy, Mark Consuelos, Kobe Bryant, Matthew Broderick.

Our top guess: David Beckham ***

Here is the link to the SBLB BV from February 2010, which includes a list of who has been eliminated as his wife, Roxy Couture.  And here is a link to the most recent Roxy Couture BV.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Lainey - B*tch Wars

From Lainey...

Girl sh-t is the best sh-t, right? It's even worse in Hollywood, especially when so many of them are fighting for everything: headlines, attention, and ultimately the work.

This is about the work. And the power plays they pull to get the work over their competitors.

Bitch #1 has been backstabbing for a while starting a few years ago when she was vying over a then-coveted role in a major blockbuster with lucrative potential. They'd narrowed it down to two and the studio had pretty much decided on the better actress. The contract was about to be signed but when B1 found out, she had her agent and her publicist publicly release confirmation that SHE landed the part, and even though it was an outright lie, it embarrassed her competitor so badly that her team pulled her back from accepting the offer leaving the film's producers with only one remaining choice.

Now she has a new opponent. And a more formidable one. The two were both in talks for a prestige project, a tug of war battle going back and forth. Bitch #2 launched the first offensive. She started circulating that B1 was struggling with her acting coach and had already fired two of them, studying with a third. When B1 found out she retaliated by circulating rumours that B2's assets were surgically enhanced and that she was a terror to work with, making crews miserable on a regular basis.

B2 has now struck back with the lowest blow yet. At a business lunch the other day, she made sure to drop details about B1's relationship: that it's in trouble, that's she's an emotional wreck and is prone to self harming and is trying to save her love by getting pregnant.

It's getting uglier and uglier and B1 is out for blood. Stay tuned...

The first part of this story sounds familiar. Any ideas?

* Lainey update 10/31 - B1 is not Megan Fox, Salma Hayek, Jessica Biel, Lindsay Lohan, or ScarJo. B2 is not Lindsay Lohan, Anne Hathaway, ScarJo, Kate Bosworth or Kate Beckinsale. America Ferrera is neither. Also eliminated are Rihanna/Beyonce Knowles, Liv Tyler, Jennifer Garner, Sienna Miller, Kate Hudson, Kristin Bell, (Rachel McAdams is neither but may have been a casualty).

** Update - 12/30/08 - Lainey hinted that Jessica Alba is B1 and Jessica Biel is B2.

Saturday, October 18, 2008

One So-Straight, Way-Cheap Blind Vice

New from Ted yesterday 10/17 -

One So-Straight, Way-Cheap Blind Vice

OK, you sexual preachers, it's been quite the week for preferences and politics, all zeroing in on just what we do in the privacy of our bedrooms. Are some actors gay but pretending to be straight? Vice versa? And how much leaning one way or the other then negates one's true sexual calling?

Forget all that. 'Cause here we got one majorly obvious hetero dude and his skanky actions with chicks. No, not in between the sheets, hons. We're goin' for where it counts: the wallet. And the schmuck-wad factor. Listen...

Henry Skank hasn't always been in the lauded limelight. It's been a slow crawl upwards from his hole-in-the-wall comedy days to makin' sweet paydays like he is now, just secs into the big-green club. But what he lacked in his bank account mere moments ago, he made up for with tons of babes.

Back when he was just a struggling funnyguy instead of the nascent success job he is now, H.S. was dating three babes all at the same time, and not one of 'em knew about the other. He even had the audacity to gift each gal the same exact present recently. Even more unfortunate, the prezzies were from not Tiffany's but Walgreens, painfully proving the dude wasn't rolling in dough—or class.

Cheap goodies can be found, darling, but not there. At least not when orgasms are involved. Who knew this somewhat handsome man—who's still with one of these honeys (apparently the one who doesn't mind drugstore romance)—was once such a cretin Casanova? Guess women aren't lying when they say they like a guy who makes 'em laugh. But they probably prefer a man who's monogamous.

And it ain't: Tony Rock, James Marsden, Seth Green

* Update 1/23/09 - Ted has eliminated Chris Kattan, David Spade, Paul Rudd, Dane Cook.

Please comment!

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Crazy Days and Nights

New from CD&N today Oct 15 - not too exciting.

This B list film actor who has always done films is in the midst of quite the career comeback. However, on the set of his latest film he has reconnected with an old friend from the past. The old friend was his drug dealer who has always been known as the drug dealer to the stars. No, granted, being seen at dinner with the guy does not mean our actor is partaking again of drugs, but why is he even having dinner with him in the first place?

Lainey - Body or Baby

New Lainey Riddle - October 15 2008

Body or Baby

The Starter WifeA couple of years ago, I was the first to write about the celebrity IV diet – many of them would admit themselves to hospital under the care of a proper physician for 10 days, 2 weeks or so, eliminating food in favour of an IV drip chock full of essentials to keep one alive while starving. Click here for a refresher.

Mainstream outlets only picked up on this last month.

Needless to say, the IV diet presents some major health issues. It’s also not that convenient. How many weeks on end can you disappear in a given year without arousing suspicion, to say nothing of the limitations on actually having a real life – who wants to spend weeks at a time away from home?

This is why she chose something, for her anyway, that was more … flexible. In more ways than one.

She was always super thin before baby. But after baby it’s been hard to lose the last 10. And to her credit, she did try hard. But nothing was working. And drastic measures had to be taken. Which is why she’s had one of those “lap band” things installed. Like gastric bypass (stomach stapling) only much less invasive.

But it’s typically for the morbidly obese. Not for an already slender women wanting to be more slender who is carrying around an extra few pounds.

Whatever. This is Hollywood. And this is a woman who needs to keep up.

So the weight came off. She’s stick thin again. And all’s good, right?

Well… the problem is that they’ve always wanted to add to their family. And it’s apparently recommended that the device be deflated or however they render it ineffective when a couple is trying to conceive. So he’s been like – ok, you’re done, you’re back to where you wanted to be so let’s get going!

But she’s too scared to stop the band thing, she’s addicted to the skinny, and her body over baby choice is now threatening her marriage.

Update 10/30/08 - Lainey has eliminated Gwyneth Paltrow, Victoria Beckham, Heidi Klum, Christina Aguilera, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Kate Beckinsale, Jessica Alba, Sarah Jessica Parker, Kelly Ripa, Liv Tyler, Christine Taylor, Marcia Cross.

Please comment!

*** Update 11/25/08: Lainey outs Debra Messing for this!-
"It`s all about healthy eating
But isn’t it always? Debra Messing with her “new amazing body!” graces the cover of the new issue of Self. Inside the magazine, she discusses her frustration with the tabloids over losing her baby weight and what finally led her to finding a program that worked.Her secret?Oh just healthy eating. That’s all. Nothing invasive. Nothing suspicious. She says it’s all about the diet. Of course it is… "I was exhausted! I couldn't work out three hours a day and do my job as a mother and an actress. So I took the pressure off. I cut back on seeing the trainer but started eating healthier. Ultimately I'm very proud of how I dropped the weight because I think it was the healthy approach. I've finally taken ownership of my body."Right.Now that she has her body back, her priority now is to spend time with her husband: "I can't tell you the last time I had a date with my husband. My ideal date with Daniel would be a spectacular meal, maybe Italian, followed by dancing. That's a New Year's resolution I'm looking forward to."Italian?Carbs expand in your stomach. Then again, that’s what elasticity is for."

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

New layout!

As you can see, we have a great new layout here at Blind Items Exposed. Let's give a shout-out to Effective Designs LLC - Thanks for making our site look pretty! We hope everyone likes it.

Monday, October 13, 2008

NYDN - Full Disclosure 10.12.08

New York Daily News - Oct 12

Which politically active rapper makes a big show with the ladies in public, bragging about what a pimp he is, but has a thing for small Asian dudes on the side?

Page Six- Just Asking: 10.13.08

WHICH billionaire tycoon is going to wed a much younger woman who's never been married before? She's been after the old codger since his wife of decades died . . . WHICH rock superstar has been having an affair with his young blond personal assistant? His longtime wife might suspect the worst because they've been squabbling plenty lately.

Friday, October 10, 2008

One Really Big Effed-Up Blind Vice

New Ted Oct. 10, 2008

One Really Big Effed-Up Blind Vice

First, gotta say how much I’m lovin’ these cranky-ass comments everybody’s leaving. You all make sinister voice-mailing Alec Baldwin seem like some sort of friggin’ pansy, by comparison. Particularly intrigued by all the Queen Latifah remarks that claim I’m the one who’s ultimately being antigay by writing Blind Vices about closeted celebs, making it seem like their actions are sinister and bad, therefore I’m the one promoting self-hating activities by gay people, and therefore I’m part of the problem. Screw that crap. Just the messenger here, babes. I mean, by that warped thinking, half the White House press team is responsible for the war in Iraq, just by virtue of reporting it, what a crock of BS.

And just to prove my point, here we go again—and babes, is it ever an evil delish one! Dimpled Drew is a most successful performer. He’s got it all, good wife at home, a family who adores him, looks, bucks, nice bod, cute face, what could possibly be missing? Uh, well, for starters, certain activities that involve the type of person Eddie Murphy's infamous for transporting in the middle of the night: trannies. Transvestites, to be exact, i.e., men who dress in women’s clothing, often for the purpose of sexual pleasure and to perform lustful exercises for seemingly straight men.

You know the type these pretty hons hook up with: dudes who pretend they’re all happy and het in their other life, all the while they’re getting down with male-male sex on the sly and convincing themselves it’s OK, ‘cause the dudes wear lipstick and a wig. You straight men just crack me up, particularly when they’re as stupid as Dimpled Drew.

See, D2 always deftly used an anonymous email account to set up his rendezvous with his fave tranny; let’s call her Maxi Knee-Pad. So Maxi was always given strict instructions: Leave the front door to her apartment open, lights out, candles only, then Dimpled would creep on in at the appointed hour and get serviced (a lot, and all the hell over, babes, pretty horny dude here we’re talkin’ about, hardly just a homo-curious lad, he’s an all-out slut!) and then slip away into the night, D.D.’s true identity undetected.

And it worked. Until one day the handsome dumbass made a date with Maxi from his regular email account, which had his real name on it. Hmmm. Wonder how the fan base you’re, like, totally effing with by lying to them would feel about this, Mr. Drew? Shall we find out?

And it ain't: Keith Urban, Tom Cruise, Ryan Reynolds

* Update 10/18 - Not Liev Schrieber, Hugh Jackman, Goran Visnjic

Please comment!

Monday, October 6, 2008

Page Six 10/6/08

WHICH wife of a rock superstar has been punishing him for going to strip clubs without her? The spouse has spent about $30 million on a house they don't really need to get back at him for not including her in his adventures . . .
WHICH boy-band member is going to shock his female fans when he comes out of the closet?

Friday, October 3, 2008

One Vaccination-Required Blind Vice


One Vaccination-Required Blind Vice
It can be a rocky journey to the top, and no one knows this better than Finnegan Furrow-Brow. He's been in the spotlight for years, but never had that star recognition until most recently. See, Finny's a younger-type dude who's been thrust upon this world of flashing lights and flashing panties simply due to his ambitious achievements (which, of course, means he's starting to dabble in all kinds of crossover activities too, which usually happens with the young, firmly muscled and pretty popular).
F's tight ass and adorable smile def don't hurt his fame cred, either, but newly minted megamoney and magnified status aside, FFB isn't exactly a traditional knockout stud. Regardless, his basically "unthreatening" demeanor gets girls into the throes of his sheets all the damn time, anyways. But...these digging damsels shouldn't be too eager. Here's why:
Despite Frazzy's best ass-getting efforts, when it comes down to it, he often has difficulty knocking the cojones outta the park. Why? Oh, not because of any diss-able effort on his part—turns out, actually it's quite the opposite, as Mr. F.B.'s predicaments usually occur because he's such a good guy. See, he got the herp. And being the nice boy he is, he'll always warn (hugely unlike most of his H-town counterparts, hugely) these supple potential nooky sirens that he has herpes, but not to worry cause they can "just use a condom."
Cue girl's exit. Almost always.
Sheesh, maybe the dude should take that offer Miley Cyrus shot down and start reppin' rubbers? At least he'd get the (bigger) bucks if not the girl.
And It Ain't: Jesse McCartney, Cristiano Ronaldo, Roger Federer

* Update 7/16/09: Ted has eliminated Shia LeBeouf, Adrian Grenier, Zac Efron, Michael Cera, Gerard Butler, Daniel Radcliffe, LeBron, Rob Pattinson.

*** Our top suspect: Michael Phelps. (Basically confirmed by Ted on Dec 2.)***