Friday, October 10, 2008

One Really Big Effed-Up Blind Vice

New Ted Oct. 10, 2008

One Really Big Effed-Up Blind Vice

First, gotta say how much I’m lovin’ these cranky-ass comments everybody’s leaving. You all make sinister voice-mailing Alec Baldwin seem like some sort of friggin’ pansy, by comparison. Particularly intrigued by all the Queen Latifah remarks that claim I’m the one who’s ultimately being antigay by writing Blind Vices about closeted celebs, making it seem like their actions are sinister and bad, therefore I’m the one promoting self-hating activities by gay people, and therefore I’m part of the problem. Screw that crap. Just the messenger here, babes. I mean, by that warped thinking, half the White House press team is responsible for the war in Iraq, just by virtue of reporting it, what a crock of BS.

And just to prove my point, here we go again—and babes, is it ever an evil delish one! Dimpled Drew is a most successful performer. He’s got it all, good wife at home, a family who adores him, looks, bucks, nice bod, cute face, what could possibly be missing? Uh, well, for starters, certain activities that involve the type of person Eddie Murphy's infamous for transporting in the middle of the night: trannies. Transvestites, to be exact, i.e., men who dress in women’s clothing, often for the purpose of sexual pleasure and to perform lustful exercises for seemingly straight men.

You know the type these pretty hons hook up with: dudes who pretend they’re all happy and het in their other life, all the while they’re getting down with male-male sex on the sly and convincing themselves it’s OK, ‘cause the dudes wear lipstick and a wig. You straight men just crack me up, particularly when they’re as stupid as Dimpled Drew.

See, D2 always deftly used an anonymous email account to set up his rendezvous with his fave tranny; let’s call her Maxi Knee-Pad. So Maxi was always given strict instructions: Leave the front door to her apartment open, lights out, candles only, then Dimpled would creep on in at the appointed hour and get serviced (a lot, and all the hell over, babes, pretty horny dude here we’re talkin’ about, hardly just a homo-curious lad, he’s an all-out slut!) and then slip away into the night, D.D.’s true identity undetected.

And it worked. Until one day the handsome dumbass made a date with Maxi from his regular email account, which had his real name on it. Hmmm. Wonder how the fan base you’re, like, totally effing with by lying to them would feel about this, Mr. Drew? Shall we find out?

And it ain't: Keith Urban, Tom Cruise, Ryan Reynolds

* Update 10/18 - Not Liev Schrieber, Hugh Jackman, Goran Visnjic

Please comment!

45 comments:

Anonymous said...

John Travolta or Will Smith

Anonymous said...

Will Smith. I would say John Travolta, but he doesn't really have what you would call a nice bod.

Anonymous said...

Will Smith!

Anonymous said...

Not Will Smith. His wife wouldn't care, she's gay as well. And it wouldn't take an email to figure out who he is... too much voice, face recognition.

Anonymous said...

could be ll cool j. dimples...performer...

Anonymous said...

Jordan Knight.

sistah2 said...

For some reason, immediately I thought of Robin Thicke for this one. although, this BV has very little specific clues.

Anonymous said...

People on the CD&N board were guessing Usher.

Anonymous said...

Gavin Rossdale--his son Kingston is named for the place his tranny lover was born

Anonymous said...

I thought of Robert Downey jr. first. Then Ashton Kucher second. What do you think?

Anonymous said...

The Rock. Dwayne whatever his name is. It is totally him.

Anonymous said...

It has to be someone who is married and someone that probably wouldn't be too recognizable face-wise because Maxi didn't recognize him until there was a name to put with the face. The AIA's confuse me a bit with two of them being married to Nicole at some point. I'm leaning towards Gavin Rossdale with this one. It's been said he dated a tranny that looked like Marilyn Monroe in his younger years & ScarJo has a bit of a Marilyn thing going on even if she doesn't really look like her. This is a tough one though!

Anonymous said...

And I'd just like to add that The Rock is no longer married, RDJ really isn't that deceptive, he throws hints that he's bi if nothing else, John Travolta is a good guess with those dimples, but who wouldn't recognize him -especially in tranny circles? Same with Will Smith and Usher. LL Cool J - good guess. Love those dimples and that bod. Very good guess. Ashton - no dimples at all, but a good guess certainly, but a pretty recognizable face. Since Gavin was particulary UK based until recently, maybe a transvetite wouldn't know of him? Still not convinced of my own guess though.

blurry vice said...

I agree with sistah2, not enough specific clues... too many options here.

One thing about the AIA's: Tom Cruise and Keith Urban - Nicole Kidman link - maybe Russell Crowe? He has dimples.

Anonymous said...

Travolta has serious dimples

duffgrl said...

Not sure either but agree w/ blurry that there is definitely a Nicole Kidman link...so my guess is Hugh Jackman, who is starring opposite Kidman in Australia(upcoming movie). Don't think it's Travolta, we all know what he's up to already.

Anonymous said...

"It's been said he dated a tranny that looked like Marilyn Monroe"

His name was Marilyn. This was kindo of my scene at the time. Early 80's. At the time Marilyn wasnt a "tranny" per se but a club kid in the Boy George fasion/music scene. Being bi and ambi sexual was trendy. So cut Gavin some slack. One thing though is that at the time Marilyn didnt look that feminine. More like Marilyn Manson in a kimono. Plus he was only like 17 or 18 at the time.

The AIAs would lead you to believe its someone with a "hot" famous wife.

I am boggled on this one because I dont know how you sex and not get recognized.

I am with the Usher crowd ATM

Scarlett Pumpkin said...

Russell Crowe's body isn't nearly as hot anymore.

I think it is Hugh Jackman...Ryan Reynolds is in that Woverine movie and Nicole Kidman was in a movie with Hugh Jackman coming out soon as well.

Anonymous said...

Hugh Jackman is a great guess. He has a family, dimples, kind of generic looking.. who would recognize him if he crept into a dark room lit only by candles?

The Weber Ladies' Blogs said...

I don't think its Will or Johnny T. - they have most definitely been a BV before and Ted doesn't have BVs with multiple names. I have no idea who this is but, holy crap, hollywood gets dirtier everyday.

Ladies, can you post the latest Just askin' from Full Disclosure today? I'm dying to hear everyone's guesses. THanks!

The Weber Ladies' Blogs said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
duffgrl said...

I first guessed Hugh jackman and still think it is him. We'll have to see who Ted rules out...

Mr said...

I'm going with duffgirl. Great guess. I ruled out Rossdale because he hasn't been a most successful performer for 10 years.But Hugh Jackman..definitely a performer. He acts, sings, dances. In fact, he won a Tony for his portrayal of gay performer Peter Allen. He's acting with Kidman in the upcoming movie Australia and he was in the Prestige with Scar-Jo. There's the tie-in with the AIA's and that's a wrap.

blurry vice said...

Dear Ted:
Is Dimpled Drew Liev Schreiber?
—Shores4Now

Dear Close Call:
Nope, but excellente guess, babe. Just a think a lot less talented, and you'll have the right guy in less time than it takes to listen to some piece of crap on the radio.

blurry vice said...

DEFINITELY a Naomi Watts-Nicole Kidman link!

sarah said...

A lot less talented than Liev Schrieber? Can't be Hugh then! Is the radio comment a clue?

sistah2 said...

Yea, I agree that Hugh Jackman is generally thought of as VERY talented. so, this may elim him - also with the "radio" hint this makes me think we are narrowed down to singers - those with an Australian link? I dunno. Gavin R is still a good guess and i am going back to my original guess - Robin Thicke?

blurry vice said...

What about an Australian? I've got to check on the Kidman-Naomi Watts connection.

blurry vice said...

What about Mark Ruffalo? He is friends with Naomi Watts and is married.

sistah2 said...

yes - its gotta be someone who is quasi-famous - someone whose face is not instantly recognizable to the average tranny !!(?)

Lily said...

OK, I'm dumb. What leads you to believe that there is a nicole kidman link here?

Anonymous said...

Ryan Seacrest? Dimples? Radio?

blurry vice said...

Ryan Seacrest is not married. The Nicole Kidman link is with the And it Aints (Keith Urban and Tom Cruise). The Naomi Watts link is with Liev Schrieber. Naomi and Nicole are BFF and from Australia.
Anyway, I do like the Gavin Rossdale and Robin Thicke guesses.

Anonymous said...

Keith and Tom are pretty specific. Who else has Nicole dated?

Anonymous said...

Ok I probably suck at this but Lenny Kravitz dated Nicole Kidmen and other aussies. I dont know I'm going off the N.C. but I dont understand where you guys find these clues,i'm no good at these.

sistah2 said...

wow! forgot about Lenny K. He is a great guess- but anyone know if he is married? TEd says this guys has a good wife at home.

blurry vice said...

Dear Ted:
A lovely, smart lady on the boards thinks Dimpled Drew is Hugh Jackman. My guess was Goran Visnjic. Can you tell us who is closer? Belated congrats on the nuptials, keep up the political talk (they are media whores, too, and we all have the right), and you are proof positive that a known homosexual man can still be eye-candy to women.
—Suzy W.

Dear Tush Licking for Toothy:
Nice approach, I like it. Hmmm. Nope, Hugh a bit too famous for Dimpled (a bit), and Goran just the right amount, though the real D.D. is blondish at times, not brunet. Def keep on guessin' like you do, sugar!

sistah2 said...

blondish at times..are we back to Gavin R?

shoe adddict said...

Gavin it is....
If you google Gavin R and tranny Marilyn, u will def be convinced that this is him.

Here is what ted was referring to about the song on the radio. On April 1st 2008 the first single from WANDERlust, "Love Remains The Same", was released through digital retailers.- wiki

Here is a pic of Gavin looking "hot tranny fierce" with tha famous trannylicious Marilyn.

A pic is worth a thousdand words.
http://bp3.blogger.com/_xAeL8qRM0Cc/SAuTXlvwz0I/AAAAAAAABQM/dZcbmkPyzeE/s1600-h/l_e8555f6b54409ade43fb54f69c47784d.jpg

Anonymous said...

Simon Baker? His wife is BFF with Nicole and Naomi.

hotheaded said...

damn! i was gonna guess will smith! but the blonde and less famous than hugh jackman ruined that idea. i was so sure too! LOL.

Baited Breath said...

Ricky Martin

Anonymous said...

ricky is not married. simon baker is blondish. also nicole kidman and naomi watts are godmothers to his children.

cassandra said...

http://www.eonline.com/uberblog/b205370_gavin_rossdale_bedded_cross-dresser.html

this is gavin rossdale right?

Amy said...

I really like the Simon Baker guess for this - he's the link between Nicole Kidman and Naomi Watts (has been friends with them for years and they are the godmothers to his children), has been married also for a number of years with children, is blondish, has a cute face but not necessarily what you would call smoking hot or conventionally handsome, is on(at the time of this blind) a successful show in which he is the top name, but still probably wouldn't be automatically recognizable in America. The only thing that's missing is the Ryan Reynolds link, though Simon's character in LA Confidential was called Matt Reynolds.

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